Ladies, when you make a mistke, why is it hard for you to admit it. EVen to yourselve

Hey, nobodies perfect. Men mess up, leadies mess, whateva. But it does seem like the ladies have a harder time admitting that they messed up. Whatever it may be. Is this an esteem thing or do ladies just feel they don't need to do better and it's all on the man to change? Not saying in the same relationship. but just growing as a person and moving on to men in the future. Yet they keep making the same mistakes. This goes from person to person so please share.

Ok so I guess there are no women on here who have ever made a mistake in a relationship. Interesting.

It would take a severe beating for me to admit that I'm anything less than perfect.

 

Serious answer: You spend too much time around egotistical b*tches. Hopefully that won't sour your perception of our gender by too much.

Edited November 21, 2011 by Severely Unamused

I have always recognized my mistakes. When I was young, I was afraid to admit to making mistakes because I felt ashamed. I was so hard on myself that I would crawl into a corner when I screwed up. Now that I'm older, I see no shame in making a mistake.

 

I don't get that angry at people who can never admit they are wrong. It can be irritating, but I have empathy. I understand that they are probably hard on themselves and think a mistake is the end of the world.

Ok so I guess there are no women on here who have ever made a mistake in a relationship. Interesting.

 

Amazingly enough, though they are good at putting on a false show of fairmindedness, this is how many of them actually feel, the false reality they live in. Try an experiment, next time you are dating a new woman, and the ex talking comes up for the first time (she will always bring this up sometime in the first month), listen to how she describes her past relationships/marriages.

 

I have never, ever, ever heard a woman describe a past relationship where she was the bad guy, the one who screwed up or even shared a portion of the blame... not a single one... never. It's -always- the man, and have heard maybe 30 women in life go through the "rogue's gallery" of hideous men who have done them wrong in life. The first thing you notice is that they love to talk about this, the second is that they have talked about this soooo many times with GFs and anyone who will listen to them that they have it down to a patter. The third thing you notice, especially if you have a job that requires you to listen to people lying constantly, is that much of it is complete hokum, made up totally. After hearing these types of fabrications maybe a couple dozen times, one becomes expert at spotting exactly which things they say about their exes are exaggerrated or out and out lies and completely made up.

It depends on the person; I don't think the issue is gender-related. Many women blame themselves for all the bad things that went wrong in their lives or in their kids' lives or marriages/relationships.

 

You don't know what people admit to themselves. The tricky part about admission is that unless you hear the admission, you have no idea what they think. On the other hand, I've heard people admit a mistake and then they go ahead and repeat it again and again.

I have always recognized my mistakes. When I was young, I was afraid to admit to making mistakes because I felt ashamed. I was so hard on myself that I would crawl into a corner when I screwed up. Now that I'm older, I see no shame in making a mistake.

 

I don't get that angry at people who can never admit they are wrong. It can be irritating, but I have empathy. I understand that they are probably hard on themselves and think a mistake is the end of the world.

 

 

Interesting. Maybe it's an age thing like you said. However, I do know some middle aged women who never seem to get to the place you are at. Some even think that it is women hating to ask such a question like I have. I appreciate your response.

It depends on the person; I don't think the issue is gender-related.

 

Oh yes, it is gender related. I have also heard dozens of my male friends describing past relationships over the years. The contrast in level of blame acceptance is startling. Moreover, you never get the feeling that when a man describes his past relationships that it's well rehearsed "pity patter." Finally, there may be some lies and exaggerrations in men describing this kind of thing, nowhere near women though. Men lie plenty. Women create entire false realities composed of nothing but lies

 

EDIT: You can see it all over this board also.

Edited November 21, 2011 by dasein

Oh yes, it is gender related. I have also heard dozens of my male friends describing past relationships over the years. The contrast in level of blame acceptance is startling. Moreover, you never get the feeling that when a man describes his past relationships that it's well rehearsed "pity patter." Finally, there may be some lies and exaggerrations in men describing this kind of thing, nowhere near women though. Men lie plenty. Women create entire false realities composed of nothing but lies

 

EDIT: You can see it all over this board also.

 

 

Interesting. MAybe I'll take a closer look. So you just feel sometimes women aren't LIEING, but they are tricking their minds.

There are some that hate to be accountable for their actions. In real life I hear men this and men that but when you ask what did you do to contribute to the bad relationship you hear silence. I know because I hear this at work all the time. I want to look at them so bad and say hey shut the f**k up. Its crazy I am beginning to think there are more bitter women than men.

Amazingly enough, though they are good at putting on a false show of fairmindedness, this is how many of them actually feel, the false reality they live in. Try an experiment, next time you are dating a new woman, and the ex talking comes up for the first time (she will always bring this up sometime in the first month), listen to how she describes her past relationships/marriages.

 

I have never, ever, ever heard a woman describe a past relationship where she was the bad guy, the one who screwed up or even shared a portion of the blame... not a single one... never. It's -always- the man, and have heard maybe 30 women in life go through the "rogue's gallery" of hideous men who have done them wrong in life. The first thing you notice is that they love to talk about this, the second is that they have talked about this soooo many times with GFs and anyone who will listen to them that they have it down to a patter. The third thing you notice, especially if you have a job that requires you to listen to people lying constantly, is that much of it is complete hokum, made up totally. After hearing these types of fabrications maybe a couple dozen times, one becomes expert at spotting exactly which things they say about their exes are exaggerrated or out and out lies and completely made up.

 

And the cherry on top is their still friends with some of these ex's.

 

Actually, the woman I mentioned earlier in this thread was exactly like your example & she was friends with those same ex's.

 

"because we were friends first"

Well, we were friends first & a yr later she doesn't want to be friends again & I didn't even use her for sex.

My major crime was not wanting to be her doormat.

My guess is the guys who actually got with her didn't tell her to F off, they just played the ignore game.

 

Which I could of done but honestly why? No sex is worth that level of annoyment. LOL!

Interesting. MAybe I'll take a closer look. So you just feel sometimes women aren't LIEING, but they are tricking their minds.

 

Here's a secret about women, instead of working with the actual world that exists, they fabricate a favorable world and then attempt to talk that world into reality. It's not an -evil- thing, but a very frustrating and annoying thing, just part of the nature of women and the difference between the genders. It's why most of them are terrible at math and science. When you meet women without this flaw in reasoning, they are just as good as men at most any kind of reasoning, science, math, but those types are a small minority. No idea if this is a nature or a nurture thing.

 

You can see this right here on these forums constantly, men try to argue points directly using facts and reasons behind those facts, while many women try to talk "around" the topic to get to a more favorable position instead of talking to a specific point and sticking to it. It's one reason why threads get so long here, it's impossible to get several of the female posters here to simply address an issue, and if you address the issue -they- select head on in a way that isn't favorable, they will sidestep yet again to a tangent. Maybe characterize you as a person, your being lacking in some way, your posting history, some irrelevant other thing, whatever, but totally irrelevant to the reality of the discussion you thought you were engaging in, and also dishonest.

 

I think this is all tied in together, the accepting fault, fear of being wrong, maybe it's because of women not playing as many team sports, and have noticed women with a team sports history I've dated are more reasonable about accepting blame or knowing when they are in the wrong.

 

I have never, ever, ever heard a woman describe a past relationship where she was the bad guy, the one who screwed up or even shared a portion of the blame... not a single one... never. It's -always- the man, and have heard maybe 30 women in life go through the "rogue's gallery" of hideous men who have done them wrong in life. The first thing you notice is that they love to talk about this, the second is that they have talked about this soooo many times with GFs and anyone who will listen to them that they have it down to a patter. The third thing you notice, especially if you have a job that requires you to listen to people lying constantly, is that much of it is complete hokum, made up totally. After hearing these types of fabrications maybe a couple dozen times, one becomes expert at spotting exactly which things they say about their exes are exaggerrated or out and out lies and completely made up.

 

Yeah, been there done that with the ex. Whenever something went wrong it was my fault. Her sister and my friends probably think I'm a douche by now. I admitted to a lot of the faults and even accepted some things that were not my fault. She couldn't even accept/admit her share. I would have to bring it up and say we're even in terms of doing wrong.

 

I have no problems owning up to stuff, but I hate having to own up to someone else's fault..especially if it's a consistent basis. I think the last straw for me was I couldn't keep up with the crap and brainwash myself, I was just sick of it. I think it was because she was just a very stubborn person. She even had conflicts with her boss telling her what to do...duh that's what a boss does.

 

I think it's just a woman's way into getting their man to be whipped. I hate that crap.

And the cherry on top is their still friends with some of these ex's.

 

This is exactly how I began to notice the trend, was dating a woman and the vile description of her ex husband would curl your toes, drug addict, alcoholic, thief, cheater, liar, every bad thing in the book.

 

And of course, the demise of their marriage had nothing whatsoever to do with her, any mistakes she made, her own behavior

 

Met the guy and he didn't seem so bad.

 

And of course, they were still great old pals! ?????

 

And of course, she turned out to be alcoholic, substance abusive, unethical, lied and cheated.

 

In fact, this was one of my -only- relationships when I didn't actually share in the blame, I was near flawless, having learned from past mistakes of mine.

 

And I imagine she described me as a drug addict, alcoholic, lying, cheating scumbag to the next guy.

 

After this one, which was about ten years ago, I looked back at all my prior relationships with women over the years, and noticed that they were always the ones to bring up ex talk, not me, and that they never described a past relationship that they were largely responsible for messing up, it was always the guy. Have had many shorter and one long relationship since that one, and all hold true to form. IME women simply will not accept accountability for any fault at all in their past relationships.

 

They talk a GREAT show though, especially in forums like this. Actually be dating them though as opposed to listening them rationalize here is a different matter. But don't believe me wholesale, guys, think back on your relationships, I really would like to hear examples FROM A MAN of a woman he was dating admitting fault in prior relationships. It would do my attitude about women some good.

I think the reasons they do this is for fear of being judged. Women are social creatures and operate collectively with their girl friends. Men on the other hand are kind of the opposite.

 

My theory as to why they do this, especially in front of their friends is to gain their support and their validation by playing the scapegoating game and not admitting to fault. Women are like that, they feed off emotional problems, and bond through it amongst themselves. The problem is that if the woman admits claim in wrong doing, maybe she has a high probability of being the outcast? And from there get less support and bonding from her peers and maybe even worse from there no longer belong to the group.

 

I feel like women more than men are more capable of being the pretentious and manipulative creatures in almost all scheme of things just to get what they want.

I have a saying about past relationships...

 

There is his side

There is her side

...and then there is the truth...

 

I don't ask about someone's past relationships. If they want to tell me, fine. I'm usually wary of people who need to go into a long gripe-fest about their ex though.

 

For the record, I don't have any male or female friends who make a habit of trashing their exes. If they do, we don't tend to stay friends long.

I think if you look into the past at the most extreme example of not behaving collectively, and instead winding up an outcast. You will find the Salem witch hunts. The one that was the outcast/loner would wind up accused and burned at the stake, while the others who operated cleverly and collectively would not be labeled a witch and survive. If you imagine that one woman would stand up as the voice or reason and would defend the 'witch' from getting burned, she would've also been accused of being an accomplice or being a witch too.

 

That's scapegoating at its best, and women have learned from history like this. Either do it and survive amongst your peers or get burned!!!!!

Personally, in my experience, this isn’t a gender thing. I come from a long line of hard headed stubborn men.

 

Admitting when you are wrong requires a fair amount of vulnerability. Sometimes it’s hard for both men and women to express that kind of vulnerability because they fear that it will cause their partner (or whatever person they are dealing with) to have a lower opinion of them. Sometimes, the other partner doesn’t always create a space for the other partner to feel like they can be that vulnerable.

 

But as you age, you get to a point in your life that you realize you don’t know everything and it’s okay not to know everything and make mistakes. You don’t have to be perfect for someone to love you. Some people learn this and some don’t. Usually people only learn that with age or if they go through something traumatic and their desire in wanting to hide their flaws becomes too much pressure and they need to change to have some peace with themselves.

dasein

Here's a secret about women, instead of working with the actual world that exists, they fabricate a favorable world and then attempt to talk that world into reality. It's not an -evil- thing, but a very frustrating and annoying thing, just part of the nature of women and the difference between the genders. It's why most of them are terrible at math and science. When you meet women without this flaw in reasoning, they are just as good as men at most any kind of reasoning, science, math, but those types are a small minority. No idea if this is a nature or a nurture thing.

 

You can see this right here on these forums constantly, men try to argue points directly using facts and reasons behind those facts, while many women try to talk "around" the topic to get to a more favorable position instead of talking to a specific point and sticking to it. It's one reason why threads get so long here, it's impossible to get several of the female posters here to simply address an issue, and if you address the issue -they- select head on in a way that isn't favorable, they will sidestep yet again to a tangent. Maybe characterize you as a person, your being lacking in some way, your posting history, some irrelevant other thing, whatever, but totally irrelevant to the reality of the discussion you thought you were engaging in, and also dishonest.

 

I think this is all tied in together, the accepting fault, fear of being wrong, maybe it's because of women not playing as many team sports, and have noticed women with a team sports history I've dated are more reasonable about accepting blame or knowing when they are in the wrong.

 

This post is brobdingnagianly derisory.

Here's a secret about women...

Your post was very interesting! I have one word for what you described: selfishness. Both sexes are selfish - all peope are painfully selfish. People will do whatever it takes to get what they want. If women don't stick to the point and facts because they want a different reality, men will stick to the mere facts and narrow points to avoid the real reality. We all know what we're doing, we all know we pull to our side, and we all convince ourselves that we have a good cause worth fighting for. If we humans could let go of our urge to control others, we would all be much happier - not because other people won't control us anymore, but because we won't have to suffer while trying to control others. Edited November 21, 2011 by RecordProducer

To acknowledge truth, may require a change in us. Most do not want to change; egos are too big...introspection is a lost art.

 

There is a famous quote in the behavioral sciences:

 

"Self-reports of self-knowledge are unlikely to be very informative, as individuals who do not know themselves well probably lack the awareness to acknowledge their own ignorance (Vogt and Colvin, 2005)"

 

Master Kan will explain...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5X8Xv2XjSY

It's why most of them are terrible at math and science. When you meet women without this flaw in reasoning, they are just as good as men at most any kind of reasoning, science, math, but those types are a small minority. No idea if this is a nature or a nurture thing.

 

You can see this right here on these forums constantly, men try to argue points directly using facts and reasons behind those facts, while many women try to talk "around" the topic to get to a more favorable position instead of talking to a specific point and sticking to it.

 

Then why do you bother? Talking to women anyway. Seems like a simple fix. Just don't post to women or respond to them here. Just have conversations with your fellow men. You'd be doing us all a favor, IMHO.

 

In the real world, I understand that you actually have to have a conversation with a woman to get sex... but no need for that here.

This post is brobdingnagianly derisory.

 

I take it you disagree with my opinion.

Then why do you bother? Talking to women anyway. Seems like a simple fix. Just don't post to women or respond to them here. Just have conversations with your fellow men. You'd be doing us all a favor, IMHO.

 

In the real world, I understand that you actually have to have a conversation with a woman to get sex... but no need for that here.

 

Actually I would ignore more posts from the usual suspects here, but they are so over the top in terms of outrageous characterizations, say calling me a UFOlogist, holocaust denier, etc., so facile with the straw men as opposed to merely sticking to the topic or discussing things in a straightforward manner, so desperately febrile in their insults, that it's like "The Kramer" I detest it but can't look away.

Actually I would ignore more posts from the usual suspects here, but they are so over the top in terms of outrageous characterizations, say calling me a UFOlogist, holocaust denier, etc., so facile with the straw men as opposed to merely sticking to the topic or discussing things in a straightforward manner, so desperately febrile in their insults, that it's like "The Kramer" I detest it but can't look away.

 

Suit yourself.

 

Just figured you could save yourself and the rest of us the trouble if you are so annoyed. Then again... to do so would be dangerously close to solving a problem.