Lauriebell82 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 everyone i know i know is getting engaged. my 2 best friends just got engaged along with some of my friends at school. why is everyone getting married all the studden?? i am 24 and it seems like all of the sudden everyone is deciding to get married? what the heck is going on???? now about me: i am 24 years old and i have a bf who i've been with for 4 months. our relationship is getting serious and i really really love him with all my heart. i think he is the one for me. its been very hard lately seeing all my friends getting engaged because i guess i feel that my relationship is not quite at that point yet? is it normal to feel bad and jealous like this? don't get me wrong i am soooooooo happy for my friends and i am in both of their weddings, but i still feel like "why isnt that me?" i really believe in marriage and i would love to devote myself entirely to one person so maybe thats why i want to get married so much. maybe its harder to see because i have a bf who i love and would want to marry but we arent quite at that point yet. we have discussed having a future together but we havnt really talked a whole lot about marriage and stuff. do any other girls feel this way? is it just me? i'm feeling worse and worse about it and i'm sick of seeing everyone get engaged. maybe i feel worse because i had a long term bf who i thought was the one for me but he destroyed our relationship because he lied to me so many times (the relationship ended a year 1/2 ago). anyway know i have this wonderful bf who i love with all my heart and i'm just hoping that he will want to marry me someday. so i guess my question is, what can i do to make myself feel better? is this normal? i feel horrible and i am having trouble dealing with it. please give me some advice!!!!
Poboy Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 i know what you are going through ... im seeing a lot of my frineds getting married , having kids etc... it normal to get jealous of that fact and these thoughts do come in to the mind about when we will get there , when is our time going to come. the key here is patience. everyone is different and in different stages of lives. you need to go along according to yours and not try to imitate others to rush up to things for the need of those special moments to come hastily. you need to prepared for those and when the time is right , you will know its time for the next step. in your case , its just 4 months in your relationship .. .you need to be spending more time with your bf to be sure of the fact that he is the one... initally , its all nice ... things become clear later on. let others have their time , share in the good times with them and go on with your life with your bf and dont put too much pressure on yourself , your bf.
Zaira Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Completely normal. All of my friends are married and have or are having children. I went to my school reunion recently, and I think I was only one very few who wasn't either married nor had a child. I've been with a guy now for 6 months and although I know I could spend the rest of my life with him, we are not near that point either. In fact, he doesn't want to get married or have any more children... so I'm really at the moment.
justagirliegirl Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Wait another 7 years and most of them will be miserable and divorced!
bella_girl Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 People move through life at different stages and I think you have to not judge your life by what other people are doing. Ie don't keep up with the Jones. My best friend got married when she was 26 and now has 2 boys (just recently had the second at 32). She also bought her first house at 24 and had a great job and career from about 22... I'm completely jealous of her... but then she is completely jealous of me too! Its all about perspective... sometimes when I talk to her she says 'you must be so free' (especially as I'm currently single). I know its hard but try not to judge your life by what everyone else is doing or from your perspective of how their life is. If what is going on with you and the BF is right for you at this time then go with that, don't force stuff.
ash519 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Laurie- I am practically in the same boat. 2 of my friends and both my cousins are engaged and getting married. I am 24 also, and have been with my bf over a year and a half...21 months. I am so ready for it all to happen but unfortuantely he is not making much money right now, has stuff to pay off etc. Financially we are not there. I may get a tad bitter here and there but i try and stay quiet about it. I'm lucky they arent all making babies yet cause i cant wait for that part of my life to begin!!! Point being is you are not alone. You have been in your relationship 4 months and it is not time for you just yet. Enjoy what you have. As your friends are getting married around you just realize that that will be you one day, not today, but one day.
Walk Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Are you jealous of "marriage", or the engagment/wedding aspect? Those are two completely seperate things. Engagement/wedding is like having an extended bday where everything is all about you. The marriage is day to day bills, house work, jobs, debt, car repairs, and same old routines. You want to fast-track your relationship to get to marriage, but you'll be missing out on all the simple fun exciting times you could be having now. All for what? A false sense of security? Or you want people to ooh and aah over you because you're engaged and getting married? Dating has many advantages that you won't get to capture again. I'm sure you don't plan on getting married more then once, so in essence you only get to experience the engagement/wedding once. Once that's over with, it's over forever. How do you see the relationship after the wedding? What milestones will you strive for once married? If it's just having kids, then your marriage is going to suffer. A relationship has to continue to grow. Don't fool yourself into thinking that once married your relationship will stay at a plateu. It won't. You need goals, desire to continue making the relationship better, abillity to see beyond just the wedding day and know what you want this relationship to be years down the line. I know you love your bf, but you need to be smarter than your friends. Look further than just the wedding day toward what you want a long healthy marriage to be like. The engagment/wedding ceremony is just a blip on the radar compared to the decades of marriage that should be after that. Focus on the important aspects... a party to say you love each other is not important. Working to keep that relationship solid and flowing smoothly is integral to having a happy life. p.s. if the desire for engagement gets to bad, list all the things your bf does to show you he loves you and wants you in his life. Focus on those, and it'll be easier to push aside the "engagment" idea.
Guest Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 You're so young, you should really just enjoy what you have with you new boyfriend. Be happy for your friends, but please just enjoy being 24. When you get married your life changes, there is no need to rush that because your friends are getting married. Couples who get married when they are in their 20s, have a harder time. You are still learning who you are, and you will change as you get older. SOmetimes we want marriage so much, we pick the first guy who ask us and you don't want that, you deserve the happy ever after, we all do. So be patient and your time will come. But don't get antsy and rush your new relationship, this is the best part of the relationship, getting to know each other.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 hey thanks for ur responses..believe me i'm not in a super duper rush to get married. i guess it's just hard to believe that every is getting married all of the sudden, because i did think we were still young. i do want to enjoy the time i am having right now with my boyfriend, i just want to have that type of committed relationship with someone, and it's hard to see people around me taking that step before i do. i'm glad i'm not alone though, it seems as though other girls feel this way. maybe i do want everyone to be happy for me and fawn over me like i'm doing for all my friends, i guess its just hard to accept that my relationship isnt quite there yet. i guess i will have to though..any other advice would be great.
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