Warning to all OW--consider my story.

[Guest]

Your MM is probably not what you think he is. Sure he may tell you his marriage is bad and what not, but consider my story.

 

I knew my "MM" (if you can call it that) from college - sixteen years ago. We were lovers then but ended things because we both moved on to different universities. He eventually married someone else, which hurt me a lot back then, and we lost touch. About three years ago, I contacted him out of the blue to see how he was doing. He seemed elated to hear from me. We first just talked about our families, kids, etc., and then we started talking about "back then". He told me that he had loved me and that his marriage was not so good. That things with his W weren't going so well, etc. It got my head spinning. I was very much in love with this man many years ago and never really understood why we lost touch. Long story short: our mails to each other became more and more steamy, he told me that he still found me "hot" and highly attractive, and if he had married me things would be better. I told him to stop telling me this, I didn't want to get involved with a married man. He acted hurt and wouldn't write for many months. I missed hearing from him and started writing him again, albeit we turned down the "hot talk" quite a bit.

 

ONe day, he had a layover during a business trip in my town. He wanted to meet. I couldn't resist and went to see him at his hotel room. I had suggested that we meet somewhere else, but he said he didn't have a rental car, was tired, etc. He was beaming when he saw me, gave me a great big hug. He came on to me, even exposed myself to me. I told him that this was not what I was coming for - I just wanted to see him and clarify things about our past that had been unresolved. He went on to say that it was a mistake to marry his W, that I hadn't done anything wrong back then, that he had just been young and stupid to let me go, etc. He also claimed that his sexlife was dead, that he was just there because of his two kids, and that he was not very happy. This is the man who I dated in college, not some strange MM feeding me some lines. I was very confused and didn't know what to think. I left after two hours, NOTHING had happened except several hugs, but of course I knew he had wanted more.

 

I was very confused and didn't know what to think of the whole situation. I decided to do some intensive research (snooping) and found out that a) he had had many affairs with MANY women, some young enough to be his daughter b) his sexlife with his W was NOT dead at all, rather that she has quite the hots for him and is more than willing to put out, and c) that he tells her every day that she is the love of his life, he adores her, will love her forever, is the most beautiful women on earth (hey, that's what he called me all the time too), so lucky to be married to her, etc.

 

Very sobbering, isn't it. To imagine that I thought he was this upstanding, decent guy who just made a bad choice. Now I think of him as a lying, slimmy, pathetic, manipulating SOB. I'm glad I never let anything physical happen - I can't even imagine. He has no clue that I know all this about him, and I haven't answered any of his mails. I'm tempted to let him know what I've found out, but I got the info semi-legal and don't want to get into trouble. I was even thinking about sending an anonymous letter to his W, but I guess she would never believe it anyways. I'm 100% convinced she has no clue what a rat he is. He is sooooo charming and sweet when you talk to him - never in a million years would I have guessed that he is such a liar. So ticking her off would probably do no good, and it's not my place to warn her.

 

Just to warn everybody - this is what some men are capable of. He would tell me about his bad marriage in an e-mail and then turn around and send his W the sappiest love mail with the cutest terms of endearment you can imagine. He's lying to everybody including himself. He can keep a double life without anybody suspecting a thing. I'm sure there are many more men out there like that. Be skeptical, snoop if you have to, find the truth.

 

Best of luck to all of you.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I decided to do some intensive research (snooping) and found out that a) he had had many affairs with MANY women, some young enough to be his daughter b) his sexlife with his W was NOT dead at all, rather that she has quite the hots for him and is more than willing to put out, and c) that he tells her every day that she is the love of his life, he adores her, will love her forever, is the most beautiful women on earth (hey, that's what he called me all the time too), so lucky to be married to her, etc.

 

 

:lmao:

 

I'll be damned if this is not a TROLL! Hahaha!

 

Who does this "guest" think she is fooling?

 

Hey, BS! Please, get on with YOUR life!

[Guest]

:lmao:

 

I'll be damned if this is not a TROLL! Hahaha!

 

Who does this "guest" think she is fooling?

 

Hey, BS! Please, get on with YOUR life!

Why would I be a troll? Continue to live in denial, as I;m sure my "MM" wife is. I pity wives like her who can't see through the lies and betrayal of their husbands. If you find it amusing that a man can fool his own wife and other women like that, then you have a strange sense of humor.

 

All I'm saying is - don't believe everything a man - married or not - tells you. Wonder what his motivation is. My "MM" knows what to tell his W to keep her around, to be his "safe haven" (you are the love of my life, I"m so glad to have you for a wife), and have fun on the side with other girls. He knew what I wanted to hear (flattery, how much better he would have been off with me). Best of both worlds. I would have never known if I hadn't snooped. The truth will set you free.

[Adunaphel]

I am pretty sure the OP is not a troll.

I know at least a guy who is **exactly** like the guy she described

(for the record, this guy I know is not MM I was seeing.)

 

I decided to do some intensive research (snooping) and found out that a) he had had many affairs with MANY women, some young enough to be his daughter b) his sexlife with his W was NOT dead at all, rather that she has quite the hots for him and is more than willing to put out, and c) that he tells her every day that she is the love of his life, he adores her, will love her forever, is the most beautiful women on earth (hey, that's what he called me all the time too), so lucky to be married to her, etc.

 

This sounds oddly familiar...

(I did a very similar thing, not something to be proud of, even if I had my reasons).

[Guest]

I am pretty sure the OP is not a troll.

I know at least a guy who is **exactly** like the guy she described (for the record, this guy I know is not MM I was seeing).

 

 

 

 

 

This sounds oddly familiar...

(I did a very similar thing, not something to be proud of, even if I had my reasons).

 

Thank you. I can assure you I am NOT a troll. What would I gain from posing as a troll? I don't understand how his W (or any W for that matter) would not realize what a twofaced liar she married or worse, staying with him after finding out. Actually, in this case I can see how she has no suspicions, since he is such an ultra-smooth talker and gives you the feeling you are the only one in the room when he's talking to you. Kind of like Bill Clinton - they say he has "charisma". That's what this guy has, and he's abusing it to the fullest.

 

I am LUCKY not to have ended up with this creep. I thank my lucky stars that I'm not his W. If I hadn't snooped, who knows what would have happened. This guy had me almost convinced he was telling the truth - a few more sob stories and I would have believed it all. I saved all the "evidence" that I found just so I can remind myself what a rat he is when sentimental thoughts overcome me again.

 

BTW, it's good to know that there are others who resorted to snooping. It's not a nice feeling, but after finding the truth, I'm not so ashamed of it anymore. Adunaphel, was this guy you mentioned who was just like my "MM" also a married man? Did his W ever have a clue? Like I said, I;m sure his W has no idea - she adores him and loves him. That's why I don't think an anonymous letter would open her eyes. To her he is Prince Charming. Has somebody ever anonymously informed the W? Just curious.

[BenThereDunThat]

I'd like to know how you accomplished the snooping.

 

I don't want to take anyone on faith ever again.

 

Not that I'd ever actually snoop right off the bat, but I'd like to be armed with info in case I think something is not right.

[Freedom Now]

I, too, am curious as to how you were able to find out about the other OW, the intimate details of his marriage, and the conversations and emails he exchanges with his wife....

 

Enlighten me.

[Guest]

I, too, am curious as to how you were able to find out about the other OW, the intimate details of his marriage, and the conversations and emails he exchanges with his wife....

 

Enlighten me.

 

I don't know if I should say it here since it is not exactly legal, but I "guessed" his password to his email account (with the help of a service I found through internet searches) What I found there were tons of mails to other girls, pictures of them, mails to his W, pics of his family, my mails ,etc. He travels a lot, and he has a girl pretty much in every town his company has an office. While he is away he sends his W flowers, sends her sappy "I love you and miss you" mails, and then the next mail is to one of his girls either setting up a "meeting" and/or discussing in pretty explicit detail what they did last time and what they're doing next. No need to guess, it's pretty darn obvious.

 

All the while the W takes care of the house, the kids, the yard and counts the days until her perfect, beloved H returns. He tells her that he hates being away from her all the time, and that his "heart aches for her" every time he has to go away, blablabla. And he told me to my face with a sad expression on his face that he likes being away from home since things are not "going well", and she is so "difficult" and turns him down for sex all the time, and he's just staying for the kids, etc. In reality, she's sending him pics of her in lingerie waiting for him to come. No sex life - I think not. I also found a website of his W highschool reunion, and she wrote a short biography about her life since graduation. It was all about her husband, how she met him, how meeting him changed her life forever, how he is the greatest thing ever, etc. Poor woman has no idea what a dirt bag he really is.

 

How can he look his W in the eyes and tell her that he loves her more than life itself (direct quote) and then turn around and tell me that it was "a mistake" to marry her? To get me to feel sorry for him and tell him poor baby, here have sex with me so you'll feel better? Give me a break. I can't believe I dated this guy in college for almost a year! God knows what he did when we were dating - he must have screwed around on me as well.

 

Ladies, I'm not here to judge anyone. Heck, I probably might have eventually gotten involved with this guy if I hadn't found out. A charming, successful, very handsome man with a supposed bad marriage who tells you that YOU should have been the one....it felt great to hear it and it hurt a lot when I found out that it was all just smoke and mirrors. I'm not saying all men are perfect liars and manipulators as this guy, but please, be careful. I can't even imagine how horrible I would have felt if I had fallen for his crap and gotten physically involved with him. I'm sure he would have fed me the same lines for years, all the while still going on with his M with no intend to ever leave. I used to envy his W for marrying such a "great guy" - now I'm glad I didn't end up with him.

 

I also don't believe that all A are necessarily "bad". It's always possible to fall in love with someone else, there are truly bad marriages out there. A W does not "own" her H. But in this case, this guy is just deceiving everybody - his W, his family, me, the other girls. That makes me sick. And he's been getting away with it for who knows how long. Meanwhile, he acts as this honorable and upstanding guy in his community, everybody loves him because he is this "great husband" and father (which I'm sure he lvoes his kids). I'm trying hard to hold my tongue and just move on, but boy is it tempting sometimes to let him know that his gig is up.

[Sup]

Why would I be a troll? Continue to live in denial, as I;m sure my "MM" wife is. I pity wives like her who can't see through the lies and betrayal of their husbands. If you find it amusing that a man can fool his own wife and other women like that, then you have a strange sense of humor.

 

All I'm saying is - don't believe everything a man - married or not - tells you. Wonder what his motivation is. My "MM" knows what to tell his W to keep her around, to be his "safe haven" (you are the love of my life, I"m so glad to have you for a wife), and have fun on the side with other girls. He knew what I wanted to hear (flattery, how much better he would have been off with me). Best of both worlds. I would have never known if I hadn't snooped. The truth will set you free.

 

No, you're NOT a Troll. Have you told your husband about all of this? Him exposing himself to you, tempting you to sleep with him? I think you should, to be honest, and there may be something that is missing from your marriage that your husband doesn't know about. You may want to go to marriage counseling too. If I were you, I would take this as a wake up call. Yes, your hubby may/will be angry at you, but, what if he did this to you? Just make sure that you inform him that NOTHING EVER happened with OM since whenever (collage?). IMO, you do owe your husband that much.

[Guest]

No, you're NOT a Troll. Have you told your husband about all of this? Him exposing himself to you, tempting you to sleep with him? I think you should, to be honest, and there may be something that is missing from your marriage that your husband doesn't know about. You may want to go to marriage counseling too. If I were you, I would take this as a wake up call. Yes, your hubby may/will be angry at you, but, what if he did this to you? Just make sure that you inform him that NOTHING EVER happened with OM since whenever (collage?). IMO, you do owe your husband that much.

 

You are right, it was a very loud and shocking wakeup call, and I am seeing a psychologist because of all this. My H deserves much better than this, and I'm glad I ddin't get sucked into a full-blown physical affair. That's why I'm posting here. It's so easy to get fooled. I thought I KNEW this guy, this great guy that all my friends in college liked very much. Everybody told me what a terrific guy he was - he had everybody fooled and continues to do so.

[Freedom Now]

Holy cow, guest.

 

I am stunned. I am sure it makes every OW here take pause for second, doesn't it?

 

Thanks for the info.

[Guest]

Holy cow, guest.

 

I am stunned. I am sure it makes every OW here take pause for second, doesn't it?

 

Thanks for the info.

 

Freedom, while I was still on the verge of being sucked into this whole connectoin with "MM", I read in this forum a lot. I used to think "boy, there are more men in unhappy marriages than I thought". After finding out the truth in writing, I look at a lot of things from a completely different angle. You never truly know what a person's life at home is really like. I used to think that he must really have a horrible marriage for voluntarily accepting assignments far away from home for years on end, only seeing his W and kids every few months. The way he portrayed it, it all made sense. It was an eyeopener reading the mails to the other girls, but it was even more shocking to find out about his REAL relationship with his W.

 

It's simply unbelievable. The lovey-dovey mails they exchange, you would think they are newlyweds. Goes to show you that words don't mean a thing. His poor W is so enthralled by him, her world would literally fall apart if she found out. I would have never in a million years believed that I could be (almost) sucked in by such a liar. I thought I knew him. I can't get over how fast and effortlessly he can switch between loving and doting husband.

 

("I miss you so much darling my heart aches for you. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again and make love to you all night") to shrewd player with other women ("Hey girl, I'm in town again. What cha doing tonight. I know what I want to do, hehehe...followed by explicit desriptions). It just boggles my mind.

[GreenEyedLady]

I really don't find it surprising at all...men lie...how do they end up in an A with OW? They're obviously lying to at least one party...I applaud you that you were able to prevent the situation from becoming an A, but I don't think there are that many OW thinking their MM walks on water...some of us do see them for what they are...

 

I must admit I am confused as to why if you're married, you are doing all this snooping on someone who is also married...I don't see what you had to gain...unless you wanted to feel like it was ok for you to cheat if HIS story checked out? It wasn't like you didn't know he was married in the first place...

[Sup]

You are right, it was a very loud and shocking wakeup call, and I am seeing a psychologist because of all this. My H deserves much better than this, and I'm glad I ddin't get sucked into a full-blown physical affair. That's why I'm posting here. It's so easy to get fooled. I thought I KNEW this guy, this great guy that all my friends in college liked very much. Everybody told me what a terrific guy he was - he had everybody fooled and continues to do so.

 

So... are you gonna tell your husband? He needs to know what he must/should do in order to make it less likely for you to cheat. Like I said, just make sure that you reassure your husband that you didn't sleep with OM, just that you were tempted. Why do I keep saying this? If hubby doesn't know, (hubby can't read minds) he can't do his job as your husband, so when or if you are ever tempted again about someone else you may sleep with another man, whether you have checked him out, or not.

[Island Girl]

You could always compile the e-mails in a folder and forward them to her - just remove your e-mail addy and send them from another e-mail.

 

Just an idea. You know so many women on her who have affairs say "you have no right to get in their relationship" but it is my opinion that he is the one who invited you in. She doesn't know and that is unfortunate.

 

She need to know there is a problem or it will continue - he could bring home an STD or worse! A child into the world and that is how she finds out!

 

My mother was cheated on. My father cheated on her with her best friend and left her 8 months pregnant with me. She found out by her friends husband coming to the door and a fight breaking out in the living room. The police had to be called. It was bad and she was 8 months pregnant!

 

I am told I was a very colicky emotionally nervous baby. I don't wonder why. So these things can have far reaching effects.

 

She wishes she would have known sooner.

[Guest]

I really don't find it surprising at all...men lie...how do they end up in an A with OW? They're obviously lying to at least one party...I applaud you that you were able to prevent the situation from becoming an A, but I don't think there are that many OW thinking their MM walks on water...some of us do see them for what they are...

 

I must admit I am confused as to why if you're married, you are doing all this snooping on someone who is also married...I don't see what you had to gain...unless you wanted to feel like it was ok for you to cheat if HIS story checked out? It wasn't like you didn't know he was married in the first place...

 

The reason why I thought he "walked on water" is because was my first love (or so I thought). I thought I KNEW this guy, I had many fond memories of him, and all my friends liked him. I did know he was married, that's why I made it a point to talk about our families, kids, etc., but he divereted the communication to "back then" and things got out of hand (verbally). I did put a stop to it because I knew it was wrong, and after that he cut me off for several months. I contacted him again because I didn't want our "friendship" to end on bad terms again like the first time.

 

I never planned on having a physical affair with him in the beginning, believe it or not. I didn't find out about him until AFTER I met him, and was put off by his blatant attempts to sleep with me. After all, we had agreed to be friends. I often inquired about his W, but he always changed the subject. Wonder why, huh. That was NOT why I had contacted him. If I had just wanted an affair, I could have probably found someone closer to home. I never had the desire to cheat on my H. "MM" and my breakup back then was not very pretty, and I wanted to get rid off the bad feelings. I even blamed myself for the breakup and wanted to set things straight. My H knows about this, and also that I was NOT out to cheat on him. But I will admit that I don't know if I hadn't eventually given in to MMs sweet talk. I'm no saint here, but I do not go out looking for random guys to cheat with. He had held a special place in my heart (not anymore, I assure you) and if there was ever another man for me besides my H, he would have been it.

 

I wasn't trying to see if his story "checked out" to cheat with him. I just got this really strange vibe from him after our meeting. I was shocked that he would just drop his pants like that. He seemed embarrassed and apologized when he realized I was shocked. My gut feeling just told me that he wasn't telling me the truth about his W. I couldn't understand why he would lie to me about it while I was honest with him from the beginning about being married to a great man, and not trying to start an affair. I re-read all of my mails to him many times to make absolutely sure there was no hint of a come-on in it. It just really angers me that he lied to me and would have had no problem to just have sex with me and keep me on the side. He knew how I felt about him back then and was trying to play that sentimental memory card to his advantage. Am I totally innocent? Of course not, I'm an adult, I should have known better. Maybe I'm just as naive as his W, but I never would have thought this is what he planned and is about.

 

The point of my post was to illustrate that you really can't trust MM. Maybe there are a few "good men" out there, but I've come to the conclusion that men use emotions to get sex, and women use sex to get emotions. I got what I deserved, but it could have been much worse.

 

My H and I are doing great, I;ve fallen in love with him all over again now that the ghost of my past is out my heart. My H did nothing wrong, he does not have to worry about me cheating on him with some guy. I say it again - cheating was not my motivation when I contacted "MM".

 

Just be careful and don't fall for the same smooth talk I almost did.

[Adunaphel]

Adunaphel, was this guy you mentioned who was just like my "MM" also a married man? Did his W ever have a clue? Like I said, I;m sure his W has no idea - she adores him and loves him.

 

He is currently married with a very attractive woman and they have a 2 years old son. He *loves* her (he must have a very weird idea of love) and his wife certainly thinks she is in a happy marriage with a loving husband.

His wife used to be his OW btw... he left his 8 years gf, whom he'd have left anyway, soon after cheating on her.

This guy has a huge dark side, and a number of fetishes, that he keep well hidden from his wife.

 

To make a very long story short, about a year ago I entered his e-mail account (more than two years before he had generically given me some information about how he picked his pw, which allowed me to guess it. Yes, I had entered his account once before, but didn't look at *anything*-not even email subjects or senders).

 

I did so because I had the strong sensation that he had been feeding me bullsh*t for a couple of years (well, *very* on and off - I would rather not to talk with him if he felt like hiding the fact that we talked to his wife, let alone talk about sexual topics, also considering that he had started to act like a pig towards me. But if someone who used to confide things to you tells you he is desperate and needs help/advice, what are you supposed to do???) about a situation that he was in... about a guy he had had a sexual experience with who was blackmailing him, threatening to show very compromising pictures to his wife (who would divorce him on the spot) and to people who worked with him (he is a successful person in a very homophobic environment).

 

I found his story harder and harder to believe as time passed, told him a few times I had the impression he was feeding me lies and basically using me to listen to a sexual fantasy of his (yes, it's a heavy accusation), he swore he was telling the truth, I broke into his email account.

 

I did not read more than a dozen of e-mails but he has very,very probably cheated on his wife with _at least_ a woman and *probably* with a number of guys.

Blackmailing my ass.

 

I've been debating with myself for a while about whether to inform his wife.

If he slept with any guy at all, I'm pretty sure he did it without protection. I now wish I had gone through whatever he had in his email box instead of having a peek at no more than a dozen emails. For all I know, he might have never met any of those people in person.

 

 

...see why your story rang a bell?

 

 

 

---------------------

 

 

Talking about MM who love their wives...MM I was(might be still?) seeing is one of them.

 

He loves his wife, loves his son, *is* getting sex at home (my guess is that he might be getting more than he could keep up with - his W is 10 years younger than him), his wife is probably a great person, a friend of mine who met his W and him before she learnt he was a cheater thought that they looked like a happy, lovely, perfect couple (she remembers thinking "I hope that I can be in a relationship like theirs").

 

I don't know when he started cheating on her, or whether it's a recent thing, but he cheated on her more than once, and basically "just for fun".

I guess he *would* sleep with women young enough to be his daughters, too (I am 20 years younger than him myself, I saw him hitting, or testing the waters, with women my age or a tad younger).

Some common acquaintances actually think he's stick his d*ck in any woman who looks pretty enough to him and is either still breathing or still warm.

They sound a tad extreme to me. But I am not exactly thinking with my head. And they are probably right.

 

I am not surprised that his W does not suspect anything - I got a Dr Jekill/Mr Hyde impression myself...saw two very different sides of his personality.

[Guest]

You could always compile the e-mails in a folder and forward them to her - just remove your e-mail addy and send them from another e-mail.

 

Just an idea. You know so many women on her who have affairs say "you have no right to get in their relationship" but it is my opinion that he is the one who invited you in. She doesn't know and that is unfortunate.

 

She need to know there is a problem or it will continue - he could bring home an STD or worse! A child into the world and that is how she finds out!

 

My mother was cheated on. My father cheated on her with her best friend and left her 8 months pregnant with me. She found out by her friends husband coming to the door and a fight breaking out in the living room. The police had to be called. It was bad and she was 8 months pregnant!

 

I am told I was a very colicky emotionally nervous baby. I don't wonder why. So these things can have far reaching effects.

 

She wishes she would have known sooner.

 

Island Girl, I'm so sorry to hear abour your story. It must have been horrible for your mother, and you probably suffered the consequences of this as well.

 

I have thought about forwarding the printed out mails to her, but I'm sure he will try to find out who logged into his account and got them. Once he finds out, he could get me into trouble. I don't want that. That's why I was thinking about an anonymous letter without any "evidence" enclosed. This way he might not suspect I logged into his account.

 

It's a messed up situation, and I wish I would have never even contacted him. But it I hadn't I'd still think of him as this wonderful guy and he'd still occupy this little corner of my heart.

[lindya]

How can he look his W in the eyes and tell her that he loves her more than life itself (direct quote) and then turn around and tell me that it was "a mistake" to marry her? To get me to feel sorry for him and tell him poor baby, here have sex with me so you'll feel better? Give me a break. I can't believe I dated this guy in college for almost a year! God knows what he did when we were dating - he must have screwed around on me as well.

 

So this guy can play out any kind of resentment he feels towards his wife by portraying her as this "unwanted mistake" when he's with you. Then when he's actually with her again, she can return to being "all things good" because he's temporarily got rid of the negative feelings. Depending on the circumstances she's either a good or a bad object...rather than someone who can be appreciated as a flawed and complex but nonetheless loveable human being.

 

If that is the level on which he functions, then he's going to be doing it in various aspects of his life - and I suppose that would mean that he never has to deal with confrontation. If his wife annoys him, rather than raise this with her (and, perhaps, risk hearing a few unpleasant truths about himself in the process) he can just slope off to be with another woman who doesn't know his wife and will take his word for it that the marriage is a dead one.

 

It's lying, cheating behaviour - but if avoiding confrontation with other people is one of his talents, he's probably equally adept at avoiding any honest self evaluation and consequent feelings of shame that might bring. You mentioned your surprise about his wife's failure to appreciate what he's like. It sounds as though he's away from home quite a lot - so I wonder if she's happy to just go along with the fairytale they have when he's home, and avoid questioning anything too deeply?

 

Maybe she also tends to avoid facing unpleasant realities or possibilities? It would be a very shallow arrangement, but that's the basis on which some people do prefer to conduct their relationships.

[lovernotafighter]

Lindya

 

just gave me food for my self..thank you for this post...

[lindya]

Lindya

 

just gave me food for my self..thank you for this post...

 

You're welcome! You might find it interesting to google Melanie Klein Splitting Theory for more eloquent and informed accounts of that behaviour. Children use it a lot in order to preserve their relationships with their parents until they've developed the emotionally maturity to understand that the same person can be angry with you one minute, affectionate the next - and love you through all of it.

 

The way the OP described her situation, her MM really sounded like someone who, for whatever reason, is functioning on a pretty child-like level...running around trying to be everyone's friend/lover.

[Island Girl]

I have thought about forwarding the printed out mails to her, but I'm sure he will try to find out who logged into his account and got them. Once he finds out, he could get me into trouble. I don't want that. That's why I was thinking about an anonymous letter without any "evidence" enclosed. This way he might not suspect I logged into his account.

 

I was meaning his e-mails to you. You can remove your e-mail address but leave his -- so she can see HE sent them and when. I'm sure she'll go to her computer to see what was written to her and that it was during that same time.

 

At least she'd be able to address the problems in her marraige (namely a lying cheating husband) and decide what she wants to do based on actual information instead of fairy tales.

[outofdarkness]

Your MM is probably not what you think he is. Sure he may tell you his marriage is bad and what not, but consider my story.

 

I knew my "MM" (if you can call it that) from college - sixteen years ago. We were lovers then but ended things because we both moved on to different universities. He eventually married someone else, which hurt me a lot back then, and we lost touch. About three years ago, I contacted him out of the blue to see how he was doing. He seemed elated to hear from me. We first just talked about our families, kids, etc., and then we started talking about "back then". He told me that he had loved me and that his marriage was not so good. That things with his W weren't going so well, etc. It got my head spinning. I was very much in love with this man many years ago and never really understood why we lost touch. Long story short: our mails to each other became more and more steamy, he told me that he still found me "hot" and highly attractive, and if he had married me things would be better. I told him to stop telling me this, I didn't want to get involved with a married man. He acted hurt and wouldn't write for many months. I missed hearing from him and started writing him again, albeit we turned down the "hot talk" quite a bit.

 

ONe day, he had a layover during a business trip in my town. He wanted to meet. I couldn't resist and went to see him at his hotel room. I had suggested that we meet somewhere else, but he said he didn't have a rental car, was tired, etc. He was beaming when he saw me, gave me a great big hug. He came on to me, even exposed myself to me. I told him that this was not what I was coming for - I just wanted to see him and clarify things about our past that had been unresolved. He went on to say that it was a mistake to marry his W, that I hadn't done anything wrong back then, that he had just been young and stupid to let me go, etc. He also claimed that his sexlife was dead, that he was just there because of his two kids, and that he was not very happy. This is the man who I dated in college, not some strange MM feeding me some lines. I was very confused and didn't know what to think. I left after two hours, NOTHING had happened except several hugs, but of course I knew he had wanted more.

 

I was very confused and didn't know what to think of the whole situation. I decided to do some intensive research (snooping) and found out that a) he had had many affairs with MANY women, some young enough to be his daughter b) his sexlife with his W was NOT dead at all, rather that she has quite the hots for him and is more than willing to put out, and c) that he tells her every day that she is the love of his life, he adores her, will love her forever, is the most beautiful women on earth (hey, that's what he called me all the time too), so lucky to be married to her, etc.

 

Very sobbering, isn't it. To imagine that I thought he was this upstanding, decent guy who just made a bad choice. Now I think of him as a lying, slimmy, pathetic, manipulating SOB. I'm glad I never let anything physical happen - I can't even imagine. He has no clue that I know all this about him, and I haven't answered any of his mails. I'm tempted to let him know what I've found out, but I got the info semi-legal and don't want to get into trouble. I was even thinking about sending an anonymous letter to his W, but I guess she would never believe it anyways. I'm 100% convinced she has no clue what a rat he is. He is sooooo charming and sweet when you talk to him - never in a million years would I have guessed that he is such a liar. So ticking her off would probably do no good, and it's not my place to warn her.

 

Just to warn everybody - this is what some men are capable of. He would tell me about his bad marriage in an e-mail and then turn around and send his W the sappiest love mail with the cutest terms of endearment you can imagine. He's lying to everybody including himself. He can keep a double life without anybody suspecting a thing. I'm sure there are many more men out there like that. Be skeptical, snoop if you have to, find the truth.

 

Best of luck to all of you.

My H did the same thing to me..It's typical...I hate to say it, but as a W, I wish that somone ANYONE had even hinted to me that he was cheating...It went on for over 10 years before a A"friend" of the main OW, yes there were multiple, wrote me a letter...I hated the letter, but am so happy that someone finally had the nerve to tell me...We are still in Marriage C. and working on things, and I am so thankful that we are still together and at least, he is willing to work on it...That was 2 years ago, we still have rough weeks, days, but things are progressing...I don't know the other OW's only the main one through one phone call and e mails...She is engaged now..and I am sure happy that she got out of the A with my H...Usually, they lead nowhere but to heartache and broken families...So, I am not advising you to write her a letter, but I do think she needs to know. Cheaters NEVER tell the truth. Your H would rather die then tell his W the truth...I hope someone comes forward...I don't know if anyone else is aware of his cheating, but my guess is yes, because he probrably has done it before...Good luck to you and my hat goes off to you for doing the right thing...You are a strong person...

[Flyin in Clouds]

l...men lie...

 

 

???? people lie. women lie just as much as men. MW have affairs too...

[Guest]

I was meaning his e-mails to you. You can remove your e-mail address but leave his -- so she can see HE sent them and when. I'm sure she'll go to her computer to see what was written to her and that it was during that same time.

 

At least she'd be able to address the problems in her marraige (namely a lying cheating husband) and decide what she wants to do based on actual information instead of fairy tales.

 

Well, he would know right away who these were from - and then he might come after me and maybe even realize that I went into his account. I dont want to get involved in this mess. All I need is him or his W to harrass me. If I sent an anonymous letter without any copies of any mails, just stating that she should know that her H has been cheating (and maybe drop a few times and places), wouldnt that be enough? HOw would I word such a letter? I have never done something like that .