Most heartless girl in the world.

Cliff notes:

-Best friend for a while, thought i was a great guy, she loved me, blah blah blah. I fell for her.

-I asked her out last December, she said no because of commitment issues

-We continued to do "boyfriend girlfriend" things as if we were dating

-"Dating" was horrible; she never spent time with me, ALWAYS chose her friends over me, despite having 2 classes together and going to the same school

-We never had a label

-1 month into "relationship", she kisses a guy; i give her the benefit of the doubt because she seems apologetic

-2 months into relationship, she asks the guy she "used" to like last year to her Junior Prom (says she regrets it afterwards and should have asked me)

-3 months into relationship, someone asks her to MY senior ball and she says yes

-4 months into relationship, I can't take this anymore so I leave her over summer.

-Over summer, she likes guy that she went to Senior Ball with, but guy does the same thing she did to me (karmas a bitch right?)

-Summer is about to end; I miss her and decide that I want to JUST be friends (i'm so stupid)

-We meet at a friends birthday party, she's there, we end up cuddling.

-After that, we end up getting sexual, she looks at me in the eyes and says she loves me.

-I ask her if we are a thing, she says, "2 people in love is better than dating"

-She never spends time with me (is always busy or has an excuse for not being able to hang out with me) despite us having cars and living less than half a mile away from each other.

-2 weeks after asking her, she talks to me as if i am just a friend, i am confused (as i have always been)

-Today, she tells me she has met someone else and she is happy.

I am so hurt. I have always given her the benefit of the doubt because she is my best friend but I know best friends wouldn't do this to each other. I have always been a good guy to her. I've always listened, made an effort to spend to spend time with her (or at least asked, even though she never would), was sweet, tried to make her feel special, gave her compliments, etc. I don't deserve this, why is she doing this? She isn't a bad person, she is very nice but her actions are just so selfish and mindless. It is obvious she has played me, I can see that now (it took me long enough). I need to leave her, but she will get mad that I am leaving her for a 2nd time now, but I just can't allow myself to be even friends with someone like her. I borderline hate her now, she played me, she strung me along until she just fell for someone else. How could my "best friend" do this to me...will she even regret it in the future and see what she had? I was willing to give her something real...I tried and fought so hard for her...

Damn, that sounds kind of rough. However, you can take comfort in the fact that what you're experiencing is fairly common, and you should be able to get a plethora of advice and support.

To relate a little of my own advice, I was there in your shoes. I hung around with a chick really didn't appreciate me for my last year of high school. Actually, I hung around a lot of chicks who didn't appreciate me, and played me in a similar way to how you've experienced.

On to my thoughts...

You sound like the classic "nice guy finishing last." I know, because I've been that guy for most of my life. You were fairly good to her, and she took it for granted. I don't know her (or you, I guess), so I couldn't say she did it out of spite, but she probably never really meant to hurt you. You made yourself so overly available that she never really respected you when you fell for her, and now you're kicking yourself.

All I can say is, you have to let it all out. Be angry at her for a while, and let it all go. Don't bottle up a single bit of the hurt (but be tactful if you can around her; this is not free license to be an asshat). Once you have the anger out, you can look at the situation with fresh eyes.

She sounds very insecure and is constantly looking for someone new to want her, to feel needed and loved, yet has fears of getting too close so moves on quickly. It's probably nothing personal at you, it's how she is with most people I would guess. I bet her friends notice similar traits from time to time.

Sadly it's not something you can force out of someone, they have to deal with it on their own time and often only realise they have a problem a lot later in life and look back with many regrets over the people they've hurt along the way.

I can tell you are the "nice guy" type so I bet there's a part of you that feels you can save her... don't do that. It will only end up keeping you connected to her and by doing so will end up hurting even more.

I can tell you are the "nice guy" type so I bet there's a part of you that feels you can save her... don't do that. It will only end up keeping you connected to her and by doing so will end up hurting even more.

Absolutely right.

Trust me, I've been in many a similar scenario. It's not bad to want to help, but the desire to "save" her or anyone else will lead you to more broken hearts than you'll be able to handle.

Thanks for the comments guys. I have already made up my mind to take whatever dignity I have left and just tell her how I feel and get her out of my life ASAP. Is there any civilized way to do this? I honestly feel like she doesn't even deserve any decency from me for all the things she's done but I don't want to sound like a complete dick. However, I do want to get my point across to her in a decent fashion. Is that possible in this type of situation?

She sounds very insecure and is constantly looking for someone new to want her, to feel needed and loved, yet has fears of getting too close so moves on quickly. It's probably nothing personal at you, it's how she is with most people I would guess. I bet her friends notice similar traits from time to time.

 

Sadly it's not something you can force out of someone, they have to deal with it on their own time and often only realise they have a problem a lot later in life and look back with many regrets over the people they've hurt along the way.

 

I can tell you are the "nice guy" type so I bet there's a part of you that feels you can save her... don't do that. It will only end up keeping you connected to her and by doing so will end up hurting even more.

Thanks for the comments guys. I have already made up my mind to take whatever dignity I have left and just tell her how I feel and get her out of my life ASAP. Is there any civilized way to do this? I honestly feel like she doesn't even deserve any decency from me for all the things she's done but I don't want to sound like a complete dick. However, I do want to get my point across to her in a decent fashion. Is that possible in this type of situation?

Well, in my opinion, she only needs an explanation if she asks for one. Telling her that you're leaving would appear to be more of an attention-grabber than a standing-up statement. The most civilized way to go about it, IMHO, is to simply scale back all contact with her. If you HAVE to talk to her, because of school or local proximity, then feel free to do so, but be very brief. Don't appear mad or passive aggressive. Just give off the impression that things have changed.

If I could take a guess, I'd say that she might pursue you at that point, as you're no longer predictable and safe.

If I could take a guess, I'd say that she might pursue you at that point, as you're no longer predictable and safe.

I would suggest that's a sure fire bet. When one's that insecure, they always want what they think they can't have more than most.

However, as you're clearly still kinda' attached to her (if you weren't, you wouldn't be here) then you need to distance yourself even if she comes calling as you may very easily fall back into her trap.

Just walk away but be polite to her if she makes contact, but never available. Always just too busy.

I know my post isn't very clearly formatted but did you guys happen to see the last point? She has now met someone else. I do not want her to pursue me, and I doubt she would. I just want someone like her out of my life. I deserve better and have regained enough respect for me to say enough with the games, enough with the bs.

I would suggest that's a sure fire bet. When one's that insecure, they always want what they think they can't have more than most.

 

However, as you're clearly still kinda' attached to her (if you weren't, you wouldn't be here) then you need to distance yourself even if she comes calling as you may very easily fall back into her trap.

 

Just walk away but be polite to her if she makes contact, but never available. Always just too busy.

If that comes to pass, and she starts pursuing you, then you have some decisions to make. Can you handle her being in your life? Do you want her in your life? Do you want the same things from each other?

For now, just focus on your end of the equation.

You have free will and choices, walk away, its that simple.

I know my post isn't very clearly formatted but did you guys happen to see the last point? She has now met someone else. I do not want her to pursue me, and I doubt she would. I just want someone like her out of my life. I deserve better and have regained enough respect for me to say enough with the games, enough with the bs.

Yep, I saw it. Chicks like that will still flirt around and pursue even if they have a boyfriend. I'm not trying to trash your friend, I'm just stating tendencies.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for posting their opinions. It's really been helpful and uplifting to see that I am not alone in this situation. Of course, my friends have been supportive and think that this has been long overdue and think she is a bitch.

I don't believe she is a bitch, but I think she is very immature for doing and saying all those things to me. We are both young; i'm 18 in college and she is 17 in high school. We were never compatible at all, I am not sure why I am so infatuated with someone like her.

From reading the post above me, you guys think I should just stop all contact with her without giving her a reason? I should just leave her guessing? If i do that, will it even affect her, considering she is talking to someone else now? I am just wondering what the end results could be like...

Most heartless girl in the world? Are you seeing my exW??

Everyone is right. Someone like her will want what they cant have. She will pursue you again, trust me. I was in the exact same situation. I spent over a year on a guy that did the same things to me that she did to you, basically leading me on while still wanting to see what else he could find. We never had a label, yet we acted like we were together. He hardly made time to see me as well. We saw eachother maybe 1-3 times a week, 3 times being very rare.

I've ended it with this guy several times, and he's ALWAYS pursued me again. Every. Single. Time. I'd say i've ended it 5 times or more over the past year. This time is the longest we've went without "getting back together", about 6 weeks now. He has tried to get me back a few weeks ago, but I ignored it. I'm sure he'll try again pretty soon. They dont want to be with you, but they dont want to be without you. Basically, you are a backup plan. It's the worst pain i've ever experienced, but I'm trying to move on, I know there's someone better for me out there, and there's someone better for you too.

Everyone is right. Someone like her will want what they cant have. She will pursue you again, trust me. I was in the exact same situation. I spent over a year on a guy that did the same things to me that she did to you, basically leading me on while still wanting to see what else he could find. We never had a label, yet we acted like we were together. He hardly made time to see me as well. We saw eachother maybe 1-3 times a week, 3 times being very rare.

 

I've ended it with this guy several times, and he's ALWAYS pursued me again. Every. Single. Time. I'd say i've ended it 5 times or more over the past year. This time is the longest we've went without "getting back together", about 6 weeks now. He has tried to get me back a few weeks ago, but I ignored it. I'm sure he'll try again pretty soon. They dont want to be with you, but they dont want to be without you. Basically, you are a backup plan. It's the worst pain i've ever experienced, but I'm trying to move on, I know there's someone better for me out there, and there's someone better for you too.

Reading this made me feel better, thank you so much for taking the time to write it.

Do you suggest I tell her my intentions of blocking her out of my life or just imitating NC from now on without any prior warning?

She is so messed up, I don't really want to even try to get her to understand why I am leaving, she simply just doesn't understand what she is doing to me. One day, she'll treat me like more than a friend and on another, she'll say we are just friends. It's been back and forth for a long time as you could imagine.

At this point, I haven't seen her in 2 months because I am in college (only 30 minutes away but she never wants to make the drive). Even though I come home every other weekend, she still doesn't make any effort to see me. Personally, I have become emotionally detached and have been able to accept the situation quite a bit due to the distance. She must not care at this point either. Anyways, enough of the rambling, I just wanted to get some more thoughts off my head. Thanks for bearing with me!

Most heartless girl in the world?.. I don't think so. My ex has yours beat by a mile.

You know what lawlz_xD..It better for you to move on now...Try a new life with some else...So said that your in College now...I'm sure there's a Lot of girls there that is deserving for your attention...you just not notice her because you putting you're attention in that girl in past..

I'm really just trying to understand how any girl (or person in general) can do this?

2 weeks ago, she was calling me sweetheart and babe. She was sending me texts about how bad she wanted me (physically). I asked her if we were friends with benefits and she said "no! of course not Ryan". I asked her if we were a thing and she says that "two people in love is better than dating."

Now she tells me she's with someone else? Is she just heartless or naive to the fact that this is going to hurt me?

I know I'm going to drop her, but when I talk to her for the last time...I want to make it very clear to her that she is in the wrong and what she's done to me (past and present) was ****ed up and I didn't deserve any of it.

Don't talk to her, there's no need, shes not going to tell you anythign you want to hear

Most heartless girl in the world?.. I don't think so. My ex has yours beat by a mile.

This isnt a pissing contest about who's ex is the worst, they all hurt the same. The good and the bad.

Don't talk to her, there's no need, shes not going to tell you anythign you want to hear

 

 

This isnt a pissing contest about who's ex is the worst, they all hurt the same. The good and the bad.

I think it was a joke. I know my comment was.

Don't talk to her, there's no need, shes not going to tell you anythign you want to hear

 

 

This isnt a pissing contest about who's ex is the worst, they all hurt the same. The good and the bad.

If I didn't talk to her...what would happen in the long run...?

The long run doesn't matter.

The journey is all that matters.

You don't like the way you were treated, there's no point in talking to her, walk away.

I had friends that said they were going to hang out with me when I was going through a rough time, on the day we planned to hang out, they both stood me up. I had known these people for 7+ years. I called both of them the day we were suppose to hang out, both ignored my calls.

I walked away from that friendship, I do not need friends like that. I had an ex like that.

I choose who I want and deserve my friendship

Wow lawlz. You seem to have some serious women issues. We are not all shallow and after money. Most of us just want a nice guy with a job who treat us decently. Your crumby attitude is probably why you're struggling to find a nice girl.

Just be yourself and don't look too hard. She'll pop up when you least expect it. But until then just chill with the negativity. It truly won't get you anywhere.

P.S. The best advice I can give you is to take an honest look at how things have gone in the past with women. If you can link one singular moment to the demise of each relationship then that is what you need to fix. And you also have to like yourself before someone else can like you and it doesn't sound like you like yourself very much.

A similar thing happened with a friend of mine. She was with a guy like this on and off for about four years. He would always try to get her back when she would walk away and such. Then suddenly she couldn't take it anymore, so she found someone better. It got serious with this new guy. As things were blooming between her and this new guy, her "ex" shows up at her house saying he made the biggest mistake of his life and begs her to give him another chance. She declined. She is still with this other guy, but her "ex" still tries to get her back and fails. So the point is, they only really truly realize that they messed up when you are long gone, but usually by that time it is too late. She will probably try to get you back, but it will be once you are completely out of her sight and arent available anymore. Just go out there, smile, find happiness within yourself, love yourself, and live your life to the absolute fullest. "You don't realize what you have till it's gone" that saying holds so much truth in relationships. At least in my situations and with most of my friends.

Wow lawlz. You seem to have some serious women issues. We are not all shallow and after money. Most of us just want a nice guy with a job who treat us decently. Your crumby attitude is probably why you're struggling to find a nice girl.

Just be yourself and don't look too hard. She'll pop up when you least expect it. But until then just chill with the negativity. It truly won't get you anywhere.

P.S. The best advice I can give you is to take an honest look at how things have gone in the past with women. If you can link one singular moment to the demise of each relationship then that is what you need to fix. And you also have to like yourself before someone else can like you and it doesn't sound like you like yourself very much.

Nu, I never stated that I believed all women are shallow who just want our money! I actually hold women in very high esteem and respect them. I would like to think that I am a positive person that is very optimistic but even the most positive of people have their moments in life where they just feel down! A breakup is a traumatizing event so I would hope that you wouldn't judge me based on this bad experience of mine!

I love myself and I know I am a good guy! =] However, that makes me wonder that much more how someone can pass up someone that makes them so happy (which she claimed she was). Anyways, I felt MUCH better today as it is day 3 of NC with her and I am regaining confidence in myself. Thank you everyone for the help, I really really appreciate it!

Keep your chin up everyone =]