Do girls fall again for their first love once they man up?

I have been dumped a month or so ago after a 2 and a half year relationship. Since then I tried to convince her thrice to come back but she has moved on. I believe it didn't work out because of my boyish attitude. I was her first lover, but not a man. Actually when we met I made the impression that I was. But I failed to deliver... She told me she felt indiferent but wanted to try it out. We were very intimate and shared alot together. I believe there was true love from both sides... Do you believe she might come around once I man up and take action in my life??? It sounds crazy still since I know I must do this for myself. What about second chances?

Do you want to be more of a man to get your ex back, or do you want to be more of a man because of you?

It is both, but it is mainly for me. When we met I had ambition and a goal. I fell down in an old habbit (pot) that made me lose interest in EVERYTHING. I changed who I was in a year. And switched to plan B and C to be with her... She left me after I filled her head with doubts and she started to be interested in a guy at her work. I know for now that it is burned. She told me many times not to change who I was.. But I was doing it to keep it going between us.. I have tought alot about this and feel I am to blame (mostly) altho she could have stick thru. But I was dishonest with her, we live at long distance (1hour) and I didnt tell her I had started to smoke again. I Dont want to do the same mistakes again in any futur relationships. I just feel strongly about this girl, even with her faults I can see us easily living together in the long run. It felt very compatible from my end. Now I know that women needs security in the couple and unfortunatly I pressed the other way. I know now what I want and what I can offer, I'm not ready yet, but I have started to sort things out in my life. It's hard for me to let go this day.

I actually believe it is over now, for 3-4 days now I feel I known exactly what went wrong, what I did and did wrong... So many things. I feel like calling her to talk about it, knowing their wouldn't be any reconciliation, its just to let her know my side of the story. I tried to talk to her about it a few times since the break-up but I was too vulnerable and it was not clear as how I feel now. Do you think she will be open to listen? Or will she simply assume I didn't ''get it'' and pull further away?

The last contact made was 5 days ago and I wrote to her saying I was not proud of the man I became the last months. That I understood why she lost interest and turned elswhere. I added I did not recognise myself in the way's I was. That I'm sorry I didnt ''get it'' quicker. I told her she was also important for me. That she was my first serious girlfriend. I ended the message by saying I will give myself time to straighten my life back, I have work to do, And I needed it in my life. I wished her luck in her school projects and signed goodbye.

...wow only 5 days ago since NC. I feel more mature since the breakup tho. wich was almost a month ago. Should I wait till she contacts me?...

Work on yourself, man. Keep at it. Stay strong. This may be the hardest thing you ever go through. Even more than death of a loved one. With death, you know there's no coming back. With a dissolved relationship, you never do.

You can't improve yourself in only a few short days. And putting on an act for her won't work either. Believe me, I've tried.

If no contact is working for you, keep it up. It's difficult. Remove her number from your phone.

Somedays I feel like breaking no contact. Those times I feel like I know that its over, I'v done just so many wrong things you shoudn't do in a relationship (being over-dependant and stuff) And I feel like its ok to talk to her since there is no hope now anyways. I feel like sharing to her how I feel. I know we will get to talk eventually so why wait? It's like if I have abandoned the hope that she will come back... And Why would she? I have asked her more then once and the last time was a definitive NO. I Have been acting like a total wuss and even tho I know I won't be like that anymore the damage has been done. Why would she think anything els of me? I feel its too late since she now started seeing some one els (I don't know what their status is)... Who probably aint head-over heels for her... I have now the attitude that I should of had in the end of the relationship, the one I had when we first met... I went on two different dates this week and I felt confident and strong... I know much better who I am now, Ihave changed much since the breakup, altho I did fall down last week when I called to know if there was hope left... It threw me off, but in the end... today I know how to ''be''..

I'm bummed out when I think I have screwed so much

I broke no-contact on the 16th, I left her a message explaning where I was. We talked on the phone the day after, I told her I was done being immature about this (In a joking way, wich made her happy). We talked about our own futur, (I have returned to the initial dream and goal I had when we first met) And she talked about her new dreams. I also told her I wanted to be like when we first met, when I did what I wanted to do simply while she tagged along when we just did things and didnt question. The conversation had a light mood. But she didnt open up emotionally...Anyways I ended up asking if she was available on sunday to go swim and she said she probably would not have time but she would think about it and give me news later. That night I went out with some friends and had a blast. The day after I was fed up and didn't want to wait so I called her. She obviously said no, but had a decent excuse. we said goodbye and left it open. I then made a little trip on fb later that day only to find comments that really shredded my heart. almost nothing, but I saw that their was someone she was interested in and vice-versa (Maybee its all in my head too but I know there is at least 1 prospect, she told me so during the initial BU stages). I then decided it was time to block her. I could not believe I was being set back once more. All that progress felt undone. Facebook is such a torture tool, For me phone calls are fine, not facebook. At least I have had good realisations about this whole situation and I did progress personally.

Today, on the 19th, I started to believe That I will find a girl that loves me for who I am. And I will try and always be myself, no trickery no faking. I finally feel that the only thing I did wrong was loving her to much. I was changing who I was to be with her and it's what made her leave in the end. And away she is. She's not comming back. I started to look around and found out there are other women, with their own problems who are probably looking for a caring guy like me. So many traits of myself I was willing to alter just to please my last girl, what a MISTAKE! She was happy when we first hook up, why?? Because I was myself. Today I feel like myself again, probably better since I have learned the hard way how to behave in a couple. We'll see how things will pan out. I am looking forward in knowing a girl I'v seen a few times around, we went climbing last week and for 2-3 weeks straight we have been going to improv on monday nights and it always felt good seeing her (tonight also )

I will try and stay busy this week, I have decided to stop initiating contact with the ex, and I will wait for her call. I will make sure to come to give updates on the situation before I take her call or respond. Thanks for your support!

She actually wrote me back yesterday. Saying that she knows she has dissapointed me last week and wants me to know that she wasn't lying and that she had no time for herself (End-terme+work) she said she stopped working out/ stopped cooking/ stopped cleaning up and her brother is getting on her balls about it (they live together) ... She said she didnt want to justify herself since I seemed pissed. She tried to call 10 mins or so after the sent e-mail but I did not awnser. She endend the e-mail saying she will give me news when it will all be over, wich is in two weeks, and told me good luck in my projects (School)

I won't call her back... I have started to change myself for the better. I found out yesterday that the girl I had eyes on had hooked up with a guy. It made me realise I was still needy...It also made me think about the ex. I need to man up . I can't actually believe I still love her and still wish for a second chance... After all of this... I still have this needy attitude I need to kill',',','

I feel like a fool for hoping that she will want to be with me once I man up."":mad:

?What do you think of this plan?:

Once she gets a hold of me (if she ever does),

I will explain to her that I do not wish to have regular contact with her

until I have changed what I did not like about myself. (Wich in my mind should take from 2 to 6 months)