Do guys generally spend a lot of time talking to women to be just friends?

There's a guy who works in the same building as me (not the same company though). We started chatting months ago. I was going through a difficult breakup and he was very nice, respectful, a gentleman.

But he also engaged me in conversation almost every time we saw each other. And through the course of things we've discovered we have much in common.

I feel an attraction building and sense he feels the same.

So, is it possible he is spending so much time talking to me and emailing if he just wants to be friends?

Thanks in advance.

There's a guy who works in the same building as me (not the same company though). We started chatting months ago. I was going through a difficult breakup and he was very nice, respectful, a gentleman.

 

But he also engaged me in conversation almost every time we saw each other. And through the course of things we've discovered we have much in common.

 

I feel an attraction building and sense he feels the same.

 

So, is it possible he is spending so much time talking to me and emailing if he just wants to be friends?

 

Thanks in advance.

Meet him privately outside of work, get talking and see what he's feeling.

So, is it possible he is spending so much time talking to me and emailing if he just wants to be friends?

If he's going to your pottery classes and you're dragging our your Harley's to go riding together with the club, then, sure, he can be talking to you and emailing to be friends. If not, he wants to f*ck you.

Hope this helps!

So, is it possible he is spending so much time talking to me and emailing if he just wants to be friends?

no, probably not. we don't waste our time like that. i think you should send him an email and ask him out for drinks after work.

"Do guys generally spend a lot of time talking to women to be just friends?"

When in doubt, the best approach is the direct approach - simply ask. Even better, if you know what you want then express it to him and let the chips fall where they may.

So, is it possible he is spending so much time talking to me and emailing if he just wants to be friends?

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Yeah, I think he probably is into me. I'm not really ready to make a move but would be receptive if he did.

I would say 99 times out of 100 if a guy wants to know you its to get ni your pants and if he likes you start a relationship not to just be friends

I'm not really ready to make a move but would be receptive if he did.

Its funny, I never tend to look at things this way. I simply loath doubt and confusion and tend to deal to it right away. Likewise, if I want something, then sitting around and hoping that'll come to me has never worked (and that's across the board, not just with dating and what not).

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I would say 99 times out of 100 if a guy wants to know you its to get ni your pants and if he likes you start a relationship not to just be friends

Probably true.

Its funny, I never tend to look at things this way. I simply loath doubt and confusion and tend to deal to it right away. Likewise, if I want something, then sitting around and hoping that'll come to me has never worked (and that's across the board, not just with dating and what not).

 

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I appreciate what you're saying. For me, I guess it's just that I'm in no hurry. It can take a while to really know someone. And while I think I know that he's a good person and we have lots in common I'm doing my own thing, too.

Ya know?

Also, for me, I find that it works best if the guy makes more of the first moves. And in my experience if a guy is truly interested he will make those moves.

Also, for me, I find that it works best if the guy makes more of the first moves. And in my experience if a guy is truly interested he will make those moves.

Arguably, I think he has made the first move courtesy of simply interacting with you. Now though, you're in that silly confused state period. No matter, overall you appear to have a fine grasp of the situation. Nonetheless (and assuming that you're reasonably young) I think that its good to get into the practice of going after the world rather than waiting for the world to come to you, from as early on as poss.

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What are you kidding? you think we actually want to listen to you talk and yap yap yap for nothing?!

Ok jokes aside, most likely not. Men talking to attractive women do not think of just being friends only. Highly unlikely.

WE ARE MEN! WE ARE LIONS!!

Arguably, I think he has made the first move courtesy of simply interacting with you. Now though, you're in that silly confused state period. No matter, overall you appear to have a fine grasp of the situation. Nonetheless (and assuming that you're reasonably young) I think that its good to get into the practice of going after the world rather than waiting for the world to come to you, from as early on as poss.

 

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I really enjoy talking to him and can step back and feel good about the way the relationship has unfolded fairly organically. In terms of going after what I want I know it's old fashioned but I just can't ask him out. I will, however, be a little more forward in showing interest.

What are you kidding? you think we actually want to listen to you talk and yap yap yap for nothing?!

 

Ok jokes aside, most likely not. Men talking to attractive women do not think of just being friends only. Highly unlikely.

 

WE ARE MEN! WE ARE LIONS!!

Hahaha I love your response! It can be easy to forget that men are really hunters by nature and expressing interest in a woman is generally driven by, er, urges.

OP, are you perhaps less assertive in romance than in life? I've known many women like this; go-getters in business and their personal lives, but relatively passive in areas of romance. To me, that's their path. A compatible man will have to walk it for there to be a connection. If for you, assertion/aggression in romance is not who you are, it's probably better to not start out with that dynamic, if it something you can't maintain long-term.

Reflect upon your healthiest LTR and examine how the dynamic progressed. If you've had healthy LTR's, they are good guidance. If not, then it's time to examine yourself and your psychology and make changes for you.

Even though I'm not tremendously aggressive in life, I did clearly ask my stbx out on dates and clearly signalled my interest in her as a romantic partner. IMO, in romance, if a man is sufficiently interested, he will act and it won't take long if he knows you are available.

Now, if you had met and interacted for a period of time while you and/or he were married/LTR to/with others, that's different. Your dynamic developed differently and will progress differently than if you both had met when single. That's been my experience as a single and married man. YMMV

IMO, in romance, if a man is sufficiently interested, he will act and it won't take long if he knows you are available.

um thats not necessarily true carhill...there are a lot of shy men out there

Carhill,

We were both recently split from LTRs when we met. We clicked right away but neither of us were too forward. Then he started being more forward in terms of getting to know me.

In my experience, in my best relationships, the guy has been the aggressor. The guy has made it clear that he has a high level of interest.

I think this guy might have asked me out had I not been clear about what I was going through. And had he not been going through some things himself.

I'm now starting to be open to the idea of a new relationship. Likely, that will come through.

Thanks.

um thats not necessarily true carhill...there are a lot of shy men out there

Yeah, I'm not sure that's always true either. There can be a lot of factors that keep a man from asking a woman out. At least not right away.

I'm not so sure on this one. You said it was a work environment though not the same company. When I was working an office job I could do all my work for the day in 2 hours. The rest of the time was spent wandering around and talking to people out of boredom.

You'll get your answer if he goes out of his way to meet up with you. Have you ever spent time with him outside of the workplace?

um thats not necessarily true carhill...there are a lot of shy men out there

I know, Alpha; I'm one of them so eminently qualified to comment

Yeah, I'm not sure that's always true either. There can be a lot of factors that keep a man from asking a woman out. At least not right away.

If the man is sufficiently psychologically dysfunctional to inhibit the formation of a healthy relationship, why would you want him to ask you out anyway? Think about that....

As I said, if you met when you were attached to someone and the 'chatting' included overtones of that dynamic, it changes a lot.

This is important....did he become a confidant and/or distraction for you during that time? Did you express interest in his life and loves (past or present) at that time? What is your sense of his responses to these 'chats'. Was he supportive of your relationship/breakup perspective? Again, this can create complexity.

A_O will now tell you to just ask him what his intentions are. That option is always on the table. TBH, having done (exposing my intentions) that in the past and being burned numerous times, I'd likely, at this juncture, be circumspect.

Tell me, when was his last LTR and how long did it last, if you know each other well enough to have shared that?

Carhill,

 

We were both recently split from LTRs when we met. We clicked right away but neither of us were too forward. Then he started being more forward in terms of getting to know me.

I'm asking this because, when I know a woman is in the midst of ending, or is recently out of, a LTR/M, it changes my emotional setpoint, even if I'm attracted. What I'm trying to do here is give you some insight into how a 'shy' man operates, if this guy is indeed shy.

Tell me, when he became aware of your ended LTR, what was his first response? To me, this is a critical sign of his emotional setpoint.

Hello and this is weird.

Well, the other day we were emailing and he suddenly stopped. I've been away but will be back at work later today. Feel very weird and slightly depressed. Time to move on I guess.

no, probably not. we don't waste our time like that. i think you should send him an email and ask him out for drinks after work.

I do. I don't consider it a waste of time to speak with women I don't want to boink. If you know them better you can get the job(when they work with you) done faster. Or you can use them in fraud coverup.