funkify Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 As I write this, I feel so odd because what's happened in the past 3 weeks feels like out of a Mills and Boon book. Anyway, 3 weeks ago I met a man whilst on vacation and we hit it off straight away. He's everything I've ever wanted and I have to pinch myself just because this all seems so surreal. Luckily enough, he's from the same city as me and so we decided to continue seeing each other after the holiday. However, he mentioned from the start that he was looking to move overseas (London) to further his career. He doesn't know if or when this will happen (from 2 months to 1 year) and it was really hard to decide to continue the rship because he didn't want to hurt me by getting attached then having to leave. We decided to just go with the flow and do it if it felt right whilst being honest about how his job situation is going. He's actively looking for employment in London and getting interviews so I know sooner or later he will get something. I have plans to stay in Australia for at least another 3 years as I'm studying to further my own career. We are both 23. I don't know what to do. Is it worth having a LDR after only knowing him for a short amount of time, or is it more heartbreak than it's worth?
magichands Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 He's everything I've ever wanted Exhibit A. Is it worth having a LDR after only knowing him for a short amount of time, Definitely. (And you get some great deals on Australia-UK flights.)
Author funkify Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Thanks for that magichands, Anyone else?
polywog Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I say nothing ventured, nothing gained. Try it, why not? The worst thing that can happen is that it doesn't work out, and if you decide not to persue the LDR before he leaves, then that's not giving it a chance to work out. You won't really know 'til you've tried. Good Luck!
Author funkify Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I brought it up and we had a good chat. He got the job overseas and is moving there in one month. It's virtually impossible to continue anything while he's there because he doesn't know how long he's gone for (min 1 yr, max 5 yrs+). But now it's up to me, do I keep seeing him up until he leaves or do I just break up now? He said if we continue things we must make it more casual bc it will just hurt us later on, but he's left the choice up to me. We're already attached to one another. Please help.
Sweetie2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I brought it up and we had a good chat. He got the job overseas and is moving there in one month. It's virtually impossible to continue anything while he's there because he doesn't know how long he's gone for (min 1 yr, max 5 yrs+). But now it's up to me, do I keep seeing him up until he leaves or do I just break up now? He said if we continue things we must make it more casual bc it will just hurt us later on, but he's left the choice up to me. We're already attached to one another. Please help. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We too started quick, we met at the end of December, and were together by the end of January, that was 2004/2005, we're still together now. He lives in Germany, and me in the USA, so thats a great distance...but it's possible. My advice for you, would be to stay with him, and try out the LDR thing, your in school, and he's working, which means that he could get time off, and you most likely have vacations, when one of you could fly one way or the other, to see each other. Webcams and Mic's are wonderful too, they save on phone bills...I recommend Skype if you have a decent computer. Just my thoughts...good luck to you!
Author funkify Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We too started quick, we met at the end of December, and were together by the end of January, that was 2004/2005, we're still together now. He lives in Germany, and me in the USA, so thats a great distance...but it's possible. My advice for you, would be to stay with him, and try out the LDR thing, your in school, and he's working, which means that he could get time off, and you most likely have vacations, when one of you could fly one way or the other, to see each other. Webcams and Mic's are wonderful too, they save on phone bills...I recommend Skype if you have a decent computer. Just my thoughts...good luck to you! I would love to but I just don't think we have the stable relationship structure to sustain distance for so long. We're both the affectionate types so it'll kill us. I would love to but from hinting a LDR the feedback has been negative
magichands Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 We're both the affectionate types so it'll kill us. I would love to but from hinting a LDR the feedback has been negative I guess you like pain much more than he does.
cbl Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 i don't know about the "casual" part because seems to me you are pretty much attached to him. is it possible just follow the flow? meaning take things as they come and not think too far ahead. be friend, and see where the flow takes you? i dated this guy for 3.5 years back in college before we started a LDR. i went to the US to pursue my graduate degree while he stayed in my home country in asia. we supported each other emotionally while we were apart and i flew back home to see him in summer when school was off. we talked on the phone quite frequently and each spent a lot of money as poor students (there was no msn back then) 18 months later i came back to my home country and a few months later we broke up. yes LDR can work but not in my case. we had grown apart. while i started working he was still in school. i cared about just work while i had no idea about his research area in grad school. my point is you never know what's going to happen in the future. he could be staying there forever. you can go there a few years down the road when you finish school. but you might not like it there. he might meet some girls there and you might meet some guy at your home town. or he might come back soon if he doesn't like his job.... just take things when they come. but at least be friends, if not more.
Author funkify Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 I guess you like pain much more than he does. I'm curious as to why you said this, magichands?
Sweetie2007 Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I would love to but I just don't think we have the stable relationship structure to sustain distance for so long. We're both the affectionate types so it'll kill us. I would love to but from hinting a LDR the feedback has been negative I guess that is something only you can know. A lot of positive and negitive has come out of my LDR, don`t believe everything you read though, believe what you feel. The longest period of time apart for my BF and I was 17 months, and it almost killed me, and the relationship, but now it`s better, because we get time together. The thing is to stay open minded, and consider every possibility. I don`t know your situation, but I`m glad I`m in my relationship, and didn`t reject it because of the distance. I hope this helps....
jebo Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I say talk to him about it and spend time together now. You dont wanna be kicking yourself about what could have been (your kinda doing it now). Take a risk. If you dont take that risk your life will proceed as it should, but if you change your mind at any time after the moment you chose not to take that risk you might find there is no opening for that LDR because you both havent invested too much to go back for, and that distance will only make him more remote in feeling towards you. So just talk to him.
Author funkify Posted February 23, 2007 Author Posted February 23, 2007 I say talk to him about it and spend time together now. You dont wanna be kicking yourself about what could have been (your kinda doing it now). Take a risk. If you dont take that risk your life will proceed as it should, but if you change your mind at any time after the moment you chose not to take that risk you might find there is no opening for that LDR because you both havent invested too much to go back for, and that distance will only make him more remote in feeling towards you. So just talk to him. Do you think I should still keep seeing him even though he's made it clear he can't commit to anything? (because he doesn't know how long he's be there)
Trialbyfire Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 You do seem attached to him but he's reluctant. Sorry but I would pack up my marbles and go home. LDRs need firm commitment and a hella' lot of work from both sides.
magichands Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 You do seem attached to him but he's reluctant. Sorry but I would pack up my marbles and go home. LDRs need firm commitment and a hella' lot of work from both sides. Bang on the money. Great post. I'm sorry that he doesn't want to invest in something special (from your point of view), but that's just the way it is.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Bang on the money. Great post. I'm sorry that he doesn't want to invest in something special (from your point of view), but that's just the way it is. Thanks magichands. Btw, your avatar is awesome. Something I've always been curious about. What do elephants represent to you or is this too personal?
magichands Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 What do elephants represent to you or is this too personal? You will have to learn not to try to hijack posts with questions like these. I would never do that. I'm just saying. Anyway, elephants are cool reminders of the diversity of life on Earth. And I once saw a mother elephant guiding her baby around with her trunk, and teaching him/her how to wash - that is something to behold. Such loving gestures - all that communication with trunks. But the real reason is that I like all the sexual innuendo you can make about trunks. It's difficult to believe that I really am that shallow, I know.
Sweetie2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 You do seem attached to him but he's reluctant. Sorry but I would pack up my marbles and go home. LDRs need firm commitment and a hella' lot of work from both sides. I agree! If both sides aren't willing to commit, it can't and won't work in the long run.
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