Do people actually get back together - Is it possible??

Ive been going through a tough break up over the last month or so and i guess the question that keeps going through my head all the time is....

IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH AN EX GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND.

All of the literature online suggests it is by following a set program of NC etc etc but what do the real people think?>

Im trying to work out whether im holding false hope for a reconcilliation or not...when its over, is it really over?>

I know its all dependant of circumstances but all thoughts are welcome

Well... I had seen two of my friends got back together with their ex...

But it really depends on what leads to the break up...

Both of my friends (female) broke up with their boyfriend because they kinda feel insecure and they feel that their boyfriend is not really planning for their future...

How their boyfriend get them back..? Change... To a better person... Through action... And it's a slow process and needs lots of patience... Cause you need to really show the girl that you are really serious in changing and it took them about a year to get their girlfriend back...

But for me, I think it was possible when both still have feelings for each other and the problem for the break up is fixable... If not, then it is hard to get back together...

Well a major part of the break up was because of things that we had said we would change but hadnt....We just got into a routine and complacent.

I did the usual after the break up....cry, tell her id change this time etc etc......it made no difference.

Did i mention we are co workers at a school...we return to work next week.

While she hasnt told me to get lost and leave her alone, she has become very cold and responds to communication a day or so later with one line answers.

How can i show her things will change and be different, all i need is a chance to prove myself????

In my humble opinion... If the break up is caused by attitude, bad habits, insecurity, then changing yourself to become a better person will be the best answer...

When a girl break up with a guy because of his attitude, bad habit, etc... Means that girl is really disappointed with the guy already... And worst, you said that you will change but you didn't... That's what happen to me... I said I will change but I didn't and live to regret it when my ex girlfriend dumped me...

But it all depends on your ex... Is she dating someone else rite now..? Is she interested with someone else..? If she has strong feelings for you, normally she will remain single for a while (that's what I think)...

Girls won't buy the things that we say after the break up... We said things like we would change and all... Cause during the relationship, they had actually given you the chance to change it but you blew it... So they are really disappointed with you rite now (probably angry too)... And always... Action speaks louder than words... You don't even need to tell her you are changing this and that... Just do it... She will be able to see it... Slowly get back into contact with her... Slowly... And patiently...

Yea... So just change to be a better person... Changing your own bad attitude or bad habit is very hard... But it's really worth it... It will help first, yourself, and your NEW relationship... When she see that you had really made the effort to change (I mean really changing it permenantly), she will know you are sincere and if her feelings for you is still there, yea... You got a chance...

Well... I'm not saying this will work 100percent alrite..? There might be other reasons for your break up (maybe)... Hang in there man...

In my humble opinion... If the break up is caused by attitude, bad habits, insecurity, then changing yourself to become a better person will be the best answer...

 

When a girl break up with a guy because of his attitude, bad habit, etc... Means that girl is really disappointed with the guy already... And worst, you said that you will change but you didn't... That's what happen to me... I said I will change but I didn't and live to regret it when my ex girlfriend dumped me...

 

But it all depends on your ex... Is she dating someone else rite now..? Is she interested with someone else..? If she has strong feelings for you, normally she will remain single for a while (that's what I think)...

 

Girls won't buy the things that we say after the break up... We said things like we would change and all... Cause during the relationship, they had actually given you the chance to change it but you blew it... So they are really disappointed with you rite now (probably angry too)... And always... Action speaks louder than words... You don't even need to tell her you are changing this and that... Just do it... She will be able to see it... Slowly get back into contact with her... Slowly... And patiently...

 

Yea... So just change to be a better person... Changing your own bad attitude or bad habit is very hard... But it's really worth it... It will help first, yourself, and your NEW relationship... When she see that you had really made the effort to change (I mean really changing it permenantly), she will know you are sincere and if her feelings for you is still there, yea... You got a chance...

 

Well... I'm not saying this will work 100percent alrite..? There might be other reasons for your break up (maybe)... Hang in there man...

Silly Panda, I love your post. Actually I have been dumped by my bf, but it really was him who was the problem. He realised that after we broke up. I did too. Now he's trying to get me back, but I won't take him back until I actually see he's made some significant changes to his attitude towards life and me.

That said, I'm not planning to wait around for him. If I meet someone else, I won't shut myself off from it...

Thank you,

I feel terrible as with hindsight i realise we would still be together if i had taken care of what i said i would.

We havnt spoken a great deal over the last month since it happened and nothing at all for two weeks as i said i would leave her alone till we returned to work.

I have no idea if she is still single but i assume so as we were together for two years and we didnt end on bad terms...however i may be totally wrong.

I think she was fed up with everything and decided enough was enough.

I guess i need to wait and see how work is?....is there any special approach i should be taking?

Thinking from her perspective, if she still has feelings for you (which she probably does, you've been together for two years):

make sure she knows that you still love her, that she's the only one and that you're willing to do anything and change the things that need to be changed.

Tell her that once. Then start acting it. And let her see that she's always on your mind (do nice things for her, smile at her,... no grand gestures yet though )

That's what I expect from my ex who's trying to get me back...

Also, I think the No Contact thing might work for some people but not for everyone. If my ex would stop trying to contact me, then I would draw my concusions from that and it would be definitely over over over!

Good luck!

Silly Panda, I love your post. Actually I have been dumped by my bf, but it really was him who was the problem. He realised that after we broke up. I did too. Now he's trying to get me back, but I won't take him back until I actually see he's made some significant changes to his attitude towards life and me.

That said, I'm not planning to wait around for him. If I meet someone else, I won't shut myself off from it...

Thanks... Of course... You got every rite to chase for your own happiness... When it comes and feels rite, go for it... And you are single now so the best man wins rite..? Make your ex really fight and work to win you back and make sure he is really sincere...

Hmm... I wish I could make my ex see that I'm changing too but she is at the other side of the globe (we are having one day different time zone if you know what I mean)...

Good luck to you NordicStripes... I'm sure something great will happen to you very soon...

I told her that within the first few weeks of the break up....all i got were cold responses such as

...you have used all your chances niall....

and there are only so many times i can make excuses for where is niall...

I thought she was just going to get annoyed so i told her i would leave her alone to enjoy her holiday (which was meant to be with me but she went with a friend instead after the break up - which is understandable)

Im sure she must still have feelings???....i mean she has been really cold but can girls turn their emotions off like that?.

Its really tough and in my head ive still got some hope but im not sure if thats reality or not!

Thinking from her perspective, if she still has feelings for you (which she probably does, you've been together for two years):

make sure she knows that you still love her, that she's the only one and that you're willing to do anything and change the things that need to be changed.

Tell her that once. Then start acting it. And let her see that she's always on your mind (do nice things for her, smile at her,... no grand gestures yet though )

 

That's what I expect from my ex who's trying to get me back...

 

Also, I think the No Contact thing might work for some people but not for everyone. If my ex would stop trying to contact me, then I would draw my concusions from that and it would be definitely over over over!

 

Good luck!

Yea... I don't think NC will work in these kinda break up... You need to let her know that you are there for her...

I'm not sure how will be the best way to approach her... Maybe NordicStripes could comment on that... I think be there for her, a bit more than a friend but don't over do it... Do don't wanna scare her away...

I guess ill know if that will be possible quite early on when we go back to work on monday.

We were best friends there as well, so itll be awful if/when things are different!

I told her that within the first few weeks of the break up....all i got were cold responses such as

 

...you have used all your chances niall....

 

and there are only so many times i can make excuses for where is niall...

 

 

I thought she was just going to get annoyed so i told her i would leave her alone to enjoy her holiday (which was meant to be with me but she went with a friend instead after the break up - which is understandable)

 

Im sure she must still have feelings???....i mean she has been really cold but can girls turn their emotions off like that?.

 

Its really tough and in my head ive still got some hope but im not sure if thats reality or not!

For sure she still have feelings... Unless you are dating someone with a stonecold heart (which I think you are not)...

Well... The reason for her being cold with you now is that she is really disappointed in you and angry... She just feel that everything you talk to her now is just trying to win her back and obviously she won't buy it...

Give her some time to cool down... She is not turning off her emotions, but she is keeping it under control (girls can do that very well - most)... And maybe she just don't wanna think about these stuff now... Give her time...

My ex told me exactly the same thing your ex did... "You had your chances..." But now she is already with someone else... Oh well...

Hope is always there... It all depends on how you make use of it... In your case, you've already knew the answer to what you have to do... Remember... Do it and really mean it... Be sincere...

Hang in there...

Thanks Silly Panda! I hope you're right!

Actually, in three weeks I'm moving to another country - not the other side of the globe - but still. The ex (who was unemployed during almost the whole relationship) is now desperately trying to find a job where I'm moving to, so he can be in the neighbourhood. I told him that was his choice, but him doing that would not guarantee me taking him back. It does show how committed he is

I'm not saying you should move to the other side of the globe as well, of course He's lucky in a way, since he had no responsibilities in our home-country.

But even if you're so far away, I'm sure you could find a way to show her all the efforts you're making, don't you think?

Beefolive, yes, working together will make things weird, a bit, I suppose. I don't know her, but what Silly Panda says sounds good. Be there for her (in any way you can, even just offering to make photocopies for her, or anything!) and definitely don't overdo it. I saw my ex for a couple of days because we had to get our house sorted and although he was sweet enough telling me a hundred times that I'm the one, and that he'll do anything to prove that to me, he kinda pushed it when he physically came too close and even tried to kiss me. Don't do that!

you could send her texts, not too often. But just really sweet ones that you truly mean. Preferably around bed-time

Do you think texting her will work.

While she hasnt told me to leave her alone she seems very angry and cold.

She is on holiday this week so i have left her alone as i dont want to annoy or frustrate her.

Infact i sent her the following before she left and she replied with THANK YOU....nothing else!.

'im just texting you because i felt things were left kinda badly and i dont want us to feel uncomfortable when we get back to school. Im just letting you know im going to stop trying to explain myself and asking you back, its not because i dont want to be with you, i really do and i am genuinley willing to hear you out as to how i could change. Im just going to stop all the texts and stuff because i dont wan you to feel harassed. I dont think its good for either of us and if i did truly make you feel that bad then maybe you are rite about not wanting me. For now im going to wait and hope. I really hope you have a brilliant holiday and me texting you didnt annoy you.

Thanks Silly Panda! I hope you're right!

Actually, in three weeks I'm moving to another country - not the other side of the globe - but still. The ex (who was unemployed during almost the whole relationship) is now desperately trying to find a job where I'm moving to, so he can be in the neighbourhood. I told him that was his choice, but him doing that would not guarantee me taking him back. It does show how committed he is

 

I'm not saying you should move to the other side of the globe as well, of course He's lucky in a way, since he had no responsibilities in our home-country.

But even if you're so far away, I'm sure you could find a way to show her all the efforts you're making, don't you think?

 

Beefolive, yes, working together will make things weird, a bit, I suppose. I don't know her, but what Silly Panda says sounds good. Be there for her (in any way you can, even just offering to make photocopies for her, or anything!) and definitely don't overdo it. I saw my ex for a couple of days because we had to get our house sorted and although he was sweet enough telling me a hundred times that I'm the one, and that he'll do anything to prove that to me, he kinda pushed it when he physically came too close and even tried to kiss me. Don't do that!

Yea... I think it's a good thing for your ex too that now he is like more determined... Getting a job and improving himself... It will help him and help you too... You go girl..!

See... A person can really change if he/she really wanna... My ex don't believe in that...

The thing with my ex is that she is already in a realtionship (just 3days after we broke up)... And she is really happy now... I'm really happy for her though deep inside I really wan her back... But... Like she said... If we are meant to be together, we will be together...

Do you think texting her will work.

 

While she hasnt told me to leave her alone she seems very angry and cold.

 

She is on holiday this week so i have left her alone as i dont want to annoy or frustrate her.

 

Infact i sent her the following before she left and she replied with THANK YOU....nothing else!.

 

'im just texting you because i felt things were left kinda badly and i dont want us to feel uncomfortable when we get back to school. Im just letting you know im going to stop trying to explain myself and asking you back, its not because i dont want to be with you, i really do and i am genuinley willing to hear you out as to how i could change. Im just going to stop all the texts and stuff because i dont wan you to feel harassed. I dont think its good for either of us and if i did truly make you feel that bad then maybe you are rite about not wanting me. For now im going to wait and hope. I really hope you have a brilliant holiday and me texting you didnt annoy you.

I don't really know if texting will work (I kinda sucks in getting my ex back as well)... But I believe if you do text her, keep it short-simple-sweet... Don't sound needy and all... From your last text... I agreed to give her space, so I think this is your first task..? Prove to her you are a man of your word..?

I really don't know... This is just my own opinion... Hope other posters could shed some lights in this...

Here are some texts that my ex sent me and that I thought were really nice and left me with a warm feeling. I didn't reply much to them though, sometimes just a :-)

"You know what else is the problem? Everything I experience, I want to share with you..." - this he sent me after I told him I needed more space

"I love you, just so you know, you amazing woman!"

"I love you so much and I want to be able to prove that to you. I can't me any more honest than that. Sorry for earlier, I'm angry at myself..." (after we had an argument on the phone)

"Just wanted to let you know that I love you."

He just lets me know he's thinking about me every single day. It's good.

Silly Panda, I'm so sad for you :-( But maybe she's right... if it's meant to be, it'll be? I think that's quite a good philisophy

Thanks guys,

Im pretty confused myself thats the thing.

She appears to be brilliant at hiding her feelings and not giving much away...is this normal for girls. Why has she become so cold, is it a coping mechanism.

I want to phone her and text her and try to make things better but i realise that will not work at the moment.

Perhaps she has just had enough, if thats the case can i change her mind?

she cant have stopped caring or loving me in a month can she?

so much advice aswell on the internet about getting a girl back

does it work?

i mean should i write her a letter that provokes interest and go nc on her.

Or is all of that rubbish

 

Silly Panda, I'm so sad for you :-( But maybe she's right... if it's meant to be, it'll be? I think that's quite a good philisophy

I was the one that took her for granted in the first place... And she had had enough I guess... So this is my punishment... I only realised now important she is to me after the break up... You don't know what you got til it's gone...

so much advice aswell on the internet about getting a girl back

 

does it work?

 

i mean should i write her a letter that provokes interest and go nc on her.

 

Or is all of that rubbish

beefolive... I think NC in your case is not that effective... If you go cold on her, she might just move on... But it's all up to you...

I think rite now, what you gotta do is to write a list of the things that you need to change about you... Those things that you had discussed with her before but you never put it into action... If possible, add some new stuff in that list (like get fitter, learn some magic tricks)... And work on that list... When you really do change your bad attitude and bad habit, she will know (you are working at the same place - so it's easier for her to notice)... Don't go back to your old bad habit... Cause if you do, she will just think 'as usual... that's just you...' That will disappoint her more and make her think 'my decision to break up with you was rite...'

So it's really up to you... NC doesn't apply to all... The purpose of NC is actually to give you both some space to sort yourself out and heal... Don't use that into thinking of getting her back... Hang in there man...

The choice is yours to make...

Thats what i thought but all the advice on the internet confused me more...

Thing is, we broke up after a number of small things came to a head!.....we had a break at xmas to try and fix things but since we were at school we never changed a thing just got back into the same old routine.

I know she feels angry and hurt but i just want to show her how different things can be. I dont know if she will give me another chance but im not willing to let her go yet.

I have already made a list of the things i need to change but i dont know what else i can do, its not just emotional either, we are a brilliant couple.

I owe it to her after two years of us being together. I hope i havnt messed it all up too much.

Hello Bee,

I hope you are well today. Sun is shining where I am, cool, clear morning, and I hope that is the case for you.

As for your question: do couples ever get back together? Of course they do. Anything is possible in this life. But quite honestly, there are times a breakup happens for a reason: the relationship was broken, or it broke down, that's why it's called a breakup. If nothing was wrong, the breakup would not have occurred, you know?

So the first thing you need to do is see what failed, and if you can turn things around. What I am seeing is that you and your GF went in different directions with regard to maturity -- and her feelings dissipated over time, until she finally dumped you. You had chances during the relationship, and you seem to have used them up.

So for this reason, IMHO, this ship has sailed. Sorry, but that's the truth. Why try to fit a square peg in a round hole? She's moved on emotionally.

I am growing rather tired of the word "change" and I don't think it's helpful nor accurate. So let's use the words "mature" and "grow up" -- and go from there.

People do not change. But we do evolve, mature and grow. We (should) learn from our mistakes, and correct them. We should take a cue when someone is upset with us, and see if we've done something to upset that person. This is part of growing up, and maturing, not changing.

Do you think texting her will work. While she hasnt told me to leave her alone she seems very angry and cold. She is on holiday this week so i have left her alone as i dont want to annoy or frustrate her.[/Quote]

 

'im just texting you because i felt things were left kinda badly and i dont want us to feel uncomfortable when we get back to school. Im just letting you know im going to stop trying to explain myself and asking you back, its not because i dont want to be with you, i really do and i am genuinley willing to hear you out as to how i could change. Im just going to stop all the texts and stuff because i dont wan you to feel harassed. I dont think its good for either of us and if i did truly make you feel that bad then maybe you are rite about not wanting me. For now im going to wait and hope. I really hope you have a brilliant holiday and me texting you didnt annoy you.

The text was an okay move and no matter what happens, the main thing here is to follow up ACTIONS with WORDS.

 

Leave her alone. You've spoken your peace. She is entitled to her feelings and you have to respect that she may have fallen out of love with you for a variety of reasons, or just outgrown the relationship because you are not mature, and she wants to be with a more mature individual.

 

You're in pain, I get that. But instead of trying to figure out "tactical" ways to get someone back, use the breakup to grow up (not change!) -- and dig deep in yourself to figure out what you want in a relationship and how you can make one work more successfully in the future.

 

Tactical moves (should I send a text? what should it say? sending flowers, or a card, or ... ) these are just empty tactical maneuvers that don't mean much in the big picture.

 

No one should ever be taken for granted, and the last person on that list should be the person you claim to love and cherish, but somehow, that person ends up at the top of the list -- how is that? When you take someone for granted, get complacent and lazy, you are sending a clear message as to how you will treat them in the future. I have news for you. That's not going to get you a top quality GF. Give your best at all times and you will get the best in return. Or some day, you will have a relationship where someone takes YOU for granted, and you won't put up with it either. You'll want and expect a lot more.

 

So best wishes, stay the course. Leave her alone and take a look in the mirror and watch the transformation begin to take place. Take care.

I mean, dont get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs but on the whole our two years together has been great.

If she has decided that enough is enough i assume there will be no way to chnage her mind.

her feelings surely cannot have changed this quickly