ThatAin'tRight Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 My ex dumped me, twice, and I don't blame her for the second time; I guilted her into to the second chance. I don't blame her at all. The first break up I cried, the second, I told her I respected her decision, I still love her very much, no hard feelings (not verbatim, but you get the picture) I think reconciling isn't out of the realm of possibility. So, I find this place (which is awesome by the way) after the first break up, but before the second and I read up on NC. It works just like it's supposed to. She broke the NC several times, and each time, if I answered, I was respectful, fun and in control. She calls crying a few days ago and says she thinks she's made a mistake in breaking up with me. That she thinks she was wrong. Asks me if I think we'll ever get back together. I probably handled it wrong because I told her the truth, that I am not over her. That she's only feeling this way because we shared our days, good or bad, every day and she is just missing that. That she feels the loss of a friend. We were friends before we dated. She said she didn't agree, that is was more than that and that she would rather talk to me in person about it, maybe some time this week. I told her that I made her a promise that I would always be there for her in the very beginning, and that I can't break that promise. She said that I have no idea how much that means to her. That was Sunday, and I have heard nothing since. I feel like she's messing with me, even though she's not that type of person. It can't be intentional. Anyway, do I call her? Or do I keep the NC thing up? Wait for her?
snowdiamond Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 You ever hear the saying, "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me?" If she dumped you the second time, leave her alone. Don't let her jerk you around like a yo-yo or else you'll be back here wondering why the hell you let her back in the door. But you're a big boy and you're going to do what you want to do. All I can say is be cautious. Stick to NC, my friend!
Author ThatAin'tRight Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 This is probably in the wrong sub-forum, it should be in second chances, maybe? Details: The relationship was great, ended in Oct and Nov. Reasons were varied, no cheating, no abuse. (I think it was just timing)
confused_too_much Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Dont freak out, just dont contact her! ok. She'll be back again, this time, no emotions! Be happy nice and no pressure. My ex dumped me, twice, and I don't blame her for the second time; I guilted her into to the second chance. I don't blame her at all. The first break up I cried, the second, I told her I respected her decision, I still love her very much, no hard feelings (not verbatim, but you get the picture) I think reconciling isn't out of the realm of possibility. So, I find this place (which is awesome by the way) after the first break up, but before the second and I read up on NC. It works just like it's supposed to. She broke the NC several times, and each time, if I answered, I was respectful, fun and in control. She calls crying a few days ago and says she thinks she's made a mistake in breaking up with me. That she thinks she was wrong. Asks me if I think we'll ever get back together. I probably handled it wrong because I told her the truth, that I am not over her. That she's only feeling this way because we shared our days, good or bad, every day and she is just missing that. That she feels the loss of a friend. We were friends before we dated. She said she didn't agree, that is was more than that and that she would rather talk to me in person about it, maybe some time this week. I told her that I made her a promise that I would always be there for her in the very beginning, and that I can't break that promise. She said that I have no idea how much that means to her. That was Sunday, and I have heard nothing since. I feel like she's messing with me, even though she's not that type of person. It can't be intentional. Anyway, do I call her? Or do I keep the NC thing up? Wait for her?
Author ThatAin'tRight Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 So, there it is, she called again. She's freaking out because of work and how she doesn't have time to think about anything else. Asked me for advice on how to handle a situation with her collegue. We spoke for about 15 minutes and she sounded awful. Some one walked into her office and she said she'd call back in an hour, but I don't know what she wants from me. Surely talking to me can't be that helpful? I have asked her to stop calling before, but also said I would be there for her if she needed it. I am waffling and I know it. Not sure what to do.
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 My ex dumped me, twice, and I don't blame her for the second time; I guilted her into to the second chance. I don't blame her at all. The first break up I cried, the second, I told her I respected her decision, I still love her very much, no hard feelings (not verbatim, but you get the picture) I think reconciling isn't out of the realm of possibility. So, I find this place (which is awesome by the way) after the first break up, but before the second and I read up on NC. It works just like it's supposed to. She broke the NC several times, and each time, if I answered, I was respectful, fun and in control. She calls crying a few days ago and says she thinks she's made a mistake in breaking up with me. That she thinks she was wrong. Asks me if I think we'll ever get back together. I probably handled it wrong because I told her the truth, that I am not over her. That she's only feeling this way because we shared our days, good or bad, every day and she is just missing that. That she feels the loss of a friend. We were friends before we dated. She said she didn't agree, that is was more than that and that she would rather talk to me in person about it, maybe some time this week. I told her that I made her a promise that I would always be there for her in the very beginning, and that I can't break that promise. She said that I have no idea how much that means to her. That was Sunday, and I have heard nothing since. I feel like she's messing with me, even though she's not that type of person. It can't be intentional. Anyway, do I call her? Or do I keep the NC thing up? Wait for her? a) Stick with NC. She has to be the one initiating everything or it won't work. b) Please. Whatever you do, read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover BEFORE you talk to her again. c) I have some information I'd like to share with you that will help. I can send it to you via PM.
Author ThatAin'tRight Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Thanks, CaliGuy, send the info, I'll check it out.
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Hmm, I can't PM you here yet. You don't have the option yet. Just read the book I suggested. It will help you immensely.
SmoochieFace Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I would go even further than this and cut her off completely. I wouldn't even accept her 'initiating' at all. She dumped you and now she, in a roundabout way, wants you to crawl back to her. If you do that you are allowing her to have control over you - not good. Don't do it. Move on.
BannaBee57 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Hmm, I can't PM you here yet. You don't have the option yet. Just read the book I suggested. It will help you immensely. CaliGuy, why don't you post it here so that everyone could benifit. I know I would appreciate it.
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 May or may not help, but thought I would throw this out there... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=84894
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