How to quickly tell if he's an "angry" and/or "bitter" man?

[Star Gazer]

Okay, I have a weird ability of attracting very bitter men.* For the most part, it's not evident that they have so much pent up negativity until well into the relationship, after I've developed feelings for them. So it's my new goal to try to weed these bitter men out.

 

That said, if a guy says something like "I'm sick of the damn games" (in a frustrated, slightly angry voice) and bitches about the type of girls he's dated (such as saying, "women are a pain in the ass"), don't you think that's a BITTER stamp right on his forehead? Or am I jumping to conclusions? I can understand him saying this stuff amongst his guy friends, but to a girl he's out on a date with? Hmm...

 

 

 

 

 

* Their reluctance to believe in the existence of a "good woman" has been justified, however, based on their own individual experience.

[sunshinegirl]

That said, if a guy says something like "I'm sick of the damn games" (in a frustrated, slightly angry voice) and bitches about the type of girls he's dated (such as saying, "women are a pain in the ass"), don't you think that's a BITTER stamp right on his forehead?

 

YES.

 

A man who cannot separate his (bad) experiences with a few women from what "all" women are like is seriously lacking a maturity gene, a self-reflection gene, a coping gene, or all three.

[tanbark813]

Well, to be fair, women are a pain in the ass.

[Star Gazer]

Well, to be fair, women are a pain in the ass.

 

I know. And I'm sure he's not meaning ALL women, but I think he's working under the assumption that we are. Then again, he's mid-30's and has been dating college students (he's in a college town, where a guy's options are college girls and octogenarians), so I can see where his frustration comes from.

 

(sigh)

[Pyro]

Okay, I have a weird ability of attracting very bitter men.* For the most part, it's not evident that they have so much pent up negativity until well into the relationship, after I've developed feelings for them. So it's my new goal to try to weed these bitter men out.

 

That said, if a guy says something like "I'm sick of the damn games" (in a frustrated, slightly angry voice) and bitches about the type of girls he's dated (such as saying, "women are a pain in the ass"), don't you think that's a BITTER stamp right on his forehead? Or am I jumping to conclusions? I can understand him saying this stuff amongst his guy friends, but to a girl he's out on a date with? Hmm...

 

 

 

 

 

* Their reluctance to believe in the existence of a "good woman" has been justified, however, based on their own individual experience.

 

If he is saying all of that on a first or second date, then yes he has some problems in regards to being bitter.He shouldn't be dating if he has feelings like that.

[tanbark813]

he's in a college town

 

Ahhh.. Well if it's the college town I'm thinking of then that's his problem. You can't trust hippie chicks.

 

But yeah, back to your question, saying that on a date is bad form.

[sunshinegirl]

Maybe it's just that I have no ability to put up with that.

 

IMO, a guy who makes generalizations about women is likely to make generalizations about me if I get into a relationship with him - whether it be my "proper" role, what I'm "really" after if I behave in a certain way, or labeling me one way or another. That's a turnoff for me, so I'd probably make for the nearest exit if I heard a guy making the kind of comments you listed in your post.

 

Consider that my generalization about men who make generalizations.

[Art_Critic]

I would think that any kind of negative talk when on a date with a guy in general could mean bad news..

Depending on the negativity should tell you where it is going to surface in the relationship.

 

If he makes comments about how much of a bitch his ExW is then you can assured that he is bitter and will say the same thing about you later on.

or if he says he hates his ex.. same difference..

 

I think in general when getting to know someone that we try top put our best foot forward and if they don't that is a red flag...

[LoveLace]

I think in general terms, it's against the rules of 1st impressions to say anything negative, period, on a 1st date. Discussing likes or dislikes is allowed, but to actually bash the other sex, that should be a no-brainer; I think anyone would be turned off by this. It also makes a person appear too self-absorbed by their own issues. If you carry your baggage into your dates, yea your not ready to be dating in the 1st place. I'd say your guy needs much better game.

 

Instead of saying what we despise about dating and relationships, etc, we should simply say what we are looking for in a partner, etc, and we would like to have in order to make us feel happy. These are things we learn through experience with past relationships, but leave that part out - at least until later in the game when it might be more appropriate to discuss those ever-so-despised Ex's. Women are guilty of bringing baggage, too. I don't think that people always realize they are doing it.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm of a different spin. I'd rather someone be themselves. If this includes being negative about certain aspects of their lives, the better for me to gauge if it's something I can deal with. Better to find out at the get-go, than after you've emotionally invested in them.

[LoveLace]

I'm of a different spin. I'd rather someone be themselves. If this includes being negative about certain aspects of their lives, the better for me to gauge if it's something I can deal with. Better to find out at the get-go, than after you've emotionally invested in them.

 

Your right in this aspect. If we're busy trying to make an impression, that can keep us from actually being ourselves. And its better to find out what kind of person your dating sooner than later, anyway. But I would still advise anyone not to bring their bitterness from past relationships into their dates. It's not a sign that the person is ready to move forward.

[Trialbyfire]

Your right in this aspect. If we're busy trying to make an impression, that can keep us from actually being ourselves. And its better to find out what kind of person your dating sooner than later, anyway. But I would still advise anyone not to bring their bitterness from past relationships into their dates. It's not a sign that the person is ready to move forward.

If they've honestly moved on, then I agree. If not, then baggage is best checked in at the airline counter, instead of blowing up at a later date.

 

Sorry, couldn't resist the allusion to the emotional terrorist...

[Star Gazer]

Ahhh.. Well if it's the college town I'm thinking of then that's his problem. You can't trust hippie chicks.

 

 

Not sure if we're thinking of the same place... it's north of Sacramento... but yeah, it's a party school. Probably THE party school of CA.

[tanbark813]

Not sure if we're thinking of the same place... it's north of Sacramento... but yeah, it's a party school. Probably THE party school of CA.

 

Oh, okay. I know which one you're talking about now but I was thinking of a more agricultural university a bit to the west.

[Topper]

I thought San Diego State was the Party School of CA no wait it's Ilia Vista, no Santa Cruz no it's UCLA. What school in Calif isn't a party School?

 

Mid 30's dating college Girls hmmm... He thinks they are a pain wait untill he starts dating mid 30s divorced woman bitter woman. : ( ducking and running for cover)

A young college girl going out with a 30+ year old guy is just looking for a good dinner and a nice bottle of wine instead of the beer bash with pizza she normally get on a date.

[Star Gazer]

I thought San Diego State was the Party School of CA no wait it's Ilia Vista, no Santa Cruz no it's UCLA. What school in Calif isn't a party School?

 

 

State schools party harder than UC's. It's a rule.

 

You're right though - San Diego State is probably #1. But Chico is definitely #2.

[Topper]

I remember Chico as a backwater School a very last resort kind of School one step above going to a Jr College. UC Santa Barbara is right up there asa Party School My Nephew did his part in keeping up the reputation untill his Jr year. He will be off to law school in the next year or so. Just what the world needs another Lawyer.

[Star Gazer]

I remember Chico as a backwater School a very last resort kind of School one step above going to a Jr College. UC Santa Barbara is right up there asa Party School My Nephew did his part in keeping up the reputation untill his Jr year. He will be off to law school in the next year or so. Just what the world needs another Lawyer.

 

Okay, well there's no need to argue about this. I didn't say it was a GOOD school - I have no opinion on that. Only that it is IN FACT a party school.

[sweetscarlet]

Have you tried to figure out why you're drawn to these types to begin with? Did a parent have a similar personality?

[Star Gazer]

Have you tried to figure out why you're drawn to these types to begin with? Did a parent have a similar personality?

 

I am not drawn to THEM. They are attracted to ME. I'm assuming it's because they think I'm "not like the rest," and somehow I always fail to meet their expectations.

[sweetscarlet]

I am not drawn to THEM. They are attracted to ME. I'm assuming it's because they think I'm "not like the rest," and somehow I always fail to meet their expectations.

 

Right...I know that. But I'm sure a lot of other men are drawn to you as well and yet you feel chemistry with this particular type.

 

So neither of your parents had a personality that was like that then?

[Star Gazer]

Right...I know that. But I'm sure a lot of other men are drawn to you as well and yet you feel chemistry with this particular type.

 

So neither of your parents had a personality that was like that then?

 

Nope. I was raised by a single mother who never dated as I was growing up. (Actually, she was dating...I just never knew about it until I was an adult.)

[sweetscarlet]

Nope. I was raised by a single mother who never dated as I was growing up. (Actually, she was dating...I just never knew about it until I was an adult.)

 

Well I meant either parent, but I'm going to assume that your mother didnt' have that type of personality then. There's usually a reason that we're drawn to a certain type (and it doesn't matter if they pick us or we pick them). I've looked into this a lot because I've identified a type that I pick (that actually pick me).

 

You say that they think that maybe you're different from the rest but then you fail to live up to it. I would try to look to somewhere in the past where you experienced that same thing. Maybe someone expected a lot out of you and you always felt like you let them down.

 

The reason that we end up picking people that recreate these past incidents is because we want to try to get it right....we want to correct what we couldn't correct when we were younger.

 

This might all sound like psychological BS but I'd at least look into it if I were you. I think it's more important to figure out that part than it is to figure out how to identify someone who is bitter right off the bat.

[Star Gazer]

Well I meant either parent, but I'm going to assume that your mother didnt' have that type of personality then. There's usually a reason that we're drawn to a certain type (and it doesn't matter if they pick us or we pick them). I've looked into this a lot because I've identified a type that I pick.

 

You say that they think that maybe you're different from the rest but then you fail to live up to it. I would try to look to somewhere in the past where you experienced that same thing. Maybe someone expected a lot out of you and you always felt like you let them down.

 

The reason that we end up picking people that recreate these past incidents is because we want to try to get it right....we want to correct what we couldn't correct when we were younger.

 

This might all sound like psychological BS but I'd at least look into it if I were you. I think it's more important to figure out that part than it is to figure out how to identify someone who is bitter right off the bat.

 

I appreciate the effort you put into your response, but I really don't think that's it at all.

 

First, I know you meant either parent. That's why I told you I was raised by a single mother - dad wasn't around. She was a doormat, and remains a doormat. I've never failed to live up to my mother's expectations.

 

As for the bitter dudes I've encountered, if/when I felt as though I couldn't meet their expectations, I ended the relationship. It wasn't about ME, it was about THEM. It wasn't that I had a fear of failure or anything, but why be in a relationship where nothing I ever do will ever be good enough?

 

And trust me, I am NOT attracted to these types. They are attracted to ME. Once I sniff them out, I'm gone.

[mental_traveller]

 

That said, if a guy says something like "I'm sick of the damn games" (in a frustrated, slightly angry voice) and bitches about the type of girls he's dated (such as saying, "women are a pain in the ass"), don't you think that's a BITTER stamp right on his forehead? Or am I jumping to conclusions? I can understand him saying this stuff amongst his guy friends, but to a girl he's out on a date with? Hmm...

 

 

Yes, that's a big bitter stamp on his head. It practically makes Woggle look like a bra-burning feminist by comparison. Seriously why are you *asking* people if you should start screening out these freaks & weirdo losers? You should have been doing that since you were a teenager!

 

Only a total loser extrapolates bad experiences from his ex (or exes), then labels *all* women like this, and is then so damn stupid that he doesn't even think to hold his tongue while trying to create a good impression with a new woman. Only a truly clueless moron would do this. So as soon as you hear those lines, just pay your share of the bill, get up and leave (after making some excuse). Don't waste time on these guys, it's the male equivalent of the women who talk about how much they want kids & marriage on a first date.