MotherGooze Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I broke up with boyfriend last night. If you want to know what's going on I suggest you read my other posts. Basically, we've had a rough time for a couple of weeks now, I had issues I couldn't cope with and he wanted to help me, but I pushed him away. I kind of have commitment phobia. Lately, he just couldn't give his 100 % into the relationship. He said he lost his thrust in the relationship. I said I had a lot of things to work out, but that it'll get better, but he didn't have much hope anmore. Still he wanted to try, even tough he was doubting so much, which hurt me a lot. He was the one who made me realise that I shouldn't be scared of my feelings for him, that he wasn't just going to hurt me and leave me. That he really truly loves me. I never felt this for anybody before. And I know he feels the same. He's very shy, he doesn't like showing his feelings,but when I'm with him he can. He cried last night when I broke up with him. I'm the dumper,but I felt like I had no other choice. I want to change and I can, but I feel he can't give me another chance right now because his trust in the relationship is gone. So I had to do it, I had no choice. But I feel so bad about it, I really want to be with him and losing all contact with him is such a torture..how do I cope with this. I can't hate him, I can't call him a bastard, because he has done nothing wrong and because Ilove him and he loves me. What do I do? After I left, two hours later I was already sending him messages. I really can't let go of him.
Author MotherGooze Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 It would be really appreciated if someone could give me some suport on this. I think I'm losing my mind!
Author MotherGooze Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 yep, now I AM really losing it I want to contact him sooo badly. Tell him everything is allright....
daisydo Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 yep, now I AM really losing it I want to contact him sooo badly. Tell him everything is allright.... I think you are feeling very conflicted right now. The title of your post is How do I let go? and yet you also mentioned giving it another chance. Take this time to write out a list of everything you are feeling. Try and sort through your emotions logically and then try to take a step back and look at your situation from a different perspective. What pushed you over the edge to force this break-up? Describe the person who you want to end up with for life? Does your ex match all of those characteristics? What forces are making you want to call him? Is it because you are lonely and distraught? Try calling a family member or friend instead. If you are wanting to talk to him because you are feeling upset - I imagine he is feeling upset also - then contacting him would be nothing but a huge explosion of emotions. Would it make you feel any better? Probably not. Would anything real get accomplished? I doubt it. What can you do? Take this time to do something nice for yourself. Go see a friend, walk your dog, watch your favorite movie. Try to take your mind off of him in any way you can. It is going to take time, but either way you look at it it is for the best that you engage in NC. It is hard but you can get through this. Take care.
FallenTree Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I agree - NC is definitely the way to go for a while at least. For a long while... for most. Give yourself some space. You probably were feeling something that wasn't right, so go with your intuition. It's probably right.
brisman Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 You can go NC is you want of course, but your problems are with you at the moment, and if you don't face up to them, they'll stay with you. You say you're committment-phobic, you say he's done nothing but be supportive and love you and you keep pushing him away. You realise he's not going to leave and hurt you and your response to this is to push him away and run so that he doesn't trust you. NC probably will help you see things more clearly. But beware, it will also crush him and over time will harden him to you for putting him through this. If you don't turn to him soon and open yourself up, you'll lose him. Your post show you clearly don't want that.
Author MotherGooze Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 It's not really that I was pushing him away by breaking up with him. The last month he was the one pushing me away for the things I had done to him. He was scared of getting close to me again. Even though, I really want to be close to him now, but he doesn't have faith in it. I had no other choice but to break it off, and give him some time to reflect on what he's feeling, and if he truly wants to continue with me. But I don't want to wait around either, having false hope. What if it doesn't work ou.... Last night he send me a message telling that he would call me in two weeks to tell me what he would feel by then. But how can he says two weeks, he needs all the time he needs... I mean, what if he needs more time. He shouldn't just give me a date. And I need time too, because I don't think if ever been in such an emotional rollercoaster like this. I need to be able to get in balance with my emotions. One moment I feel great, the other moment I'm so depressed. I don't really wanna see my friends...I know it's weird, but I don't want them to be worried about me, and right now, I'm not much fun, and they'll start talking about my relationship. But I don't really want to talk to them about it right now, because I need to sort things out for myself first. I'm just tto confused. I don't know if I made the right decision.
Author MotherGooze Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 I do have a lot of thigs to do. I keep myself very busy, I have a job, a kid and I sing in two bands, so you could say that I almost have no free time at all, but it only takes 5 minutes of doing nothing, and then I can't stop thinking about him and call him. I feel like some psycho obssessed girl or something. I don't want to feel like this, i want to be able to be in ballance with my emotions
Author MotherGooze Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 So here are al the threads I made...from the first break up till now, so that you can see what has happened: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108569/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109082/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109450/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109690/ I would really like some guidance. I need some hints not to think about him. I don't want to think bad of him, because he's a very good person, in fact the most wonderful person I've ever met. It would be easier if I could though.
Recommended Posts