Did not think in a million years I'd be posting here - My story

Hey everyone. I'm Nic. I have just finished school and I am deciding what to do with my life given recent events.

I had the perfect relationship with the girl of my dreams, it all started September last year when she asked me to play Guitar for one of her major assessments. I didn't know this girl and some how she got word from someone that I would be ideal for the job. As we spent the afternoons practicing, my feelings for her flourished and vice versa. She was in the year above me so I couldn't believe this girl who was beautiful (inside and out) took liking to me. She questioned her feelings initially as she didn't particuarly want a relationship which I respected and went on my way. Only a few days later did she come back saying she couldn't take it and wanted to be with me, thats where the fairytale begun. September 26th was the best day of my life. She took a year off to work for her parents and get money for Tafe (a small college here in Australia) and to move out this coming year. We both knew that she would be moving away and initially we planned on moving in together when the time came in another city. Midway through this year she began to doubt this and said we would just have a longer distance relationship (about 2 hours drive away, no problem). As the months went on she began to want to be single next year to concentrate on the next chapter of her life as she feels the added commitment of a relationship would only make it harder, even though I emphasized I would be there to make her happy and alleviate stress of moving into a new town.

This happened about a month ago, and since then she began to question her feelings for me subconsciously as she believed we wouldn't be together next year, and thought she would spare herself the hurt of having a fresh wound when she moved away in January. This past month we still hung out like normal, still had our sleepovers (the sex stopped and so did the "I love you") but nonetheless I was still having fun and gave up those things to still be with her. We still kissed and hugged occasionally and would still snuggled up and watch a movie etc etc.

I went to Hobart for a week last week to celebrate my graduation and came back. While I was away she seemed a little distant but I put that all to her stresses with work and next year. I got back Yesterday afternoon and took around the souvenir I got her (a plush toy of a fur seal, her favorite animal) and we planned to have dinner last night and celebrate my homecoming after a week apart. I was thrilled to see her, and she seemed happy at first. We were sitting in her room as usual and she began to cry. Basically I left early, I said goodbye to her family and pets as normal (they were my second family basically and my second home I would seek refuge when things in my house would go pear shaped which happened often with my parents) and I went on my way, a single person, knowing I would never return there again. I got home and felt numb at the situation, not crying or not being angry. I sent her a message giving closure to the situation, that I will always consider her my first love and that she gave me the best chapter in my otherwise fairly miserable life prior to meeting her.

I had no sleep last night as I kept dreaming of her and it hurt so bad. I woke up this morning in disbelief of the situation until I checked my facebook for messages and she had sent me one saying how she feels the same pain I am. She still wanted to be friends and hang out but I can't put myself through the emotional turmoil of suppressing my feelings for her whilst doing so. She made it clear there was nobody else and that she just doesn't want a relationship for next year (and no, she doesn't believe in giving herself to random people either..). She lives just up the road and I have spent all day today hysterical. I don't know what to do without her. She gave me structure and purpose and unfortunately I became dependent on her for happiness although I was never "clingy" and appeared to live an independent life when we weren't hanging out.

The truth is though, it's day two and I am struggling to keep my **** together. I cried so much earlier after putting away all the things she got me into a box, I cried so hard I burst a vessel in my nose and it bleed for about half an hour. This situation is very messy and I feel an overwhelming sense of isolation and alienation on top of severe anger and depression at the situation. A stark contrast to how I was before this breakup happened. I don't have many friends to hang out with and neither does she but then again she is moving to a completely new environment next year which makes me wonder if I should move away to my Mother's home town and do my degree 4000km away from here and get a job in her bank. I feel that may be running away though. I just don't know how much longer I will be able to deal with this grief if it's only day two and I'm beginning to give up.

What do I do? Not contact her? I am scared to run into her around here at the shops or see her driving (relatively small town) and I know this will kill me. I am constantly thinking about what she is doing and how I would have been doing it with her had this not happened. I know staying distracted is important but EVERYTHING here reminds me of her. My room, this neighborhood, where it all started. Even playing Guitar sucks as this was the crux of our beginnings which festered into my first love.

I'm lost, I am venting on here so thank you if you have read this far. I need some help, this is unbearable. Sigh, I appreciate any time given by anyone.

~ Nic

Day 3.

Second night of dreaming about her multiple times and that she was still in love with me. I had a dream last night where we laid on the grass sharing intimate moments, kissing, cuddling.

This is becoming too hard,

Feelings of despair and hopelessness are beginning to grow. I haven't left the house since everything happened, I have to go and pick up my car today but I am scared to leave and be thrown into the depths of the memories we shared in this town.

It's tough man, we all know what you're going through. The pain isn't going to instantly go away, you're going to have to be patient but it WILL get better over time. Just keep fighting and do your best to make a better you and keep on moving.

Best of luck. We're all here for you.

It's tough man, we all know what you're going through. The pain isn't going to instantly go away, you're going to have to be patient but it WILL get better over time. Just keep fighting and do your best to make a better you and keep on moving.

 

Best of luck. We're all here for you.

Thanks for that, I feel I have to reach out for emotional support here or online as I have no immediate family who can offer any advice or comfort and I don't really have any friends who would be able to have an understanding of how I feel at the moment.

I just want to talk to someone

It's probably best if you end contact with her..you will only prolong the pain. Just take one day at a time believe me it will get easier. It's really not nice of her to continue to hang out with you when she knows the pain you are in. It must torture you to sleep in the same bed with this person without any physical contact so stop doing it. If she wants to go then tell her to go. Take your control back.

Maybe moving to you mother's home town is a good idea. Don't consider it as running away but as running to your fresh start.

It's probably best if you end contact with her..you will only prolong the pain. Just take one day at a time believe me it will get easier. It's really not nice of her to continue to hang out with you when she knows the pain you are in. It must torture you to sleep in the same bed with this person without any physical contact so stop doing it. If she wants to go then tell her to go. Take your control back.

 

Maybe moving to you mother's home town is a good idea. Don't consider it as running away but as running to your fresh start.

I haven't seen her since Sunday when we broke up, I have been trying the No contact thing, it's been 24 hours. Finding it difficult as I still care so much about her and what she is up to and whether I'd be apart of it or not. I will try my best, thanks for the advice

Listen dude I was where u are afew weeks ago but believe me it's gets better I feel great today but might feel down tomorrow... Someone posted something afew days ago about how real men act after a break up and it really helped me no point wallowing she won't find that attractive at all ... It summat like 'Real men don't get phased by breakups' which is true.. My ex left me a month ago and is now with some guy 10 yrs older than her lol.. Werecworth so much more, Some women are great actors/liars it's all abt an ego boost for them knowing they can pull your strings... Just man up and stand ur ground.. If anything shell be shocked as she didn't expect it. Focus on yourself change your image go to the gym etc... And definetly go NC it's helped me leaps and bounds... RANT OVER!!

Listen dude I was where u are afew weeks ago but believe me it's gets better I feel great today but might feel down tomorrow... Someone posted something afew days ago about how real men act after a break up and it really helped me no point wallowing she won't find that attractive at all ... It summat like 'Real men don't get phased by breakups' which is true.. My ex left me a month ago and is now with some guy 10 yrs older than her lol.. Werecworth so much more, Some women are great actors/liars it's all abt an ego boost for them knowing they can pull your strings... Just man up and stand ur ground.. If anything shell be shocked as she didn't expect it. Focus on yourself change your image go to the gym etc... And definetly go NC it's helped me leaps and bounds... RANT OVER!!

Thanks for your input man, how did you go with social networking (if any)? Did you remove her from your facebook friends? I don't want to see her profile anymore but I feel terrible thinking about deleting her..

Yes, the no contact thing is very hard. I know because it's three weeks for me but each day gets easier.

Here's what to do. Get yourself looking fine and get out of the house. Put a smile on your face, hold your head up high and say hello or good morning to every person/stranger you come in contact with. Make small talk like nice dog or beautiful day just say something to someone. Just interacting with people will make you feel alive again because you are you know.

No probs man yea I had to to block the bitch.. Couldn't be doin wit all her happy status and new bf conversations lol just block man.. Start eating shed loads and smash the gym and avoid her 6 months and web she does see u shell be like WTF!!! Keep your chin up and keep your head held high...

Yes, the no contact thing is very hard. I know because it's three weeks for me but each day gets easier.

Here's what to do. Get yourself looking fine and get out of the house. Put a smile on your face, hold your head up high and say hello or good morning to every person/stranger you come in contact with. Make small talk like nice dog or beautiful day just say something to someone. Just interacting with people will make you feel alive again because you are you know.

I will try this. I just have to get over the initial fear of going out into this tow, it's rather small. And the CBD is where we spent A LOT of our time, and it's where her work is. I just don't want to bump into her, or drive past her. Or see / hear her. Which is why I think moving interstate would benefit the healing process. It would be nice to feel alive again though ha.

No probs man yea I had to to block the bitch.. Couldn't be doin wit all her happy status and new bf conversations lol just block man.. Start eating shed loads and smash the gym and avoid her 6 months and web she does see u shell be like WTF!!! Keep your chin up and keep your head held high...

Yeah see the thing is she isn't one to post happy statuses even any statuses at all, not very active on Facebook. But you know on the right where it has the chat box and it has a list of people you chat to most frequently, well her name appears to be stuck there. |: lol

I will try this. I just have to get over the initial fear of going out into this tow, it's rather small. And the CBD is where we spent A LOT of our time, and it's where her work is. I just don't want to bump into her, or drive past her. Or see / hear her. Which is why I think moving interstate would benefit the healing process. It would be nice to feel alive again though ha.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah see the thing is she isn't one to post happy statuses even any statuses at all, not very active on Facebook. But you know on the right where it has the chat box and it has a list of people you chat to most frequently, well her name appears to be stuck there. |: lol

so a few days later now, have you figured all problems with the breakup? if so, send her a text. im glad you brought it up, i agree its the best thing for us both. maybe we can be friends later on, but i think we need some space . this will remove all pressure on both of you. then go NC, she will feel that your mature about her decision and youre accepting her wishes. this is attractive. im not saying she will come back, but i do believe this is the best chance you've got. and if she comes back, let her work for it. because she might just feel that she misses you because your not there anymore

Just start with a walk around the neighbourhood...don't drive. Stop at a coffee house, browse a store you normally wouldn't visit.

Who cares if you see her or she sees you. You have a life now go out there and live it.

so a few days later now, have you figured all problems with the breakup? if so, send her a text. im glad you brought it up, i agree its the best thing for us both. maybe we can be friends later on, but i think we need some space . this will remove all pressure on both of you. then go NC, she will feel that your mature about her decision and youre accepting her wishes. this is attractive. im not saying she will come back, but i do believe this is the best chance you've got. and if she comes back, let her work for it. because she might just feel that she misses you because your not there anymore

Yeah I did this before I went NC. The morning after we broke up I sent her a sincere email outlining that I acknowledge why we broke up and I would love to still spend time and be friends with her but I cannot put myself through the emotional strain of doing so. It goes on, was rather lengthy, and she sent one back saying how much pain she was in and that she didn't expect it to be "this bad" etc etc but still justified her reasons for leaving me and for this I really have 0 hope of her ever coming back and although it is hard letting go right now I believe this is what will make it easier for me, rather than her giving me mixed signals.

The night has slowed down now, I am running out of things to do and the emotions are coming back. Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.

Yeah I did this before I went NC. The morning after we broke up I sent her a sincere email outlining that I acknowledge why we broke up and I would love to still spend time and be friends with her but I cannot put myself through the emotional strain of doing so. It goes on, was rather lengthy, and she sent one back saying how much pain she was in and that she didn't expect it to be "this bad" etc etc but still justified her reasons for leaving me and for this I really have 0 hope of her ever coming back and although it is hard letting go right now I believe this is what will make it easier for me, rather than her giving me mixed signals.

 

The night has slowed down now, I am running out of things to do and the emotions are coming back. Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.

you dont want to be her friend, listen up now, dont tell her you want to be her friend if you want her back. dont act like you could see you two hanging out, because right now she doesn't wanna her that, she wants to stay away from you, i know this is hard. trust me i've been there. i fell in to a depression. you want her to now that youre not going to be there anymore, then if she doesn't call or text you after 1-2 months,

"when your feeling better" you got your happiness back and your self confidence, then you could ask her out for a coffee or something. if she say no, tell her, well its just a coffee nothing more. if she still doesn't want to, tell her al right well just give me a call if you change your mind. if she agrees , ask her what about saturday?, so she got plans saturday, then suggest another day.

you dont want to be her friend, listen up now, dont tell her you want to be her friend if you want her back. dont act like you could see you two hanging out, because right now she doesn't wanna her that, she wants to stay away from you, i know this is hard. trust me i've been there. i fell in to a depression. you want her to now that youre not going to be there anymore, then if she doesn't call or text you after 1-2 months,

 

"when your feeling better" you got your happiness back and your self confidence, then you could ask her out for a coffee or something. if she say no, tell her, well its just a coffee nothing more. if she still doesn't want to, tell her al right well just give me a call if you change your mind. if she agrees , ask her what about saturday?, so she got plans saturday, then suggest another day.

As much as I'd love for things to go back to the way they used to, It really wont be happening. She is moving to a new city next year, by herself. She only knows a few people there so she will be meeting new people and I think this will make it very easy for her to completely forget about me. What I am trying to do here is the same, by moving to Darwin which is 4000km away, rather than 300km away, where she is moving.

I have considered doing a "Vlog" of my progress through all of this talking about ups and downs etc how I'm feeling to share with others who may be going through the same thing. Do you think this is a good idea?

As much as I'd love for things to go back to the way they used to, It really wont be happening. She is moving to a new city next year, by herself. She only knows a few people there so she will be meeting new people and I think this will make it very easy for her to completely forget about me. What I am trying to do here is the same, by moving to Darwin which is 4000km away, rather than 300km away, where she is moving.

 

I have considered doing a "Vlog" of my progress through all of this talking about ups and downs etc how I'm feeling to share with others who may be going through the same thing. Do you think this is a good idea?

i do think its good talking to people, maybe write something down might feel you better to. the best thing is always to move on. but you just never know, if you play your cards right. i mean you could never tell that its impossible, who knows you might even consider moving closer to each other if things starting to work out. let me say this again, move on.

but dont be her friend right now, cause that will only give you more pain, and you wont be able to let the pressure she has go. so move on, dont contact her. if you go back its great, if you dont, you will be a stronger person. wish you the best

i do think its good talking to people, maybe write something down might feel you better to. the best thing is always to move on. but you just never know, if you play your cards right. i mean you could never tell that its impossible, who knows you might even consider moving closer to each other if things starting to work out. let me say this again, move on.

 

but dont be her friend right now, cause that will only give you more pain, and you wont be able to let the pressure she has go. so move on, dont contact her. if you go back its great, if you dont, you will be a stronger person. wish you the best

Yeah. I don't really want to give myself any sort of hope of reconciliation as this will only prevent me from letting go and moving on. I will accept that its over completely and move on into the next chapter of my life and hopefully meet someone who I can love just as much if not more. I think moving would be the best option at least for now.

Thanks for this, I appreciate it, I really do.

Yeah. I don't really want to give myself any sort of hope of reconciliation as this will only prevent me from letting go and moving on. I will accept that its over completely and move on into the next chapter of my life and hopefully meet someone who I can love just as much if not more. I think moving would be the best option at least for now.

 

Thanks for this, I appreciate it, I really do.

no problem, hopefully this helped you:)

Day 4.

Still maintained NC, Day 2 of NC. Still wondering all these hours what she is up to, what she has planned this weekend now I am no longer in her life. I know I need to concentrate on myself too but in all honesty I am severely lacking motivation to do anything to help myself. All I've really done since the breakup is play Guitar, and think about HER. I wonder how she is going up there.

I am planning my escape to Darwin which will be soon. I hope this helps. Don't know how long this feeling is going to go on for. Weeks, Months or maybe even a year.

As the months went on she began to want to be single next year to concentrate on the next chapter of her life as she feels the added commitment of a relationship would only make it harder, even though I emphasized I would be there to make her happy and alleviate stress of moving into a new town.

Hey Nic, that is a bummer my friend. Personally, her motives seem selfish. That is just my perspective as you know her better than me.

This happened about a month ago, and since then she began to question her feelings for me subconsciously as she believed we wouldn't be together next year, and thought she would spare herself the hurt of having a fresh wound when she moved away in January. This past month we still hung out like normal, still had our sleepovers (the sex stopped and so did the "I love you") but nonetheless I was still having fun and gave up those things to still be with her. We still kissed and hugged occasionally and would still snuggled up and watch a movie etc etc.

Yeah, she is trying to find a way to justify doing this to you. She is trying to rationalize separating from you. You didn't do anything to make her want to leave you, she is acting selfishly and trying to find a way to make herself feel better about her decision. What she does not want to do is break up with you once she moves. She figures if she does it now she can start at her new school fresh and will be over the pain.

That's her choice, but in all of the decisions she's made I do not see where she has put you first one time. The decision to break-up b/c she's moving, the timing of it, and the way she did it all were done for her benefit. So, although this kills now, the fact she puts herself first is a clear sign she does not understand a the meaning of a relationship. It's only what benefits her. So trying to rationalize to her that a LD relationship is possible is pointless. You're probably saving yourself from future pain by her showing you her true colors now.

I personally do not think she had to go to this extreme. It would have taken some adjustment, granted, but having a LD relationship could have been more ideal for her. She could focus on school and when she had time see you as well. You seem like a flexible guy and I'm sure you two could have made it work. To me it seems like she is acting selfishly; if she loved you she could at least tried to see if it could work instead of quitting right off the bat.

At the end of the day though you have to respect her wishes. Do not feel bad about blocking her. Just remember every decision she has made in this regard was for herself. Now you have to take care of yourself and do what you have to do to heal. She put herself first; now it's time you do the same.

Don't see yourself as dependent on her for happiness. You accepted her love and assumed it was a recipricol feeling and gave her your heart. She has broken your heart. You did not do anything wrong. One advice I would give is do whatever you need to do now to heal; block her, move, whatever that is. Don't put her feelings and needs above your own anymore. She will not (and has proven) do that for you.

IMHO, I wouldn't blog about it if there is a chance she'll see it on the web.

Hey Nic, that is a bummer my friend. Personally, her motives seem selfish. That is just my perspective as you know her better than me.

 

 

 

Yeah, she is trying to find a way to justify doing this to you. She is trying to rationalize separating from you. You didn't do anything to make her want to leave you, she is acting selfishly and trying to find a way to make herself feel better about her decision. What she does not want to do is break up with you once she moves. She figures if she does it now she can start at her new school fresh and will be over the pain.

 

That's her choice, but in all of the decisions she's made I do not see where she has put you first one time. The decision to break-up b/c she's moving, the timing of it, and the way she did it all were done for her benefit. So, although this kills now, the fact she puts herself first is a clear sign she does not understand a the meaning of a relationship. It's only what benefits her. So trying to rationalize to her that a LD relationship is possible is pointless. You're probably saving yourself from future pain by her showing you her true colors now.

 

I personally do not think she had to go to this extreme. It would have taken some adjustment, granted, but having a LD relationship could have been more ideal for her. She could focus on school and when she had time see you as well. You seem like a flexible guy and I'm sure you two could have made it work. To me it seems like she is acting selfishly; if she loved you she could at least tried to see if it could work instead of quitting right off the bat.

 

At the end of the day though you have to respect her wishes. Do not feel bad about blocking her. Just remember every decision she has made in this regard was for herself. Now you have to take care of yourself and do what you have to do to heal. She put herself first; now it's time you do the same.

 

Don't see yourself as dependent on her for happiness. You accepted her love and assumed it was a recipricol feeling and gave her your heart. She has broken your heart. You did not do anything wrong. One advice I would give is do whatever you need to do now to heal; block her, move, whatever that is. Don't put her feelings and needs above your own anymore. She will not (and has proven) do that for you.

 

IMHO, I wouldn't blog about it if there is a chance she'll see it on the web.

Your comment has made a great deal of sense to me. This has always gone on I now see, the whole time a one sided approach. I was always adapting to her wants and needs throughout the relationship. And when it was time for her to get mad at me for miniscule things out of my control, I put the old rose coloured glasses on and did my best to mend the situation, losing my dignity in the process. This is sad to think about that this girl who I loved with all my heart was like this, and it took for her to break me for me to realize this.

I guess there is nothing that can be done to rid me of the haunting memories of happy times in this area, only time. Although after reading literally hundreds of other stories online over the past few days, my situation looks bleak. With people a year out from the breakup, still In love with their ex. I do not want this. In 3 months time I wish to see myself in a new life and I hope the next girl I meet can fulfill me even more. And vice versa.

Thanks for the input, much appreciated.

Keep fighting buddy. Know you're doing better than most have with their first loves. We've all been their and believe me it sucks. Once you get over the one month mark, your mind will begin to forget her. You will move on to bigger and better things, and better people than her. You're going to fall in love again and in the end while you may never forget her, you will be grateful that things didn't work out because you found your true love. In the meantime, do what interests you, find something new and exciting to do that you would have never been able to do in a relationship, and enjoy the hell out of life as much as you can.

Just slowly get yourself out and move on.

It will hurt but it is worth it.

Yeah I know where you're coming from. Thanks for the input.

Keep fighting buddy. Know you're doing better than most have with their first loves. We've all been their and believe me it sucks. Once you get over the one month mark, your mind will begin to forget her. You will move on to bigger and better things, and better people than her. You're going to fall in love again and in the end while you may never forget her, you will be grateful that things didn't work out because you found your true love. In the meantime, do what interests you, find something new and exciting to do that you would have never been able to do in a relationship, and enjoy the hell out of life as much as you can.

Thanks mate, I am doing OK I think although there have been points where I feel extremely angry that this has happened, to curl up in a ball and want to break everything in the house. I hate those moments.

I have booked my flight to move to Darwin for the 11th of December, I hope nothing happens in between now and then that would warrant me staying. I don't want me missing this girl so much to prevent me from actually leaving here. I am an impatient guy, especially now. The void in my heart longs to be filled with more love, even though I have to get over this one before falling in love again. Thanks for the support, its good to know there are more people out there going through the same thing.

And guys if you're reading this, feel free to post your own struggle in this thread so that others including myself can help out with methods we're using to cope.

Thanks for the input, much appreciated.

No problem bro. What I did after my situation is write out all of the things that I would improve upon for my next relationship. What behaviors did I tolerate that I would not tolerate again? Try to learn from your mistakes so you will not repeat history.

Like you said you often put her first, yet it was not reciprocated. There was no sense of mutual sacrifice. It was all about her.

As far as moving on, it may take some time. But I like that you are telling yourself that in 3 months you will want to be over her. I think that is a good goal and a very achievable one. You can accomplish that goal.

Just keep in mind that if she tries to come back that she had no problem cutting you off when it was convenient for her. Don't let her try to play games with you again. She has no sense of mutual sacrifice. I would recommend keep doing what you're doing to move on and if you dream about yourself being with her again immediately cut off those thoughts.