wmrjw Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Hello, I'm usually not one for going to the internet for relationship help, but I thought it couldn't hurt to get some extra opinions on the situation while i'm going through this. I ran across this website after googling "giving her space" and once i read through the forums I noticed alot of stories similar to mine. So here it goes... I recently broke up w/ a girl I have been dating for about 6 months. It may not sound like a long time but we never missed a day of seeing each other and actually moved in together after just 2 months. I just moved out last week and haven't actually spoke to her since last Sunday. The only contact i've had since then was a text message to ask if it would be alright to drop off her daughter's b-day present. That was on Wednesday. I got the rest of my stuff out on Friday in the morning (didn't have to work) and luckily didn't have to see her while moving everything out because she did have to work. It was hard enough saying goodbye to her daughter (who i've grown very much attached to) and our dog that we just got a month ago. Anyways...i'm rambling let me get back on track. The breakup originally occured in a grocery store. We had been arguing alot lately and she spouted out that she wanted to break up...and me, being angry at the time said "do you want to make it official!" and she said yes. We never really made up during that week and I ended up going to a football game for 2 days later on. Well, when I came back I climbed into bed w/ her and I told her how much I had missed her and that I was sorry and she took her daughter and let the room. The next morning she told me that she was just tired of all the fighting. Very understandable. So at this point I chased her for a couple more days telling her that I was extremely sorry and please forgive me. Yada yada...I never cheated on her, never lied to her, never called her names... in my eyes, beyond the arguing we had a great relationship. But she obviously felt differently. I told her I would start looking for an apartment and found one. I then told her that it wouldn't become due until the 15th, but i would be out by last Sunday (which i ended up doing) to make it more of a "clean cut between us" as she coined it. So here I am. I've been here before...been hurt and i've learned from experience that chasing the girl only pushes her farther away. I've done what she has asked and i'm going on and coping the best i can. I really miss her guys.... any advice at all w/ the upcoming holidays? We are on a non-talking basis but it would almost feel wrong to not get her little girl something for xmas, yet if I do that... i would break the NC. Is it better to just let this sink in and let it be and ignore contact on Xmas or should I reach out and tell her how much I miss her again? I'm confused and hurt...but dealing with it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 So here I am. I've been here before...been hurt and i've learned from experience that chasing the girl only pushes her farther away. I've done what she has asked and i'm going on and coping the best i can. I really miss her guys.... any advice at all w/ the upcoming holidays? We are on a non-talking basis but it would almost feel wrong to not get her little girl something for xmas, yet if I do that... i would break the NC. Is it better to just let this sink in and let it be and ignore contact on Xmas or should I reach out and tell her how much I miss her again? I'm confused and hurt...but dealing with it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. You have learned from experience, so stick with what experience has shown you. She needs to be the one that changes her mind and reaches out to you now... she already knows that you are sorry and want to work things out, so you don't need new ways to show/tell her that. Regarding the x-mas present -- you should think about whether or not you are expecting anything out of that -- like a thank-you message from your exgf. Her little girl probably won't even think about not getting a present from you -- she'll be all excited about the other presents. I think that this is just another way for you to reach-out. Let her think you are starting to move on. Let her miss you. Only then will you find out if she has it within herself to try to work on things with you. Link to post Share on other sites
goodfriendeva Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 do you guys have mutual friends? maybe you can ask one of them to ask your gf if its ok to send a gift for her daughter? because its better to ask her permission and not make things worse.. give it awhile of being alone and doing your own thing. then if you stil feel the same way and try to contact her.. but if shes doesnt want anything to do with you then let her go.. but only try once.. no point and getting more hurt off of it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I remember dumping a guy at one time and about a month later he sent me a postcard when he went on vacation. It felt creepy that he still was thinking of me and hadn't moved on. I guess I kind of had pity for him. I agree with the first post that you learned from past experience that people need their space. I also agree with them that I don't think this is about a present for the little girl but a way to keep in contact with your ex. I would steer clear of her over the holidays. Who knows, she may just miss you during the festivities and want to give you a call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmrjw Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 Okay, I was going "well" I guess you could say until I broke the NC last Thursday. What an idiot I am. I called to asked if she had cashed some checks (basically trying to make small talk) and she acted very busy. She had the kids in the background and said she was at dinner and about to go to church and that I had left some stuff over at the house. She asked if I wanted to pick it up in the garage or should she drop it off at my parents house? I said I didn't care...she said she would call and got off the phone. I've never felt so stupid in my life. To think that she would actually miss me? So knowing that she wouldn't call I text'd her that night and told her the only reason I called was because I missed talking to her and that she could throw away the stuff, I really didn't care. She replied with, "I see... I don't want to throw away your stuff"....I never responded. Here it is Xmas and I just want to send her an email telling her exactly how I feel and how I hate that we're apart and find out if she does still love me or misses me... this is insane. Please help... should I write her an email telling her how I feel or just forget it and start over on this NC again. This is killing me... Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Learn from your experiences! You need to stop doing this, you are only hurting yourself. Have you ever read this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ It has helped a lot of people get through what you are going through. Good luck, and happy holidays! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmrjw Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 Why does part of me tell myself that if I don't act now I will have lost a golden opportunity with her? The other half of me is afraid of the rejection I will feel....I feel like i haven't said enough and that she doesn't know how much I miss her.... ugh Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 is.. blah blah blah get the picture? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmrjw Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 is.. blah blah blah get the picture? No, why don't you explain it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmrjw Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Well, I guess i'm just going to have to deal with whatever happens. Because I wrote her an email last night and called to wish her a light-hearted Merry Christmas. I guess i'm just one who doesn't want to look back and say I could have said this or done this, but now it's too late. I feel a little better at the moment, not sure if it's false hope or what.... as i'm sure I won't get a response back from the email. But atleast I got everything off my chest. She now knows how i completely feel about her. The ball is in her court now. Being the time frame, i'm glad that it's still only been about 3 weeks since our breakup. I think I can now finally let go and concentrate on my self knowing that i've done all i could.... Who knows though... i could feel differently tommorow? Just out of curiosity... does anyone out there think there is a certain time period when you should give up hope... or do you believe in NC from the very beginning? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 personally, i think there are tons of times where one or the other says, 'that's it - its over' but both really know without saying that it is not. i think you know when it is REALLY the time, that what is being said IS THE TRUTH. in my situation, THIS IS THE TIME because what I went thru just a couple of days ago, where my earnest response was greeted in the way it was - when that happened, the light bulb in my mind went off. in the past, my faith and belief allowed my rationality to not view what could be something truly serious. What happened is something i can forgive but something that I will never allow happen to me ever again - and as she was the one that decided to act the way she did, I am 100% certain that she is aware that this IS the last TIME - that I WILL not accept such behavior and that MY STATED position is set like concrete in my mind the that the requirement to prove what she has been saying is the TRUTH and not just part of a game rests with her and that it matters not to me if she is ready or capable or her situation because she has had plenty of time to do things positively and if she has not - that is of no concern to me I know that right now she is at home and can make a decision, and a call, right now - so, me not receiving one - is all the information I need. for example: its 10 to 9, and we have spent over 3 weeks working extremely hard together on big issues, and spent hours without sleep or a break doing so. She and I both know that we have covered off what is needed - so, i can leave this with my head held high - and so can she. If she doesn't contact me, then that is the choice she makes and should be proud that she has. Either way, its win - win. not continue down that path Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Who knows though... i could feel differently tommorow? Just out of curiosity... does anyone out there think there is a certain time period when you should give up hope... or do you believe in NC from the very beginning? Thoughts? It all depends on the situation, but in your case, 3 weeks has been plenty of time to keep trying. You now have enough experience with what the likely outcome will be it seems foolish to keep holding out hope.... but who ever said love made sense Link to post Share on other sites
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