new to the forum, depressed

Hi Guys! how are you? my name is Daniel, and i'm a 25 years old guy from Argentina (south america)

First of all i'm gay, i hope it won't bother any of you.

Well i need to tell u what happened to me last friday, i'm so heartbroken and sad, and i need your point of view.

I ALWAYS liked a guy just by seeing him at the club, we had never talked or anything, and i saw he had facebook, so i sent him a private message saying "you're soooo cute" and he replied back saying " you're so cute too, i saw you at the club once, if u want we can meet on friday", then during the week he kept sending messages like i hope to see you on friday so we can known each other better, balbalba, he seemed really interested.

We met on friday at the club, we kissed, but he was like "cold" like not having a great time at all, even tough he spent all night with me, i even asked him, am i the guy u thought i was gonna be?? and he said "yes".

(i thought maybe he confused me with another person by looking at my facebook pic)

Well, during the meeting we didn't talk much, like there wasn't a great connection, and he was like not interested, but we kissed a lot, when was time to say goodbye he asked me for my phone but i guess just for being polite.

I sent him some texts and he didn't reply, on saturday night i wrote him like, what's going on?? and he said that he doens't want anything, that he dopens't want to get involved with anybody, that he likes me but he has to "stop" himself blablabla, the typical excuse....

I'd like to know what the **** happened to him, maybe he really confused me with another guy and he kissed me by compromise, just to don't reject me? did he find me ugly? i don't really know what to think or didn't he like my personality?,, he seemed SO interested on meeting me

I'm sad and down , because i never have luck, i had high expecations with him

Thanks for reading my thread and i'd like to know ur point of view

Hugs for everybody

Daniel.

Just move on, Daniel dear, sounds like he's not the one for you. Trying to figure out what happened with what and why he acted the way he did, is not going to help you. Next time, try lower your expectations before meeting these guys. Infact don't have any expectations at all.

i just hope it wasn't because he didn't like my outside i have a very very low selfsteem and i always think nobody likes me

I hate that he said by facebook he had seen me before at the club and i was sooo cute and wanted to meet me, etc,etc and after meeting me he rejected me (eventough we kissed)

do u there is a possibility that he confused me with someone else?

i just hope it wasn't because he didn't like my outside i have a very very low selfsteem and i always think nobody likes me

 

I hate that he said by facebook he had seen me before at the club and i was sooo cute and wanted to meet me, etc,etc and after meeting me he rejected me (eventough we kissed)

 

do u there is a possibility that he confused me with someone else?

No, I don't. Your problem is in bold.

Were you a little clingy with him and trying too hard? That's a turn off for anybody..gay, straight, bi, etc. Doesn't matter.

It's a very unattractive trait. I have a feeling that it wasn't your outsides that turned him off but your inside.

You must start acting with more confidence and like you're WORTH something...like he should have been feeling lucky to be with YOU! I don't mean be cocky and arrogant but don't go to the extreme that you do either.

I bet you were all puppy-dog eyed and too clingy and asking him if he was having fun every two seconds, right? That's utterly annoying. STOP IT!

We've all had plenty of situations where youre just like 'ok, what happened'. Sometimes, you can reflect a bit and come to the conclusion that perhaps you tried too hard, or you just werent compatible. Other times, you just have no idea.

The only thing that matters is that you should be giving yourself a pat on the back for even trying. It takes some courage to do what you did, and even though it didnt work out this time, you took a chance. Not everyone clicks with you, its just a fact of life.

No, I don't. Your problem is in bold.

 

Were you a little clingy with him and trying too hard? That's a turn off for anybody..gay, straight, bi, etc. Doesn't matter.

 

It's a very unattractive trait. I have a feeling that it wasn't your outsides that turned him off but your inside.

 

You must start acting with more confidence and like you're WORTH something...like he should have been feeling lucky to be with YOU! I don't mean be cocky and arrogant but don't go to the extreme that you do either.

 

I bet you were all puppy-dog eyed and too clingy and asking him if he was having fun every two seconds, right? That's utterly annoying. STOP IT!

I asked him " am i the guy u thought i was"? is that a sign of insecurity? lol

this is me:

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1971/166/59/520671152/n520671152_2376980_6107.jpg

am i at least average looking? honestly

thanks for ur answer guys!!i really appareciate them

Hi Daniel,

You are very cute! Why the low self esteem? Pull yourself up already!

Forget about this guy. You barely know each other, so who cares.

Next time....before you go out, have a drink with friends. Laugh and tell stories and feel good about yourself. I bet your friends think you're great! Then when you meet the guy, whoever it is, you walk into the club with your head held high, shoulders back, and a look on your face that says, yep! I'm hot. He's lucky to be with me.

Then when you meet him, change your thinking. Don't think about impressing him. Don't think, I wonder if he likes me?

Think, I wonder who this guy is?

I wonder if he is interesting enough for me?

I wonder if I like him?

See? Change it from wondering what he thinks about you, to what you think about him.

I bet when you met the guy the other night, you didn't like when he ignored you. I also bet you were thinking, what's wrong with me? Why is he ignoring me?

Next time, think why is he so boring? He's not even talking at all. I'm not sure I'm into this guy.

Your low self esteem is driving you to try to seek validation, and you aren't always getting it. Dating is not validation, dating is a screening process for you to decide who will work best for you.

By the way, I LOVE Argentina! It's a beautiful country with beautiful people.

I asked him " am i the guy u thought i was"? is that a sign of insecurity? lol

 

this is me:

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1971/166/59/520671152/n520671152_2376980_6107.jpg

 

am i at least average looking? honestly

 

thanks for ur answer guys!!i really appareciate them

See, even you're laughing at how you came across.

You're better than average looking for sure. And I mean it.

Cherry, great post! Pay attention, Daniel.

 

Next time....before you go out, have a drink with friends. Laugh and tell stories and feel good about yourself. I bet your friends think you're great! Then when you meet the guy, whoever it is, you walk into the club with your head held high, shoulders back, and a look on your face that says, yep! I'm hot. He's lucky to be with me.

 

Then when you meet him, change your thinking. Don't think about impressing him. Don't think, I wonder if he likes me?

 

Think, I wonder who this guy is?

 

I wonder if he is interesting enough for me?

 

I wonder if I like him?

 

See? Change it from wondering what he thinks about you, to what you think about him.

 

I bet when you met the guy the other night, you didn't like when he ignored you. I also bet you were thinking, what's wrong with me? Why is he ignoring me?

 

Next time, think why is he so boring? He's not even talking at all. I'm not sure I'm into this guy.

 

Your low self esteem is driving you to try to seek validation, and you aren't always getting it. Dating is not validation, dating is a screening process for you to decide who will work best for you.

 

(emphasis mine)

This whole section should be a forum sticky. Simple, pragmatic advice.

Are you kidding me? Daniel, you're a hottie. Any guy that wouldn't see that, it's his problem. Guys that DON'T see that aren't the ones you want to be wasting your time on, anyway.

The only thing that matters is that you should be giving yourself a pat on the back for even trying. It takes some courage to do what you did, and even though it didnt work out this time, you took a chance. Not everyone clicks with you, its just a fact of life.

Words of wisdom from this man. But Daniel, I'm a straight male and you're beyond what I expected. You are a good looking man and whoever this guy is that disappointed you doesn't deserve you.

Sorry you're hurting though, but you'll heal and meet better ones!

OMFG you are hot

Okay -- you are so hot.

And you should be strutting your hot stuff!

Quit worrying about what anyone else thinks.

You are great looking and obviously have a sensitive good heart.

Any guy would be LUCKY to have you interested in him.

You just need some self acceptance - and boosts to your self esteem.

Work on that and don't second guess yourself.

I asked him " am i the guy u thought i was"? is that a sign of insecurity? lol

BIG TIME.

this is me:

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1971/166/59/520671152/n520671152_2376980_6107.jpg

Okay, now I get it. He was probably intimidated by your looks. You're hot. Seriously.

The low esteem thing can be a huge turn off, but I see you have been given excellent advice on that issue here. Just follow up on that.

Thank u soooo much people for your help, i really really really appreciate it.

No, i don't think he was intimidated by my looks, he's very hot, and his ex was REALLY bad looking, plus he broke with his ex a month ago, maybe he has mixed feelings, he talked quite a lot about him, that the ex chtead on him 2 times and blablalbalblaba

Thanks people! u're so great! thanks!

any more opinions? after this situation i'm feeling so ugly, but please don't tell me i'm cute just to make me feel better, i'd rather have an honest opinion about how i look and try to accept myself the way i am, but i'd like to know more opinions please

thanks one more time, this forum is so helpful

Dan

No, i don't think he was intimidated by my looks, he's very hot, and his ex was REALLY bad looking, plus he broke with his ex a month ago, maybe he has mixed feelings, he talked quite a lot about him, that the ex chtead on him 2 times and blablalbalblaba

Okay a couple of things here.

First if his ex was not that good looking, he could have been intimidated and uncomfortable around you because you are so good looking. (and no - no one is just saying that - you really are)

Second if his not so good looking ex cheated on him he could be feeling a fear of intimacy and also think you could cheat a bit easier because you'd have more opportunity (being that you ARE good looking).

Seriously just get out there and meet a lot of guys. You'll find someone compatible.

And you have no valid reason of being insecure about your looks -- it's all in your head so get it out of your head. Tell yourself to stop when you start having those thoughts.

Hi Daniel first of all you are a hottie, please don't doubt that. Your

self-esteem is a low right now because of the rejection you have experienced and so you start to unecessarily look down on yourself.

I really doubt it has anything to do with the outside or the inside it has to do with the fact you met online. Chemistry is hard to match and too many things factor in to make up that chemistry, a picture may tell a thousand words but human chemistry is much more than just a 2 dimensional image. Even in the gay world where men tend to be even more demanding than in the straight world.

Human chemistry is made up of a lot of factors that are based on experiences and our pasts. You have no idea what that guy's past holds and what makes up his "taste" just as he has not idea what makes up your taste. Sometimes we meet people we are instantly and inexplicably attracted to and if we really look at what it is that makes us attracted to someone and you pick an instance where you were really attracted to someone you will realise it is far more than just how a person looks or how they are on the inside, it is a combination of many things. He was obviously sexually attracted to you or else he would not have kissed you all night but may be reserving his heart for the person that makes him tick in every way. It is of no fault of your own, just as it is of no fault of others that just don't "completely" do it for you.

Try again, and again and again until you find that all encompassing connection, dating is about that. We get knocked down we pick ourselves up again and try again. Believe in yourself because the relationship you have with yourself is the MOST IMPORTANT relationship you will ever have. This was about him, not you Daniel.

any more opinions? after this situation i'm feeling so ugly, but please don't tell me i'm cute just to make me feel better, i'd rather have an honest opinion about how i look and try to accept myself the way i am, but i'd like to know more opinions please

 

thanks one more time, this forum is so helpful

 

Dan

Dude - I don't tell somebody they look good to make them feel better. If I thought you looked bad, I would have ignored your thread. There are plenty of others on this board to answer. But honestly - it doesn't matter how many people tell you that you are - you won't believe it until you feel it inside. You need to work on you, Daniel. It's quite possible that you pushed him away with your low self-esteem. Geesh. Somebody must have burned you BAD. You gotta learn your joy, your passion - whatever it is that makes you who you are and live that. Then you can start to learn who you really ARE and won't be so worried what's on the outside.

Alternatively - you can fake it 'til you make it. Basically - everyday when you get up, look in the mirror, tell yourself how "hot, sexy, handsome, incredible" you are until you believe it. And then tell yourself that ANY guy would be DAMN lucky to have you. Do this everyday until you believe it.

You seem to have a pretty tender heart - so I'm not really worried about you getting an overinflated ego doing this. I can only see it helping you.

i will follow all your advices people, thanks so much!

i just wish there was a way to make him interested in me again...i like him so much, i have him on MSN (microsoft messenger) but we have never talked again after friday's first and only one date lol

Daniel, it won't be long before you find another hot guy who really likes you and you will forget all about this guy :p

You must start acting with more confidence and like you're WORTH something...like he should have been feeling lucky to be with YOU! I don't mean be cocky and arrogant but don't go to the extreme that you do either.

I was gonna say this but Touche beat me to it!!

I used to be quiet (ya, was a LONG time ago lol), but eventually i was tired of simply trying to... 'fit'. Dating can be a magical thing but you gotta love yourself before you can love someone else.

P.S. clingy screams insecurity, or lack of trust, either or isn't a good message to throw out there