Lost my bestfriend and the love of my life, help me get him back

[font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color]The dilemma of my life is now in affect, the boy I love, my best friend. So I am here, man do I ever need help here's the story.....

My best friend Brent is the guy im head over heals in love with. theres soo many problems with this picture tho. Brent is someone i have put all my trust into, and i love him as a friend, even more i love him as a possible boyfriend. but i know deep down he does not feel the same. Him and I talked every night for 3 hours on the phone about just anything and everything, he'd tell me about girls he's met or ppl he finds attractive and i'd try to play the same game but it's just soo hard cause deep down he's the only one i look at.

We recently got into a fight and i feel empty now. He had met this girl, some one not nearly good enough for him, ( if you've seen The Simple Life with paris hilton and nicole richie, he looks exactly like chops) this girl had messed up teeth and caked on the make up, all of Brent's friend thought he was insane and should be with me. But me being the extremely jelous type i confronted this girl, not only cuz i was jealous but bcuz she had told him he was not aloud to talk to me, he didnt listen to her exactly but we had become more distant from eachother. So I said somethings about her and somethings about him in rage for loosing the rock in my life that i relied on to hold me up. This did not impress him, eventhough i knew it wouldn't, but i had hoped maybe it would open his eyes, man was i ever wrong. He's cursed at me and said some really hurtfull things such as "i did you a favour by being ur friend", he has a huge ego and this didnt help my situation. his ego had never fully shown until now, he got some of his other firends that didnt really care about girls ... alll ego filled players lets say, and they teamed up on me to put me down. I know i shouldnt be in love with him if this is what he does, but with me b4 he cared about everything and did anything for me. he's layed off a bit with the negative responce to me and said in due time he will forgive me but i still miss him and need to tell him how i feel and i dont know the words to say. and i fear we will never be as close again.

Brent is everytihng i want and need, with my low self esteem and confindence he put s that in my life, there isnt a care in the world to me except for him ... hes all i care about and i cant deal with the fight we're having. So i ask any one here to please help me out! give me any advice you think is good and ill use it, ive become desperate. I NEED HIM BACK

One love, one heart, to bad it's broken:(

... you WANT him. Big difference.

What you think of any girl he dates doesn't matter. It's what HE thinks. And you acting like a psycho does not help your case.

If he has made it clear that he only sees you as a friend then he doesn't need to say anything more. It's up to you what you do with that information. When someone tells you what they think or feel, BELIEVE them. Don't stick around and think that you can change something by being pushy, desperate or clingy. That will drive him away. Looks like you've already done a good job of that.

It sounds to me like you're a little reliant on him for your happiness. That's not attractive. You need to learn how to stand on your own two feet and live your life without having to have someone to prop you up. No one's going to do that for you, nor would anyone WANT to. Why would anyone want to be involved with someone who's going to constantly drain them?

Get some self-confidence. Get some self-esteem. Stop NEEDING someone.

And THEN, when someone tells you they're not interested in a relationship with you, take that for what it is. If that's not what you want, it's up to you to take responsibility and either chuck the friendship or start looking elsewhere. You can't FORCE someone to love you.

k well i know what ur saying, its not that i acted psycho. its that i expressed the way i feel, the girls a descent girl personality wise but what ticked me off was the fact she wasnt going to allow him to talk to me.

He also has told me that he loves me back, as a friend, and that later he can see sometihng more, its in the mean time that he plays around it make me jealous and quite frankly thats a pretty normal feeling. Ive never relied on him emotionaly to the full extent, its that everytime u feel you lost something you're hurt, when we were friends there was nothing i felt upset about, if so it was family issues or other friendship issues he helped me deal with but it wasnt something thta drained him we went out and had so many times together. This new girl has already been dumped, he doesnt stay in relationships. so yea i guess i could of thought of that first.

so i have low self esteem and i lack confidence, where that comes in is only in the dating scene, mainly because everyone i know are jocky retard boys that dont care about girls feelings and use them, Brent was the same. I know im a good looking girl, and that i can find someone but its frustrating when every one around you for miles isnt anyone whos going to make you happy

the girls a descent girl personality wise but what ticked me off was the fact she wasnt going to allow him to talk to me.

Considering how emotionally attached you were to him…and admittedly "jealous"…could you honestly blame her for feeling uncomfortable with your relationship? She wasn't exactly wrong, was she?

No one knows another woman better than another woman. And MANY people are uncomfortable with these so-called platonic friendships for these very same reasons. Your situation (and reaction) only gave merit to his girlfriend's growing suspicions. Now, you come off looking like the lunatic while she gets to tell the boyfriend "You see…I told you so!"

In MOST relationships, romantic love will always take precedence over platonic love. If your "friendship" were truly just that…you would have behaved like the rest of his "buddies" instead of like a jilted lover. He has not cheated on you or led you to believe your friendship was anything more than it actually was. Instead, you fooled yourself into believing that if you remained in his emotional orbit, disguised as a friend, he might eventually grow to care about you as much as you cared about him.

So sorry it had to go down this way…but one way or another…it would have come to this eventually, anyway. It's a painful, yet valuable lesson about sincerity and intentions. Honesty is always the best policy when dealing with lovers OR friends. And more importantly, it is always best to be honest with ourselves first and foremost.

Originally posted by LoOkInG*4*HiM

the girls a descent girl personality wise but what ticked me off was the fact she wasn't going to allow him to talk to me.

 

any man who would willing let a girl tell him that he can';t talk to his female best friend isn't worth your time or effort.

My male best friend just went through that just a few weeks ago, and he saw right through that. If you two were as close as you claim he wouldn't have backed away from your friendship because of some girl he just started seeing. If made him back away perhaps it was him knowing how you would react tp him seeing some one that isn't you, and was trying to spare your feelings and avoid a situation that he finds awkward. To me it appears your putting all the blame onto her and not onto him where it probably belongs.

Ask your self

(1) did you hear her say he's not allowed to talk to you?

(2) how did you act around his other gf's?

To Enigma: You said it perfectly and I don't need to add anything to it.

Learn from this. When a guy says he "just wants to be friends," believe him. Guys usually say exactly what they mean. You can't change someone's mind by being clingy and desperate and you definitely can't change someone's mind by acting like a psychopath. The best thing you can tell them is "Sorry, but that's not what I'm looking for. Call me if you change your mind," and walk away.

I did hear her say he was not aloud to talk to any of his girl friends, and every other girl friend he has had has been extremely nice to me and we have had a good relationship, it was this girl he met on the prom boat cruise that all of a sudden interested him so he started seeing her, we hung out at a party the odd time all three of us but she ended up getting jealous herself and told him u have to many female friends this isnt aloud i dont know if i can trust you, which ended up in ending what they had. he is now becoming closer with one of my best friends whom has asked me is it alright, blah blah blah, i told her as long as u understand i have feelings for him its fine, and that you dont try to distant our friendship, between me and him and between me and you.

and yes she was wrong for saying he was not aloud to talk to his friends that hes had for a number of years and to choose her, a girl he had only recently met. as a girl i know you cant come into someone's life and put all these restraints and demands i mean common, and ur calling me controling and desperate, obviously she felt she had competition well, thats too bad, she has to deal with it. Maybe romantic love does overcome platonic love. but there was no romantic love there, they had only started dating i think it was 5 days , and know eachother for 2 weeks. Im not here to be told im a lunatic, you all obviously do not know the whole situation and that would take for ever to write, im here for the basic this is what you should do. and if nones going to help in that aspect, well i came to the wrong place. Heck i dont even know why im writing on this, its cuz i need help and im not getting it from some of you i.e emdeesea. So either help, or dont help at all plz

So either help, or dont help at all plz

Perhaps I didn't understand your original question, then?...Just what are you asking for help with?

You say:

But me being the extremely jelous type i confronted this girl, not only cuz i was jealous but bcuz she had told him he was not aloud to talk to me, he didn’t listen to her exactly but we had become more distant from eachother.

So…if your boyfriend "didn't listen to her," than why did you confront her instead of him? She may have stated her own relationship boundaries right up front (being honest with him)…but he's the one who ultimately made the decision. Unless, of course, she had a gun to his head. HE decided that this girl was worth the compromise…there's obviously SOMETHING about her that he likes regardless of her "crooked teeth and caked on makeup."

as a girl i know you cant come into someone's life and put all these restraints and demands i mean common, and ur calling me controling and desperate, obviously she felt she had competition well, thats too bad, she has to deal with it.

It's difficult to tell just which one of you girls are more controlling and jealous than the other. Obviously, its YOU who feels as if you are competing with another woman. Should we say to you: "too bad, just deal with it?"

Please understand, I’m not looking to bust your chops here…I'm just trying to shake you out of your unhealthy denial. Go back and re-read your posts, and see if you can't see the irrational hypocrisy in your statements. I understand you're probably very young, but unless you learn to wade through your own BS, you're going to have to learn this painful lesson over and over again.

DON'T ever try to declare "ownership" or squatters rights over a guy…be it a friend or a boyfriend. Instead, decide for yourself what your "own" relationship boundaries are and find the courage to stand behind them. You'll earn a lot more respect for yourself, and from your friends, in the long run that way. And one day a guy will come along who places YOU first in his life above all his platonic female friends and ex-bonks. You have no idea just how wonderful it feels until you've been lucky to step in her shoes.

alright soo good news

my birthday is coming up in 5 days and Brent has called me and said hes been a fool and that alot of the things ive said have gave him a wake up call. He said he had something special planned for my birthday, a re-enactment of the day we met, which was at school for grad auction and he made me a lunch with strawberries and chocolates and fruit salad.

Enigma i have re-read all my posts, and yea some of things i said i can see the hipocrisy on my part, but alot of it is mostly, in my rage and sadness, i was just blabbering on, in real life expalining my situatuion or witnessing my situation with him. would have changed you advice.

So thanks to all who tired to help, I know alot of you are going to say im wrong for crawling back well its not me, it's him crawling back, i just dont want to loose a friend i've counted on. Everyone has fights with their friends especially when its about their friends new interest taking their place, regardless if i was his best guy friend. if a girl took my place, then id be pissed.

Originally posted by LoOkInG*4*HiM

do tell

What do you mean "do tell" ahah What would u like to know?