How to make him realize I rejected him?

I have a problem with this guy. I met him about a month ago at a party. He wanted to dance with me, but I still was with my bf at that time, so I rejected his offer nicely. He then asked if I would like to sit down with him and talk, I replied that I'd rather spend the night with my girls.

Anyway, he someone found out my name and messaged me on Facebook. I didn't reply as I had made it very clear that I was not interested in him.

A week or so later he messaged me again, this time the message was very, very long. He went on about how great he thinks I am, that he wants to get to know me. But I'm not interested. So I wrote back and told him that I was not interested in getting to know him as my bf had just broken up with me and I needed some time to myself.

He replied with a lengthy message about his last relationship and how he understands me and that he would never hurt me. I did not reply.

Then he invites me again with a long message to his birthday party. I replied that I did not want to attend because I didn't feel comfortable with him sending me messages and hitting on me like that and again pointed out that I was not interested.

A few days later, he sends me another message how disappointed he was that I didn't come to his birthday and asked if I was interested in meeting up for a coffee. I replied saying that I was not interested in meeting him.

He wrote me another message that included all the reasons why he thinks that I am a great person. I did not reply to that.

Yesterday he approached me at university, and slipped a present into my bag. It's a book with a personal note, again stressing that he wants to get to know me.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I told him a billion times that I am not interested in meeting him, getting to know him or even talking to him. And he doesn't get it. What do I do? I see this guy everyday at university so that makes the situation kind of complicated, awkward and somehow scary...

Persistence is one thing, but this is ridiculous. If I were your brother, I'd go to the university one day with you and have a talk with the guy.

If he initiates contact again, tell him politely, but firmly, that any further attempts to contact you will be considered harassment and you'll contact the police. That should put a stop to it. If it doesn't, you can contact the police, and an officer will probably have "the talk" with the guy without you having to actually file charges.

If he doesn't respond to those, you have a problem indeed, and you'll be glad that you've already taken these first steps.

Persistence is one thing, but this is ridiculous. If I were your brother, I'd go to the university one day with you and have a talk with the guy.

 

If he initiates contact again, tell him politely, but firmly, that any further attempts to contact you will be considered harassment and you'll contact the police. That should put a stop to it. If it doesn't, you can contact the police, and an officer will probably have "the talk" with the guy without you having to actually file charges.

 

If he doesn't respond to those, you have a problem indeed, and you'll be glad that you've already taken these first steps.

thats too harsh. Going to the police??

First of all block him on facebook.

If he does try to talk to you again warn him like rightfield said.

If he persists, talk to campus police.

Police sounds a little too much, but I really don't know what to do anymore. I even thought about asking a friend to pretend to be my new bf. But that sounds ridiculously childish...

one goal, no it's not too harsh. By now any sensible guy will have gotten the idea that she does not want anything to do with him. Some guys are a little sick and still can't figure that out.

After a firm warning, the only option she has is to go to the police.

Another question: What do I do with the book he gave to me as a present? Give it back to him? Say thank you? Just keep it and do nothing at all?

Police sounds a little too much, but I really don't know what to do anymore. I even thought about asking a friend to pretend to be my new bf. But that sounds ridiculously childish...

That is extremely childish. Youre being too nice at a point where you dont need to be. for some reason youre still worried about what he thinks of you. As long as you dont want to be mean to him, he will keep bothering you, even after you call the cops. So to get rid of him, you have to be mean.

When he approaches you at uni, (make sure youre in an open area) you say specifically: "Stop bothering me, I will never be interested in you, I dont want your gifts, and you seriously are the biggest creep ive ever had to deal with. You need to learn that no means no, it doesnt mean keep trying! Youre not my type, and you cant take no for an answer, which is the WORST qualities in a man, and there is nothing you can do to make me interested in you. Stop writing me, stop everything, dont even come near me again. Do you understand that?"

What this conveys is direct language of what he did wrong, which is what he needs to know to stop pursuing you.

But you would actually have to speak to him to get this across. Guys dont always know how to speak hint, especially if hes obsessed. But if this doesnt do the trick, you will have to involve the cops. he thinks that persistence will wear you down.

You have to be an adult about this and stop worrying about if he thinks you are a bitch. It doesnt matter. You can continue to ignore him, but he probably will keep trying.

 

When he approaches you at uni, (make sure youre in an open area) you say specifically: "Stop bothering me, I will never be interested in you, I dont want your gifts, and you seriously are the biggest creep ive ever had to deal with. You need to learn that no means no, it doesnt mean keep trying! Youre not my type, and you cant take no for an answer, which is the WORST qualities in a man, and there is nothing you can do to make me interested in you. Stop writing me, stop everything, dont even come near me again. Do you understand that?"

Well, I did do something like that, not in person but via message. My message read: "I am sorry but as I already told you I am not interested in you and I will not be. Therefore, I do not want to meet up with you for a coffee or talk to you on any other occasion. I hope you understand and respect this. Me"

He did not get that. But maybe I should try once again in person.

What he is doing is a clear-cut case of harassment. From what you've told us, you know NOTHING about this guy--confronting him directly might make him mad, and you might end up a in a ditch somewhere... I think you should be careful.

If I were in your situation, if he contacted me again, I would e-mail him back with exactly what rightfield said:

Tell him politely, but firmly, that any further attempts to contact you will be considered harassment and you'll contact the police. That should put a stop to it. If it doesn't, you can contact the police, and an officer will probably have "the talk" with the guy without you having to actually file charges.

 

If he doesn't respond to those, you have a problem indeed, and you'll be glad that you've already taken these first steps.

It's important that, once you send THAT message, you don't contact him again. Don't let this escalate--he sounds like a stalker and things like this can get out of control very quickly.

Don't become a statistic because you wanted to "be nice." Your life isn't worth it--and no, I'm not being hyperbolic. As someone who has been stalked, has friends who have been stalked, and counseled others who have been stalked in college, this is a prime candidate for danger.

If he continues to harass you after you firmly tell him that ANY FORM OF COMMUNICATION is to be terminated, collect everything he sends to you, and call the police. They can call him and tell him to back off, and then if he STILL doesn't.. well, that's a BAD situation, and you will probably need a restraining order.

Good luck. Your safety is more important than being nice.

one goal, no it's not too harsh. By now any sensible guy will have gotten the idea that she does not want anything to do with him. Some guys are a little sick and still can't figure that out.

 

After a firm warning, the only option she has is to go to the police.

What about the girl in my case?

What about the girl in my case?

This isn't your thread. If you want to know if what you've been doing is considered stalking, create your own topic, one goal. =)

Hm. I dealt with a similar situation when I was an undergrad and I don't know how helpful my experience can be to you... but what I did was:

Toss the gift.

Send one last message. "I am not interested in you and I will not be. Therefore, I do not want to meet up with you for a coffee or talk to you on any other occasion," with the addition of "Further attempts to contact me or approach me will result in a report being filed with the campus police." (or something to that effect).

Block.

Now, in my case, this didn't stop the behavior. In fact, the very next day he approached me and tried to speak with me. I responded by backing up, putting my hands out, and shouting "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" and essentially causing a scene. I then reported him to the campus police. FWIW he ended up being removed from the school.

Hopefully it won't come to that. But it doesn't matter whether a guy is being annoyingly persistent or poses a real physical/emotional threat - if it makes you uncomfortable, at the very least you should tell some authority figure what is going on and ask their advise on the situation. Campus administrators deal with this a lot more than you'd think.

Hm. I dealt with a similar situation when I was an undergrad and I don't know how helpful my experience can be to you... but what I did was:

 

Toss the gift.

Send one last message. "I am not interested in you and I will not be. Therefore, I do not want to meet up with you for a coffee or talk to you on any other occasion," with the addition of "Further attempts to contact me or approach me will result in a report being filed with the campus police." (or something to that effect).

Block.

 

Now, in my case, this didn't stop the behavior. In fact, the very next day he approached me and tried to speak with me. I responded by backing up, putting my hands out, and shouting "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" and essentially causing a scene. I then reported him to the campus police. FWIW he ended up being removed from the school.

 

Hopefully it won't come to that. But it doesn't matter whether a guy is being annoyingly persistent or poses a real physical/emotional threat - if it makes you uncomfortable, at the very least you should tell some authority figure what is going on and ask their advise on the situation. Campus administrators deal with this a lot more than you'd think.

So he got removed from the school for being too persistant???

Does the girl I like does she feel the same way?

Well, I did do something like that, not in person but via message. My message read: "I am sorry but as I already told you I am not interested in you and I will not be. Therefore, I do not want to meet up with you for a coffee or talk to you on any other occasion. I hope you understand and respect this. Me"

 

He did not get that. But maybe I should try once again in person.

just as Smitten said, you really might have to call the cops. Its also possible that your guy might have harrassed women before. So if you call the cops can you deal with him possibly getting expelled-pending previous behavior? This needs to be on police record so he knos not to take it this far with any other women on campus. Stop the cycle Thalie!

I personally would print off the emails from facebook (including your replies) and take the book with the note and file a report with campus police. You have already been direct and firm and threatening to go to the police may make him super nutty. You don't want that!!

So he got removed from the school for being too persistant???

 

Does the girl I like does she feel the same way?

This isn't your thread. If you want to know if what you've been doing is considered stalking, create your own topic, one goal. =)

That's all that needs to be said.

I have a problem with this guy. I met him about a month ago at a party. He wanted to dance with me, but I still was with my bf at that time, so I rejected his offer nicely. He then asked if I would like to sit down with him and talk, I replied that I'd rather spend the night with my girls.

 

Anyway, he someone found out my name and messaged me on Facebook. I didn't reply as I had made it very clear that I was not interested in him.

 

A week or so later he messaged me again, this time the message was very, very long. He went on about how great he thinks I am, that he wants to get to know me. But I'm not interested. So I wrote back and told him that I was not interested in getting to know him as my bf had just broken up with me and I needed some time to myself.

 

He replied with a lengthy message about his last relationship and how he understands me and that he would never hurt me. I did not reply.

 

Then he invites me again with a long message to his birthday party. I replied that I did not want to attend because I didn't feel comfortable with him sending me messages and hitting on me like that and again pointed out that I was not interested.

 

A few days later, he sends me another message how disappointed he was that I didn't come to his birthday and asked if I was interested in meeting up for a coffee. I replied saying that I was not interested in meeting him.

 

He wrote me another message that included all the reasons why he thinks that I am a great person. I did not reply to that.

 

Yesterday he approached me at university, and slipped a present into my bag. It's a book with a personal note, again stressing that he wants to get to know me.

 

 

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I told him a billion times that I am not interested in meeting him, getting to know him or even talking to him. And he doesn't get it. What do I do? I see this guy everyday at university so that makes the situation kind of complicated, awkward and somehow scary...

You met onegoal?

You met onegoal?

OMG, you are the one?!

LOL

Heh, I always wonder it would be like for the current girl I'm infatuated with to come here and make a thread about me. That would be pretty interesting.

And here we go again... Today he approached me at the cafeteria where I was getting a coffee and asked how I had liked his present.

I said: "I'm sorry but I did not want that book you gave to me and I don't think you are in a position to give me a present, you are not my friend, much less my boyfriend, you don't even know me. I have no intentions to change any of that, so could you please leave me alone? If you cannot respect that, I will have to tell some officials about this."

He then went on to tell me how uneducated I was for not thanking him and being pleased by his efforts. Asked if my parents didn't educate me and some other not so nice things.

I just said: "I have to go."

I hope he'll leave me alone now...

And here we go again... Today he approached me at the cafeteria where I was getting a coffee and asked how I had liked his present.

 

I said: "I'm sorry but I did not want that book you gave to me and I don't think you are in a position to give me a present, you are not my friend, much less my boyfriend, you don't even know me. I have no intentions to change any of that, so could you please leave me alone? If you cannot respect that, I will have to tell some officials about this."

 

He then went on to tell me how uneducated I was for not thanking him and being pleased by his efforts. Asked if my parents didn't educate me and some other not so nice things.

 

I just said: "I have to go."

 

 

I hope he'll leave me alone now...

What a dumb****. If he pesters you again after this, do not waste any time in alerting the police.

I don't understand what men think they are going to accomplish by getting angry and insulting women they are supposedly interested in. Can any guys help me out?

It reminded me of a good line I heard on "Love in the Wild" last night (which is a surprisingly good show, btw). A woman was getting annoyed with a guy who was being too aggressive, so she told him he had to back off. He immediately went out an got her a bouquet of flowers. Her comment: "I told him to hit the brakes, so he decided to floor the accelerator."

Sell the book at the campus bookstore and buy pepper spray with the proceeds.

I don't understand what men think they are going to accomplish by getting angry and insulting women they are supposedly interested in. Can any guys help me out?

 

It reminded me of a good line I heard on "Love in the Wild" last night (which is a surprisingly good show, btw). A woman was getting annoyed with a guy who was being too aggressive, so she told him he had to back off. He immediately went out an got her a bouquet of flowers. Her comment: "I told him to hit the brakes, so he decided to floor the accelerator."

I think the anger comes from low self-esteem. The rejection is a blow to his already poor self-image. Someone trained in this field might have a better answer. From what I've read on sociopaths, he may be one, but there aren't enough clues in this thread to be sure. Could be just a garden variety idiot.

Get a pepper spray! This psyko is clearly obsessed, I would not trust him respecting anything. I would also talk to campus authorities right away.