My Ex GF is leaving for Australia in a few hours??

Hey guys,

Some of you may remember some of my past threads about the breakup I was going through with my ex GF.

After 2 months of mixed signals etc, I finally decided to go full NC.

However, this only lasted around 3 weeks - She broke NC to talk about a banking issue that needed the both of us present to ressolve.

On the back of that she told me that she was moving to Australia for 6-12 months with her sister.

This didnt really surprise me, as her older brother has been out there for a year, and sister was going over there anyway. Plus her mum had been urging the both of us to move out there when we were still together.

She insisted that she infact didnt want to go, but as her life was so bad over here included me totally cutting her off through NC, that she thought she may as well leave.

I explained to her that she left me no other choice than to go NC, as being in limbo mode was killing me.

Anyway, so for the past months we've been pretty much hanging out as a couple again (all the the time innitiated by her), been intimate at times, but still no discussion about us getting back together. So I was pretty much back to square one again.

She began to get increasingly jelous, when I went out with my friends to clubs etc, even though she knew that I wasnt ready to start dating again, or do stuff with other girls.

I have major concerns about her going to Australia, mainly because she recently beat skin cancer, and the Drs have warned her to stay out of the sun.

Also I know she is suffering from some form of depression as a result of this, but only speaks about it so much before she locks me out.

Shes told me various times that she does'nt really want to go to Australia, but her mum is the main driving force behind this. I know her folks are aware of this depression she has, but simply believe the move to Australia with straighten her out.

I personally believe, if shes not happy within over here, shes going to facing the same issues once she moves out there i.e. constantly unhappy and demotivated.

So lastnight, I decided to speak with her about where I stand, and how she invisioned this whole Austalia trip would effect the both of us.

She got extremely defensive about this, as she thought I was trying to win her back. This wasnt the case, i.e. as much as I love her, with her being in the frame of mind she is in at the moment, things wouldnt work between us.

Anyway, she explained to me that we'll just see what happens (if I'm still single when she returns, we'll see what happens). However she still wants to talk to me everyday over skype, wants me to come and visit her. But if I meet someone, then so be it, as she doesn't want me to put my life on hold waiting for her.

The reason she broke up with me is because she just feels extremely unhappy within herself, and doesnt want to be in a relationship. She said she could be ready for a relationship in a years time, or in 5 years time, but for the time being she just wants to find herself, and maybe she will find some happiness in Australia.

So my questions is guys, what do I do from here? I've said it many times beforem this girl is my heart.

As much as it kills me to do so, I know I have to let her go.

Is it a good idea at this stage to remain in contact with her while she is away, or just go back to NC?

Thanks

We all know how this would end were it a movie, but sadly, this is real life and I think your only option now is to say one last goodbye.

Sometimes we have to set those we love free and let them go. Believe me, I know how hard that is.

If you can see her face to face without rushing, then I'd say goodbye that way, but it's unlikely she'll have the time or focus to really take what it is you're saying in. So instead, I would simply say goodbye for now and leave it simple. Wish her all the best, don't mention the relationship or any feelings, just leave her feeling happy.

Then, I'd draft up an email - make it good and put in everything you ever wanted to say. Then leave it for a while, and re-read it, changing what needs changing. Making it shorter and more to the point: you're saying goodbye as that's now what you need to do. If you feel like ending with some form of keeping that door open, then fair enough, but in reality you know this is goodbye.

I'd aim to send that so it's there for her should she check her email before she touches down. I think the importance is more if she sees you sent this before she starts her break rather than a few days into it.

That's just my take on it and I guess what I'd do. I can't say what will come of it so don't expect anything, but I just see it as a way to say goodbye.

One thing to keep in mind though - it's only the other side of the world. That used to mean a lot but now we chat to people from all over, have them as friends on Facebook, video call them live, play games online with them... the world isn't that big a place anymore. Yeah she's gone... but she's only ever going to be 24 hours away!

Thanks alot for you're reply smudge. Its well appreciated.

I'm due to leave for the air port shortly, and hoping I can hold it together to say goodbye.

I think I pretty much said all I needed to say when I spoke with her last night, and as I said she got really defensive. I'm kind of feeling the whole idea of dropping her an email. I did send her a huge ass letter when we broke up for the second time, so I think shes more than aware of how I truely feel. She did say last night that she does know how I feel (without sounding like a wuss, I did tell her I still loved her), and admitted that she was selfish for not respecting my wishes to keep nc between us, but she simply loves being with me, but doesnt wonna be in a relationship right now.

This was a major break through, as small as it was because she never discusses her true feelings, just sweeps stuff under the carpet.

Sorry if this is making no sense....my head is in bits as I'm typing this. I guess I just don't want her to get on the plane, then a few days down the line, I'm thinking, could have done, should have done, would have done. But I feel like I've hit a brick wall, and don't know what the hell to do from here.

I have a great relationship with her family also, which is going to make this even harder to figure out.

I see your point about Australia only being 24 hours away:), I'm just torn with what to do from here.

It seems like whatever shes going through, part of me feels to be there to support her, like I always have.

But I just fear that if I do, and keep in contact, I'll fall into the dredded friends zone.

You can't stop her going, and you shouldn't any way. She may be expecting you to get all emotional but try to keep it together when you see her and just be nice, wish her well and say goodbye.

Then go draft up a nice email, getting some things off your chest and letting her know how much she means to you, but then that's it. Let her make the next contact from then on.

I can only imagine how tough this is, but she's still only moving away for a while. My ex is getting married soon and there's nothing I can do to prevent that. Then she truly will be lost to me.

I know I can't stop her going. I wish I could to be honest, but I know its something Ive gotta let her do.

I have no doubts in my mind that she will contact me first.

Its just that after reading so many threads on here, about people having their cake and eating it too after a breakup really gets me thinking.....am I doing the right thing, by saying bye to her at the airport, writing an email and remaining in contact with her while shes out there?

I know every relationship is different, and what works for one couple, may not work for the other.

Sorry to hear that about you're ex. How long have you guys been split up for? What were the circumstances if you don't mind me asking?

I think the email should be a goodbye email, otherwise that door will always be open and whilst she's away from you, you'll never be able to move on. The day she stops responding to your emails will really hurt. Besides, going no contact allows them to miss us, so if there are feelings there, then they will get in contact.

See this as time for both of you to see what life is like apart from each other. Who knows how that may turn out...

Long story mine, short version is started as friends, became more, ended kinda' suddenly but her ex was still in the picture. They've been on and off for many years so there's a connection there. Tried to stay friends but I couldn't handle it. Went NC after saying goodbye and after 6 months she gets in touch, just friendly stuff. I do want to be her friend, but I'm not in that place right now... I've told her that and it's all okay, but the truth I haven't told her is that I doubt we will ever be friends like we were again. I will always have those feelings for her and it will be too hard to see her married to him. I know she cares a lot for me, may even love me, but sadly just not enough. Sometimes letting go is the only option... it was mine.

hey djan

sounds tough, how long were you with this girl?

mine i recently broke up with as i felt she didnt have a strong enough feelings for me for us to stay together whilst she goes travelling for 6 months. she to will be in australia. she wants to be free and have no stresses about relationships or to feel guilt on her actions whilst out there. so more than likely she wants to be open to meeting someone. sigh.

she didnt want to make it work as we would argue. and she didnt want to be tied to me once back..

anyway, your girl sounds committed to you, but id let her go to just as smudge says.

she says

"However she still wants to talk to me everyday over skype, wants me to come and visit her. But if I meet someone, then so be it, as she doesn't want me to put my life on hold waiting for her.

The reason she broke up with me is because she just feels extremely unhappy within herself, and doesnt want to be in a relationship. She said she could be ready for a relationship in a years time, or in 5 years time, but for the time being she just wants to find herself, and maybe she will find some happiness in Australia"

which basically means, she doesnt want to loose you completely, but she also wants you to move on and be happy to. she basically says she doesnt want to be in a relationship now, but she will be open to it. and she is looking for happiness. i wouldnt be with a girl who didnt know herself.. like who knows what they are going to do next? and you would have no say in it.. you know deep inside you you want a relationship with this girl. but because life is life, she isnt in the right place, and now she is leaving, it kind of makes it concrete that its not practical to stay together now..

do you really want to skype this girl every single day, make her feel better, and then for her to suddenly announce oh ive been seeing "brad" a surfer out here and he is making me soo happy now. i didnt think i would ever want a relationship but ive found it. so how are you?

see what i mean?

i think you have much to loose here rather than gain, in trying to make HER happy instead of YOU.

all i know is it pays to be selfish sometimes. do what makes YOU happy. and you cant go wrong..

you said it yourself "Its just that after reading so many threads on here, about people having their cake and eating it too after a breakup really gets me thinking.....am I doing the right thing, by saying bye to her at the airport, writing an email and remaining in contact with her while shes out there?"

"But I just fear that if I do, and keep in contact, I'll fall into the dredded friends zone."

hence why i am not staying on close contact with mine. i wont be a safety net. i wont be a mere option. if she wanted to have stayed with me whilst going she would have.

but yeah every case is different but i think low contact, and move on with your life is best for you. yeah maybe go see her sure. but only once your clear in your own mind what you want

Just a quick update guys before I respond to you'r replies.

I went to the airport earlier, and it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be in all honesty. I guess I must be getting stronger.

The strange thing is, my ex was wearing some of my clothes, and taking some with her (throughout our breakup, she has always continued to wear my clothes like hoodies, t shirts etc especially when we hang out together).

She also was wearing some of the jewellery I had bought for her in the past, and asked me weather I was wearing a bracelet she had given me this morning - something for me to remember her by.

She insisted that I must never take this bracelet off, and that she would never take the bracelet off I bought for her.

We said our goodbyes (I didnt shed any tears, but she was crying) she came back to me, we hugged and kissed breifly, I said I love you, and she said it back...then she was gone. She also brought up me coming over to visit for christmas, I just said we'll see what happens.

Her folks and I left together and they pleaded for me to keep in touch.

She called later on, just before she started to board the plane, just asking what I was upto and said she'd let me know once she arrived in oz.

I dunno whether or not all of this was simply bredcrumbs or what, but I guess whats done is done now.

I think the email should be a goodbye email, otherwise that door will always be open and whilst she's away from you, you'll never be able to move on. The day she stops responding to your emails will really hurt.

I couldnt agree with you more smudge, and this is one of my biggest fears.

Besides, going no contact allows them to miss us, so if there are feelings there, then they will get in contact.

Fingers crossed. However, each time I cut her off, she seems to do something crazy to get some form of reaction....the last time I went nc, she decided to move to oz, so if I go nc again, I don't know what the hell she 'll do this time around.

See this as time for both of you to see what life is like apart from each other. Who knows how that may turn out...

Part of me feels that everthing will work out, but I just prepare myself for the worse at times, and think of the worse case scenario....its just ow Ive always lived my life.

Sorry to hear about what happened with your ex, it must have been really tough having to let go.

So dyou think you'll ever be friends with her again at some stage?

Hi Dblock10,

glad to know that someone else is going through a similar situation and can relate:)

We were together for just over 3 years....5 years age gap between us though, I'm 25 and shes 20.

Gow long were you with your ex for, an was it you who broke up with her?

which basically means, she doesnt want to loose you completely, but she also wants you to move on and be happy to. she basically says she doesnt want to be in a relationship now, but she will be open to it. and she is looking for happiness. i wouldnt be with a girl who didnt know herself.. like who knows what they are going to do next? and you would have no say in it.. you know deep inside you you want a relationship with this girl. but because life is life, she isnt in the right place, and now she is leaving, it kind of makes it concrete that its not practical to stay together now..

 

do you really want to skype this girl every single day, make her feel better, and then for her to suddenly announce oh ive been seeing "brad" a surfer out here and he is making me soo happy now. i didnt think i would ever want a relationship but ive found it. so how are you?

 

 

see what i mean?

I see exactly what you mean, and as I said above, its one of my major fears that she will simply move on while I'll be stuck in the same depressive limbo/friends mode.

With everything that we went through with the cancer etc, I've been so used to putting her first in everything I do, and ensuring her happiness, even if it makes me unhappy. I guess like you said its time to think of me now, and doing what I need to do to heal.

How long have you been appart from you're ex and have you remained strict nc?

Let her go

 

Hi Dblock10,

 

glad to know that someone else is going through a similar situation and can relate:)

 

We were together for just over 3 years....5 years age gap between us though, I'm 25 and shes 20.

 

Gow long were you with your ex for, an was it you who broke up with her?

 

 

I see exactly what you mean, and as I said above, its one of my major fears that she will simply move on while I'll be stuck in the same depressive limbo/friends mode.

With everything that we went through with the cancer etc, I've been so used to putting her first in everything I do, and ensuring her happiness, even if it makes me unhappy. I guess like you said its time to think of me now, and doing what I need to do to heal.

 

How long have you been appart from you're ex and have you remained strict nc?

glad you went to airport mate. very wise move. i approve.

i however am not going to the airport with my ex. its been over 3 weeks NC from me and her.

your prob sorry you asked but...

i was with her for 7 months. well kind of me to start with, but it was more she wasnt given me the right noises about her feelings toward me or that she want to stay with me whilst she goes travelling.

basically i said i didnt think it would work to get a reaction, i told her i wanted to wait for her and i dont want to loose her, she never fought for us to stay together, i never got reassurance, even when i told her id like to go visit her at xmas to break the travel in two. when i first initially said it wouldn't work, she did say two people can stay together whilst travelling. but she wanted time to think about it etc. but ultimately she would have came back to me with the points she stuck to once we talked in person. my story is kicking around on the boards somewhere but its long and boring tbh

so to stop me getting left behind when she left i told her i didnt think it would work and that she wouldnt want ties etc etc but id like to see her once back. she didnt have an opinion. really she forced me to make that decision as she would never have told me her true feelings until after i had put what i thought she was going to say anyway in her head.

i went to see her in person, told her i wanted us to work, i didnt want it to come between us, but she didnt want it, she didnt want to commit to me whilst away and once back, so we left it there. told her i was always here for her, and that if she would like to see me before she leaves she knows where i am.

on that day i left hers to go say good bye to my nan (she knew this), she died a week later, and ive had part of the funeral service today. so its been just over 3 weeks of no contact and ive not heard a whistle from her...

so i am maintaining NC and moving on. only option i have. ball is in her court completely. i put myself on the line, explained why i said i didnt think it would work, was my insecurities and bad thoughts that made me say it.. she knew i wanted to stay with her.

so little i could do once she finally made her mind up. wasnt "practical" for us to stay together. plus in the early stages of her saying she couldnt tell me what she was doing once back.. made me question was there any point staying together if thats the case.. its like id never get to see her. would be hard and not worth it.

i feel for you though. the fact you stayed with her through that and she can turn around and be so nasty mate. really not cool. i wouldnt go near a girl like that if im honest.

you are right, you DO need to do things for you. be a bit selfish. do whats right for you.

concentrate on studies and friends now. its what i am doing.

glad you went to airport mate. very wise move. i approve.

Thanks man. I just didnt want to have any regrets. I mean if worse comes to the worse, and I never get her back, atleast I can hold my head high knowing that I did everything in my power to save the relationship, and had a dignified exit, not only with with her, but her family also.

Sorry to hear about what happened to your nan mate. I would have thought your ex would have made contact, especially dring a time of bereavement.

Did she ever ask you to go travelling with her?

From what you said, you could'nt have done anymore. You put yourself out there, and the ball is fully in her court.

How old is your ex if you don't mind me asking. Reason being (and and dunno whether this is a coincedence or gigs as they call it on here), but my previous ex kind of flew of the rails and went travelling when she was 20/21 and my current ex who is the same age is doing the same thing now.

i feel for you though. the fact you stayed with her through that and she can turn around and be so nasty mate. really not cool. i wouldnt go near a girl like that if im honest.

Its funny you say that as, all of my close friends say the exact same thing. I was truely driven to the edge of my sanity while she was going through this, but I stood by her every step of the way. But thats just who I am. If it was a friend or a family member I would have done the exact same thing.

People change over time I guess, but as wussy as it sounds, I really thought she was the one.

Yeah dignity mate, you get to know you got that under your belt. You don't owe her anything! which is a good feeling and should help you to rest easy.

Sorry to hear about what happened to your nan mate. I would have thought your ex would have made contact, especially dring a time of bereavement.

Yeah thats ok man, same really, thats what i was "hoping" for. and you know what else, she was on my facebook as "online" for about 15 minutes today, but she never spoke to me or anything.. it hurts so much. just makes me a bit angry and upset that she can be like that to me.

I think... so she might not have seen my status about my nan.... she might not have seen me online.... but the fact remains she knew when i left hers that day that i saw her i had told her at our meal out that my nan was on the edge and ive got to go see her the next day.

Did she ever ask you to go travelling with her?

No not really. she was always planning it with her friend. she once in a conversation said "oh why cant you leave uni and come with me" and i told her there is no way i can do that, i already took enough time off from it and my parents wouldn't allow me to now. plus i want to do it myself after uni.

From what you said, you could'nt have done anymore. You put yourself out there, and the ball is fully in her court.

Yeah id like to think so, but i still feel "bad" for being the one to first say i didn't think it would work, thus putting bad thoughts in her mind and second guessing us. but ultimately i put myself on the line and explained why i said that. but it was those points she stuck to such as not wanting to feel obliged to be near me once back and that we would argue and fall out. and she doesn't know what she is doing once back, so wouldn't be fair on me, if she got back and then announces she's off for a ski season etc . so i think that she would have felt those things anyway and it would have ended another way whilst on her journeys. Plus it would be hard to stay together when she is a bad communicator which is something she pointed out herself. and that she has done 2 LDR before and they don't work.

How old is your ex if you don't mind me asking. Reason being (and and dunno whether this is a coincedence or gigs as they call it on here), but my previous ex kind of flew of the rails and went travelling when she was 20/21 and my current ex who is the same age is doing the same thing now.

My ex is 21 nearly 22. I dont know if its gigs, cause shes had a fair few bf's but it seems she likes to hook up with people for 3-6 months and then move on. Like when she goes on long holiday breaks to work in bars/clubs like doing the flyers, shots etc. i know of one that she was "seeing" and then she meets up with people at "re-unions"

Shes only had one long term serious bf from when she was 17 or something, but she told me that was on and off every time she went to uni. he turned aggressive and cheated on her with 3 different girls (is what he told her when it ended)

they share the same social circle back home so she wanted to be civil with him when i caught her talking to him one night. We settled it and she told me she would never go back with him after what he did but she wanted to be civil he was only contacting her because he was at one of these reunion events.

His reason for hurting her physically when it ended was that she cheated on him. she says otherwise, and that he only said that because he didn't want to look like a bad person for doing it.

But yeah could be just that she is 21 and that she just doesn't know what she wants from life, she certainly doesn't want to settle into a serious relationship and didnt want it to work with me .

its my fault for falling in love with her when given what was in front of me and ahead i really adored this girl. even though ive been hurt so bad in the past i gave my trust and heart to her i would have done anything for her.

Its funny you say that, as, all of my close friends say the exact same thing. I was truely driven to the edge of my sanity while she was going through this, but I stood by her every step of the way. But thats just who I am. If it was a friend or a family member I would have done the exact same thing.

People change over time I guess, but as wussy as it sounds, I really thought she was the one.

its true though, yeah you are a gent, and you are rare. girls will appreciate that when they want to settle down. yeah i don't think it sounds wussy.. i believe this girl could have been the one to. its just she got away and there is nothing i can do to tie her to me.

i still feel let down by her though.

Just another quick update. My Ex contacted me twice today. The last message she sent me was to say that she had reached safely, how its simply not the same talking to me via tx msg, as shes used to talking to me over the phone; and wants me to get saving so I can come over. I'm actually lost even more at this stage, and unsure as to whether or not I should even reply.

If I'm being honest, when I woke up this morning, the reality of her actually leaving the country hit me, and man did it hit me hard. I'm trying to remain positive, but I've been finding it hard not to fall back into the depressive state I was in when she first dumped me:(.

@Dblock10Thanks for your kind words I'm a nice guy, and everyone in my family, close friends etc love and respect me for the loyal/sincere person I am.

However, one thing I've learnt from all the girls I've been with or ever been in a relationship with is this

"Nice guys always finish last"

Sorry to sound cliche, but I'm really starting to feel this not only about my current ex, but previous ex also. When I acted as if I didnt give a damn and was more stern with her (never disrespected her or raised my hand to her, but basically stood up for myself more and was willing to walk away from her at the drop of a hat), everything was cool, and she was the one who used to chase me.

However, the tables gradually turned (especially after she was diagnosed with cancer), and I literally allowed her to constantly get her own way.

Low and behold, issues began to arrise from there. The same thing pretty much happened with my previous ex also. I guess I changed to an extent, and I wasnt the guy they originally had fallen in love with?

I dunno, maybe I'm looking too much into this, but from my experience, women like guys who are in control of their emotions, and more of a challenge if that makes sense.

Man, it really shouldnt be like this imo, if you like/love someone and want to be with them, so be it. If you don't wonna be with them, then don't.

However, when it comes to relationships, there always seemed to be a game being played, from the initial chase/dating, to when you actually break up i.e. going nc or lc.

Me personally, I don't wonna play anymore as I feel too drained.

I'm in a similar predicament to you now as, part of me wants to go nc, but part of me thinks its a bad move. The old me would have not given a sh** and gone nc from day one, but what can I say, I'm a sucka for love.

So at this stage, my head is all over the show whether or not I should nc at all or just lc.

As far as your situation goes, you should'nt blame yourself for falling in love with your ex. We can't chose who we fall in love with of feel attraction to imo.

As much as I'd love to tell you to go nc, I'm gonna say do what you think works for you. Some things in life are worth fighting for. But then theres a point where you gotta draw the line and say enough is enough. Lifes too short...so don' t have any regrets.

Sorry if I went off on a tangent there. Good luck

I think you are confused with what you want tbh. try not to think what she wants... what do you want?

yeah i bet the reality hit you hard. its not nice. im not looking forward to the day my ex leaves and then its real. but ive not spoken to her for 3.5 weeks now. and she hasnt bothered with me, even though if she really did care, she would have checked my fb wall, read my status, seen that my nan died and contacted me right away. its what i would have done for her.

i dont think you will fall back mate, you done everything right. she still contacts you, she still cares. thats more than what i can say about mine.

yeah well you sound like a genuine person mate and that in itself has value.

However, one thing I've learnt from all the girls I've been with or ever been in a relationship with is this

"Nice guys always finish last"

true, girls are attracted to confident independent men, who are in control of their emotions. thats why i am glad although i made myself vulnerable by constantly wanting to see her etc, at least i told her my true intentions and that she knew i cared for her, wanted it to work.

i didnt get mad, i didnt break down. just accepted it and left it there. im giving her what she wanted. space and freedom to enjoy herself.

i think every relationship starts the way you speak of, i.e putting your foot down etc, but what happens is, when you start to fall for them, you never want to upset them and you almost give the power to them. so really that is a hard thing to stop! so its not that you changed from someone they fell for, its just you are human and have feelings and emotions.

but yeah i get where you are coming from. and i agree fully, it sucks how there are games, but nc or lc isnt a game, you do what you feel best suits the situation. and if i'm honest i dont feel like i should contact my ex.

based on my situation with my nan, and based on how i already left the ball in her court. all contacting her will do now from me would be water under the bridge.

of course if i did contact her, it wouldn't be omg i miss you so much please come back, please stay with me, we can work this. = weak = pathetic

i already know she doesnt want a relationship. she hasnt indicated she is going to make more time for me before she leaves, she hasnt even indicated she cares about me even as a friend. so for now i think nc is best for myself.

so no. if i did contact her now, i think it would look weak from my point of view and what can i say, i mean i know shes leaving, i already said bye in person. just seems like all i could talk about is my nan dying. and then she would just be sympathetic and that would be about it. no good her feeling sorry for me is there? i dunno.

all i would have to say if i choose to do so before she leaves, is say, good luck with the journey, enjoy it. be safe. good luck.

nothing more, nothing less

i think you need to look at it in terms of facts put on the table, not how you perceive yourself to once be or are now etc. my friend is a Buddhist and he said something like you can only realistically act on facts, don't act on emotions as ultimately they change, facts do not.

for me my ex is going for an adventure of a life time, if i keep lc contact she will know she can string me along or that she still has me. she doesnt need that power from me, i already gave a lot of it away when i went to see her etc. i don't want to lower myself to being a safety net or someone waiting on the wing. if she wants to be with me, she will let it be known. and clearly this isn't the case with her and me.

of course i still care about her, id like it if she showed me a bit more care, it would make my decisions to contact her now and again (a month here a month there etc) a lot easier.

i dont blame myself for falling for her, just should be more careful.

so yeah i think i'm going to not 100% disappear from her life, as i don't have a good enough reason apart from my nan thing. so i may wish her a happy bday whilst she's been out there for a month. or i might decide to wish her well before she leaves.

i think i would send something like,

hey have a great journey, good luck with it, hope u packed the mosquito guard i gave you. be safe "me" x

buttt. as much as id love to send that, id really have liked to of heard from her before she goes. like my nan dying and not hearing from her is a big deal to me.

of course, i didnt explicitly tell her. if she cared, she would have asked how things were going you know?

i do wonder what would happen if i sent a txt saying, hey hope your well and works ok, i have a new job soon and im moving out. my nan passed away a few weeks ago. hope ur nan is ok.

i reckon that would make her feel pretty ****ty

what do you think

I'm confused to an extent dude tbh. If I'm being 100% honest, I want her back. No two ways about it. However, going off the frame of mind shes in at the moment, I know it wouldnt work, so giving her space is the only thing I can think to do. The worry for me is staying in contact with her, then eventually just falling into a friends zone, then I'm even more gutted when she moves on.

I'm one of the most indecisive people in the world lol....so going nc or nc is really playing on my mind i.e. which route to turn.

She has phoned me from Oz around 5 times since she arrive a few days ago. As expected she has asked me to come over while shes out there (I just played it cool and said I'll see what happens). However surprisingly enough she said she was home sick already and actually missing me wtf??

You're right, I think my ex does still care, but she made it crystal clear to me that she doesnt want a relationship right now. So why I torture myself and go through all of this. I do not know:S....well I do, I obviously love her, but I guess you can't change the way another person feels, only they can.

Your Nan passing is a big thing, and I'd expect my ex to see if things we're ok too if that happened to me. Did she have a good relationship with your family? Is there any reason why she wouldnt send her condolences?

i think every relationship starts the way you speak of, i.e putting your foot down etc, but what happens is, when you start to fall for them, you never want to upset them and you almost give the power to them. so really that is a hard thing to stop! so its not that you changed from someone they fell for, its just you are human and have feelings and emotions.

I see what you mean, I just wish I was a lil more stern instead of giving into what she always wanted. I find myself doing that now i.e. still speaking to her after I initially said we couldnt be friends after we split. Again this is why part of me thinks I should reject her friendship and try and move on maybe.

all i would have to say if i choose to do so before she leaves, is say, good luck with the journey, enjoy it. be safe. good luck.

 

nothing more, nothing less

I think that would be a good idea, given what has happened so far. Atleast you've been mature about it, before you disappear slightly out of her life:)

i think you need to look at it in terms of facts put on the table, not how you perceive yourself to once be or are now etc. my friend is a Buddhist and he said something like you can only realistically act on facts, don't act on emotions as ultimately they change, facts do not.

Interesting, and makes sooo much sense. If Only I had the guts to actually put this into practice.

for me my ex is going for an adventure of a life time, if i keep lc contact she will know she can string me along or that she still has me. she doesnt need that power from me, i already gave a lot of it away when i went to see her etc. i don't want to lower myself to being a safety net or someone waiting on the wing.

Again, this is one of my biggest fears. But that said, I guess every situation is different, and to be honest I do know couples that have stayed in contact after breakups and funnily enough gotten back together. This happened to one of my best friends, but he endured a hell of alot before he got her back, and in retrospec said nc may have been better at the time....who knows.

Me personally, If you feel to contact her before she leaves to even wish her all the best etc do it. As long as you don't have any regrets once she leaves, I think you'll be all good.

Again going off what I said before hand about "nice guys"....all of my friends who are mega successful with women, simply act as if they don't care. Again I see the logic in it to an extent, but to me games should'nt be played within relationships, but we all some how end up playing into them .....sigh

i can see what you mean there, but i would probably in your shoes try lc. then see what happens with no expectations.

she is obviously thinking about you and its nice she is missing you!

its hard though as she doesnt want a relationship. seems like this is a casual thing to her, not so much for you though eh>?

Your Nan passing is a big thing, and I'd expect my ex to see if things we're ok too if that happened to me. Did she have a good relationship with your family? Is there any reason why she wouldnt send her condolences?

yeah she got on well with my family when she met them, she never met my grandparents though. even still...

i havent told her about it. but should i?

if its too hard to be her friend, then simply you cannot be her friend. its up to you to decide this. not her.

I think that would be a good idea, given what has happened so far. Atleast you've been mature about it, before you disappear slightly out of her life:)

well yeah i have been mature about it, but its getting harder. 31 days of nc now. and i wished her good luck when i went to see her 31 days ago, and we had a nice day together.

Again, this is one of my biggest fears. But that said, I guess every situation is different, and to be honest I do know couples that have stayed in contact after breakups and funnily enough gotten back together. This happened to one of my best friends, but he endured a hell of alot before he got her back, and in retrospec said nc may have been better at the time....who knows.

hmm yeah, it would be difficult. plus you dont have any say in what they do. sometimes not knowing is best :S

Me personally, If you feel to contact her before she leaves to even wish her all the best etc do it. As long as you don't have any regrets once she leaves, I think you'll be all good.

Again going off what I said before hand about "nice guys"....all of my friends who are mega successful with women, simply act as if they don't care. Again I see the logic in it to an extent, but to me games should'nt be played within relationships, but we all some how end up playing into them .....sigh

yeah i dont like games, but its life. i am not playing games by not talking to her, i just know ball is in her court and ive already done enough if not too much.

i am glad i went to go see her before she goes, but i am very confused and hurt by the nc from her. i do not understand it. and the only regret i might have is if i dont ask her why she stopped talking to me now