This works and it is working for me!!!!!

Get this book, it is working for me im talking with my ex again, we are kissing, hugging, napping togther again, i owe a lot to this book

How to Get Your Lover Back

by Blase Harris M.D.

i know how you all feel, and i didnt know what to do or think, this book cleared it up for me, i re read it all the time to keep it in my head so i dont slip up and i stay on the right path on getting my ex girlfriend back with me 100%, i wish i knew the address to the author i would send him one hell of a gift!

I Hope it helps you guys like it has helped/helping me its worth every cent and more!

How are things for you and your lady? I saw your post back about the book when you posted it. I was on a downslope on my emotional rollercoaster regarding my x and breakup, so I didn't reply. I've been thinking about how to communicate with my x. We have had revolving issues and arguments. We had an argument a few months ago, post-break up. We haven't talked since. A few very short e-mails, but nothing encouraging. I've been reading "SMART LISTENING FOR COUPLES" by Nancy Van Pelt. I've learned alot from this book. I sent a copy to my x. I don't know if that was a smart move or not. I haven't heard from her about whether or not she received it. The Amazon.com vendor said they showed that it was delivered and received. I've been wanting to e-mail her again or even call her. I don't know if it's a wise move. We had a dramatic break up. I just found out she posted herself on a couple online personal sites last night. My heart hit the ground...again. I thought about contacting her in November for her birthday. After I saw her one the personal sites, I've been wanting to contact her and ask her out for a date. It's taking all my will power to not call her. I love and care for her dearly. I miss her very much. I should give her an opportunity to meet someone nice, who would take care of her, and bring her happiness. I wish she and I could share all this. The wishful thinking of mine still remains, but the hope is dwindling fast and dissappearing after each day. I've kept an open mind and have ordered the book you posted. If it doesn't work for me and my x, then it would just better me as partner in the future. I'm glad things are better for you and your lady. Best of luck and take care.

we have gotten back toghter, we had a bad break up as well, very bad. I had to not put the blame on her but to look at it as a whole and work on me, i did that, it was so hard not calling her during that time, i waited and waited, i let time heal the wounds, and i kept in my mind that i must improve myself, fix what caused the problems of the past and when she did call i could tell her what i was doing, if i didnt work on myself, didnt seek therapy, i would have blown my chances when she did call.

good for you! I am using the book as well and I think it's great. we're not together yet but there seems to be genuine hope since I have started applying the principles in the book ... we decided that the future was "open-ended" and we could get together again or we could not, and since I've been following Harris's advice he has been wanting to spend more time with me and going out of his way to see me. Even better, I have changed my perception of what love is and what a good relationship is ... it's wonderful and makes me grateful for this time of separation because I've learned so much about love and my guy and myself.

if it wasnt for that book and a few other things, i could honestly say i would have blown it, i would have blown my chances to getting her back. and it did teach me a lot about love and what a relationship should be like but i also recommend reading a book about healthy relationships, one that helped me in particular becasue i came from a disfunctional family was

The Initmacy Struggle

by Janet G. Woititz

It gave me real insight into what a healthy intimate relationship is like and showed me how i was so wrong, now our relationship is getting better than it ever was

I just have one last hope, is that we live toghter again soon, becasue there is no joy like the one of holding the person you love so much as you fall asleep togther!

P.S. what i did was horrible, but i dont regret that it happend, i accepet it and it seems that its going to make us closer and stronger than ever before,

for the first time since she left i feel that she is considering moving back home.

Varactor, can you share some of the key points of this book with us? How exactly has it helped you get your ex back??

Somebody has shared the key points in another post, which is great.

Varactor, can it help me when we were going fine, talking, seeing each other occasionally,.....but now he hasn't returned my call from two weeks ago.

What is my next step?

yeah, since we're all reading this ... what do I do now that my ex and I are seeing each other more often and having fun? he's saying weird things like "call me this week if you want, I don't want you to feel obligated to call". I don't know if this is a sign that he's wanting me to call him or not. also he left me 2 messages one day; I called back and he said, "So, why are you calling?"

but we're having fun and I'm happy when I'm with him, I just am getting resentful of him for acitng sweet when we're together and noncomittal on the phone. he initiates hugs and goes out of his way to see me sometimes, but then acts weird later. Any advice?

Unicorn..

sounds like he's trying to manage things.

When he's with you he goes a bit too far so he tries to adjust it back when he's on the phone to look like he's not too eager. Hmmm...sounds like the advice you'd get here..

I'd say less game playing between you two and more open communication would be a good thing.

Maybe answer some of those questions honestly and then follow up with a pointed question of your own.

"So, why are you calling?"

"because I want to see you. why did you ask me to call?"

He probably misses you and yet has no idea of how to act around you. Just act like he's not acting wierd (sounds strange I know) and he'll make up his mind eventually.

Does anyone have a link for the thread that listed the major points of this book ?

i love my ex with all my heart but she wants nothing more than for me to stop loving her and be happy and move on. she says taht when i get over her that she wants to be my best friend but after thinking, i dont see a point to being her best friend except giving me an opportunity to get hurt again. i am contemplating sending her an email saying that i will move on and that i may never talk to her again and just try to move on with my life and if she calls she calls. but i am also still contemplating reading this book and trying to apply the techniques, but i feel like if i read it and have to give her a lot of space, then im just treading water during that time and not getting anywhere, and just setting myself up for more uneblievable pain and heartbreak. someone please help me becuase i am very very very torn especially when this book sounds so promising. also we had a rreally bad breakup and she basically hates me and is terrified of me because i was clingy and obsessed with her when she wanted the break.

Layzie, if I were you I'd do as she says. I'd try to stop loving her and move on. If she says she doesn't love you, then there isn't much you can do about that except how she changes her mind. If I were you, I'd say what I need to say to her and then go about trying to get over her, because she seems to have gotten over you.

I know that sucks to hear, but hey, if there is a chance of her mind changing, the only way that's going to happen is to give her what she asked for.

As I said in the other thread, in some ways I envy that position. At least she tells you how she feels so that you can being to heal. I'm totally up in the air, she tells me she loves me still, but that she needs time apart. It's just so much harder this way because I have no idea what's going to happen.

And if anyone has the link to the post where they summarize this book I'd be greatful.

good insight. when our relationship "ended" we said that we might get back together and we might not, but had to stop being together right now because the relationship was harmful to both of us what with our fighting and constant issues. now we are spending time together and it's feeling like magic for me, I don't know about him.

I think the next time he asks me a rude question I'm going to respond with my own question as you suggested. "Why are you calling?" from now on gets a "You left me a message when you called and I wanted to call you back. Why did you call me?"

I keep dealing with the resentment and unfairness of his behavior on my own, and I think I'm managing it pretty well. For instance, he went home recently and spoke to his mother for about two hours; I know part of it was them talking about me. I really dislike his mother, she's extremely bossy and posessive and always, always, always thinks she's right and her son is perfect. Prior to our breakup my ex had complained about her all the time and how he couldn't stand being around her -- now they're having heart-to-hearts involving yours truly. Disgusting! But -- I don't know what was said, have no proof of their conversation, and I just tell myself to stop trying to invent scenarios that make me feel bad.

One thing is I know my ex loved me 100%. He was truly, truly in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That's something that doesn't disappear even if you've had a period of uncertainty with a lot of fighting. You still feel that connection deep inside of yourself.

My therapist has told me that this is a situation similar to "three years after the wedding" -- it's as if we'd been married for three years and are coming to a time where there are problems, and we care so much about each other that those problems are amplified as personal insults and "the end of the magic." Now I understand why people get divorced!!!

Some friends tell me to move on when the ex acts like a jerk. Some tell me to go find another guy. But the problem is, I'm devoted to this one. I won't let him destroy me with his behavior but I will allow myself to forgive him graciously and honestly. I love him 100% and I want him to be happy more than anything, even if that means being apart.

The only problem with the Blase Harris book in my situation is that I haven't told him, since things have calmed down and I stopped begging and crying, that I love him 100% and that I want to be the one to make him happy and that I want him to be happy. I have tried to SHOW those things through the gift-giving, the personal gestures, the kindness, the forgiveness and the not showing signs of jealousy when he goes out with friends or doesn't tell me where he's going or where he's been. I don't ask if he's seeing other people, I don't interrogate him about his female friends, and I always tell him I'm happy to see him when we spend time together.

One thing I'm particularly proud of is that he was acting kind of "macho" and stupid around one of his friends and his girlfriend when I saw him about a week ago; we were all in their room and the ex was changing in the closet and his friend snapped a photo of him and they cracked up, the ex says "I don't care if you see it, I'm mainly concerned about the ladies" and then invited his friend to go on a trip with him in two weeks -- he was treating me like I wasn't a big deal, like I was just some "chick" and acting cool and like he didn't give a **** about me. His friend was mentioning personal jokes between them and saying they had to take some kind of picture together that was some big joke from some time. I didn't act resentful to my ex at all, I just accepted it as typical 20-something male behavior and moved on.

I also try not to picture him having a better time with people from his choir, friends that he's going on trips with a lot and who he will be traveling to Europe with in two months, and his female friends than with me -- it works most of the time and I just tell myself I can't be replaced, I am unique and special, and that his times with his friends are nothing compared to the times we have spent and will spend together.

Also, my ex randomly tells me things that occurred three weeks ago. For instance he began taking piano lessons and didn't tell me about them until three weeks after he'd started. He leaves me out of many things and it hurts me, since we used to share almost everything and were extremely involved in each other's daily lives. He's kind of asserting his independence from me and in my low times I imagine him feeling great and telling himself how amazing it is not to have to deal with his stupid clingy ex all of the time that wouldn't get out of his face. I get resentful sometimes over his closeness with his roommate and try to deal with that as well.

I am concentrating on "self-love" and am taking care of myself, and frankly, I look and feel better than I have in months! I'm showing him that I love myself and (I hope) showing him that I love him.

But the book says your lover must know those three things I mentioned, and I'm not sure he does. I'm trying to figure out if I should just keep SHOWING him, or tell him ... what do you guys think?

i just started reading the book and it talks about the tears in front of your ex. i cried so much in front of my ex and she would always put her arms around to comfort me like it said. it is so right that it talks about how that doesnt really accomplish anything except make it worse. i mustve cried 50 times just being around her over 2 months. i finally did all it said not to do until i pushed her away very far. i am scared taht i cant make up for pushing her away so far and doing so many of the things for so long that the book said not to. please help! i am very scared i did too much i want to just call her right now and try to explain everything that i just read and try to force it into her brain why i did what i did and how i see how wrong it was now, i dont know what to do.

finish reading the book. don't worry that you've screwed up -- it's not too late. just keep reading, trust me. don't force anything on her. you'll understand more once you've read more. and did you take the quiz at the beginning?

i did take the quiz, and i passed with flying colors, i can honestly say i didnt understand a lot of the questions until i read their analysis, but in my heart i know how i feel and everyday i love her more and everyday i understand what that means everyday more and more. the weird thing is that id love to keep posting on here until i am ready to talk to her again, even though that is going to be a long time

i hate to play devils advocate, but what happens if she is in a long term relationship with someone else while you do love her this much or she never takes to the love her back approach. it probably says this in the book, but if this never works for whatever reason and you know it is true love, do you eventually have to move on?

no, you don't "move on", you continue to love this person and be there for them. but you pursue your own interests in terms of dating, etc. and make yourself less available to them. in this case if they do not return you will probably find someone else or your romantic feelings for them will die off.

after reading some more im very scared that her best friend did exactly what im going to be trying to do. he was just himself with her throughout our entire relationship and they were very close as friends, then one day he just professed his love to her, but he was still able to act natural and be himself while i was the one begging. i am jsut very scared and intimidated by him that why would she ever want me if he is like that

yea, the other guy is like the Bob character, who doesnt flip out. im scared because im going to be trying to do exactly what the other guy has been doing for a long time, and exactly what the book is telling me to do

at the risk of hurting book sales, i would like to know what he says about gift giving as a way to get em back. My wed anniversary woulda been Nov 12. Do i send something since she served me? And if so, like what? This is very important to me.

he says small, meaningful gifts that leave an impact but dont look desperate, someone please elaborate if im too wrong

that could be a million things--and since i dont have a mind of my own during this--any examples?

draw her a picture and put it in the mail. or give her a big, happy-looking daisy. nothing big, nothing expensive. just a little expression of love and sympathy. I have lots of ideas but they are all particular to my guy and having to do with our friendship together.

for you, maybe don't send it for an "anniversary present." do you see this woman? or can you only communicate through the mail right now? a handwritten note or drawing or joke can mean a lot. for instance I send my ex emails wishing him "Happy [Anniverary of some event in history]" and sign it with my initial. act like you're dating your ex and think of little things you would have done for her -- given her a pretty rock you find on the sidewalk, a shell from the beach, a little note saying hello. along those lines.

but for your situation, i probably wouldn't explicitly make it an anniversary present. that might put pressure on her, even if you don't mean to do so.