Switching from marriage to infidelity

I started a thread under marriage and relationships but I think this is more appropriate . I made a list of things I like and dislike about my M and OM..

M

1)loves me

2) rich and successful

3)forgiving

4) gets along with my family, respectful

5) best dad

6) caring

7) honest

8) loyal

9) patient

10) puts family first

Now things I don't like or are a problem now

1)overweight, bald and un attractive

2) doesn't turn me on at all( I compare him to OM otherwise he's fine)

OM things I like,

1) very good looking, perfect ripped body,

2) amazing in bed

3) patient

4) never loses his temper

5)intelligent

Things that bother me

1) average income( my H makes 10 times more)

2) secretive ( keeps his phone locked and hides it when I want to look)

3) has a history of cheating on all his prior gfs

I am sorry but I think this is natural. Without sexual attraction NONE OF THE QUALITIES that are commonly attributed to a good husband matter. no woman can be in love with a man that they are not sexually attracted to... no matter how great of a partner they are. And this is the stereotypical alpha-beta scenario. The beta-provider husband is at home taking care of everything while that wife is out riding alpha c*ck. This is a story as old as time. And if a woman has a choice between getting wants (sex with a man they want and getting taken care of by husband) by lying/cheating or being honest and leaving her husband (and facing all the consequences) to pursue attraction... she will chose lying/cheating every time. What this women is doing is an example of the true sexual nature of women. and to the husbands that fall into beta-provider role... this will undoubtedly be your fate if your wife is, at all, desirable to other men. sad but true. but with all that said... this woman sucks. you should let your husband go instead of using him... your a sh*tty person... seriously. attraction and love is not a choice.... but purposefully using and hurting a man that loves you and gave his whole life to you is a choice

Trust me I hate doing this to him. I want a divorce and I told H about not being attracted to him. He's not letting me go. I don't get any peace or pleasure cheating on him and having sex or just being dishonest to H but he does not want to D me. It's come down to if he's alone, divorced, he will not let me be single and dating other men. So we live under the same roof, he has become totally obsessed over my texting, phones, where I go etc. It's driving me away. I'm an awful person, never wanted my marriage to turn this way.. But I did it and now I can't be with him.

Trust me I hate doing this to him. I want a divorce and I told H about not being attracted to him. He's not letting me go. I don't get any peace or pleasure cheating on him and having sex or just being dishonest to H but he does not want to D me. It's come down to if he's alone, divorced, he will not let me be single and dating other men. So we live under the same roof, he has become totally obsessed over my texting, phones, where I go etc. It's driving me away. I'm an awful person, never wanted my marriage to turn this way.. But I did it and now I can't be with him.

Uh-huh.

No. I told him it was an emotional affair.

No. I told him it was an emotional affair.

Why are you lying about the fact you are sleeping with OM?

I just don't get woman...divorce him, and quit using him...of course he doesn't want a divorce...not many of us good,loyal, faithful guys do...what I dont get is why woman like you choose to inflict immeasurable pain and hurt on a good man who thinks he married a good woman, and has deluded himself into thinking you still are...we have a hard time facing reality when it smacks us in the face...the resentment and anger he will have when he discovers how much of a lieing, decieving, cheating, person you are, will be immeasurable...then to save face, you will try to destroy him, only to beg for his forgiveness down the road...I hate tramps that have no remorse...as far as OM, haha...golly, gee...he hides phone..I wonder why...Oh, he is using you as a sex toy...MW like you are the easiest targets out there..SW no better...he is ripped..of course he will stay like that forever, not...then what do we have if by the slightest chance he keeps you..

1. overweight, balding, receding hair line

2. a cheater, dishonest, player

3. untrustworthy and on and on

4. your kids now hate you

5. grand kids disown you

6. all good friend s that know disown you

7. your ex hates your guts

8. you will reap what you sow and on and on

all to get a true orgasm for a while and be validated by a cheating, player

oh my...I feel truly sorry for your kind...and I'm a happy man..athletic..decent shape...and loyal,honest, and a lover..not 1 bit bitter..actually thankful for my new beginning

go figure

Telling him about physical cheating will ruin my image in front of my family and children. Im sticking to ' not in love anymore' line.

Hate me..

Telling him about physical cheating will ruin my image in front of my family and children. Im sticking to ' not in love anymore' line.

Hate me..

Not like your image is flawless now.

Hate you? Nah, more like pity you.

Telling him about physical cheating will ruin my image in front of my family and children. Im sticking to ' not in love anymore' line.

Hate me..

I dont hate you, I feel sorry for you....stay true to yourself and ask for nothing in divorce except what is personally yours...and give him full custody... and then leave him the f____alone...he will be over you in a heartbeat, but only if you go bybye...and byeby forever....the cake is eaten...

and he will just take the high road and not expose you...fat chance....good luck with that....stigma is yours forever....own it

I am selfish and I know he's a good guy.

I did think about staying for money and continuing affair on the side..but can't do it. Not because I'm suddenly guilty but I'm sick of hiding who I am and what I want. Maybe I'm not a monogamous person.I don't want to get married again either.

I'm doing counseling twice a week,have an appointment with psychiatrist too next week. Wtf wrong with me? The whole world is telling me to stay with my family, not hurt them,not cheat..I'm doing the opposite.I want to punch myself rt now.maybe kill my sex drive,meditate....I don't know.

Nothing fills the void,( sorry venting).even with OM, I stare at other good looking men WTF? Disaster....

Telling him about physical cheating will ruin my image in front of my family and children. Im sticking to ' not in love anymore' line.

Hate me..

If the truth hurts, you aint livin' right...

I think the husband made a grave mistake. The ONLY thing in this situation he cant control is going bald. He chose to get fat. he chose to be a beta male that doesnt turn her on. he chooses not to f*ck her good. Men that are not prepared to be alpha-husbands and run game on their wives to keep everything fresh are asking to get cheated on. And what is game? a certain set of actions that come together to get desired results from women. This man easily could be the man his wife wants to **** but he is not. I would tell him, "shave you head, get in the gym, start dressing better, and start showing your wife a good time... be a man women want... its really not that hard. Im sure he just sits like a fat, boring, bald bump on a log while his wife gets f*cked by a guy with game... just that alone makes me not respect him and makes me see why his wife lost feelings for him. I am not defending her actions... but you all think way too highly of women if you think some blind loyalty (to a man, that does nothing for her sexually, physical, or emotionally) is going to win out against something that interests her physically and romantically (the other man) way more then her husband does. come on people, I hate cheaters as much you all but there is a reason that women initiate 80% of our super high divorce rate. Thats right 8 out of every 10 divorces is initiated by women. And do you think that all these women are leaving to be single....NO! A huge majority of them are leaving their boring, unattractive husbands for somebody else. Its already been proven that women cheat considerably more then men now. I am never getting married... but if I did I would not just sit like a boring, tub of lard that doesnt satisfy his wife in anyway, and think we are just going to live happily every after. I think she is wrong by cheating on him. I think she should be an adult and tell him the truth and leave. I would never stay with a woman that is anything like the poster's husband.

and on a side note... i think the poster is trolling.

Sorry I gave you that impression but after reading all the hateful negative answers I vented

I had to check on urban dictionary what trollin meant btw.

Telling him about physical cheating will ruin my image in front of my family and children. Im sticking to ' not in love anymore' line.

Hate me..

Hate you....nawwwww. That wasn't what I was thinking.

Sorry I gave you that impression but after reading all the hateful negative answers I vented

I had to check on urban dictionary what trollin meant btw.

Are you an educated woman? Or if he leaves you are you %%^*& out of luck?

I'm a succesful general surgeon..

I think the husband made a grave mistake. The ONLY thing in this situation he cant control is going bald. He chose to get fat. he chose to be a beta male that doesnt turn her on. he chooses not to f*ck her good. Men that are not prepared to be alpha-husbands and run game on their wives to keep everything fresh are asking to get cheated on. And what is game? a certain set of actions that come together to get desired results from women. This man easily could be the man his wife wants to **** but he is not. I would tell him, "shave you head, get in the gym, start dressing better, and start showing your wife a good time... be a man women want... its really not that hard. Im sure he just sits like a fat, boring, bald bump on a log while his wife gets f*cked by a guy with game... just that alone makes me not respect him and makes me see why his wife lost feelings for him. I am not defending her actions... but you all think way too highly of women if you think some blind loyalty (to a man, that does nothing for her sexually, physical, or emotionally) is going to win out against something that interests her physically and romantically (the other man) way more then her husband does. come on people, I hate cheaters as much you all but there is a reason that women initiate 80% of our super high divorce rate. Thats right 8 out of every 10 divorces is initiated by women. And do you think that all these women are leaving to be single....NO! A huge majority of them are leaving their boring, unattractive husbands for somebody else. Its already been proven that women cheat considerably more then men now. I am never getting married... but if I did I would not just sit like a boring, tub of lard that doesnt satisfy his wife in anyway, and think we are just going to live happily every after. I think she is wrong by cheating on him. I think she should be an adult and tell him the truth and leave. I would never stay with a woman that is anything like the poster's husband.

 

 

and on a side note... i think the poster is trolling.

Completely true. The sad truth here is that the notion of shame is gone. I'd honestly say the stigma of infidelity is so low(at least on the coasts) it's considered not too far from doing drugs as a teen or drinking and lying to your parents. Maybe 50 years ago being a good provider couldve gotten you a faithful wife and a nice family life, because everyone had a sense of obligation. Men work the 9-5, woman take care of housework and sex(in more conservative cultures you still see this ie south america, india). Now you need to be fit. You need to to be commanding. These are what woman are attracted to and today they can chase these with no second thought. For men, marriage does not mean you can take the foot off the pedal. If anything you've gotta work even harder to make yourself desirable, because you've suspended a guillotine above your head. If your wife is a "good person" you'll become a sex starved schlub. If she has a bit shakier morals, like our op here, youll be a cuckold.

Your men are the result of what they spend their time on. Hubby is busting a$$, not eating right or exercising, plus he's got the stress of having a cheating wife. Some guys stop eating/sleeping when this happens, others strap on the feedbag. Your ripped BF spends his time focusing on what's important to him; looking good to grab the maximum amount of tail.

Looks like it's working.

I don't buy the 'won't let you go' line. You pack some stuff, go to work and never come home. If you're a surgeon you've got the disposable income for a couple weeks in a hotel, right? Plus a lawyer, etc. You need to do it. Tell him you cheated, want other men (a lot more men) and don't love him anymore. He'll let you go. As for your friends, family and 'good standing' you've already lost that. In fact, they'll have more respect if you show the courage to stand by your convictions and stop dragging this man through the mud by his testicles. If you ever loved him, stop abusing him.

Let him go. Then get on with whatever it is you have planned.

I'll come back and post an update when I grow" balls " to choose my path to hell / heaven. Thanks again everyone!

Alice, tell him the truth he deserves it. He needs to know that his wife is a dishonest harlot who is sugar coating her infidelities. I bet that will change his mind real quick. That way he kind find a real woman, not an insecure gold digging gutter snype who only sees a man for how much money he makes. And I bet you are some prize too, and I am being saracastic. And when the other man is done using you as a frat mattress, I hope he can cover your Valtrex treatments.

Dear oh dear - mods, please either ban or moderate this guy, he obviously hasn't read the basics on etiquette on this board.

Alice - tell him the truth, then you can both decide what's right for you both

I'll come back and post an update when I grow" balls " to choose my path to hell / heaven. Thanks again everyone!

If you are a surgeon, "growing" balls can't be that hard

Not all women are the same.

If there's one thing I've learned it's that females hate to be categorized. I'm pretty sure why that is, but absolutely at a loss why women feel it necessary to restate that fact ad nauseam. Infidelity and the lying betrayal that goes with it is not gender specific, but the way society reacts certainly is. When men expose the soft underbelly of their manhood (opposed to the resilient outer shell) and it's lanced by a cheating wife, the effects are different. I'm not trying to say men suffer more than women, but it is possible we are not equipped to handle the situation as well. We're raised and geared up for protection from infancy; all at once demanded to keep our 'manliness' intact to insure attraction, yet branded a sissy for not letting go when the woman finds a stronger, better orgasm elsewhere.

Is it any wonder men are displaying increased amounts of wariness? Especially men over 40 with what...six out of ten divorced? The wave of women's infidelity has risen steadily as their place in the workforce is universally accepted. Time and opportunity mix with whatever else is wrong to produce the breakdown in marriage seen all over the world.

The bottom line? When the values of right and wrong are continually attacked, everyone loses. Someone is always ready to jump up and justify. What's gained? Nothing I can see...except the traffic on LS.

You have an unfair view of marriage. My husband and I relish making sweaty love to each other. After being a "bad girl" when I was single, I am done chasing men, because I found my prince. Not all women are the same.

Not all women are like this but situations like this are so common it doesn't even shock me anymore. I am actually more shocked when the opposite happens.