had the "it's no you it's me" speech

i've been seeing a girl for about 3 months now, we both have family comitments and work comitments therefore it's not easy to spend a great deal of time together and when we are not togther we are texting or ringing each other.

i have true feeling for her and thought she had the same, she introduced me to her daughter who loves me to bits and all her family and friends who like me and said to her he's the best you've had.

we even made plans to go away together as a family as well as on our own

we have had intermate nights together on numerous occasions both at her house and mine. even as to recently the other night because it was my birthday and she stayed over again.

anyway the following day she sends me a text saying that "she needs some space" i said "ok if thats what you want" she then replied with "it's not you it's me" and i replied "i thought everything was good" and then i got " well i'm not sure if i can do this or want to do it" and i left it at that.

so last night i was very upset you know that sick feeling when you just had your heart ripped out infront of you and its still beating

so i dont know what to do?

i've been seeing a girl for about 3 months now, we both have family comitments and work comitments therefore it's not easy to spend a great deal of time together and when we are not togther we are texting or ringing each other.

 

i have true feeling for her and thought she had the same, she introduced me to her daughter who loves me to bits and all her family and friends who like me and said to her he's the best you've had.

we even made plans to go away together as a family as well as on our own

 

we have had intermate nights together on numerous occasions both at her house and mine. even as to recently the other night because it was my birthday and she stayed over again.

 

anyway the following day she sends me a text saying that "she needs some space" i said "ok if thats what you want" she then replied with "it's not you it's me" and i replied "i thought everything was good" and then i got " well i'm not sure if i can do this or want to do it" and i left it at that.

 

so last night i was very upset you know that sick feeling when you just had your heart ripped out infront of you and its still beating

 

so i dont know what to do?

well thats it all over with now. she said "that we should call it a day, it was good just not quite right and that i wouldn't be fair to string me along" so i replied "ok if thats whats you want all the best for the future for you and your family"

and that it i knew it was coming, just need to try and find another girl now

well thanks for reading my rant post

I'd have to say you handled the situation very well man. Just give her the space she needs for now. The breakup is still very raw and fresh...you're 10 steps ahead of most of us here at LS in the sense that you didn't beg, plead or anything like that.

Stay strong brother

theres no point in begging or pleading, as least i can walk away with some self respect.

the time we spent together was good and ill never forget it, but i now need to move on and compose myself.

theres always that special person/ soul mate out there for each and every one of us you just need to find them

theres no point in begging or pleading, as least i can walk away with some self respect.

 

the time we spent together was good and ill never forget it, but i now need to move on and compose myself.

 

theres always that special person/ soul mate out there for each and every one of us you just need to find them

its now gets better she sends a text last night to me by mistake saying why she really broke it off, i replied back saying "that i think you sent it to wrong person and saying that if the 2 things bothered you that much they why not say something" she replied "sorry"

anyway i asked her if she wanted me to delete her number as of yet i've had no reply, but i have deleted it anyway

(why did she really break it off....?)

she said that i drank too much and that i always had to know times of our meeting and dates and that i had to know her schedule so i knew when i could see her.

it just wasn't ment to be lol

at least i didn't throw another 15 years of my life away like i did with my ex wife

Do you drink too much?

Maybe that's a deal-breaker for her.

I know it would be for me....

And are you controlling, or just particular?

mmmm not sure, i proberbly have a drink 4 or 5 nights a week, but i dont get drunk. and if it bothered her that much why couldn't she say owt to me, its a habit on a night time to help me relax.

so im now questioning myself do i have a drink problem? am i alcohol dependant.

as for the other thing i was just being partictular just so i know what i can do and how much time i have before we met again.

but what makes me upset about all this is that i could have done something about it if i knew how she was feeling.

she ment quite a bit to me and i would have changed to keep the relationship going because she ment that much.

so i looks like i've only got myself to blame for losing her.

Poor communication is a two way thing.

She didn't communicate honestly with you, it seems, but it could be that she wanted to spare your feelings.

telling someone that you think drinks too much, that they drink too much, can have a defensive and opposite (defiant) reaction.

Did/do you drink to fill a gap?

Or are you really just a social drinker?

a drink 4 or 5 nights a week, is actually quite high... is it just one drink per night, or a 'couple of pints'....?

Examine your assessment, of " a drink 4 or 5 nights a week" and count what you have.

It could actually be a lot higher than you perceive....

maybe past relationships she's had might have a bearing on her seeing you as controlling.

Maybe previous partners/spouses, were controlling, and she's resisting getting trapped that way again.

Once bitten, twice shy?

Think about these factors, then maybe try giving her a call to just discuss her mistaken text, because it actually made you stop and think.....

i have just been online to do a alcohol calculator at it say my average units of alcohol intake per week is 79 units, i didnt realise how much i was drinking but on average for a male per week is 21.

this is now going to stop i will only have a drink on social events which are now few and far between.

i tell you now this is a wake up call for me, i lost someone that i cared about through being blind

i can't contact her as i've delete her number off my phone, but even if i did contact her she proberly would not want to talk, and i dont want to be seen as begging or pleading to her, as she would proberlbly tell her family and friends about it. i need to keep some dignity

Tell her this. There might still be something you can do.

Tell her you had no idea and that you get it....

Oh well, you edited, and I see what you're saying.

but if it's a wake-up call, try to let it get back to her through people you both know.

Go quiet, and see whether she contacts you instead....

It happens.....

the trouble is that because its only been pretty much full on for the past month cos we have both been off work together, i have only met her network of family and friends once, when she took me around to meet them all, which was about 1 week before she broke it off, i dont have the rapour or history with her friends.

this is crazy cos i know she called it a day but i still have real feelings for her and i can't stop thinking about her and its still quite raw.

so ill have to wait and see if she gets back in touch but im not holding my breath to be honest.

If this is truly important to you, you'll make an effort.

if you want to show her she's important to you, do something fer chrissakes.

yeah, agreed, you might fail.

And there again, you might not.

But at least you'll know you tried.

well i have managed to get her number again, and just sent her a message asking her if i "please can i call you some time to explain, and that i was blind and it took me to lose you to see. you gave me a wake up call"

lets see what the reply is YES or NO 50/50

fingers crossed

yell i've just had my reply back via text saying "NO i think we should just leave it."

so thats it replied "ok then bye"

Whenever 'it's not you it's me' is actually used, then the situation is doomed!!

Hey at least you've realised your alcohol intake was through the roof so something positive will come from it. On that subject I'd like to say that the boredom you first get when you stop drinking does disappear after a month or so, you get used to it and actually enjoy sobriety and no hangovers!!

OMG!!!!!

i was watching the the tele with kids last night and i get a text message from the ex,

"asking how im i?" this was like a head **** for me .

so i just replied back "absolutely great hows you and the family?".

she said " are you being sarcastic or what?"

i said "NO, never felt better stopped drinking now, and thanks for pointing that out :laugh:"

she said "good for you the way i was going i would have ended up dead by time i was 40 and that i'm still not right from her opperation. i have my up and down days."

i said "ill send you some jokes to cheer you up then"

and basicly i aint heard anything else from here after that other than she likes the jokes.

so im not sure what to do now?

was she just seeing if i was ok or was there more too it? i don't know

well, just to bring things up to date.

we been back together a couple of months now, things some how seem different this time. its hard to explain but they are better, even freinds have noticed a big difference.

we had a good talk honest talk to why things didn't work out last time, and yes (it was her and not me) she was scared of falling in love again because she had been hurt twice before in a big way.

but she has realised, im not like any of her previous relationship and that we have both got previous relationship commitments (kids)

her kid loves me to bits (bless her) she a lovely kid, where as mine its a bit more complicated. i have not seen mine for 2 months now because of my ex wife refuses me seeing them, even though none of us has got residancey over them, but hopefull things will change soon because she is that much of a bad mother social services are now involved and i have had a meeting with them which was quite constructive. they have now arranged a child protection conference with 17 member of verious professonal bodies invited to go. so fingers crossed

congratulations im happy for you =)

Well done! Just goes to show that you never know in life!