Author P1xie Posted March 5, 2004 Author Posted March 5, 2004 Yes that maybe so and that is why it is probably a deal breaker for you. It hurts me when my boyfriend thinks more of porn than myself and when he does not respect my feelings. That is a deal breaker for me. There is no right or wrong here and I'm not going to belittle you or be rude to try to convince you of my views. I'm not going to suggest you go to counseling or accuse you you're trying to control someone. I do however feel you have your own list of what you want in your life and what you don't and I may not agree with your list but that does not make them wrong or of any less value, or not deserving of your SO respect.
dyermaker Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 Originally posted by P1xie It hurts me when my boyfriend thinks more of porn than myself I'm interested in purchasing stock in the company that provides the product that allows for you to read your boyfriend's thoughts.
Author P1xie Posted March 5, 2004 Author Posted March 5, 2004 This is easily explained he knows it hurts me, he continues to do it he is choosing porn over me. He kept a magazine for as he said "Because it had sentimental value to him". How much value to did he have for me saying that? Let me ask you if you would leave your girlfriend if she forbid you to look at porn? There is no excuse knowingly hurting someone you. Give me the justification for that...
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 Whether or not your feelings are hurt comes from how you think. If you choose to think 'looking at porn means husband doesn't respect/hates/doesn't desire me', it will upset you. If you choose to change your thinking, you won't be upset. People create their own unhappiness by how they think. Read this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t33954/
dyermaker Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 Originally posted by P1xie This is easily explained he knows it hurts me Are you getting papercuts? There's no way porn can hurt you. You can let it hurt you, if you'd like. Your argument is basically, "If he loved me, he'd stop"--but what if the shoe was on the other foot? If you loved him, you'd stop the forbidding. That's why love should have no place in an issue such as this. There's no choosing you over porn--YOU are creating that choice. If that's your perogative, let him know, and he'll lie some more. Let me ask you if you would leave your girlfriend if she forbid you to look at porn? I shudder to wonder if a majority of women think that "forbid" is an acceptable verb with regards to the men they love. The question is fallacious, as our relationship doesn't consist of absolutism without communication.
jenny Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 lol! did you just quote your own post using the word "turd"? that. is. awesome. almost nabokov awesome. very very pleasing. pixie, read the ellis link and make your own decision. this thread is not useful to you anymore; you are working things through with your guy - concentrate on that rather than on your anger.
jester Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 There's no way porn can hurt you. You can let it hurt you, if you'd like. That's both presumptuous and fallacious. It's presumptuous because the speaker presumes to know what everyone should feel. We all don't feel the same way about everything. The "slut" and "adultery" wars on these boards are proof of that. The sense I get is that some people frequently like to lecture people on how they ought to feel. Pity the woman who hates porn and tolerates adultery. It's one thing to rebut an argument; it's another thing to discount someone's feelings or experiences. That's arrogant and depersonalizing. The statement is fallacious because there are ways that porn can hurt an individual. Merely because a person believes that the injured party ought not to feel hurt does not mean that she does not experience pain. Again, the person is being invalidated, not her arguments.
dyermaker Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Originally posted by jester It's presumptuous because the speaker presumes to know what everyone should feel. Nonsense, I was merely stating that it's possible for one to control what does and doesn't hurt them emotionally. We all don't feel the same way about everything. The "slut" and "adultery" wars on these boards are proof of that. *sigh* This is where jester attempts to turn it into his war between moralists and pragmatists. Is no post safe? The statement is fallacious because there are ways that porn can hurt an individual. Porn is 100% inanimate, otherwise it's a prostitute. Porn is not capable of mobility, let alone inflicting pain. Rather, it's the RESPONSES to porn that can hurt an individual, and in this case, she is in control of how she responds.
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 *sigh* This is where jester attempts to turn it into his war between moralists and pragmatists. Is no post safe? No Not to mention him totally having missed the point about Ellis' theories.
dyermaker Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 blah, you're equally guilty, why can't we all just get along?
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 I don't try to pit groups of people against each other, thanks.
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Piffle. That's sure fair. So first hit always gets off scot free? Guess I better change my ways, eh?
jenny Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 my cat's breath smells like cat food. [color=white](soon i'll be peeing in the middle of the thread) [/color]
dyermaker Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme Piffle. That's sure fair. So first hit always gets off scot free? Guess I better change my ways, eh? Yeah, I forgot you're likely not a fan of american football. The reason they do this is to discourage fighting and retalliation. We could use with a few zebras on some of these threads.
jenny Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 what is a zebra? i mean, figuratively? i have a vague idea of the literal meaning but am having trouble connecting that to my equally vague ideas of american football.
jenny Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 i'm sorry; i'm still not getting the connection. american football uses people dressed up like french archetypes? prisoners? this seems more like a delightful canadian thing to do. this is very pleasing and fun to imagine, but confusing nonetheless. i'm so giddy already; my roommate is gone for the weekend; arbitraily striped people playing football in the middle of an imagined porn movie might put me over the edge.
dyermaker Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Sorry. Zebra = Game officials. They wear black and white striped uniforms, and call penalties in football games. http://www.whiting.k12.in.us/HSWeb/Misc.%20Pics/images/football%20referee.jpg
jenny Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 lol! ahh.. thank you. that is much less fun but much more logical. i think porn movies could often use a referee though, so maybe i'll imagine that in lieu.
moimeme Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 There's a thought! Imagine the porn film's director IN the film directing...
dyermaker Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme There's a thought! Imagine the porn film's director IN the film directing... T Talk about a conflict of interest!
Author P1xie Posted March 8, 2004 Author Posted March 8, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Nonsense, I was merely stating that it's possible for one to control what does and doesn't hurt them emotionally. Porn is 100% inanimate, otherwise it's a prostitute. Porn is not capable of mobility, let alone inflicting pain. Rather, it's the RESPONSES to porn that can hurt an individual, and in this case, she is in control of how she responds. You are right in the fact that someone is in control on how they respond. My thing is that if you know it hurts someone why continue? I do not like the agruement that we can control how we feel. Yes we can but I was with a guy who a total abuser and when he hurt me he would always tell me that he can't make me feel. With every action there is a reaction. I guess I could of taken his abuse with a smile since I can control how I feel. I also want to say the reason I stayed with my boyfriend is not because he said he was going to give up porn it was because we talked and he made a honest effort to understand my feelings. I do notice that not one guy here will honestly answer if they would leave their girls on this issue.
Errol Posted March 8, 2004 Posted March 8, 2004 After re-reading this whole thread (I'm bored today!) I can see why there are so many single people and people complaining and hurting about their bf/gf and so many lonley people. We all (and I am including myself) continually try to tell others how to think and feel and accuse others of not listening or being open minded, and belittle others whose feelings are not understood. No one wants to make any real sacrifices - everyone wants things their own way with very little flexibility in how much they will bend for someone else, but high demands on what they expect others to do/bend for them. One person's deal breaker may seem silly to someone else, but that doesn't mean it is not as serious and valid as any other deal breaker. There are no solid relationships without hurt feelings sometimes - except in fairytales.
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