How do I stop the addiction to him?

Things are real bad between me and the ex right now, but for some assinine reason, I keep holding onto hope where there is none. Maybe because he gives me mixed messages. I'll call him and he'll be nasty, ask me why I called and what do I want. Then he claims he loves me and that this is killing him, but can't be bothered talking to me right now. Tells me to call him back later, but there is always a reason why he can't talk to me when I've called back. He hangs up on me constantly. I wait a day or two and then call him back. Last night he hung up on me when I started crying. I know I have to apply no contact here, but I still have to have contact with him because of our kid and that's what screws me all up.

When I'm home I keep hoping the phone will ring, and I can't seem to do anything because that damn phone might ring. One night I took it off the hook so I wouldn't hope anymore, but I can't do that all the time. My friends and family would freak. I though about changing my home and cell number, but then I have to give it to everyone - personal and business. I called the phone company today and got call blocking, but it only blocks home numbers from calling and not cell numbers. And what if there's an emergency with our kid or something important regarding that, and he can't get in touch with me.

So then I do nothing and the phone's on the hook, and I keep wondering why it doesn't ring. I'm really hurting right now and I know and understand that I have to get through this before the pain stops, but how do I do it? I really need to steer clear of this man so I can heal, but our connection by a child doesn't let me completely disappear. What do I do?

Respect yourself - - be strong, be strong for yourself, be strong for your child. Your child is the innocent party in all this and he or she is the one who needs your focus and love and strength.

It's a terrible hard thing and I'm sorry you are going through it and I'm sorry this man has put you through it, but do put to rest those ideas in your head that you should be hanging around waiting for phone calls, because it sounds like if he does call, it will only be more of the same. You might be temporarily happy that he called, but before long you'll be miserable again, and do you really want to keep going through this over and over?

Speaking for myself, I'd much rather be in no relationship than to be in a bad relationship. It sounds as if you should be able to walk away from this relationship minus the fear that you've left something good behind.

Lonestar keep your head up. Life is to short to dwell on someone who obviously breaks your heart. To hang on up on someone when they are crying is cruel and cold hearted. I know people have told you this before...YOU DESERVE BETTER!

I can't really understand how it is to not just be able to walk away due to the fact that you guys have a child together. All i could say is stay strong and love yourself and your child before anyone else.

have some self respect and quit thinking about this ALL THE TIME. You will never heal and "move on" if allyou do is think about the same stuff and think things are going to magically work out when you, me, everyone knwos it won't because the guy is an a**h***. Why not look to your daughter and spend time with her and be thankful you have her in your life and not worry so much about what some moron thinks of you?

Oh and get a hobby or something...and get some counceling.

I do spend all the time I can with my child when she's home. Of course I do that and thankfully she keeps me so busy, I don't have as much time to think, but she's not with me now. He has her this weekend, so I'm alone and thinking, and Weird, thanks for the support, but I do have hobbies and I've been through the counseling thing already. There's no point in wasting my money on more of that, because I know exactly what they will say and what I'm supposed to do. The problem is actually doing it. I'm trying.

I'm very smart and usually very strong, but this guy pushes my buttons and f*cks me all up in the head. I don't understand why it happens and the only thing I can pinpoint is it's an addiction that's extremely hard to break.

Mak, thanks for the reply. Yes, when he hung up on me while I was crying, it was extremely cruel. It made me feel like a complete loser and totally unworthy. I had only started to cry too. It was not as if I was balling my eyes out, crying incessantly, and freaking out. He heard me start to cry and then hung up immediately as if to say "I'm not listening to this." I know I deserve better and I've been talking to other men and I'm going out tonight, but deep down I still can't break from the noose he has around my head.

suegail, thank you also. My focus and love is definitely on my child, but I can't do that when she's not here, ya know? You're completely right about everything else you said, and while I absolutely know these things, I'm having a tough time putting it all into action.

Here's what a therapist would tell me "Lonestar, you were rejected horribly by your father who gave you mixed messages about yourself for a lifetime. Now this man is doing the same thing and you're caught up trying to get Daddy's approval once again. You're never going to get Daddy's approval through him or anyone else. You must let go." See how easy that was? I just saved myself 100 bucks.

What I need from you guys and gals is the best way that I can apply no contact in this situation. He rarely calls about our kid unless he can't take her for some reason. There has yet to be an emergency, but that's always a possibility. As of right now I can block his home number but not his cell. If I know he can't call me, I'll stop hoping right? I only have to see him every other Sunday night, this weekend being one of those times.

what peeps here tell you are things you already know since they have been said before to you.

Do you want me to fly down there and force you not to keep no contact with him? Aside from that I have no idea how you plan to stick with things anyone here suggests you do.

Man I hate reading about this situation with you since i know you're a good person. Wish I could snap my fingers and have you be "ok" but I can't.

Here's a simple tip to provide immediate clarity about his intentions:

TRUST HIS ACTIONS, NOT HIS WORDS.

When he talks, ignore what he says. Just ask yourself, "Is he treating me lovingly? Do I see improvement in the way he treats me over time? On a partner behavior scale of 0 - 100, what is his score today?"

As far as contacting him re the kid, I recommend you find a way to communicate with him that does not involve direct voice contact. Either use email, or have someone else call him for you with essential info. And let's be real - how many times a week do you really HAVE to talk about the kid? And what's the point of calling if he's just going to hang up on you?