I still love him, but I don't know if he still deserves me..

[sweetmisery02]

Hi.

I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago.. And now, I regret doing it. First of all, I still love him. Second of all, I don't know if my reason of breaking up with him was valid..

 

Ok, so here it is..

I was having a really bad day, and obviously I was in a bad mood.. We were talking thru the messenger and we just started arguing.. then there, out of nowhere i told him that we should put an end to us. Then after we broke up, he said I was the meanest person in the world.. Okay, I know that I hurt him, but that was just painful also. And I couldn't believe those words came out from him.. He promised that he'd never hurt me, but he just did. After a week, I told him that it would be better if we stay bestfriends, since we already know A LOT about each other..coz i don't wanna waste those good memories we had.. But he didn't want it.. He told me that he still loves me so he can't be just friends with me... So would he rather lose me for a lifetime than still be friends and see each other? Then we got to an argument again.. Those two weeks were HELL! Plus it was my final exams week.. STRESS!!! and now that my vacation started, I had more time to think about what happened between us.. I analyzed the situation more..

1. My parents HATE him.. They just think that he doesn't deserve someone like me, they said. They have this really high standard and expectations on who my boyfriend should be. And this is the second time I encountered this problem. They also hated my first boyfriend. Sometimes I think that they will never ever like any guy that I will love. Ugh.

2. He was kinda a "bad-boy"-type before.. He used to smoke, drink, and was pierced, which i really hate and so do my parents. But he changed it all for me.. Which was sweet. But ofcourse my parents wouldn't believe, will they? NO! All my parents see are his flaws.. They say I'm just blinded by those because I'm deeply in love with him.

3. He's sweet, but it's not enough for me. He's so predictable. Actually, more than predictable. I don't get surprised even once. I like a guy who really gives me sweet surprises that will make me just go "awww".. but no, he thinks he's doing everything, but i don't see it...really..

4. When we were not yet together, I was jealous over our common friends coz they liked him, and he even liked some of them. And my schoolmate even told me that he made out with one of them. And he denied it to me. I dunno which was the truth, but i believed him. But months later, I went to this fortune card reader who was like, psychic, and asked him if he really did make out with that girl. and well, according to the cards, it was true. I dunno if i will believe those cards or the guy I love. It just bothers me..

 

Well, maybe these thoughts bugged my mind that day i broke up with him.. Then I talked to my mom.. I told her that we broke up and asked if they're happy now. She said they're not happy for me being hurt, but they said that was just the right decision I made. And I told my mom that we will remain bestfriends coz we've known each other a lot, and she agreed.

I finally thought everything would be alright coz she now accapted him as my bestfriend.

 

But this one day, i met him at this event. My mom came with me. And i thought everything will finally be fine. But!!! He didn't accompany us. He wasn't a gentleman. And he even ignored us after the event. My mom saw everything and now she took back what she agreed on. I felt like I was the one who was dumped. I was invisible! UGH!

 

So I was mad at him. I ignored his calls. It was just painful.. I know that he was really hurt when i broke up with him, but then it hit me, that I was hurt 10x more.. If he really loves me then he wouldn't hurt me in return..

 

Then just a few days ago, he came over the house to hangout.. I don't know what our status is right now.. He keeps on telling me how much he loves me and that he wants me back.. Deep inside, I want him back too and I love him. But with all the things happened after the break-up, he just made me realized that he deserved being dumped by me instead of making me see that we still are meant for each other..

 

Now i don't know what to do.. PLEASE... HELP ME...

 

Thank you so much.

[elijahBailey]

wow, it sure sounds like your mom is running your life. It could be a cultural thing, I don't know, since you mentioned you're in Asia. Just curious, how old are you?

 

What I found a little odd is your expectation of him. You broke up with him, then you wanted to stay best friends (which btw, is ridiculous to expect that of him, especially that he has still got feelings for you), then you meet him outside with your mom and you expected him to act normal. C'mon, you don't seem to be in touch with reality. The guy's probably hurting like sh*t man. I would do the exact same thing if I were put in his position. There ain't a switch in my head that I can just switch off and pretend that everything's fine and rosy.

 

You said he changed for you with all the examples that you've given. And then you say that he's too predictable. C'mon girl, make up your mind. Bad boys are unpredictable. Good boys are predictable. Now, which one DO you want.

 

I'm sorry to say it but I empathize more with him.

[Luzzinit]

Listen, I went through a really similar situation with my ex. We dated for 4 years. He thought everything was fine, but I was miserable and he couldn't see the warning signs, so it was a huge shock when I left him. I thought we could stay friends too, since we had been so close, but he was really hurt. When you dump someone, they instantly wonder what's wrong with them, no matter how many time you say, "it's not you it's me." He felt hurt, rejected, and to this day (3 years later) I still feel like he would love nothing more than to make me hurt the way I made him. It's just an issue of the heart. If you come out of a situation like that as friends, there wasn't much love there to begin with.

 

Now as far as getting back with him, you need to ignore everything your parents say. I know they love you and care about you, and just want the best for you, but YOU are the one in the relationship. Examine how you feel when you're with him, and use that to decide whether to get back together. My parents hated my ex too, but that wasn't the reason I left nor the reason I never went back. I just couldn't be with him anymore - there was nothing revitalizing left in our relationship.

[InLimbo2]

Um, you may not like hearing this - but I think the question is do you still deserve him?

 

You don't say your age - but you really need to grow up some.

 

I was having a really bad day, and obviously I was in a bad mood.. We were talking thru the messenger and we just started arguing.. then there, out of nowhere i told him that we should put an end to us.

 

Mature adults say "I had a really lousy day and am in a bad mood, so maybe we should talk later or tomorrow.

 

Then after we broke up, he said I was the meanest person in the world.. Okay, I know that I hurt him, but that was just painful also. And I couldn't believe those words came out from him.. He promised that he'd never hurt me, but he just did.

 

Um - bet you made him the same promise - that you'd never hurt him - but you did - you broke up with him. People in relationships always hurt each other at some point - the important things are was it intentional, intentionally cruel, and how the two of you as a couple deal with it and recover.

 

After a week, I told him that it would be better if we stay bestfriends, since we already know A LOT about each other..coz i don't wanna waste those good memories we had.. But he didn't want it.. He told me that he still loves me so he can't be just friends with me... So would he rather lose me for a lifetime than still be friends and see each other?

 

Yep - and I can understand why. Look at what you wrote - it's all about YOU - what you want and need. He's a person - and one half of the equation here.

 

1. My parents HATE him.. They just think that he doesn't deserve someone like me, they said. They have this really high standard and expectations on who my boyfriend should be. And this is the second time I encountered this problem. They also hated my first boyfriend. Sometimes I think that they will never ever like any guy that I will love. Ugh.

 

Unless you are underage - listen to what your parents have to say - and make your own decision about the man/men in your life. Someday your parents will be gone and you'll be stuck with whoever THEY picked for you.

 

2. He was kinda a "bad-boy"-type before.. He used to smoke, drink, and was pierced, which i really hate and so do my parents. But he changed it all for me.. Which was sweet. But ofcourse my parents wouldn't believe, will they? NO! All my parents see are his flaws.. They say I'm just blinded by those because I'm deeply in love with him.

 

He made all those changes for you - and you still dumped him because you were in a bad mood and your parents don't like him????

 

3. He's sweet, but it's not enough for me. He's so predictable. Actually, more than predictable. I don't get surprised even once. I like a guy who really gives me sweet surprises that will make me just go "awww".. but no, he thinks he's doing everything, but i don't see it...really..

 

See the next poster about bad boys/unpredictable - good boys/predictable. Hey - I have been with bad boys - and good boys. Found out that predictable guys are stable, loving, loyal, and you can count on em. And for a serious relationship - I want someone I can depend on. The other thing is - generally speaking - that kinda stuff (romantic surprises) does not come natural to former bad boys. Men are usually baffled by our "I want you to do what it is I need from you - but if I have to tell you what that is - it's worthless". Uh - DUH - NO! Accept men are hardwired different - tell him what you need from him - and then give him time to change some - remember, he managed to change from drinking/smoking/piercing...

 

4. When we were not yet together, I was jealous over our common friends coz they liked him, and he even liked some of them. And my schoolmate even told me that he made out with one of them. And he denied it to me. I dunno which was the truth, but i believed him. But months later, I went to this fortune card reader who was like, psychic, and asked him if he really did make out with that girl. and well, according to the cards, it was true. I dunno if i will believe those cards or the guy I love. It just bothers me..

 

You can't hold against him anything he did prior to meeting you - did you exist in a vacuum and have no life prior to him? You said you had a prior boyfriend right? And keep in mind - if he was such a bad boy - he might not even remember making out with her!

 

Well, maybe these *SNIP* and she agreed. I finally thought everything would be alright coz she now accapted him as my bestfriend.

 

Well -isn't that nice - your mom and you decided and agreed on what his relationship with you would be -um - did ya ask him?

 

But this one day, i met him at this event. My mom came with me. And i thought everything will finally be fine. But!!! He didn't accompany us. He wasn't a gentleman. And he even ignored us after the event. My mom saw everything and now she took back what she agreed on. I felt like I was the one who was dumped. I was invisible! UGH!

 

Sounds to me like he was a perfect gentleman, just not a puppet for you and mommy.

 

So I was mad at him. I ignored his calls. It was just painful.. I know that he was really hurt when i broke up with him, but then it hit me, that I was hurt 10x more.. If he really loves me then he wouldn't hurt me in return..

 

This paragraph is so over the top I just can't even come up with the words...

 

Then just a few days ago, he came over the house to hangout.. I don't know what our status is right now.. He keeps on telling me how much he loves me and that he wants me back.. Deep inside, I want him back too and I love him.

 

I'm stunned the guy still has anything to do with you. You should thank him for all the changes he made for you by stopping being so selfish and so dependent on your mother for every thought - and then you two might have a shot.

 

But with all the things happened after the break-up, he just made me realized that he deserved being dumped by me instead of making me see that we still are meant for each other..

 

No - just my opinion - but you deserved to be dumped if anyone did. And it's not his job or responsibility to convince you that you are made for each other - it's a PARTNERSHIP.

 

I know - some are gonna say I came off waaaay too harsh - but OMG - someone has to speak the truth to this one and not sugarcoat it before she tears up more men.

[sweetmisery02]

Wow, it was really harsh

But really, THANKS A LOT!!!

I mean, yeah you're right.. Maybe I was thinking about nothing but myself.. Yeah, I'm not matured yet.. And yes, I'm under-aged, that's why I can't help but to obey what my parents say.. It's just hard you know.. *sigh*

 

Maybe I'm just used to seeing my friends with their boyfriends who are so good-to-be-true... I mean, they do everything for them.. well, *sigh* I really don't know what to say right now...

 

But, Thank you so much hope to hear from you again..

[InLimbo2]

Well - glad you were at least open to the idea that you were wrong - that's a good thing!

 

Ok - you are underage - that means you have to obey your parents 'rules' - doesn't mean they should be doing your thinking for you - there's a HUGE difference. If you are old enough to be dating - you are old enough to start forming your own opinions - about things - and about people.

[MikeC]

Breaking up with him, especially in the way you did, has probably left a lasting impression on him. Even if you two worked it out, he would always remember how unstable you were at this point in time and might worry about it happening again on any future 'bad days'.

 

If you feel in your heart that you want him, sit down and talk (not argue). Display how you feel in a calm and mature manor and let him respond.

[sweetmisery02]

Of course I'm open.. Coz I wanna improve myself also.. I don't wanna repeat any stupid mistakes in the future.. Thanks guys, really.. I appreciate it Hope something good comes up soon..

[Walk]

Sweetmisery,

 

I have to say that I am incredibly impressed with your mentality toward criticism. Awesome way to respond!

 

I also felt bad for your ex. You must've really crushed him after he had attempted to change so much to be accepted by your family. I highly doubt that his main motivation in ignoring you was to cause you pain... but to interact with you would've caused him even greater pain. Try to take others feelings into account and seek out different possible explainations for a person actions prior to assigning motive to the action. 9 times out of 10, it'll have absolutely nothing to do with you, nor a direct attempt to hurt you. Majority of the time the person is either attempting to save face, stop their own pain, or avoid awkward/uncomfortable situations. Not to intentionally inflict pain on you.

 

Anyway. I do feel you probably made the right choice to end the relationship. But I dont' feel he's "beneath" you in anyway. No one is beneath anyone else. We just different, not less or more. Accept that you two aren't compatible right now, wish him the best in his life, keep the fond memories and carry on with your own life. But let him do what he needs to do in order to be happy in his own life.

[Guest]

Of course I'm open.. Coz I wanna improve myself also.. I don't wanna repeat any stupid mistakes in the future.. Thanks guys, really.. I appreciate it Hope something good comes up soon..

 

wow. wow. wow. thats beautiful. a girl who wants to improve herself. thats amazing. if only all girls were like that... maybe ill find that girl someday. trying makes more of a difference than anything, adn considering how selfish girls are about changing themselves, its honestly, just beautiful. ( im being a little dramatic but still.. wow). it deostn matter whaty uve did wrong in the past, the future is whats ahead.

 

(im so amazed cuz my ex never would try about anything and it ended up in us breaking up alot of it cuz of that and her selfshness)

[sweetmisery02]

Hehe, Thank You!

 

it's good to hear other people's thoughts on my problem, coz it makes me realize more about stuff.. If i close my mind on what I think only, then I'd probably wont ever learn with the mistakes I had. So thanks again and hope to hear MORE!!!