Guys & Gals...Is this behavior normal?

Hello all! I have posted before and am a regular visitor...I find your advice and comments useful. So maybe you can help me with this dilemna.

Here's the deal...I met this guy online about 3 months ago. We instantly clicked and hit it off. We had many of the same interests and were really into each other. He said he hasn't felt this happy in years and was clicking his heels when he met me.

So, about 2 weeks after we meet, my ex tries to come back to me. If you remember, he is the physical abuser with a drug problem. I told the ex flat out, "I don't want to see anything bad happen to you but I will NOT take you back...enough is enough." Well, you have to understand that even though I didn't want the ex back, it messed with my head. I was completely honest with the new guy and told him what was going on. He chased me like crazy. I guess I did push him away for a bit to collect my thoughts...but after a few days, I knew I wanted the new guy.

So, everything was fine...I apologized for pushing him away and everything was cool. Then, he tells me that he is still very good friends with his ex. They split up 4 years ago and share custody of a dog. I didn't have a problem with this at first. However, they talk on the phone and hang out a lot. She has dated since their breakup (long relationships), but he has not.

He even took her along one night when we went out. It's like she has this power over him and she gets a kick out of it. He says that he is no longer attracted to her and that they are just friends. I didn't know what to think. Plus, all of his friends warned me about her and said she likes to start trouble.

Another thing...whenever we went somewhere or watched TV or looked at magazines, he always commented on how beautiful and attractive other women are. He even went so far as to constantly talk about how pretty my best friend is...he wanted to have a threesome with her! We were at the beach last week and he stopped mid-conversation to comment on these two teenage girls by saying, "did you see them, god love them, they are beautiful."

This was all the time...I got sick of it and told him that he was disrespectful. He decided last week that he is not attracted to me because I am too insecure because I have a problem with him commenting on other women. I think this is ignorant and disprespectful. I am not one of the guys....

What do you guys think of this? I haven't talked to him in 3 days...I miss him terribly but I really feel as though I am not wrong here. What should I do? I was really into him and I really wanted this to work but I feel like we are not on the same page.

Any advice or comments would be appreciated!!!!

The evening he brought his ex with him on a date with you would have been the very last night I ever saw him in my life. That said, all his other rudeness and inconsiderate remarks about other women are irrelevant.

And after ONLY three months, he's so bored he wants a threesome??? What balls this guy has got!!!

This guy's a loser, that's why he hasn't had dates in so long. Dump him for your own emotional health!!!

commenting on other women is a HUGE red flag! I remember missing it once & regretting it big time.

A guy should never ever praise any woman but you in front of you - at least until you're committed & very comfortable with each other.

-yes

His comments about other women show a lack of respect for you. It has nothing to do with you being insecure - it has to do with him being a pig and not understanding that comments like that are hurtful.

As for the ex. I admit it would not be my cup of tea to have the ex accompany me and my boyfriend on a date but I don't think you have the right to tell someone who they can and can't be friends with.

One of my ex's is a good friend of mine. I knew when he started dating someone (who he eventually married) that it would change our relationship. I could no longer be the main one he turned to when he had a problem - and I could no longer expect to talk to him every night. However, we stayed friends. Mostly because I accepted that our relationship had to change. Your boyfriend needs to realize that too. He can stay friends with an ex - but that relationship can't come between the two of you.

Thanks for all your replies...it's nice to know that I am not crazy and over-sensitive.

I have one more question...I do really like this guy...but I'm wondering if there is any point. Should I try to talk to him and see if I can explain my point of view or should I just let it go?

I haven't talked to him since Friday and I do miss him...however, I have self-respect and refuse to look pathetic for a man.

What would you do? Also, why would he do this? Is he insecure?

i wouldn't try and talk to him because if there're already all these things in the first little while, just think of what kind of problems you're going to face later ...

best of luck,

-yes

No. There is no point. Usually, people are on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship. It would only be downhill from here.

Why is he this way? Could be a zillion reasons but it's not your job to figure it out. You are thinking that if you knew the cause, you could figure out a solution and 'fix' him but only people who want to be fixed will be.

You will like other people even more so give up on this guy and move on.