Am I going to end up settling? Where are all the good ones?

[smile95]

Ok..I have been in a few long term relationships in which I learned a lot in. I loved them both, but they were not right for me in the end. I am 30. No kids. Single as can be. I am picky, but not THAT picky. I want a family and I want a good man and kids and to be happy, but I cannot click with anyone on all levels anymore? Am I going to have to end up settling just in order to have a family? I almost feel like I am better off alone than settling? Everyone tells me that I am so beautiful and smart and fun, but why can't I meet anyone that I enjoy being with? I pray about it and I know that I have to trust that God will guide my steps, but sometimes I get really sad about it. I really cannot settle or I will not be happy. Anyone get what I am saying?

[Yamaha]

Depends on what you mean by settling?

I think we all compromise in one way or another. There is no perfect person for you. The soul mate romantic notion is just that, a nice idea. Do you really think there is only 1 guy for you out there? If you do then I think you may have to settle as the older you get the less opportunities there are.

Sorry.

[IpAncA]

Yeah I kind of get what your saying and I know that your having a hard time finding someone but if you want to have a family with a guy someday your going to have to settle. Unless you decide to raise children on your own.

 

But I'm confused as to what you really want because you said that you can't settle. Why is that?

[jusified]

What do you want in a guy?? what don't you want in a guy?? Write a list, tell us..

 

Then tell us how and where you meet guys, maybe the places you meet guys don't have the guys you look for.

 

Some times I guess you will find a guy hat has alot of the things you are looking for but 1 or 2 things you are not looking for, it all depends on a balance and compromise. I don;t think I would be able to find someone that is physically attractive for me, have everything I look for plus no faults at all.

[smile95]

ok-to answer some questions I got.

 

I cannot settle means that I will not. I will accept being hurt or abused or unappreciated just in order to have a family. My past involves abuse with men and I will not have that anymore.

 

What I am looking for: To me, it is not much? Maybe you all can let me know....Honest, repectful, want kids one day, does not do drugs or abuse alcohol, (I say abuse...a few times a week is fine with me), likes to laugh, has a good STEADY job, is ready to settle down, adores their own family, attractive to me and attracted TO me. Is that oo much? Am I being too picky?

 

Maybe I need to find diff places to meet people aside frommatch.com and work? I do not like bars or clubs. I am over all that. Any ideas?

 

Oh and about the soul mate...no I do not think there is just ONE out there. I think there are several people in the world that could be a soul mate. I think there are many that are perfect for us. Finding them is the issue!

 

Thanks for the help. Please let me know if I am being too picky?! I can settle for little things. But the core parts of a person is what I cannot settle for.

 

thanks

[IpAncA]

ok-to answer some questions I got.

 

I cannot settle means that I will not. I will accept being hurt or abused or unappreciated just in order to have a family. My past involves abuse with men and I will not have that anymore.

 

Sounds to me like you can't let yourself get close to anyone but yet you want to start a family. The only way that I can see you doing this is by yourself. Most people who want to settle want to end up with someone and look for someone to spend their life with. And with that people tend to start families.

 

Have you talked to anyone about your abusive past?

[jusified]

not many good men are abusive, and there are quite a few good men out there. Maybe stick with online and just be selective.

 

I don't like clubs/bar either because of the most ppl there are not the same type of person I am, so maybe join a coed sports thing, join extra actvities like volunteer etc, how bout your friends hook you up??

 

You sound like a nice person and I wish you the best of luck.

[smile95]

thanks everyone...I guess I am hoping for someone that is just like how my dad treats my mom and it may be hopeless. I guess I need to get involved in activities more.

 

And yes, I have talked to someone about my past with men.

 

So those things I am looking for are not too picky???

[norajane]

No, you're not being too picky. You want a decent, honorable, responsible family guy. How is that being too picky?

 

Finding those guys, though, is the hard part. Clicking with them - the mutual attraction and compatibility - reduces the number of options as well.

 

You're not alone - lots of decent people are looking for each other and are having trouble.

[smile95]

thanks...I find that the ones I click with do not click with me or are jerky and the ones that adore me, I feel nothing. I am hoping this is common and that is why we date. Anyone have any ideas on where to meet these great guys? And is it ok to approach guys in public? Or is that too fwd?

[cutegirl]

There's a saying:

 

"Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken. The only ones left are the handicapped."

[burning 4 revenge]

How surprising that the OP is a female....

[Capatinacen]

How surprising that the OP is a female....

Why is that susprising?