Reached a Milestone today.

Well I think I can say without certainty I'm over my ex. There has been one memory that keeps playing over and over in my head. That has been a cause of great pain, feeling of loss, regret almost made me want to break NC many times (luckily I have deleted any contact details I had for her long ago).

Today for the first time I can think back on that memory and feel nothing but happiness. She was not perfect, not that I ever expected her to be I loved her the way she was. Overall she was a really good girlfriend.

I'm happy that this memory is no longer associated with those nasty feelings. Because it was without a doubt the single most romantic moment of my life.

Never before had I felt so wanted, needed and loved I didn't even know I was able to feel that way about a person before that.

So I thank her for letting me experience that and if I had to do it all over again. I would do it in a heart beat, I learned so much from her and am truly thankful.

Just felt like sharing.

That's great, Hules! Thank you for sharing. Feels much better than being bitter, doesn't it?

 

Never before had I felt so wanted, needed and loved I didn't even know I was able to feel that way about a person before that.

 

So I thank her for letting me experience that and if I had to do it all over again. I would do it in a heart beat, I learned so much from her and am truly thankful.

 

)

This part sounds like you're not OVER her. And no girl wants to be with a guy who isn't over his ex. We avoid them like a plague.

Reaching a milestone is great

You are keeping it up, i'm happy for you.

This part sounds like you're not OVER her. And no girl wants to be with a guy who isn't over his ex. We avoid them like a plague.

Orange my dear, I feel complete indifference when it comes to my ex. I haven't spoken/seen her in over 7 months. I have her friends bashing down my door trying to give me details about her, I'm not interested.

Just because I can enjoy a memory about someone I once loved, doesn't mean I'm not over them.

Great to hear hules. I think I too am nearing the state of mind you're in right now and like penelope said, it does feel better looking back on fond memories with happiness to have experienced them rather than being bitter. You have to forgive before you can truly move on.

If you dont mind me asking, how long has it been since the breakup and did you go NC or what? How did you reach the stage you're at now?

Great post.

Good stuff Hules, glad your getting there.

Can you elaborate though when you said you have had her friends bashing down your door (not literally ) trying to update you on her?

GS

Good stuff Hules, glad your getting there.

 

Can you elaborate though when you said you have had her friends bashing down your door (not literally ) trying to update you on her?

 

GS

Hules is the celebrity of LS.

This part sounds like you're not OVER her. And no girl wants to be with a guy who isn't over his ex. We avoid them like a plague.

Ah, so you "girls" prefer the type of miserable guy who continues to carry bitterness toward his ex, and even recasts the good times as miserable to convince himself he's OK without her...

Wait, now... which one is "not over her"?

Ah, so you "girls" prefer the type of miserable guy who continues to carry bitterness toward his ex, and even recasts the good times as miserable to convince himself he's OK without her...

 

No, why would you say that? I prefer the guy to be over her of course. But a lot of guys claim they are over her, yet bring the 'ex' topic up every other 10 minutes. My ex used to.....My ex did that...My ex did this...My ex was....etc etc

Ah, so you "girls" prefer the type of miserable guy who continues to carry bitterness toward his ex, and even recasts the good times as miserable to convince himself he's OK without her...

No, why would you say that? I prefer the guy to be over her of course. But a lot of guys claim they are over her, yet bring the 'ex' topic up every other 10 minutes. My ex used to.....My ex did that...My ex did this...My ex was....etc etc

It's cleansing, isn't it, Hules?

Accept the feelings

Experience them

Let them go

Enjoy good memories

Be free

No, why would you say that? I prefer the guy to be over her of course. But a lot of guys claim they are over her, yet bring the 'ex' topic up every other 10 minutes. My ex used to.....My ex did that...My ex did this...My ex was....etc etc

We're not talking about "a lot of guys" - we're talking about this poster, and he is talking about how he is now OK with a realistic memory of what his relationship was like, including being thankful for the good times. How did you get from there to assuming he was bringing "the 'ex' topic up every other 10 minutes..." and that therefore he wasn't over her?

We're not talking about "a lot of guys" - we're talking about this poster, and he is talking about how he is now OK with a realistic memory of what his relationship was like, including being thankful for the good times. How did you get from there to assuming he was bringing "the 'ex' topic up every other 10 minutes..." and that therefore he wasn't over her?

Did I say the OP was like that? I say A LOT OF GUYS not, the OP.

And he does bring up the ex topic quite a bit. Even if he isn't over the ex, so what? I'm just giving my opinion on it. Who cares about MY pathetic opinion?

Orange my dear, I feel complete indifference when it comes to my ex. I haven't spoken/seen her in over 7 months. I have her friends bashing down my door trying to give me details about her, I'm not interested.

 

Just because I can enjoy a memory about someone I once loved, doesn't mean I'm not over them.

Hules, forget about what I said. You and I are good. I think you know that. I never intended to make it seem like you're just like "a lot of guys" out there. Strangely enough, you're the only one on here who hasn't been sarcastic with me. I think that's great where you are right now. You said I am like your ex. I don't know what to make out of it. That sounds like bad news.

And like I said, you're one of the few that hasn't been mean to me around here. Thanks, I appreciate that...a LOT.

We're not talking about "a lot of guys" - we're talking about this poster, and he is talking about how he is now OK with a realistic memory of what his relationship was like, including being thankful for the good times. How did you get from there to assuming he was bringing "the 'ex' topic up every other 10 minutes..." and that therefore he wasn't over her?

OK. I bad.

Sorry.

orangelady, cheer up, I for one partly agree with you. Hules, I am glad you are no longer bitter and you can enjoy a good memory. Here's my point of view, me who is 99% over her ex...I don't feel a thing. I'm not bitter and neither am I over the moon over the good memories. But you know what - I went through that enjoy-good-memories phase too. So I can see where orangelady is coming from. I can also remember being "thankful" to my ex for the experience, but I don't feel thankful anymore. It's past, and it was what it was, no emotions attached.

Wow! Thanks for all the replies everyone, really appreciate it!

Great to hear hules. I think I too am nearing the state of mind you're in right now and like penelope said, it does feel better looking back on fond memories with happiness to have experienced them rather than being bitter. You have to forgive before you can truly move on.

 

If you dont mind me asking, how long has it been since the breakup and did you go NC or what? How did you reach the stage you're at now?

 

Great post.

My ex dumped me out of the blue one day back in September last year, I don't actually remember the specific date anymore, honesty don't care. I don't even remember the conversation that well, honestly it doesn't matter anymore, the end result was we were not together anymore.

If you are interested in the back story go read the first thread I made on LS, I had edited a few things back then and omitted a few details because I was really paranoid about her finding this site back then 99% of it as it went down. Now honestly I couldn't give a crap if she found this site.

I went strict NC 2 days after she dumped me. I haven't seen/spoken to her since, few weeks after I destroyed any photo's/presents etc that reminded me of her, was just to painful. Deleted her phone number/facebook/email's.

First month was really rough. I really wanted to reach out to her I used the memory of the breakup talk and how I felt then (angry/betrayed/resentful/hurt) to stop me from contacting her and kept telling myself "I deserve to be treated better than that".

I focused on myself gym/studies/friends/work was very effective at taking my mind off her. Though most nights for the first couple of months I would lay awake in my bed late into the night thinking about her. I refused to even consider dating anyone until I got past that stage. Even though I had a few girls interested in me back then I knew I wasn't emotionally available, It goes against my upbringing and moral beliefs to use other people. So I politely declined.

Around late December, early Jan I felt comfortable with the idea of starting to date again so I did. Also tried out online dating as well, which has been interesting... to say the least. Nothing serious has come of it but for the most part I just enjoyed the company of the women I've dated.

Now I feel so much better considering where I was only a few months ago .

Hope this helps Layzie and wish you luck on your own journey.

Good stuff Hules, glad your getting there.

 

Can you elaborate though when you said you have had her friends bashing down your door (not literally ) trying to update you on her?

 

GS

Sure

Basically throughout my relationship with my ex we often went on double dates with her best friend and her boyfriend. I became pretty good friends with with her BF boyfriend as a result.

They initiated contact with me a few months after the breakup. I was very cautious with my interactions with them because I wasn't sure what they wanted or if their intentions were good. I talk about them in a few of my other posts. Either way they have become good friends and have been so supportive of me during this whole period. (From what I've managed to piece together from random things people have decided I needed to know without me even asking *sigh*. Seems that they had some sort of big falling out with my Ex over the way she treated me. They are either NC with my ex or LC at best, honestly I don't really care.)

Might add I have never brought up the subject of my ex to anyone I know has any connection to her. I've only really talked about her with my closest friends and that was only for the few weeks after the breakup.

Anyway I'm now in contact with a lot of her friends because I have nothing against them. They are good people at first they were really careful not to mention her around me at all and as I said I never talked about her.

Then not so subtlety they would randomly drop my ex into conversations we were having like "Oh yeah, <ex name> has been reading that too!" or "I saw <ex name>, last week and got her notes from such and such class". I think they were testing to see what my reaction was to hearing about her. This is what they would of seen from me. http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/3318/deadpan.gif

I wouldn't even acknowledge the comments and would continue the conversation as if it was never mentioned.

Now in the last two months I have been asked by her friends the following under the flimsy context of just been "curious" about my love life and what I thought about my ex.

Would I ever consider getting back with <ex name>?

If I saw her again, how would I react, would I try to hit on her? (honestly laughed at that last part )

Have I tried to contact her? (they know bloody well I haven't)

What do you think of <ex name>?

Have you been dating since the breakup?

Are you currently seeing anyone?

Will you ever talk to <ex name> again?

They have also been trying to tell me random things my ex has been up to. Which I reply to "I'm not really interested in hearing about her, I don't know her anymore."

You get the picture and I have been very evasive in answering these questions so far.

I won't say I would never consider a second chance with my ex, that been said she will need to ask me for one. I will not contact her under any circumstances and I'm not going to sit on my hands waiting for her to contact me.

If she decides to contact me and I'm single, I would give it some serious consideration. If I'm taken by then well.. not my problem, I'm going to live my life .

It's cleansing, isn't it, Hules?

 

Accept the feelings

Experience them

Let them go

Enjoy good memories

Be free

Yes it is, I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Hules, forget about what I said. You and I are good. I think you know that. I never intended to make it seem like you're just like "a lot of guys" out there. Strangely enough, you're the only one on here who hasn't been sarcastic with me. I think that's great where you are right now. You said I am like your ex. I don't know what to make out of it. That sounds like bad news.

 

And like I said, you're one of the few that hasn't been mean to me around here. Thanks, I appreciate that...a LOT.

Orange, what I post here is very, very different from how I am in person. I am calm, collected, respectful very deliberate in what I say to people. (What I mean by that is I don't just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind I think very carefully about what I say, what comes out of my mouth might not actually reflect what I'm thinking, I might think someone is a complete idiot but you would never know that by the way I act).

Me losing my temper is almost non-existent so much so some of my friends like to try and rile me up to see what I look like when I'm angry. They never succeed though .

I'm very diplomatic, I prefer to talk about issues rather than have a screaming match with someone. If someone is screaming in my face, I will simply say "I don't appreciate you screaming at me either calm down or I'm walking away".

You are privy to what is going on inside my head. I never talk about my ex's in real life with anyone. As far as most of my friends and family are concerned my last ex was my first girlfriend.

They have no idea about my past two ex's. I don't really want to go into my life story as to why I didn't introduce them into the people in my life, it has a lot to do with my upbringing and who I am.

In short, it's complicated.

Been a introvert I'm naturally a very private person, so what I'm doing here right now is very much different from how I normally behave. The reasons I bring up my ex's in the other threads is because that is what I draw from my past experiences and the experiences I have witnessed in my friends/families relationships. It has nothing to do with me pining for my long lost loves. .

The reason I said you were like my ex (specifically my last ex) is because she was always putting herself down especially about how she looked physically, now been through that myself I was quite understanding I know negativity from ones self is hard to stop once you actually believe you are ugly despite other people telling you otherwise.

That and it seems you have a similar background to her and probably have some bitchy friends in your life that are not really your friends. Thats all I meant by that .

Woo that was a long post! Time to go back to study I have been putting off for the last few days ~_~.