luvadj Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I really don't know where to start to explain this. My gal finally got fed up with all the resentment and anger over little things that she said she couldn't continue in the relationship. We've been together for almost 8 years with a 5 yr. old daughter. It almost seems like a midlife crisis type thing. When I ask the important things she tells me "I don't know". After almost 3 months of this, she tells me the other night that she's planning on leaving when her student loan comes in which is about 2 months away. Now I've been thru breakups before, but came to logical conclusions with my partners as to the "Why". This time, I'm not getting a chance to redeam myself....it's so unfair and she admits it. She tells me she still loves me very much and proves it every minute of the day. I know it's not anyone else, and I've never laid a bad hand on her, I've never cheated on her, and their needs always came before mine. She says that she needs space so she can re-evaluate our relationship and work at reconnecting. The tough part is the wait. Knowing it's comming...not wanting her to leave and being so powerless to stop it. I can't control my emotions at times. My attitude goes hot and cold with her. All the anger and frustration over all this is taking it's toll on my heart. I'm trying to remain in control and not loose it when I'm around my daughter, but I think about what it'll be like without her around all the time. I wonder what life will be like with little money and no hubby around to take care of things for my gal. Maybe she'll work it out and we'll be back together again and maybe not. I pray for guidence daily. So I ask you all...What would you do in this situation?
LakesideDream Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Luvadj, Tell your SO that there's no time like now. Don't punish yourself for two more months (I speak from experiance). To bad about the child. Obviously you both suspected this day WOULD come, thus you didn't marry. A bit of advice: The vast marority of women who want to leave to get "space" to "re-evaluate the relationship" actually need space (and privacy) for the new man who has begun penetrating them. "Needing Space" creates the possibility of keeping you around for a few months as a "back up guy" or financier. Once they have decided that their new man actually meets their expectations, the desire for added real estate will dissolve.
burning 4 revenge Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Luvadj, Tell your SO that there's no time like now. Don't punish yourself for two more months (I speak from experiance). To bad about the child. Obviously you both suspected this day WOULD come, thus you didn't marry. A bit of advice: The vast marority of women who want to leave to get "space" to "re-evaluate the relationship" actually need space (and privacy) for the new man who has begun penetrating them. "Needing Space" creates the possibility of keeping you around for a few months as a "back up guy" or financier. Once they have decided that their new man actually meets their expectations, the desire for added real estate will dissolve. I've always liked your realistic advice LD. You should get a relationship talk show. You could be the anti-Dr. Phil.
Guest Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Luvadj, Tell your SO that there's no time like now. Don't punish yourself for two more months (I speak from experiance). To bad about the child. Obviously you both suspected this day WOULD come, thus you didn't marry. A bit of advice: The vast marority of women who want to leave to get "space" to "re-evaluate the relationship" actually need space (and privacy) for the new man who has begun penetrating them. "Needing Space" creates the possibility of keeping you around for a few months as a "back up guy" or financier. Once they have decided that their new man actually meets their expectations, the desire for added real estate will dissolve. Your deduction about us not being married is spot on...uncanny you are. This is not the same situation as you speak of ubove however. As I've said before, She waits hand and foot and our relations have not changed, which is a positive sign.
notmakingsense Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 I agree with Lakeside..... why wait? Get pissed! She's essentially saying that she wants to milk you for money for 2 months before she leaves. Tell her to get the heck out now so that you can move on with your life! I don't know if I believe in the other man theory or not -- it all depends on what is behind your statement about "fed up with all the little things." -- how long that has been going on, and how long you two have been a bit disconnected. Either way -- as long as you two are still together it will be impossible for you to move on, just like it will be impossible for her to have time to miss you and re-evaluate. You two will never get the chance at full no-contact because of your daughter, but you should at least be making attempts to put some distance between yourselves so that you can start to detach and think about what is right for you.
notmakingsense Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Oh -- and one more thing abouut the daughter situation. Make sure you assert your rights and responsibilities as a dad. Do not let this situation detract from your relationship with your daughter and fight for as much time as you can have. The both of you should live nearby eachother so that equal (or at least significant) time with your daughter remains do-able. Daughters naturally will bond more deeply with their mothers -- but a daughter without a present father figure creates some really messed up women. Don't let that happen to her.
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