How to attract a guy and KEEP him...

well?

Feed him and f*ck him!

1. Bone him.

2. Don't bone others.

3. Keep your fridge full of beer.

4. Don't be a b!tch.

5. Stay the f*ck away from strippers.

Originally posted by TUDOR

Feed him and f*ck him!

ahh yeah, that's about it. I would add wearing a miniskirt and heels.

so... if you see a guy that's been with a girl for a pretty long time, can you assume she is providing all of the above?

Never assume anything! Nothing is as it seems.

well then what else do you suppose it could be.....?

Feed him and f*ck him!

And give him head once in a while too! Don't forget to swallow!

Originally posted by aliya34

well then what else do you suppose it could be.....?

Are you asking because you are interested in a guy that has been with a someone for a long time and wondering why he is still there?

People stay in relationships for many reasons and sadly many of them are for the wrong reasons. Is there something you see that would indicate it doesn't make sense why he is still in it?

Feed him and f*ck him is a good starting point but of course not everything. Only, say, about 95% ;-)

I was in a LTR for many years with a woman who fed me alright but was very deficient in the other department. She was my first true love so I just accepted it. After she left me I met others and discovered that most women enjoy sex and don't see it to be the chore that she did. I now can never go back to being with someone who is not a passionate lover. There certainly has to be more if the relationship is going to last but without the passion I won't stick around.

For those who are in LTR's where sex is lacking, you are playing with a stick of dynomite if you value the relationship. I never would have cheated but I certainly was tempted and now there's no turning back. We attempted to reconcile but once the "honeymoon" phase wore off and it was back to business as usual I realized I could no longer be with this person. There were other reasons as well but this was a huge one.

bullseye TUDOR, you are very insightful!

yes he has been with her for a long time. i am just not getting it because he has really high standards and is really conservative, yet this girl drinks a lot and is not very pretty. she won't have sex with him though, from what i've heard. she is friends with his family though. they don't have much in common at all. i was just a little puzzled.

however i am still interested in others' opinions of the original question

Originally posted by whichwayisup

And give him head once in a while too! Don't forget to swallow!

I second that motion, and when you give and swallow, tell him how good it was!!

Oh yeh, make sure you do it again and again, even when he ask too.

Every man dream.

Originally posted by aliya34

yes he has been with her for a long time. i am just not getting it because he has really high standards and is really conservative, yet this girl drinks a lot and is not very pretty. she won't have sex with him though, from what i've heard. she is friends with his family though. they don't have much in common at all. i was just a little puzzled.

Good guys can be attracted to bad women just as a lot of women are often attracted to the "bad" guy. Maybe she is dangerous to him, something different than his normal conservative life that is fun. Maybe the fact that she drinks a lot and has a lot of fun is what he was in need of when he met her and why they started seeing each other. Hard to say about the looks because that is all in the eye of the beholder. And I highly doubt they are not having sex if they have been together for a long time unless neither of them has ever had sex. So he is either having it with her or getting it else where. I'm sure there is more to it than you see. But if you are truly interested just make you move and see what happens. Yes you should respect his relationship if there is one but maybe she is just his fun for now girl and just waiting for his Mrs. Right to come along in the mean time.

This bit of advice works for both sexes, I guess - it isn't foolproof though, because sometimes even in the best of circumstances, or when you are doing things 'right' - a man will find that you aren't right for him, regardless of what you do and he will leave you - so... to lessen the chance of that:

Always retain in yourself some form of the women he was initially attracted to. When a man falls in love, you are split into two almost immediately: the you that you are everyday, and the highly idealized version of you that he carries in his heart: she will always look like you did when he fell in love with you the first time. He will cherish that you in his heart, and that will allow him to overlook or accept those things that he may find lacking in some way when he gets to know you better. As he gets to know you really, really well - that idealized version of you and the 'you' that you actually are will blend and merge. The infatuation will pass, and he will decide that he not only loves the 'you' in his heart, but he also loves who you actually are independently of that idealized version of yourself. Then, when the two are one - he is in love with you. Deeply.

That point where the idealized version of you and the real you become one is the turning point in how a man loves you. If he finds that he cannot reconcile that ideal version and the real version - and finds that the idealized version is better, he will fall out of love with you as it becomes apparent that he cannot overlook or accept who you really are. He'll hold on to that idealized version for a while longer, but as he is letting even that go you'll hear stuff like "I need space" or "we need a break". How to prevent that from happening? How to get him past the crossroads without leaving you there?

It sounds really shallow, but when you attracted your man you didn't do it unshowered, in a dirty track suit, glued to a television while methodically plowing your way through a three pound bag of Doritos during some TV show, and pushing his sexual advances away. 'Clingy' and 'insecure' and 'jealous' were probably not part of how he was attracted to you, either.

That may be what you generally do - because everyone slums from time to time, and you are entitled to bum out all you like - but, make time also to be that girl he was attracted to: fix up your hair, do up your makeup, put on perfume, wear clean clothes that look nice on you, maintain your figure, and keep up the sex! You don't have to have wild crazy sex every day, but at least try to show the same level of enthusiasm and desire that you did when you were first together. Quality matters. Quantity will naturally drop, but quality doesn't have to. The sex you gave him to pull him to you is the same sort of sex you will need to maintain at least on SOME level. A man wants to be wanted. He wants to know that you care enough to want to keep trying to keep his attention.

You listened to him, you made time for him, you flirted - basically you made him feel like he was on top of the world. If you stop listening, stop making time for him, make excuses to not have sex with him - he's going to feel like you pulled an unfair bait and switch on him. He will accept you as you are because he loves you, but as far as he knows the girl he saw in courtship IS part of who you are. So don't lose sight of that. Try to always remain on some level, the person you made yourself out to be when you attracted him in the first place. That should be an enhanced version of who you really are. If you were faking it totally, and lied about who you are and what you like/dislike only to lure him in, then you lured him under false pretenses - and your relationship probably will not work out.

I have this lounge music CD and heard this song today which reminded me of this post - a song called "Wives and Lovers" - which at first glance seems antiquated and sexist - but it really is true.

Don't think because

There's a ring on your finger,

You needn't try any more

LB. Are you sure you weren't a man in your previous life?

Originally posted by Marshbear

LB. Are you sure you weren't a man in your previous life?

How do you mean? The 'bait and switch' seduction/dating method is a relationship killer for either sex.

I just meant you seem keyed in to the male mind. I meant it as a compliment...

Ah, gotcha.

Brilliant post, LB.

Originally posted by tanbark813

Brilliant post, LB.

I agree. I'm going to read that again. It's good for posterity.

If so, how is it possible?

How do gals or guys lasso their partner into a commitment without first having sex with them?

Great post, Lucrezia.

I have one more thing to add: the more slippery and busy the woman seems the more her man is interested in her! Men also love to fight for a woman and like it when she has lots of guys hitting on her.

Ah, but LB, the same goes both ways, no? He can't hang around in his stained sweats, sucking back beer and watching the game for hours on end and expect her to be Miss Idealized Female anyway.

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

This bit of advice works for both sexes

feed him? really? What if I just have sex with him twice as often? Or pay for take out?