IslandGirl73 Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 hi i'm new here and to be honest never thought i'd be here. just to fill u in on the background, i've been married to my husband for 10 yrs now and he's been the only real father to my 11 yr old daughter since she was an infant. we've been thru some rough times, and for awhile there, about 6 yrs in the marriage, it got really bad due to my hubby being out of work and i was the only one bringing in the $. so as a result, i had a resentment toward him and even stopped all emotional and sexual contact with him. eventually, he started chatting it up with one of his ex's from h.s. while i'd be at work during the day. until the day came when he finally went to her home. he assured me nothing sexual happened, just some kissing and petting but he did not want to go further cuz he loved me too much. needless to say, i almost put him out and ended our marriage. but he would not leave so i let him stay and we ended up working things out. as the years went by, we just focused on bringing up my daughter and our regular routine of Christian meetings and bible studies. recently, we've even connected more fully in our sex life, having it sometimes even every day or every other day! nevertheless, i love my husband dearly but am not in love with him. he's not the most romantic guy in the world and lacks in the dept of showing regular affection and attention that i crave. then the unexpected happened...at my job a new employee came on board and he caught my eye right away. he began to give me attention and made feel special inside. i hadn't felt this way for years since i had been overweight and just recently lost a lot. for a while we've just been saying hi from afar off and until one day in the break room, we finally spoke for the first time. he asked if i was married and i told him i was. for about 2 weeks, we'd speak casually at work and sometimes at lunch, also emailing back and forth. then we finally met together outside of work, for some dinner and conversation until i ended up in his home. of course if I allowed it, things could've gotten out of hand, especially when we finally kissed for the first time. but i refused to go farther than that, jeapordizing the only stable family my daughter's ever known along with my dignity and respect. needless to say i spent all evening with him and did not leave until 5 in the morning and came home and confessed everything to my husband. it was ironic, just 4 yrs prior he did the same to me and now i'm repeating the same mistake. except now, mine is differently. i find myself actually falling for this other man. when i'm with him he makes me feel special and warm inside like nothing else matters in this world and when i'm away from him, all i can do is think of him constantly, even when it was still during the phase of our casual "hellos" at work. i've never experienced immediate chemistry with someone like this before as i usually take my time to get to know the person better. but with this guy, its completely different. i am head over heels for him. and the sad part is, i'm not completely sure if he feels the same. he tells me he understands marriage situation at home and that sometimes we just need to accept the things life puts in our paths, and not deny ourselves of what we really want. he also tells me he enjoys our time together as well. i told him i'm concerned of how he'd get the wrong idea of me as person since i'm a married woman being with him. he could easily think, "she could do the same to me" how can u build a relationship that started from infedelity? also, i cannot and will not leave my husband since he has been too wonderful to me and also, i'd be ruining my daughter's family stability in her life...i could never do that. but still, i find myself wanting to see this man more and more and though i don't want it to go as far as sexual intimacy, anything is possible if i let my guard down! i thought about just keeping things as they are, and i could be satisfied if i could just seeing him on a regular basis, with no strings attached, just going out but not to his home anymore to avoid any sexual intimacy. as long as i could just spend time with him, then i can be ok. i miss him so much when i'm not with him. i don't know what else to do, but i do know, that i do not want to leave my husband and yet, my heart will not allow me leave the other man alone. please help with any advise will be appreciated. sorry so long and thanks for reading/listening... lost in love, jacquesette
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109636/ My response to you on the exact same thread in the cheating/jealously section.
Curmudgeon Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Leave your husband! Then have your affair. It will be better for both of you and your daughter as well. Children learn what they live and she's living in a sham marriage. That will become her measure of her own future relationships.
magichands Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 i told him i'm concerned of how he'd get the wrong idea of me as person since i'm a married woman being with him. he could easily think, "she could do the same to me" how can u build a relationship that started from infedelity? You take a simple premise, and complicate it until you can barely make sense of it any more. In effect, you are leading "parallel" lives. Or you think you are. These parallel lives do not reconcile with each other. In short, choose. (But I'm not sure that I could.)
InaPanic Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 ya know, at one time during my affair i had no intentions or thoughts of wanting to leave my husband or break up my family & destroy my childrens security. then something happened along the way & i snapped. I lost all senses & sensibility & thought i was so in love with the other man that i gave thought to leaving. i thank god he was the horrible person he was & turned on me when i needed him most because had he wanted me to leave i'm afraid i would have & i know without a doubt i would have regretted it. i'm not comparing your OM with the one i was with. but i just want to warn you that you can get so emotionally involved in this fantasy that you will behave irrationally & do things you never thought in a million years you would do or consider doing. I think as long as you are in contact with this OM you risk it becoming sexual & then it's a whole new ballgame. I believe had i kept mine nonsexual it still would have been a betrayal to my husband & still hard on me emotionally but the aftermath wouldn't have been or still be nearly as hard as it is & the emotional side wouldn't have been so bad. please, please please, i beg you, as one woman who completely understands what you are going through & the thrill of it all...try to step aside from it & think long & think hard about everything before you do it. Try hard not to get caught up in the moment as i did, thinking i could handle it all so well & that nobody would get hurt except maybe the OM. As it turns out, i believe he's the only one who's perfectly fine after it's all said & done. Please don't think i'm being preachy because i'm not. i think we all have to do what we have to do to get by day by day. i just don't want anyone to go thru what i did or put someone else thru it as i did. best to you & good luck.
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Listen to IAP, she knows what she's talking about! Hope you're hanging in OK IAP!
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