wmrjw Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 I think my world is coming apart. I'm sorry in advance about sounding like some pathetic, whiny, loser guy....but i'd rather do it on here than in front of her. Here's a recap of my situation in case you missed it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108840/ followed by... [sIZE=2]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t107189/ Anyway, being the moron that Iam...(i looked on her myspace and found out that one of her friends posted a comment that said "looks like _____ is moving in...are you guys an item?") This sent me into a rage, being that it was the guy from the very beginning that i thought it was... it's now been almost 2 months since our breakup and i text'd her last thursday and told her that "i used to believe it was me or something i did to hurt you, but now that i know it was ____ you have lost all respect. i hope you are happy." She replied by denying the whole thing and saying that she just needed a roomate and it was her only option. And that i had it all wrong and i could think whatever the (&*^ i wanted about her. She was tired of defending herself. Anyway, i ended it last thursday by saying "do whatever the (&*^ you want. It has never stopped you before! Then.... to top it all off she shows up at the gym 2 days ago. (I passed her and said nothing).... In case you wondering what the point of this thread is... i'm FREAKING HURT! I don't know what to believe. All i know is that I love her, but i've asked for her back in the beginning of january and she told me to move on! Now i find out she has this other guy moving in, who also has a kid (and someone i never liked) but he's just a "friend"... what does she care what i think? She hasn't contacted me once since this breakup and made me feel like NOTHING. Like the time we spent together meant NOTHING. Why can't she just come out and say that she is dating this guy, because although i'm not totally sure... lets just say i'm 90% sure. What does she care what i think? If she is lieing to me about this new relationship, isn't that a slap in the face to him? And to top it all off... if i'm WAY off course and some loser who can't move on.... would you want to stay as far away from me as possible and not show up at the gym when you KNOW i'm gonna be there!!! Again, i'm really, really sorry...because the most twisted thing about this whole thing is i love her with all my heart. I want her back and it's like a constant hell i've been living in my head for like 2 months... Last week i wanted her to know i knew about this guy because it all made sense...how she could turn it all off and forget about me like i was nothing right before the holidays. It makes all the sense in the world....unfortunately she wont' admit it. And i'm stuck here thinking i'm some ******* for saying such a thing. Yet if i apologize it's just going to make me look that much more pathetic. I'm stuck... Please HELP ME!!! [/sIZE]
AriaIncognito Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 I wish i had words of wisdom for you,, but I just wanted you to know that we are out here and listening. I wish I could take away the hurt, for you, for myself, for everyone. It's so hard to deal with loving someone that didn't love you enough back. It's probably one of the worst feelings in the world. The "why am i not good enough" and all that. Fact of the matter is, more than likely we aren't the ones who aren't good enough, we are too good for these relationships that are hurting us by not being equal. Try to stay strong. I know it's hard. Do all you can to let her go. Keep posting, we'll keep reading.
Teacher's Pet Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 Take it from an "old pro". I was in your situation not that long ago. I was in love with "the perfect woman", until it unraveled before my eyes. For weeks I checked her personal ads, her Myspace, everything.... wanting just a glimpse into the life that I once was a part of. She dated other people, and even had a guy move in with her briefly, to the best of my knowledge. It hurt, because it felt like I never really mattered. It hurts to see the person you loved so much moving on without you. I ached and cried over my ex for weeks....MONTHS before reality started to set in. It's not easy, and I know you hurt, but be assured, plenty of us here (especially the guys!) know what you are feeling right now. We've been there, and we'll be here for you. Welcome to the club. -tp No Contact, 7 months + 2 days!
Javelin Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 You've dropped your guard to the wrong person, my brother, and it has torn you apart. Though it's fair to say that you're making one mistake too many! These mistakes are made time after time by keeping her in your life; while she's not doing the same! It's hard to deal with, we all know and had to go through with it one way or another. You're going to have to remove everything about her from your life if you want the pain to subside. Hell, if you want to move on, then she has to go! To start, try and clear your mind of her! Then remove phone #s, instant messaging conversations, pictures, personal web pages, and people that are in contact with her from your access for the time being. Make sure there's nothing around that'll remind you of her! It may also be a good idea to stop visiting places you might bump into her (like the gym). Go for jogs around a park instead, hell, you could even shoot some hoops or something similar! Trust me and listen to your peers, my friend, there are other fish in the sea! Bigger, better fish, with brighter futures. You just have to know where to look! Remember, life moves on and good luck!
Am4Real Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 You've dropped your guard to the wrong person, my brother, and it has torn you apart. Though it's fair to say that you're making one mistake too many! These mistakes are made time after time by keeping her in your life; while she's not doing the same! It's hard to deal with, we all know and had to go through with it one way or another. You're going to have to remove everything about her from your life if you want the pain to subside. Hell, if you want to move on, then she has to go! To start, try and clear your mind of her! Then remove phone #s, instant messaging conversations, pictures, personal web pages, and people that are in contact with her from your access for the time being. Make sure there's nothing around that'll remind you of her! It may also be a good idea to stop visiting places you might bump into her (like the gym). Go for jogs around a park instead, hell, you could even shoot some hoops or something similar! Trust me and listen to your peers, my friend, there are other fish in the sea! Bigger, better fish, with brighter futures. You just have to know where to look! Remember, life moves on and good luck! Javelin is absolutley right here, remove all references to her. There are plenty of posts and other forums on different techniques for accomplishing this. Stay focused. Put your ego aside and work on your emotions. Use us for support. [highlight]We completely understand how you feel.[/highlight] Am4Real
shockandawed Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 It SUCKS!!!! How can the love of your life dump you before the holidays and appear to be moving on without you? You know, I have been screaming the same question at myself for the last two months. Man, I know it is torture, but you got to believe everyone on here, they have lived it and I am in it now. No Contact!! I finally started doing it, and she starts snooping around, I let her make contact, she admits the grass isn't greener and I go overboard...My point is it works and it WILL accomplish at least one of two things: You will heal and focus on yourself for improvement She MAY begin to miss you and come back The first one will happen and is the primary reason. Be careful if the 2nd one happens, I did great for three days of it, then my emotions caused me to lose control. Hang in there, we all know what it is like, post here anytime you want or are tempted to contact your ex.
corny1 Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 Hey I just went through a breakup myself. It doesn't sound like she really is giving a crap about your feelings right now. I know that it is repeated over and over on this sight, but I think what you need to do is just completely cut her off. If she really truly cares about you then she will contact you. Until then just hang out with your friends and family and try to occupy your mind with something else. It sounds to me like it is her loss. I know that it is hard right now, but believe me the best thing that you can do is disappear and make her wonder as well. Stay strong.
LakesideDream Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 After six months... your G/F wants you to move on. Isn't that what dating is all about, finding the right ones? You didn't mention your ages, however as she already has one child you both must be adults. In this modern age part of dating is "shacking up", sad but true. Another part of dating is electronic media, myspace etc. That much access makes things harder it doesent change reality. In six months your G/F decided you are not the one she wants to spend her life with. That's the nature of relationships these days. It's her choice. While it's obviously been painful for you in the short term, believe me it's best for the long term. Gawd forbid you find all this out in 15-25 years after your youth has been dedicated to someone leaving you devistated. Move on, stop pining of what wasn't.
Author wmrjw Posted January 27, 2007 Author Posted January 27, 2007 Thanks for all the comments guys and gals. A couple of questions. 1) Why is she denying the relationship. Granted, I don't know if it's for sure...but like i said, i've had my suspicions about this guy since he came into our lives in October. It started by him wanting her to babysit his son (for free no less) and then she started babysitting him mutliple times per week. And now he's moving in? I feel like a dumbass for not putting a stop to it back then, but hell... if it wouldn't have been this guy it might just have been someone else. Besides, i told her back then how i felt about the situation and how i didn't like him taking advantage of her and atleast paying her something.... now i realize she could have said no the whole time and i should have left when she told me she was going to do it no matter what. Nonetheless, why deny it now? I am a guy she obviously no longer cares about and wouldn't that be a slap in the face to him and their new relationship? ****, i could drive myself nuts trying to figure this girl out... 2) I have since deleted my own myspace, but i constantly find myself looking at hers. It's like i want to catch her lying about the relationship with this guy....now i'm debating going to another gym because if i end up seeing her once or every 2 weeks i don't think i could ever get over her... but the question is......if she doesn't want anything to do w/ me anymore WHY is she showing up at the gym when she KNOWS i'm going to be there? Is this mindgames or am i just being synical (sp?). Again, thank you all for your advice and hopefully you guys can shed some light on these questions that i have.
Unbeleivable Posted January 27, 2007 Posted January 27, 2007 Thanks for all the comments guys and gals. A couple of questions. 1) Why is she denying the relationship. Granted, I don't know if it's for sure...but like i said, i've had my suspicions about this guy since he came into our lives in October. It started by him wanting her to babysit his son (for free no less) and then she started babysitting him mutliple times per week. And now he's moving in? I feel like a dumbass for not putting a stop to it back then, but hell... if it wouldn't have been this guy it might just have been someone else. Besides, i told her back then how i felt about the situation and how i didn't like him taking advantage of her and atleast paying her something.... now i realize she could have said no the whole time and i should have left when she told me she was going to do it no matter what. Nonetheless, why deny it now? I am a guy she obviously no longer cares about and wouldn't that be a slap in the face to him and their new relationship? ****, i could drive myself nuts trying to figure this girl out... 2) I have since deleted my own myspace, but i constantly find myself looking at hers. It's like i want to catch her lying about the relationship with this guy....now i'm debating going to another gym because if i end up seeing her once or every 2 weeks i don't think i could ever get over her... but the question is......if she doesn't want anything to do w/ me anymore WHY is she showing up at the gym when she KNOWS i'm going to be there? Is this mindgames or am i just being synical (sp?). Again, thank you all for your advice and hopefully you guys can shed some light on these questions that i have. She's probably denying it because if she admits it to you, then thats like saying "You were right all along." And its much easier, when trying to dismiss someone, to just deny it and walk away. If she had said yes, you probably would have had a slur of questions to follow like "When did it start?" or "Thats why we broke up, isn't it?" I mean, I think anyone would. If I were you, I would desperately try my hardest to not look at her myspace or do anything to remind you of her. I'm going through the same thing right now (just broke up after 7.5 years). i've done everything, even taking the screen name off of my buddy list so I don't even have to be reminded of her if I glance over. Its tough, really is, but the faster you come to terms with it being totally over, the quicker you heal. It seems like she is moving on, and her unwillingness to communicate maturely with you should be reason enough to motivate yourself to move on as well.
Am4Real Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 If I were you, I would desperately try my hardest to not look at her myspace or do anything to remind you of her. I'm going through the same thing right now (just broke up after 7.5 years). i've done everything, even taking the screen name off of my buddy list so I don't even have to be reminded of her if I glance over. Its tough, really is, but the faster you come to terms with it being totally over, the quicker you heal. As most of us know it takes more willpower to quash old relationship habits and other curiosities accompanying NC such as jealously than perhaps giving up any one of the many vices we might have. But it is this willpower that will not only give the NC state the best chance of healing one’s self, it also helps you maintain your sanity and "control" other erratic motions that accompany this process. My opinion anyway. Am4Real
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