I hate this...

My x fiance (we broke up 4 months ago- his decision) put up a new myspace quote today...

baby on the way...wedding weeks away.

WOW. I feel like my insides are going to fall out. That's a real slap in the face. He left me for this other girl. Now he's all lovey dovey and happy and I am stuck here with a broken heart. I am so hurt by his carelessness. It kills me to think I meant that little to him to be flaunting his new love, and relationship like that. WE were together for 7 years and this is what I get?

oh man, I am so hurt.

I know I can't say anything to make the hurt go away, but I wanted to at least give you a ((hug)). You'll find someone who deserves you and wants to be with YOU soon enough.

he never told me he wasn't happy. then he was so angry when we broke up. and so mean saying the worst things to me. now he posts all this stuff on myspace and why is she doing it? it's killing me.

he said he loved me. up until i found out. then bam...i was the worst thing that ever happened to him. this is awful.

plus in january he told me they lost the baby. he told me she was preggo in Nov and then they lost in in Jan...why would he do this?

Sorry that you hurting ~ its been eighteen years since I had the feelings your going through? Back then there was no internet, no Loveshack, no e-mail. A co-worker is currently going through it, and his mom is up in Brimigham on her deathbed. He's about to lose his ever-loving mind!

With that said Sunshine!

You've got to come to terms with the simple fact that this guy is an ADHD~alcoholic, a user, an abuser, and a player. "She" didn't get such a good deal in the trade-off.

She's got to be a different kind of ordinary stupid to even get with this guy ~ knowing that he walked on you after being engaged and having being together for seven years. Even if she only has 1/10th of the facts about yours and his relationship ~ she's still got to be exceptionally stupid to get with this guy!

The fact of the matter is? Given your background your a "nurturer" ~ you been doing this all your life ~ Well newsflash for you! Its time for you!

Forget this @sshole, already! You deserve more and better than some ADHD, drunk SOB! Its time you find someone that's going to nurture Y O U!

Quit fixtating on what the @sshole did to you, what he said! He's an @sshole ~ were it me? I fall to my ever loving knees, clasp my hands together like Joan of Arch and thank dear God he's out of my life!

Sometimes? God's greatest gift to us? Is un-answered prayers! With time? In the coming years? You're going to see that!

I look back on my XHEX in the hindsight of eighteen years and I'm just in awe? WTF was I thinking back then?

I wish there was such a thing as "time-travel" I'd go back and kick my own @ss! Until I had a real pretty picture in my head!

Confused, do not allow yourself to think about that myspace post of his. It is self destructive thinking about that - you can do nothing about it, and it simply causes you intense pain. Do not let yourself think about that post - easier said than done I know, but change your thoughts to something positive when your mind wonders there.

My solution for your pain - pity that new woman and that poor poor baby they will have. She is plain dumb and naive for getting involved with him and he's just plain selfish. In the long run she will really really hurt and that child will suffer. Try not to feel consumed by anger - he may think he's happy now but he was that way with you in the beginning. Its a mirage. You know that. Its not true happiness. You however, will triumph over this to be stronger and more adapt at relationships and can go on to find true happiness. When you are the one scheduling a marriage and a baby he will have good reason to bum out, because his current relsp will be ending and you'll be truly happy. Don't be angry and upset, pity that poor baby and somehow that stunned woman - she's in for a boat load of hurt.

I made that mistake once and saw her ex bf as a new friend. What a slap in the face. We are still married! I wanted to slap both of them. Now, I don't even look. She sees me on the computer and ask me who I am chatting with. None of your business! I am sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain. Try to have as little contact as possible and please don't look at the myspace page.

My x fiance (we broke up 4 months ago- his decision) put up a new myspace quote today...

 

baby on the way...wedding weeks away.

At some point Confused, you're going to realize that he's no longer doing this to you - you're now doing it to yourself. All of this brooding and checking his myspace page - daily? hourly? every 10 minutes? - is just holding you back. You're still a "victim", time to be a "survivor".

Let it - and him - go. You come across in your posts as a thoughtful, sweet and caring person. There's someone out there that will appreciate those special qualities. All this misery is just keeping you from finding him...

Mr. Lucky

I know it must be tough for you girl, because I'm going through the same thing as you right now, but I know if we hang in there it will get better.

Anyway, if your not doing anything this weekend how about a date? Or what you say we get married? am I rushing things a bit? Sorry.

Joking apart, I have found it easier since not contacting my W. I haven't been texting her or looking on her Facebook page because I know it will just make me worse, not better. You need to think about yourself Confused, and forget what he's doing. It's helping me, not saying I feel on top of the world, but it's for the best.

John.

Confused. Turn your anger into a determination not to care about what he may or may not do. You are angry because you still care. Why care about someone who did what he did to you. He is happy in his cloud cookooland while you are suffering. Be kind to yourself. Would you want to be back with someone who treated you the way he did? I am sure that deep down you don't. Let him live his life. It is his choice. There is nothing you can do about it. There is nothing you should want to do about it. I know how you can stop the pain.

1) Do not look him up on myspace at any cost!

2) Go out twice a week, with friends or even on your own, even for a couple of hours

3) Go to the gym or for a run/walk 3 times a week, even for 45 min

4) Stop yourself from thinking about him by staying active. Write to friends, take a shower, whatever it takes.

5) imagine that the man you loved died the day he left and that there is nothing you can do to bring him back from the dead.

6) Do not deviate from the above at any cost! This will stop the emotional cycle and you will start to feel better.

Take care Confused. You will be happy again one day, but you must help yourself.

Take care.

Nomad1

Thank you everyone, seriously, thank you.

I know I need to stop looking. I am just still so shocked at his actions. How he can do what he's doing. Perhaps as you all say, I need to concentrate on ME...not him. It just hurts that he is so thoughtless and would put that out there for the world and ME to see. How could he not think about the fact that it may hurt me. He just broke off our plans to get married in October. Because 'he wanted to be alone & and do what he wants when he wants'. I guess I am having a hard time with the fact that I feel it's so unfair.

It's so unfair that he gets to be happy already and I am stuck here still realing from teh pain. Obviously he loves this woman very much. How he could go from loving me and being engaged to me to loving and being engaged to another woman does not make sense in my head.

I almost feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders today though. After crying it out last night...maybe this is the closure I need? I don't know. I realize that I probably don't deserve a man like this. Hopefully one day I will find someone else. Someone who will really love me. Who knows? I guess I am just scared that I won't trust anyone becasue of all the damage he caused. It doesn't seem fair that he gets to cause this damage to me and then be living his perfect new life.

If he is really getting married...the only people in attendance will be his parent's and family (if that.) He hasn't spoken to any of his 'old' friends. So...that's sad to me. It's like everyone in his 'old' life...doesn't matter. It's just so sad. I guess I can't focus on his life though. I need to focus on mine. Somehow I need to bring it back to me. I am #1. Although, that's not how I feel. It's hard to focus on me. But, I guess I need to.

Thanks for your advice. I hope one day I can get over this. I hope one day I see the bright side of this.

oh and another thing...this girl has to know about him and me and what he did. how the h*ll could she not worry he isn't going to do the same thing?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This is so frustrating.

Whatever goes on with his new woman should not bother you. If it does the hurt will continue. Why not start from a clean place. I mean wish him good luck. Try to see him as another human being who made a mistake. I am sure that you will find it in yourself to forgive him. This is important as it will help you see things differently and look forward to a happy future without him. It was good that he did what he did when he did it, rather then after the marriage and a few kids. It would have been doubly hard to deal with.

Have a peaceful evening Confused.

Nomad1

We don't speak and shouldn't I remain in NC? I think it would be too hard to wish him well...not becasue I don't want him to have a nice life but because speaking to him would be too hard.

He moved to this other state with OW so I don't see him. He has no contact with anyone back here so...he just wants to be done with his old life.

I just don't understand what I did to deserve this. What I did to him to make him hate me so bad.

I am not angry with him. I am sad. I have yet to get angry. He left me with a mound of debt in my name and I am still not angry. I am working two jobs and I am not angry. I am sad, confused, hurt...but no anger. I don't hate him...I love him. I wish I was the OW because she gets to spend the rest of her life with him. That hurts me. She is living me life. and I am stuck here with this sh*tty one. With all this debt, two jobs, and a heart that is in so many pieces. He gets off scott free. He obviously has no remorse or sadness for losing me. This hurts me, BAD.

It's so unfair that he gets to be happy already and I am stuck here still realing from teh pain. Obviously he loves this woman very much. How he could go from loving me and being engaged to me to loving and being engaged to another woman does not make sense in my head.

I dont think he really is happy Confused. He's damaged goods and Marriage and a baby is NOT going to repair him. I dont think he's EVER going to be truly happy.

And you know what? ~~ however hard it is now ~ once you get through this ~ which you will ~ because you have to ~ you WILL find true happiness ~ whether it be with another person or not ~ of that I promise you ~ I've been through the wringer too ~ and once you regain what is rightfully yours ~ i.e ~ Your FREEDOM and PEACE and ACCEPTANCE within ~ you will thank god above that this idiot was removed from your now blissfully happy life!!

I got knocked down multiple times ~ but I ALWAYS got back up again ~ Now ?? ~ there is nothing that I wont get back up from ~ and My H knows that and therefore knows that my love for him is real ~ cause he darn well knows that I dont NEED him in my life ~ I WANT him in my life.

You dont need a man to validate you ~ and you especially dont need some TWOT like your ex.

Get at one with yourself. :bunny:

My x fiance (we broke up 4 months ago- his decision) put up a new myspace quote today...

 

baby on the way...wedding weeks away.

 

WOW. I feel like my insides are going to fall out. That's a real slap in the face. He left me for this other girl. Now he's all lovey dovey and happy and I am stuck here with a broken heart. I am so hurt by his carelessness. It kills me to think I meant that little to him to be flaunting his new love, and relationship like that. WE were together for 7 years and this is what I get?

 

oh man, I am so hurt.

I am sorry that he did this to you........You didn't deserve it to end the way it did, he owed you the respect and honesty to end it properly, but he didn't. He chose the sneak off and cheat, and then break up with you.

I know you love "him" in the sense of who you thought he was, but he isn't that guy...

For your own sanity, you need to stop looking at his myspace page. It's killing you! Somehow you need to come to terms that it is over, he's not coming back and find a way to go on.

Thank you, Missy. It's just so hard to even phathom that this man I spent 7 years with turned out to be such a monster.

How dare he post things like that? Doesnt' he know it will kill me? I guess he doesn't care? AHHHHHHHHH

I know I do WW. I know. I guess I don't want him to come back but I want him to want to come back. I want to know he regrets the decision and will forever be regretful of what he has done.

I would 'expect' that after 7 years of being with me. He doesn't even know this woman! UGH!

I just want to be done with this. I want to go to sleep for a couple of more months and then wake up over it. I wish it was that easy.

I want to know he regrets the decision and will forever be regretful of what he has done.

That's what you want, but sadly, that isn't the reality. And it hurts, I see that in all of your posts...

Confused, the sooner you accept things as they are - It is what it is - The better off you will be.

You'll never get that "I'm sorry I ran out on you and hurt you" from him. Ever...

He can't give you the closure, so hanging onto what once was isn't going to help either..

If you want to be done with this, then be done with it! Make the choice today NOT to let this ruin you! Allow yourself a small amount of time each day to cry over it, then pick yourself up and GO do something FUN! Live your life. Make yourself NOT think about what you once had with him...That serves NO purpose in your life, all it does is make you feel miserable.

He is someone else's now, is about to get married and have a baby. That is the reality.

Sorry I hope what I've said hasn't made you feel worse..

It just doesn't make sense. I know it is true but it doesn't make sense. I am having a hard time understanding how he can't care. I think that is what hurts the worst. But, it's my reality.

I am sad, confused, hurt...but no anger. I don't hate him...I love him. I wish I was the OW because she gets to spend the rest of her life with him. That hurts me. She is living me life. and I am stuck here with this sh*tty one. With all this debt, two jobs, and a heart that is in so many pieces. He gets off scott free. He obviously has no remorse or sadness for losing me. This hurts me, BAD.

Confused, I am so sorry. It's obvious you're in so much pain But people have given some great advice here and you should really try to use some of it if possible. If it helps, what you've written above was exactly me about 3-4 months ago. I felt like I was left with nothing, while the OM basically stole my life *and* my wife. But it's never that simple. There is doubt on the new OM/OW's side (how can there not be?) and sometimes regret on the leaver's side as well.

From what you've told us about him and from what I can tell about you from your posts, you are probably far better off without him; he didn't deserve such a person! You seem like a very nice, caring, and thoughtful person and those qualities will ensure you meet the right kind of person down the road. Try to avoid the Myspace page at all costs though, it serves only as a downer

And that "sorry I hurt you, etc."? I've gotten it many times but it ultimately doesn't change anything, the damage is done regardless. I'm not 100% back on track by any means (as you saw from my weekend post) but I've gotten over the hump and you will too. Like whichwayisup said: "Make the choice today NOT to let this ruin you!"

Take care and try to keep busy. Our minds will run away on us and drive us crazy if we let them, believe me...

My x fiance (we broke up 4 months ago- his decision) put up a new myspace quote today...

 

baby on the way...wedding weeks away.

 

WOW. I feel like my insides are going to fall out. That's a real slap in the face. He left me for this other girl. Now he's all lovey dovey and happy and I am stuck here with a broken heart. I am so hurt by his carelessness. It kills me to think I meant that little to him to be flaunting his new love, and relationship like that. WE were together for 7 years and this is what I get?

 

oh man, I am so hurt.

Confused9 - Don't beat yourself up. It sounds like he rebounded and maybe thinks he cares for her, but in the long run will wake to find out he just may want you..... that's how rebounding works. Don't read his MySpace and you won't get caught up in his messy little world. Refrain from viewing..... it will be best for u.

You've gotten some most excellent advice ~ And you need to follow through with it?

You've been used, abused, ~ you've been emotionally, mentally, raped!

I was you eighteen years ago? I was thinking about you today at work? Thinking about where I was eighteen years ago and where I'm at today?

On another thread? Someone told me I'm in a good place? And I am! But I had to work for it ~ I had to sweat for it!

To steal a quote from Lady Jane? "This isn't the end of your Life ~ its the end of your relationship with this @sshat!" And your better off without him!

Because of your family background? Your such a nuturing individual ~ you think being with an ADHD alcoholic is normal ~ its not! You think this @sshat is the best that you can do? Deserve? Its not!

Brokenwolf,

thank you. I will read over this thread again and try and take the advice that everyone has given me. I know that some days will be harder than others.

I am a little shocked by myself though. After I found out the news...I was devestated, but yesterday and today I've felt a bit 'lighter'. Perhaps I needed to see that to begin the process of really moving on. I can no longer let this affect me 24 hours a day. Sure, I will have some moments and that is okay, but he is not pining over me and crying and wasting his life...neither should I.

It's over. We are done. He has hurt me and I accepted what he did and tried to fight for his love. I need to realize that I deserve better. I NEED to realize this. Hopefully, with some positive self talk, surrounding myself with positive people, and reading the books I bought that are suppossed to help get over breakups I will do so.

Blueeyedbrain,

THANK YOU. I am really going to try hard not to look at it. It doesn't matter what he is doing anymore. I am living his life through myspace. LAME! I am 27 years old - I need to get up and move on. Stop wasting my days. I know this and hope I can do this!!! It may be true that this is a rebound or she could be the love of his life...regardless, it doesn't matter anymore. I need to let go of the hope that he will come back. Even if he did...it would never be the same. In thikning he is the best thing to ever happen to me and I will never find someone else to love me the way he did...that's toxic. And plus, why would I want someone who loved me the way he did when apparantly...he didn't love me at all.

Gunny,

I truly look forward to your replies. You are so positive and so helpful. Your a voice of reason and maturity that I unfortunately do not have in my life. So...through this computer screen - I thank you. I don't have a lot of support in my life. Sure, I have people but the majority are going through their own things and can't be there for me and the lack of parental support really makes this tough. But, I know I can do it...especially with you all here at LS. You have all been amazing. Especially you. Your posts are so knowledgable and full of great advice. I will take them with me and hope that I can be as strong as you 18 years from now.

He may have been my first love, but he won't be my only love. (I hope.) I want to share my life with someoen that wants to be with me. That wasn't him. He tricked me to believe it was...but it wasn't. So...here I go...moving on. Repairing the damage and letting go. Letting him go...

Goodbye @sshat! hahahahahaha

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Okay, so I know I know I shouldn't have looked but I did and now he changed his quote to:

"BABY ON THE WAY AND WEDDING WEEKS AWAY.....ANDI HOPE PEOPLE CAN FORGIVE ME FOR HOW BAD OF A PERSON I WAS IN MY PAST."

And then it says 'His name is waiting on my son and praying for forgivness for all the wrong things i have done in life '

Do you think this is geared to me or others? I know I shouldn't care but maybe it's him saying sorry to me? Why would he do it on myspace? UGH!

I am going to stop looking. I promise!!!