No more NC!

Well me and my ex girl broke up maybe 2 months ago, and we never really went FULL NC... i guess it was LC, but for the most part we moved on and agreed with the breakup. We go to the same college so sometimes it was impossible NOT to see her... Today, i broke no contact by asking her if she wanted to hangout sometime. She said she deosnt wanna hang out, but we can still be cool. What does this mean? And where should i take it from here?

We can still be cool means she dosen't want to be your enemy. But she dosen't want to be your friend either apparently. I would ignore her as much as possible.. Sorry..

She smart enough to know that if you "hang out" that it's either going to lead to drama about re-starting the relationship or it's code for "Can I have some breakup sex?".

All it says is that she doesn't want to be around you in a physical sense as it will impede both of your healing progress. It also says she doesn't hate you as an ex. She'd just rather deal with things on her own and not have you physically in the picture.

Trust most of us on LS, it's a billion times easier to not see that other person while you are fresh off a breakup. It means that you need to remove the "L" from LC and replace it with an "N" and go full NC.

It means, no hard feelings, move on.

Shawn, alot of us have given you so much advice in the other threads you have started. You never seemed to really absorb any of it though, it was as if everything we told you didn't register because you would just come back and ask the same questions we just answered.

In this post, you're asking a question of which you already know the answer to. And you already know what you have to do. Stop fishing for someone to tell you 'It's going to be alright man, just keep talking to her and she'll open her eyes one day just watch'. Nobody is telling you that because THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Just stick to the advice that everyones giving you man...

To be fair to the OP, this breakup is still fresh. It's still in the "I can make it work again" phase.

It sounds counter to the goal. But if you want to have the slightest chance of getting back together, you will completely walk away from her. You two need to find yourselves as individuals before you can find each other again, if that ever happens. More than likely once you find yourself, you'll realize that the relationship was never meant to be. This is why 99.9% of all 2nd chances fail. The two people never went back to the world to find them self as a person. They never fix what broke them up in the first place, and it ends up breaking them up again and again and again.

There is no time line for this but the more months and years you can put between you, the better. When it happens you'll know.

What does this mean?

It means 2 things..

One.. you should never have broken NC..

Two.. It also means you need to go back to NC...

If you don't you will hurt more and longer..

NC means no more new hurts..

Ok Some of u guys don't seem to understand I'm taking advice from total strangers over the Internet... And on top of that ur all telling me to go NC, which is like giving up. Throwing in the towel. IM NOT ***KIN HEARTBROKEN! I don't need healing process. I'm fine already. Put it this way. I WANT this particular girl who for the moment, doesn't want me back. So how exactly is giving up and erasing her outta my life gonna HELP?? I'm the type of person when I see what I want I GET IT. I can't just sit back and hope she changes her mind. And going NC would only help me if I wanted to get over her, which I already am. I could easily date another girl of lesser caliber TODAY if I wanted, but I want her cuz we matched up damn near perfectly... I don't mean to offend anybodies advice. But I look at it more as a chick who's playing overly hard to get... I know I can sweep her off her feet again, I just need the right broom.

You are sooooooooo not over her...

If you were you wouldn't want her back with such emotion

Good luck finding your broom..

If you are not open to taking advice other than your own then why not just make a move on her ?

Sometimes Shawn you just have to accept that it is over and move on with your life with someone else..

Dating is all about finding out who and what you want and don't want in a mate.. they are also dating for the same reasons..

Since Dating is a process then you have to take what you learned from your relationship, figure out what was good about it and find out what was bad about it and use those things to make your next relationship better than the last one.. but with someone else.

It's all about learning and growing..

The serenity prayer can help in times like this...

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

You know..thing is I feel you. I too felt that my ex and I were perfect for each other...but he decided hes not ready to be in a relationship, and since then, we've had the same wonderful moments together that made our relationship so perfect...except this time no exclusivity. He makes our moments count but hes always so busy, cant be reached, sometimes distant, other times amazingly loving.

Yup, I was totally sure that we were sooooo close, all I needed to do was prove to him that I was the one, that no other girl came close....all I had to do was everything I could so that he would come to his senses. And theres no way I would ignore him cause then that would just hurt him, and hed figure I dont want him anymore, and hell give up!

Yeah, that was pretty much the past year and a half of my miserable life. Nothing changed. Fast forward to now...Two days no contact and hes showing up at my job, texting me in the am, the afternoon...I have a hunch hes going to text me again this evening...hes even called. Thats huge, he never calls, only texts!

Its entirely possible that if youre there and around and keep trying to find ways to make her see what you see, and be persistent in doing everything you can to get you two back together...youll have different results than I did. Personally, Im finding that it really is true, they cant miss you if youre always there.

All I know is Ive had more progress with NC in 2 days than I did in a year a half of being there for him. But ultimately, its totally up to you what you want to do. Advice isnt law, if you dont want to take it, you dont have to. Heck, Ive been seeing this advice since I joined this forum over 2 years ago before my breakup even happened...only just now going OoooooOOoooh! I see now! NC! Got it!

You too have the freedom to do whatever you want and find what works, and if youre like me and find out what you wanted to do isnt working, give the bit of kookie advice a try

Yeah, that was pretty much the past year and a half of my miserable life. Nothing changed. Fast forward to now...Two days no contact and hes showing up at my job, texting me in the am, the afternoon...I have a hunch hes going to text me again this evening...hes even called. Thats huge, he never calls, only texts!

 

Its entirely possible that if youre there and around and keep trying to find ways to make her see what you see, and be persistent in doing everything you can to get you two back together...youll have different results than I did. Personally, Im finding that it really is true, they cant miss you if youre always there.

 

All I know is Ive had more progress with NC in 2 days than I did in a year a half of being there for him. But ultimately, its totally up to you what you want to do. Advice isnt law, if you dont want to take it, you dont have to. Heck, Ive been seeing this advice since I joined this forum over 2 years ago before my breakup even happened...only just now going OoooooOOoooh! I see now! NC! Got it!

 

You too have the freedom to do whatever you want and find what works, and if youre like me and find out what you wanted to do isnt working, give the bit of kookie advice a try

wow finally some REAL LIFE experience! thats great that hes finally calling YOU. but.... its because u never really let go in the first place. he got use to u always being there after the break up, and when u suddenly gave up it woke him up. idk im just guessing lol... but in my situation, i do have periods of NC, some even longer than 2 days... and she doesnt respond. i know some might say "oh give it time maybe a week" but then that becomes a month... then a year... then i dont end up with who i wanted to. its has me move on, yea, but i dont get who my first choice was... Ive just conditioned my brain to forget about the entire situation.

SN: as an update, we continued textin... and she got angry quickly. i was fed up with her acting like that, and threaten to never speak to her ever again for the rest of my life if she continued to act that way. and i was serious, i was seconds away from erasing her off fb. she agreed to stop... and we agreed to stay cool. so ima take it from here, see how she acts and how she responds. if it begins to hurt me again, ill know to back out and rethink my NC decision again lol. but if somehow someway the little NC i gave her worked and she somehow see ive changed, maybe just maybe this could be something i can work with...

for everybody else, i know im going with the o.o1 percent chance when everyone's telling me to go with the 99.9..... i know!

Okay, we were together for over 2 years..planning to move in together and he was talking marriage. His idea of breaking up was saying he wanted to take a break, 3 days later I found out hed been seeing someone else. Thats when he said he was confused, and hes been confused ever since. At that point when we first split, Im *100% unequivocally sure of it* that if I had cut off all contact he would have caved and made a choice a long time ago, and I would have saved myself a year and a half of heartache. I only stopped crying over this whole situation about 4 months ago...and just last week was close to tears but stopped short. Thats NO way to live.

Instead, I stayed in contact with him, was there for him in every way (except sexual for the most part, I emotionally I couldnt handle it) and what I taught him, how hes treated me is...no matter what he does, no matter what he says Ill be there. He doesnt have to decide anything at all, cause Im always going to be around regardless. Everytime Id say I cant handle it anymore, hed take me out, buy me flowers, plan a roadtrip, start spending tons of time with me, promising me the world that everything will be great again for us cause he loves me so much and Id think he was ready to try again to make things work...only to end up back at square one and nothing has changed. After so many times of threatening its done, Im too hurt and wont speak to him again, hes learned I will always speak to him again...he had no reason to change or choose or do anything at all beyond spurts of extra attention, because he was completely and totally secure in knowing I love him too much and want to make things work too badly to really let go.

So yeah...this year and a half is not why its working now, its working now because Im actually going though with what I said I would. If I had done this a year and a half ago, it definitely would have hurt him even more, cause the thought of us moving in and getting married was still very fresh in our minds back then and something he said he still wanted for us. Thats something he never talks about anymore....and why should he? He has had me more devoted to this psuedo relationship than many people are to thier marriages. Gawd.

Anyway, I didnt get my first choice either...married then divorced my second choice, lived with then split up with my third choice, and now this ex is my 4th choice. But putting them all togeher, I felt so much closer to, him and have had a harder time with losing him than the first 3 choices put together. He is essentially now my ultimate choice, the others who broke my heart are distant memories and dont compare.

And that is encourating in a big way....after my other breakups I felt I lost the love of my life and Id never find another, yet here I am feeling more for this guy than I did for any of them. Surely, this whole concept I have that "this is the one! he cant get away" is a bit warped...surely if this doesnt work, I will meet another man who quite possibly will make all the pain I went though with the others before finding him worth it, because if I hadnt gone through that pain and split up with them, I wouldnt have been available to meet him. See what I mean?

So either way, its a win win...if this guy is true and he does make the choice, and we end up back together...then yay I have my ultimate choice....at what risk? That would be for time to tell. If we never end up back togeher then yay! I have the opportunity to start fresh with a new man who quite possibly will love and cherish me, appreciate what I have to offer, no take me for granted and not break my heart. Thats nothing to scoff at. The future isnt a guarantee, but its nice to have possibilities...something Ive been allowing my ex to deny me, by keeping this psuedo "maybe one day well be in a realtionship, but not til next year" thing going.

anybody think i stand a chance? or how should i handle it?

Essentially, youve made up your mind and looking for validation, hoping someone will respond and agree that what you want to do is the right thing.

Im afraid odds arent too high you are going to find that, not because no one believes in you or thinks you stand a chance, but because what has been tried and true, tested and proven far outweighs the method you have in mind.

Like Art_Critic said, if you dont want to take the advice given to you just do what you want to do. Ultimately, its your decision what you choose to do, whether anyone agrees with you or not. Do what you think is right for you.

Dude, you are sooooo not over her. If you were then you wouldn't care about trying to win her back. You know, the girl that's "playing hard to get". I don't think you would have that kind of attitude if you found out that she's sleeping with some guy. You would be crushed.

So, what does "being cool with me" mean? WELCOME TO THE FRIEND ZONE!!!!!

She doesn't want to date you, she doesn't want to be intimate with you, she doesn't want to be exclusive with you. So, why are you wasting your time?

wow finally some REAL LIFE experience! thats great that hes finally calling YOU. but.... its because u never really let go in the first place. he got use to u always being there after the break up, and when u suddenly gave up it woke him up. idk im just guessing lol...

Shawn. You criticize the advice we're giving you, questioning how it would possibly work, why you should do it....You read ReturnToSender's story where she pretty much followed the same advice we all gave you, and then out of no where you seem to agree with what she did, the same thing we've all been recommending for you to do for the longest time. AND THEN YOU STILL ASK US " DO I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE? WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

For ****s sake shawn...your in college but I feel like we're talking to a god damn middle schooler. Seriously bro, if you're not willing to learn and take in new ideas then why the hell are you wasting your time here on LS? What purpose do you have here if your only open to your own ways that obviously have NOT been working. Do us all a favor, leave LS and stop wasting our time having to reply to you.

Come back when you empty your cup.

You don't stand a chance because you haven't lived your life long enough without her in it. You haven't fixed what broke you two up in the first place. Right now, you are teetering on the love-sick crazy ex-stalker that she makes fun of to all of her friends.

Ok fine. If NC really is the best way to handle this, then I'll do it. I was never trying to diss anybodies help, I just needed to know WHY I was doing it. For example, just cuz every stranger on the internet is telling me the best way to handle it is jump off a bridge, of course I'm gonna listen to myself. U all said go NC without giving me a reason to. I need past experiences, and results on your guys' situations on how it worked out for u. So in other words maybe jumpin off the bridge lead u to a much happier life and u ended up finding a much better girl. Basically.... Are there ANY positive endings from NC?

Moving on, I agree with WTRanger. The periods of NC I did weren't long enough... I never had longer than maybe 2 days at once, and I was seein her at school, and were friends on fb still. I'm thinking of when exactly I should start NC, and how I should let it be known... I'm thinking I ask her to hangout one last time, expecting a no. And then say something like fine I'm done with this big game. Then erase her off fb, initiate no contact with her and try my best to avoid her at school.... Only time will tell. But keep checking back on me guys cuz the next few days shiit is about to go down! I'm ready to start complete NC... Just need to have a starting point...

I appreciate everything tho guys!!

Theres a really great guide to NC on here that I have saved in my favorites, it answers all the questions about why you should do it and what the benefits are:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54435/

If you take the time to do a search , that will bring up a lot more guides, advice, tips and members sharing thier experience with NC.

From the type of questions youre asking, its clear you didnt even try to do some research on here and read up or anything. Theres a lot of info on here....

Start now, don't even give her the benefit of knowing your going to start. By letting her knowyou're starting NC you're essentially giving her the power. She's going to know the reason you're not contacting her is because you've gone NC and it eliminates her wondering 'why hasn't he contacted me?'

if you want actual success stories and such do a little reading here on the forums. People arem't going to come here to your thread and post their own, a little bit of research goes a long way.

Don't ask to meet up either...that will only push her away further. As someone noted, you're slowly turning into the stalker ex bf that no girl would ever want to go back to. If we can see it, she can too.

K. Idk for some reason i wanted to have some closure before i started NC... but if its honestly better to just do it out the blue, i will. Our last convo about an hour ago ended up spilling over into our breakup... i asked why i never got a clear explanation, when ive done everything to show u I'm down for real love. She simply STILL did not give me a clear reason... then she said we can be cool but stop asking me that. and thats pretty much where the convo ended...

So do i start NC like RIGHT now? i wanted to ask her to hangout cuz it would get her used to me being "clingy"... so when i decided to go NC, it would hit harder. But either way works. And what about fb? do i just up and delete her now? and when she asks why did i erase her, what to say??

You dont say anything. Thats the point of no contact. Delete, try to forget, and move on.

ok i have to say something. when she calls or txts to ask me why, cuz if i dont that would be straight up ignoring her. i thought ignoring her and goin NC were different things...

i wanted to ask her to hangout cuz it would get her used to me being "clingy"... so when i decided to go NC, it would hit harder. But either way works.

Retarded idea to say the least.

I'm at a loss of words man, we tell you to go NC now..you come back and ask 'If I go NC doesn't that mean I'm ignoring her?' We tell you to ignore her and you ask us 'What should I tell her?' We tell you to delete her FB and block her and then you ask us 'Wouldn't that mean I'm not trying to save the relationship?'

Do whatever you wish bro...you asked her again to give you a reason why she broke up with you..she told you to stop asking that. You annoyed her, pushed her away further and reminded her a bit more of why she left you in the first place. But you continue to do these things, despite all the advice we gave you.

This is pointless.