Why would anyone want to be the mistress?

I'm just curious about this. I'm not critcising. It's just that it doesn't make any sense to me.

Ok, so you meet a man and he hits on you. Then you develope feelings for him. But you find out he's already married.

That makes him a cheater, a liar, and a manipulator.

Why hang around?

Poor self-esteem, the belief that a man will change for that "special" one (ie the OW), believing the rehearsed "she's an evil wife" routine, the list goes on!

Sometimes the men you like the most always happen to be married.

MY advantages of being a mistress: (I'm single btw)

I have the freedom most Ws don't... I can come and go as I wish...

I can have as many lovers as I want..

I love my place to be spotless.. I would HATE to pick up after him..

I love to sleep alone.. no snoring..

I only see the MM under his best behaviour.. so it's always pleasant..

The sex is much better cause it's not 'routine sex'..

I'm sure there are much more.. let me think...

Usually it's women that are desperate for validation. Being with a married man makes them feel like they are still sexy and desired because for a moment a man is choosing them over his wife.

Let's say the OW doesn't waste her life married to the 'cheater'..

Let's say the OW doesn't waste her life married to the 'cheater'..

Instead they spend their life waiting for the phone to ring. You like cats right?

... maybe for you it's just an inability to trust men... a fear of lasting intimacy.

Not at all.. in my case.. btdt.. no more.. :laugh:

I very much enjoy being the OW now..

What guarantees do you have that you'll be with your partner until you get old.. absolutely no one has this guarantee...

plus I don't want to spend all my life with a cheater..

I would think if someone spends their years with only MM, there will come a day when she no longer turns any heads. That will be the beginning of a lonely life's end.

Oh maybe I should add. what guarantee does a W has that once she gets older.. she won't be replaced with a younger woman?

Aren't you already doing that?

the point of this thread is that.. I don't LIVE with him.. I don't have to live with his lies.. he's not cheating on ME..

Oh maybe I should add. what guarantee does a W has that once she gets older.. she won't be replaced with a younger woman?

Hmmm.... That sounds like trust issues to me.

I see the point that many other posters are making...however...I really do not think they apply to Lizzie or other OWs that have chosen to have relationships with married men for the benefits it brings them. In everything in life there are pros and cons.

Where being an OW can become a bad thing is when the OW is wanting something that they cannot have...I think many OWs know the terms and conditions of the relationship and are in fact choosing the relationship for that exact reason.

I would think if someone spends their years with only MM, there will come a day when she no longer turns any heads. That will be the beginning of a lonely life's end.

Obviously you have not seen Lizzie's avatars.

'Cause his arse is gettin' old too, right along with the W.

 

If a man wanted to go for a younger gal, he'd best have lots of $$ to buy one with which means the W would have a gold mine to pillage during the settlement. I'm betting the old geezer wouldn't look quite so good to the gold digger after wifey took half his assets.

Which is exactly why having an affair is such a good compromise.

I see the point that many other posters are making...however...I really do not think they apply to Lizzie or other OWs that have chosen to have relationships with married men for the benefits it brings them. In everything in life there are pros and cons.

.

Very true BUT I think OWs like Lizzie are a rare breed, I think most fall into the other category.

the point of this thread is that.. I don't LIVE with him.. I don't have to live with his lies.. he's not cheating on ME..

What if he started cheating on you, replaced you for another OW, and started dating her etc, lying to you...

Just curious?

What if he started cheating on you, replaced you for another OW, and started dating her etc, lying to you...

 

Just curious?

I'm the OW.. so if he wants to cheat on me.. he can.. of course, chances are I won't even know about it.. who cares .. really?

So far,... I've always been the 'dumper'.. never been the other way.. (touch wood ) so I can't say.. but I'm not stupid and I know that it could happen.. and, also.. chances are, that I would not know anyway... so what I don't know won't hurt.. right..

I'm sure that there are lots of OW like me out there.. especially the MOW... lots of them love their H... and don't want to leave their mariage.. so being the OW works wonderfully for them..

There are lots of reasons why the MOW wouldn't want to leave the M.. just like the MM (kids, comfortable lifestyle, good relationship overall, family, friends, finances, etc.)

For a single OW like me.. it's the 'freedom' that is most appealing.. plus the 'variety'..

Women would rather share a good man than have a loser all to herself!

And wifey best not find out 'cause then she'll STILL take half the assets.

Not likely, wifey will STILL be there!

I'm just curious about this. I'm not critcising. It's just that it doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Ok, so you meet a man and he hits on you. Then you develope feelings for him. But you find out he's already married.

 

That makes him a cheater, a liar, and a manipulator.

 

Why hang around?

I am an xMOW who had a year long A with a MM who I had been friends with for over 12 years. At first we began communicating more often, then in secret from our spouses. We decided to give each other some "excitement" and "help" a friend:o(first stupid thought). Finish something we started shortly before we got M. We honestly thought we could do that without developing strong emotions(second stupid thought).

I allowed myself to be an MOW and endured many of the feelings as a SOW. And had several opportunities to be a SOW and there was NO way! I never expected him to leave and understood the side of the WS. I was asked the question whether or not I would have continued the A if I had left my M and MM did not leave. My answer was "HELL NO."

Mistresses get treated better than the W because they are part of the fantasy world that the MM builds up around them. Hell, they are the core of that fantasy world! They get affection and attention without the cons of being in a traditional relationship that usually comes with some sort of drama (unless the wife finds out of course). That's what they get out of it I would assume.

I am an xMOW who had a year long A with a MM who I had been friends with for over 12 years. At first we began communicating more often, then in secret from our spouses. We decided to give each other some "excitement" and "help" a friend:o(first stupid thought). Finish something we started shortly before we got M. We honestly thought we could do that without developing strong emotions(second stupid thought).

I allowed myself to be an MOW and endured many of the feelings as a SOW. And had several opportunities to be a SOW and there was NO way! I never expected him to leave and understood the side of the WS. I was asked the question whether or not I would have continued the A if I had left my M and MM did not leave. My answer was "HELL NO."

You were never really a mistress. When you got done playing with your OM, you went right back to your trusting husband. Yak.

Just like you said... if you didn't have someone to play for a fool... you would never have been in the affair.

Mistresses get treated better than the W because they are part of the fantasy world that the MM builds up around them. Hell, they are the core of that fantasy world! They get affection and attention without the cons of being in a traditional relationship that usually comes with some sort of drama (unless the wife finds out of course). That's what they get out of it I would assume.

That's probably sadly true. Some men are more willing to invest in their mistress then their wife.

As for the mistress, I would never want to be the mistress. I would be disrespecting myself by doing so.

As for women that enjoy being the mistress. Low self esteem. Plenty of women out there feel really good when they know a man has a woman and they can pry his attention away from his partner towards her. Makes her feel more powerful or beautiful compared to the other woman. Something to chew on guys next time you are oggling another woman or considering cheating on yours.

That's probably sadly true. Some men are more willing to invest in their mistress then their wife.

 

As for the mistress, I would never want to be the mistress. I would be disrespecting myself by doing so.

 

As for women that enjoy being the mistress. Low self esteem. Plenty of women out there feel really good when they know a man has a woman and they can pry his attention away from his partner towards her. Makes her feel more powerful or beautiful compared to the other woman. Something to chew on guys next time you are oggling another woman or considering cheating on yours.

I agree with some of your points.. (not in this post though).. but for the bold part.. do you honestly think that the guys who gets attention from other women will really think 'Oh.. let me see.. maybe this woman just want to take me away from my W, because she wants attention or wants to prove that she is more powerful than my W'...'humm.... OK... I all for it'

Come on.. men are men and if they are in a sexless M.. they will just melt in front of OW who gives him attention..