I Told Wife Too....

[spinningwheels]

After almost a year with MM, I found out that there were Many more OW besides me!! I lost it.... took a letter to his wife (yes, I have posted under guest), with my phone number. She called, we spoke, she asked, and I forwarded all of the e-mails, vacation pictures, and dates, times, etc...... I couldn't take the relationship anymore! I couldn't end it!! I tried---was told I was crazy! There were no other women!! BS!! I had proof. Gave it all to the wife! Never heard from either of them again....but know that they are still together!

 

I did not do this to WIN him! I did it to SAVE myself! It was the only way out for me! I would lay on my bathroom floor crying and throwing up!! Sobbing, he would call, concerned for my health---telling me I was crazy! I couldn't get up from the floor. He would turn it around on me!

 

I snapped! I am out! And I do have great days, and very bad days!! Tons of questions that will never be answered!!!! But It Is Over!

 

I miss him---but why? I am getting better. I deserve better! I will get better!!

 

My condensed story......ask questions if you have them! I skipped over lots!

 

SW

[P1xie]

I found that whenever a guy or maybe it's true with girls too that when they are guilty they call you crazy, psycho etc. or try to turn it around.

 

Don't feel bad for what you did. Everyone does stuff in situations like this. If it helps you get closure then more power to you.

 

As for missing him how could you not. Good or bad a loss is a loss. A guy could be beating you and you love him so much. You can't live with the abuse but when you leave you still mourn even though you are better off.

 

Everyone says it and it is true. Time does heal all wounds. My heart goes out to you. I know the yo yo feelings you are going through. It will get better.

[pureinheart]

Hey Spinningwheels....

 

I understand how you feel....I came soooo close, soooo many times. At first my motivation was for him to make a decision, although more recently it has been a lack of respect on his part.....I was in the process of cutting this off and he says "he's coming over" and I said no, not a good idea....he says he'll be over at 9am. It was this that woke me up as to the total disrespect....

 

The MM have total access to us, but WE need to respect the fact that they are M (now I know most knew in the beginning that they are M). In my case it was so one sided....example: he could have W, but he didn't want me to have BF.

 

Now one would think after three months that I am not interested anymore due to absolutely NC....but no, calls everyday 20-30times....and just called as I'm typing this....and there the phone goes again.

 

What is this????? This hold.....man

 

Spinning, I can totally assure you that in time you'll be numb to him, as if he never existed....I don't feel anything, but at one time the hold he had on me was strong, strong enough for me not to want to live anymore, but it's gone now....in fact I don't want to deal with any man right now, just want to take care of me, my kids and grandkids.

 

My suggestion would be to be about YOU.....YOU are worth it, and work out feelings in the forum....most of the ladies here have experienced the break up and feelings that follow and the BW's can give you insight as to what they have gone through.

 

In my case the BW was as screwed up as MM and me were....but in this forum I got the perspective of what a "normal" BW goes through. I have tried to get help professionally, although this forum is the best....

 

He's blowing up my phone again! (I turned it on because my son might call)....lol....had to unplug the landline because my daughters ex was blowing up that phone....man....

 

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will be okay....((((((((spinning)))))))))))

[pureinheart]

After almost a year with MM, I found out that there were Many more OW besides me!! I lost it.... took a letter to his wife (yes, I have posted under guest), with my phone number. She called, we spoke, she asked, and I forwarded all of the e-mails, vacation pictures, and dates, times, etc...... I couldn't take the relationship anymore! I couldn't end it!! I tried---was told I was crazy! There were no other women!! BS!! I had proof. Gave it all to the wife! Never heard from either of them again....but know that they are still together!

 

I did not do this to WIN him! I did it to SAVE myself! It was the only way out for me! I would lay on my bathroom floor crying and throwing up!! Sobbing, he would call, concerned for my health---telling me I was crazy! I couldn't get up from the floor. He would turn it around on me!

 

I snapped! I am out! And I do have great days, and very bad days!! Tons of questions that will never be answered!!!! But It Is Over!

 

I miss him---but why? I am getting better. I deserve better! I will get better!!

 

My condensed story......ask questions if you have them! I skipped over lots!

 

SW

 

You will get those questions answered!!!!! I never thought I would, felt exactly like you....BUT THEY DID GET ANSWERED! All of them got answered in this forum. In reading the ladies replies (and guys), found many similar situations .....

 

I wonder if it is the unanswered questions that keep us bound.

 

Spinning I feel so free and it has only been 3 mo of NC

 

The exMM used to be able to make me think that the sky actually wasn't blue, if ya know what I mean....insanity.....

[Seen_It_All]

Spinning, it's kind of like the snake story - the little boy who picked up the snake because it promised not to bite him. Of course, the snake did bite him and the boy whined that the snake had PROMISED he wouldn't bite..and the snake told him, "you KNEW I was a snake when you picked me up."

 

Getting involved with a MM is to get involved with a lying cheater. Period. The guy's lying to wife and cheating on her while sneaking out to see you - this is HARDLY a man of character or integrity, REGARDLESS of the lame justification he uses for his cheating.

 

So is it REALLY a surprise to find out he lied to you as well and was tom-catting all over the place? Doesn't surprise me in the least. Those of low character are capable of just about anything.

 

As the story goes, you knew he was a snake when you got involved with him. I'm just amazed that you miss this cretin.

[kymberann]

Spinning thank you so much for your post! I am so glad to have read your story. It helps validate some of what I am going through! Whew, so glad to know I am not alone in this.

 

Yes it is a feeling of getting my power and control back isn't it! Being brave enough to stand up for yourself, whether we were being vindictive or not. I knew it I didn't "wnat him back". At this point I have nothing left to lose except more sanity!

 

Oh those good and bad days. Yesterday sucked, felt like crying all over again! I am tired of the crying. It's only been three weeks and I don't know if I am that much closer to moving on.

 

I had a coworker/friend explain that a loss is a loss even under whatever the circumstances. We are grieving the fact that there was coupleness, grieving the individual, grieving the good and bad and grieving any and all hope that there could have been a future. I am grieving that I spent so much time and energy caught up in this man/relationship. Tha pain goes on!

 

I just had vivid pictures of you crying on the bathroom floor, I truly feel the pain, I am there literally and figuratively. I've spent nights curled up on the floor, in bed crying and praying. i've even pulled my car over to have a good cry. I have even taught my spin class, put my head down so no one could see me while I taught and cried. I am sure they passed it off as a good sweat! (Now that gives me a laugh!) Good thing it is dark in there!

 

I think what we did is a bold statement declaring WE ARE NOT THE CRAZY ONES! No more one sided crap! I want my sanity back!

 

So tell us more of your story. ow long ago did this all take place?

Best, let's hang in there together!

[kymberann]

Spinning, it's kind of like the snake story - the little boy who picked up the snake because it promised not to bite him. Of course, the snake did bite him and the boy whined that the snake had PROMISED he wouldn't bite..and the snake told him, "you KNEW I was a snake when you picked me up."

 

Getting involved with a MM is to get involved with a lying cheater. Period. The guy's lying to wife and cheating on her while sneaking out to see you - this is HARDLY a man of character or integrity, REGARDLESS of the lame justification he uses for his cheating.

 

So is it REALLY a surprise to find out he lied to you as well and was tom-catting all over the place? Doesn't surprise me in the least. Those of low character are capable of just about anything.

 

As the story goes, you knew he was a snake when you got involved with him. I'm just amazed that you miss this cretin.

 

 

Here we go gain!! We don't need the judgement call. The pain we have put our xelves through is pain and suffering enough!!

[ratingsguy]

I just had vivid pictures of you crying on the bathroom floor, I truly feel the pain, I am there literally and figuratively. I've spent nights curled up on the floor, in bed crying and praying. i've even pulled my car over to have a good cry. I have even taught my spin class, put my head down so no one could see me while I taught and cried. I am sure they passed it off as a good sweat! (Now that gives me a laugh!) Good thing it is dark in there!

 

HA! That made me laugh too!

 

There's nothing wrong with a good cry. When I got out of my last relationship (which was not with a MW by the way), I cried a lot... and it helped. Now being involved with a MW, when she leaves after we spend time together, I feel like crying... so I do. And I always feel better afterwards. The missing her doesn't go away, but the crying helps me feel better.

[Guest]

 

I did not do this to WIN him! I did it to SAVE myself!

 

I snapped! I am out! And I do have great days, and very bad days!! Tons of questions that will never be answered!!!! But It Is Over!

 

I miss him---but why? I am getting better. I deserve better! I will get better!!

 

I did it too! I outed my MM and our affair! It was the only way out for me because he had me so hooked and he knew it. We were together for two years and I knew I'd never let go unless she found out. I was not his only OW, although I am fairly sure he stopped seeing the OOW when we started our affair. The defining moment for me came when he emailed me photos of his wife and their kids from an event that was shown online, I totally lost respect for him at that moment. We shared a lot of good times and bad times, I miss him and I still love him and think of him every day. I know eventually he will be just a faded memory and I am waiting for the day when I wake up and he's not on my mind. I deserve better than him and so does his wife. I hope she bleeds him dry!

[spinningwheels]

Kymber,

 

I did this all six weeks ago. Like I said, I have heard nothing since.

 

This happened on a Saturday afternoon. The night before MM was very cruel with me on the phone. We spent all weekends together, and he said that he could not see me that Saturday (his wife is out of town on weekends)--I knew that it was because he was seeing his OOW! I has spoken to her before! They both swore it was over. She was married also! He even Thanked me for getting her out of his life----although he swore they were just friends.

 

When I questioned him about our weekend together, and seeing her, he told me I was crazy! I was ruining our relationship by not getting over the "friendship" he had with her! He told me I needed help! All though the whole time he was spewing his hate (and believe me, he was being hateful), he kept adding in how much he loved me!

 

Well, Saturday came--I picked myself off the bathroom floor, and tried to get in touch with him. I couldn't! I knew who he was with. So, off I went to take the letter to his wife.

 

That is it.....I had been driven crazy by him and his OMW for 3 months! I was told I was crazy, sick, paranoid for three months! I couldn't take a minute more!

 

Like I said, I still have my moments (hours) of saddness! But--it is slowly getting better!

[kymberann]

Kymber,

 

I did this all six weeks ago. Like I said, I have heard nothing since.

 

This happened on a Saturday afternoon. The night before MM was very cruel with me on the phone. We spent all weekends together, and he said that he could not see me that Saturday (his wife is out of town on weekends)--I knew that it was because he was seeing his OOW! I has spoken to her before! They both swore it was over. She was married also! He even Thanked me for getting her out of his life----although he swore they were just friends.

 

When I questioned him about our weekend together, and seeing her, he told me I was crazy! I was ruining our relationship by not getting over the "friendship" he had with her! He told me I needed help! All though the whole time he was spewing his hate (and believe me, he was being hateful), he kept adding in how much he loved me!

 

Well, Saturday came--I picked myself off the bathroom floor, and tried to get in touch with him. I couldn't! I knew who he was with. So, off I went to take the letter to his wife.

 

That is it.....I had been driven crazy by him and his OMW for 3 months! I was told I was crazy, sick, paranoid for three months! I couldn't take a minute more!

 

Like I said, I still have my moments (hours) of saddness! But--it is slowly getting better!

 

Hi Spinning, yours and my story sound almost similar. They are the crazies not us!

 

We always had our weekends too. Especially Sundays. It's been three weeks and I dread the weekends. For the past 7 months I have put everything off just to make sure I was available for MM. How sad. I kept a journal of events including how I was feeling and what happened or was said. I read it yesterday and most of the times after he left I would have a big cry. That should have told me something, but you can't see it when you are in the thick of it. What a emotional roller coaster ride it has been.

 

If anything we are the sane ones for speaking up!

 

Guest, thanks for sharing your story. I think sometimes in order to end things it does take some sabotage in order to break free. I hope all goes well for you as you heal from this! I hear you, even though we came forward I still miss MM and miss the things we did together. I miss the companionship, I miss our Sundays. But there a lot of other things I don't miss and I am beginning to realize what those are. I know he knows how hurt I am/was because when he came over to break it off I just cried and cried. And kept telling him "It's not fair".

 

Hi Ratings! Yes I plan on having those cries for as long as I need to. I hope you do too!

 

Best Everyone!

[Guest]

Guest, thanks for sharing your story. I think sometimes in order to end things it does take some sabotage in order to break free. I hope all goes well for you as you heal from this! I hear you, even though we came forward I still miss MM and miss the things we did together. I miss the companionship,!

 

Thanks Kymberann & Everyone else! Sadly we are all feeling the pain from the MM we got involved with. It's been almost three months since I've seen MM, it's getting easier and I am just taking it day by day. The holidays are here and it getting rough just thinking of our time together and our exchanges, the things I would have bought for him etc. And then the guilt comes around because I know his family is having a wicked time too! But it took almost six months for things to come to a head because he was gaslighting his W to no end.

 

I wish everyone a peaceful & Happy Healthy New Year! One filled with true love, even if that means we have to finally just love ourselves =)