I decided to be his mistress forever!!!!!!

I decided to be his mistress for as long as I can. Here is the story for those that don't know me. I have been having a affair with a much older man. We were both married, 8 months ago his W found out and the hell began. I told my H and we endded our marriage. MM is still married and probably will remain that way. After breaking up and making up inumerous times I decided that I don;t want end the affair and I don't want him to leave his W either. Maybe I feel guilty or maybe I found out that I really enjoy being single and I like to see him sometimes and don't have to deal with another relationship.

I have been in this relationship for 5 yrs, I really love him but I don't think we could be happy full time. So I decided to remain his lover and enjoy my free time with my kids. I figure if I Had a full time relationship with MM I would be robbing my kids time and putting them thru another adjustment. So I fugure I can have MM part time and the rest of my life full time. Of course he loves this arrangement. And His W is calming down because she thinks the affair is over.

I know it sounds crazy, selfish, stupid. But for me it is the best situation right now.

well, good for you! Just be aware that at some point, something is going to change, and your new lifestyle will be challenged, so don't get too comfortable, you know?

I don't think you sound selfish. I think you are settling for less than you (and your kids) deserve.

You are right, it does sound stupid. Sorry, just had to say it.

I am not going to question you about morality or his selfishness and all that other stuff. But I do want to ask you this:

What happens when he is dead and gone? What if you become so attached and dependent on him and he dies suddenly? You are not going to be taken care of financially.

Is what you are feeling now worth making such a poorly thought out decision that affects the rest of yours and your children's lives? I have friends who watched their mothers date a MM guy their entire lives. Initially they were okay with it, they too, thought Mom must be something special if this guy is seeing her behind his W's back. But as they grew up and noticed that nothing changed, that Mom only got more and more depressed and unhappy but wouldn't leave the MM, they lost respect for her.

Is that really what you want? You want them to lose respect for you. If they do, nothing you say to them will ever matter - even when you are right. You will have lost the right to have your word count for anything to them. Unless you are raising them to only consider themselves, in which case you will have the same outcome anyways.

I hope you change your mind sooner than later.

Well, any man should be that lucky to have a mistress without any self respect.

How would you feel if your kids wind up doing the same when they are older?

If it makes you happy - Good for you.

But, you settling to be his mistress and you will miss out in life. Your children won't be able to come first in his life now because he's married, they will miss out as well.

Ahh, I could say more, but I won't.

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

What happens when he is dead and gone? What if you become so attached and dependent on him and he dies suddenly? You are not going to be taken care of financially.

1- I am financially independent andi intent to continue this way. I tught of his death many times and I knoww it will be hard because I will have to grieve in silency.

Is what you are feeling now worth making such a poorly thought out decision that affects the rest of yours and your children's lives? I have friends who watched their mothers date a MM guy their entire lives. Initially they were okay with it, they too, thought Mom must be something special if this guy is seeing her behind his W's back. But as they grew up and noticed that nothing changed, that Mom only got more and more depressed and unhappy but wouldn't leave the MM, they lost respect for her.

2- My kids won't know about him.This is my decision and the time I spend with the kids will be our only. I will meet MM during the week or when the kids go to their dads. I notice that since my H left our relationship ( me and the Kids) have improved a lot. My teen became my best friend, I don't want to bring someone else , MM or any other man in the middle of us. My romantic choice will be mine only, they won't have no part on it.I want to remain single . I know things may change with time but this is what I want now.

Some might knock it, but I think you have made an excellent decision. A good sex partner is hard to find...

Actually, why are you with him, again? Sorry, I think I confused myself. It happens.

I think this sounds like a FABULOUS arrangement!

I decided to be his mistress forever!!!!!.

Pack extra underwear because "forever is a long time.

... I like to see him sometimes and don't have to deal with another relationship.

Yes, this way you get to continue to be the OW and never have the chance of being in a fully committed relationship. Brilliant!

I have been in this relationship for 5 yrs, I really love him but I don't think we could be happy full time.

Of course! quite natural that two people that love each other couldn't bear to be with each other 'full time' all those nights in each other's arms, all those days supporting helping each other. And the endless, endless hours communicating, making each other laugh, sharing sadnesses and joys burk.. burk burk....

I figure if I Had a full time relationship with MM I would be robbing my kids time and putting them thru another adjustment.

Absolutely! Five ten years into forever when your children ask for relationship advise maybe you can share your wisdom - "be the other woman/man save time and money on your cleaning bills!"

* bit confused how one can be in a FULL time relationship with a man that is married but yep, much better to be in a 'part-time' relationship with a man that's married than in a full time relationship with a man that's married coz of course if he were around all the time the kids would like see him and maybe like him and then "badaboom!" they have a father figure in the house.. ewww....

. So I fugure I can have MM part time

Being someone's "part-time" love! Maaan why didn't I think of that, half their heart, half their attention, half the sex for me and half for her...half their lives and .. best of all half their love! Those other women are soo missing out with their men that won't share or be shared!

Of course he loves this arrangement.

I'm soo pleased! After all if he were less of a man he might have found having a woman that makes no demands on him but gives him regular sex unappealing and the whole thing would have made him deeply unhappy - phew!!!

And His W is calming down because she thinks the affair is over.

Yes,... silly woman getting all exicited over nothing! Now things seem to be finding their natural balance - she's believed the second set of lies and while she's healing from the first betrayal you can both enjoy yourselves ... Ignorance is indeed BLISS!

know it sounds crazy, selfish, stupid.

...

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huh? ..o, sorry ... did you think I was going to make another comment?.....

I notice that since my H left our relationship ( me and the Kids) have improved a lot

You make it sound like your H gave up on your marriage - And he left...But, didn't HE find out about your affair and that's why he left?

Trust me SIL, your kids WILL find out on their own one day, so be prepared for them to ask questions about your MM. Is this the example you want to lead for them? To settle for some old married guy who has a wife and children, so they'll miss out on having their own marriage, miss out on having kids? I mean, what if your daughter meets a MM and settles for him? Are you going to support her and tell her it's OK to follow in your footsteps?

I have friends who watched their mothers date a MM guy their entire lives. Initially they were okay with it, they too, thought Mom must be something special if this guy is seeing her behind his W's back.

That is got to be the most F'ed way of thinking I've ever heard. Just so wrong...

Variety is the spice of life. See if you can get another one on the side, like him. It will help keep the relationship "fresh," and you will hopefully avoid getting bored with him.

I figure if I Had a full time relationship with MM I would be robbing my kids time and putting them thru another adjustment.

That is another big excuse for settling, and a cop out. In all honesty if you found an amazing (single) man who loved your children as much as he loved you, your kids would adjust and they'd probably be happy to have a step-dad who treated them well. Yes, it would be an adjustment, but it could be a very positive experience for them as well.

If it makes you happy - Good for you.

 

But, you settling to be his mistress and you will miss out in life. Your children won't be able to come first in his life now because he's married, they will miss out as well.

 

Ahh, I could say more, but I won't.

 

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

WWU

I won't miss out. I have been married , I have kids, I have a god job. I want to be single.

My kids have a father and he is trying to improve his relationship with them. So they don't need another man in their lives. They have uncles and cousins and a grandfather.

I have ben married for 14 years and I have lived w/ another man before that. I love being with the kids only. I don't feel like living with anyone else.

I talked w/ MM and we agree that even if for some crazy reason he become single we would live in separeted places.

Thanks for wising me good luck .But honestly I think this is the best situation for me right now!

That is another big excuse for settling, and a cop out. In all honesty if you found an amazing (single) man who loved your children as much as he loved you, your kids would adjust and they'd probably be happy to have a step-dad who treated them well. Yes, it would be an adjustment, but it could be a very positive experience for them as well.

You are probably right but I am not sure if there are amazing single man out there. If I run into one I willtake your adivice into consideration.

I won't miss out. I have been married , I have kids, I have a god job. I want to be single.

You aren't "single" if you have an ongoing relationship with someone, married or not. You are involved unless you do not have a relationship with a man in your life whom you rely upon for sex and/or emotional sustenance.

Don't fool yourself into thinking you are independent and single right now. Consider how you would feel if MM ended your relationship - really consider how it would be if he never ever spoke to you or saw you ever - and then consider if you are really single and independent. If you can't walk away, you are not independent. If you can't stomach the thought of him ending your affair, you are not "single". At the very least, don't fool yourself.

I decided to be his mistress for as long as I can. Here is the story for those that don't know me. I have been having a affair with a much older man. We were both married, 8 months ago his W found out and the hell began. I told my H and we endded our marriage. MM is still married and probably will remain that way. After breaking up and making up inumerous times I decided that I don;t want end the affair and I don't want him to leave his W either. Maybe I feel guilty or maybe I found out that I really enjoy being single and I like to see him sometimes and don't have to deal with another relationship.

 

I have been in this relationship for 5 yrs, I really love him but I don't think we could be happy full time. So I decided to remain his lover and enjoy my free time with my kids. I figure if I Had a full time relationship with MM I would be robbing my kids time and putting them thru another adjustment. So I fugure I can have MM part time and the rest of my life full time. Of course he loves this arrangement. And His W is calming down because she thinks the affair is over.

 

I know it sounds crazy, selfish, stupid. But for me it is the best situation right now.

the three words that stuck out to me were; "crazy, selfish and stupid"..YOUR words...

NJ, I'm completely inlove with your avatar. I kind of have a mini obsession with liliacs, I go into major liliac pickin' mode as soon as they bloom. I fill up the house with vases and vases of flowers! (Sorry to thread jack, I just needed to get that out due to seeing your avatar!)

You are probably right but I am not sure if there are amazing single man out there. If I run into one I willtake your adivice into consideration

What happens though if you do happen to meet a wonderful single man. Do you end with MM, or see both of them? See, this is where it could get confusing...

NJ, I'm completely inlove with your avatar. I kind of have a mini obsession with liliacs, I go into major liliac pickin' mode as soon as they bloom. I fill up the house with vases and vases of flowers! (Sorry to thread jack, I just needed to get that out due to seeing your avatar!)

 

 

 

What happens though if you do happen to meet a wonderful single man. Do you end with MM, or see both of them? See, this is where it could get confusing...

I would not be in two relationships at once anymore. I would chose, if I felt in love with the new guy then I would end with MM. We discused that too. He knows I am settling for the mistress role but if price charm comes around I will move on .

NJ, I'm completely inlove with your avatar. I kind of have a mini obsession with liliacs, I go into major liliac pickin' mode as soon as they bloom. I fill up the house with vases and vases of flowers! (Sorry to thread jack, I just needed to get that out due to seeing your avatar!)

Lilacs are my absolute favorites - we had lilac bushes in our yard growing up and I adore the scent. I wish they lasted all spring and summer!!

I would not be in two relationships at once anymore. I would chose, if I felt in love with the new guy then I would end with MM. We discused that too. He knows I am settling for the mistress role but if price charm comes around I will move on .

It's so unlikely that you would fall in love with anyone else while you are in love with MM.

Did you fall in love with MM while you were still in love with your H? Or had you already disengaged emotionally from your H to some degree before MM came along?

You aren't "single" if you have an ongoing relationship with someone, married or not. You are involved unless you do not have a relationship with a man in your life whom you rely upon for sex and/or emotional sustenance.

 

Don't fool yourself into thinking you are independent and single right now. Consider how you would feel if MM ended your relationship - really consider how it would be if he never ever spoke to you or saw you ever - and then consider if you are really single and independent. If you can't walk away, you are not independent. If you can't stomach the thought of him ending your affair, you are not "single". At the very least, don't fool yourself.

He won't never speak with me again we agreed if we decide to end the relationship we will do it without being mean. If he decide he dosen' want a double life and I decided I am not being his mistress anymore we will depart without too much drama.

I guess you are right I am not single. I should say that i like being in a part time relationship. I don't want a fulltime relationship right now.

WWIU

It was effed up. Really. When I told my mom that my friend's mom was dating the married school counsellor's H, I was forbidden to visit her anymore. She lost lots of friends because of it.

My former bestfriend's ( former just because we grew apart over the last five years) mom M'd the married guy she was dating. I went to school with his twin sons. They HATED him and my friend. Constantly asked me how I could befriend the "whore's" daughter. His kids still don't speak to him. My former/distant friend has no respect for either of them. Having learned my lesson from my other friend, I didn't bother to tell my mom about the other MM.

And if SIL keeps it as a secret and the kids find out, its even worst. An especially young childhood friend found out that her mom was dating behind her back, and a M'd guy at that, after having dealt with her own H's repeated infidelity and refused to speak with her mom for years. It suddenly made sense to her when her mom kept telling her to take her cheating H back.

This just isn't a good decision. It never turns out well. Never. The Mistress forever. To the rest of the world, you will forever be seen as a fool once they find out what you have willingly decided.

Wow, going through life not being able to tell your kids about what you do when they aren't there. Knowing that you are involved with someone who has to lie to his wife to be with you. Personally, I couldn't do it, but it seems to work just fine for you. I wish you continued happiness.

My only other wish would be that his wife finds out what kind of person she is married to and dumps him so that someday she can find out what true love is.

Well, any man should be that lucky to have a mistress without any self respect.

 

How would you feel if your kids wind up doing the same when they are older?

Example isn't everything, it's the only thing when kids are involved.

My only other wish would be that his wife finds out what kind of person she is married to and dumps him so that someday she can find out what true love is.

Maybe his wife will find an OM for herself and have abit of fun on the side as well. Why should he be the only one to have 2 women in his life, to have his cake and eat it too?