"Ex" Complications

Hey all, I apologize for this lengthy post, but please read and comment on it.

A couple months ago I met a girl at work (Erin) and long story short I got her number after we talked at work here and there for about a month. (Normally I wouldnt date a coworker but both her and I are temps and shes since stopped working there except in a totally different bldg on a different shift due to her college classes). We became pretty aquainted with each other, and through bits a pieces of conversations with her I found that a couple months ago she went out with someone, which broke one of her guy friends heart. Shes known this friend for a couple years but never and doesn't want to date him, but valued him as a friend and didnt want to break his heart and the friendship. She stopped going out with the other guy and offered to take her friend to this company holiday party to mend fences. This was about two weeks ago.

The holiday party was last friday, and her friend wasnt there but she had instead brought a female friend. I didnt ask why her male friend wasnt with her but rather just had a conversation with her and got some positive body language. On Saturday I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner with me and a group of friends who were going to go out celebrating one of my friends gfs birthday (which in hindsight was a bit too aggressive). She remarked that she went to another party after the company one, got 3 hours sleep, and just worked an 8 hour shift so she was going to nap and told me to call her in a couple hours. I called about two and a half hours later, no answer. I called sunday evening just to chat, no answer, left a message.

Didnt hear anything from her or anything about it at all until a mutual friend of ours at work asked me how things were doing on wednesday, and I told her how I hadnt heard from erin and about the weekends events. She said that sounded odd, and shed let me know if she found anything out as to why erin suddenly stopped talking. However, she mentioned that on the day of the company party the male friend of erin's stood her up and that might have accounted for something.

Today I talked to the friend again who told me that she had talked to erin and said that erin said she has been really busy with work and school and said "She hasnt called you yet? I told her last night to "Call that guy right now!"", but also said that she is a bit anti-dating right now and my asking her to dinner after the company party drama might have been a case of bad timing (Though, I didnt know about the "stood-up" thing until after the fact).

However, later on today she came into work early and I actually saw and talked to her in person, and she apologized for not calling me back as she smiled and looked down. I wanted to talk to her in more private circumstances so I asked her to give me a call either today or tomorrow. She said that she had to work until later on this evening and then promised shed make dinner for her roommates, but never finished the sentence.

In a nutshell, I know I scared her by being too aggressive too soon, but I didn't know the extent of the recent drama in her life until after the damage was done. When I asked her out to dinner I was just hoping to see her and talk to her as I would rather do that then talk to a person on the phone, but never actually said that and thus the predicament. I am hoping she calls me today or tomorrow as I am not sure if me calling her yet again would be a good idea. This leaves me with my two questions:

1) How can I mend these fences, so to speak? I am interested in her, but in the meantime how do I let her know that I am not trying to pressure her into a relationship but rather just want to be friends for now? Is it possible to ask someone out for coffee or something just as friends, or would that still be a bad idea?

2) Is there a way to know when she is ready to get into a relationship again? In the meantime Im perfectly happy to just be friends with her and am perfectly content with waiting, but is there any signs to look for or is it just a matter of "knowing"?

The last time I dated was in high school, and ive found that dating changes significantly between that and the real world. Any advice is appreciated.

You are doing great and you seem like a really nice guy. Clearly you need to reassure her that you want to take things slow and you are not trying to rush her into anything. Do regular "non-date" stuff with her like inviting her to a friend's party. That was not too aggresive. Coffee as oppossed to dinner is less threatening. Do stuff that you usually do with your boys and don't even try and make a move on her. just find ways to spend time with her and soon enough she'll relax

Thank you for your advice. So do you think calling her would be just fine then assuming she doesnt call me within a couple days? I know she is a legitmately busy person lately so her not calling me doesnt bother me, but I would want to talk to her just so I can clear the air like you suggested. Given shes busy theres a good chance ill catch her voicemail instead of her; should I just ask her to call me back, do any hinting at its importance, or what? I don't know where the "too pushy" line on this one is either

Well, ive decided to call her this weekend, but am still unsure as to what exactly to say and what not to say. I would like to let her know how I feel, find out how she feels, and let her know that I am willing to be patient and just be friends, but would those first too be overdoing it?

Shes known this friend for a couple years but never and doesn't want to date him, but valued him as a friend and didnt want to break his heart and the friendship.

RED ALERT! She is being supremely selfish! He was trying to go the friend-first method and got caught. Don't do his mistake. Or better yet, avoid this skank.

Well, she has said to me that had he simply asked her out she would have probably said yes, but said that she really didnt want to as she really just wanted to keep things on a friends basis (aka, he fell into the "Safe Friends" category of guys). Still, I suppose thats a consideration.

Heh, well, you were right

I called, she dodged around actually talking, said shed call me back in 5 minutes, its been about 4 hours.

Honestly though, Im really not beat up over this, as I wanted to see for myself one last time how she would act. The woman I knew when we first met was mature, unafraid to express herself, and caring of other peoples feelings. I dont know what changed, but in the last week Ive seen less of those traits and nothing but a cold shoulder. Maybe theres more to the story than I know, but with the way shes been acting lately maybe shes not the person I thought she was. If she still is and is just going through some hard times she has my number, but I cant talk to her about things if she refuses to make the attempt if that is the case. This is just gonna have to be a matter of me shrugging and walking away, knowing that I did the best I could and things just didnt pan out. I'm just glad that an answer was reached, the fact that it wasnt the preferable one notwithstanding.