Something's wrong with ME (yes me, not my marriage)

My husband and I have been getting along wonderfully lately. I have been trying to show him love, and to be less selfish, and more understanding, and we have been really close lately, and I have been amazingly happy!

However, I was sitting at my desk today working, and something he did to me 4 months ago crossed my mind, and I got VERY upset. He's appologized for it, and I've forgiven him, but why do these thoughts keep coming to mind? Why can't I just forgive and forget? I was so happy, then *BAM* a thought enters my head, and I want to cry.

WHY!?!?!

Thoughts are like shxt sometimes. They just happen.

Just sent you an answer in your other thread...

April (I don't want to say "fool" if that's okay),

SIMMA DOWN!! LOL!! You are going to have your blood pressure just skyrocket or have a stroke!! You are doing alot of what we "chicks" do best and that's thinking WWWWAAAAAYYYY too much. You don't have a bad marriage...and it's just the first 8 months....so much turmoil and personality clashes are bound to happen....no matter how much I wish it were different, dating and living together aren't the same as being married! Give your hubby a break just remember why you loved him and why you are married and enjoy that, give yourself a break, just do what you've always done with him and things will fall back into place.

You seem like a very high strung and a bit of a impatient person (hey alot of us are and that's just your personality, it's okay!) so you may be overwhelming the hubby a bit.....if he's like most men, he's thinking "what the H*** is she talking about, I thought our marriage is good and we're happy!!"

If you really, really think that he won't get back to normal or what you felt he was before marriage, GET THEE TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR STAT!! If it's possible that it's just newly married "jitters" just shower him with as much love as you can and don't overwhelm him with questions, especially those that have to do with your sex life!! If he doesn't change about kissing you or making love, tell him you are going to a counselor and find out what to do and he's welcome to come or tell you what's up. BUT don't harrass him about it, that makes it worse. I think one reason guys like porn chicks is because they don't talk! LOL!!

My child whose a teen has a personality similar to what I can read yours to be in your posts, I love her dearly and think she's awesome but she can overwhelm to the point that I feel the life has been sucked out of me plus I see her not enjoying life as much because of her expectations and over-reacting!!

I hope this doesn't make you mad, I promise I'm not trying to be mean! I don't know you but I do want you to be happy, try and relax, don't think so much just enjoy your life and look at the good things in it!! Maybe you are a bit depressed or maybe a little manic...see a doctor to make sure you don't have a chemical imbalance...alot of people do (I for one)....that can make you feel nervous, upset alot and question things alot!!

On a lighter note, worrying all the time will cause wrinkles and pimples....we gals sure don't want either of those!! Take care and hang in there!!

AprilFool,

I just replied to your other post also. But I thought I would add here, that in many ways I feel I could be a bit like you. I worry, I think, I fret, I become emotional, I cry. My bf does get overwhelmed by me sometimes and just wants more peace and quiet! We love each other very much...and this is the best thing we've each ever had...we want to marry etc...yet we are volatile! Especially when I was worrying and obsessing over the past all the time, and acting in an insecure way. I always asked questions and got upset etc. It drained both of us!

Now we are working on healing all that. And in the past my bf has not been perfect himself, and done things, and sometimes I hang on to them and worry and think. I truly think I sometimes fear that things wont be OK...that if I let go, something bad will happen. We need to learn to be relaxed and happy and JUST BE! Just live happily day to day. If our personality type means we tend to not do that, then we need to make an effort to lighten up a little.

And remember, we are good the way we are, we just need to round off some edges! I mean, being a thinker is not so bad. It means we care, understand, can articulate things and be self-aware and aware of others, and feel deeply...both the happy and the sad. There is lots to love in that. But it can also be full-on for others! I don't know you or your husband, but I hope this helps a bit. And I hope he is doing his bit for you too.

Ha ha! I should've figured you were a lot like me by your name a lone

It sure is good to know there is another overwhelming emotionalist out there I didn't think I was ever overreacting until I found this site, and had a good long talk with my husband.

Last night I confessed to him that I realize that I have a problem, and I'm going to try to be more aware of my obsessive worrying behavior. He was very happy and proud of me .

Now that I think about it....we probably wouldn't have nearly as many problems if I didn't overdramatize every little thing that happens in our relationship.

Thanks for posting, Thinkalot. I'm glad there's someone out there like me who is working on overcoming the same obstacle that I am

You ladies might like to read some Albert Ellis. He's the pioneer of REBT (Rational-Emotive Behavioural Therapy). He's as old as dirt but still working. He's got a website and will even answer your emails (he did mine).

http://www.rebt.org/

He's got a new book out on relationships:

Dating, Mating, and Relating: How to Build a Healthy Relationship

by Albert Ellis, Robert A. Harper

He also wrote A Guide to Rational Living

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/061511010X/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-2412150-0046315#reader-link

I saw him interviewed the last couple of days and he's a riot - he pokes gentle fun at our human foibles. He says our problems come from how we think about things and discusses how to change that sort of thinking. I don't believe his brand of therapy can cure all psychological problems, but for the ones you have been having, his stuff is tops.

Thanks moimeme and Aprilfool...

It really is amazing how by making subtle changes in the way you behave and your outlook, your whole life can seem happier and lighter. Sometimes it's easy to fall into old habits, but then I always say to myself "Don't sweat the small stuff" and that helps, as does truly trying to stand in the others person's shoes. My bf and I have agreed to remember that being happy is more important than being right. In other words, you may win the battle, but you lose the war. That's been a toughie for me, because I am a great one for trying to prove a point!

It's something my partner is trying to do too. He is much less emotional than I, however he is good at reacting and snapping back, and is trying to reduce that and take the time to understand where I am coming from. It's making our already loving relationship, even better and definately less bumpy! By the time we get married I'm sure we will have been through more lessons and ups and downs than some young married couples have!

And the communication stuff aside (which has been a continuous work in progress for us) I'm also learning to leave the past in the past (my bf also had to learn that one earlier in our relationship!)

Stay cool Aprilfool And yep, you're right, my name says it all!