I broke NC and found out he has a new girl friend

We broke up 3 months ago and I was complete NC for 1 month.

But the other day I was forced into a situation where I had to see him and then by doing that I found out that he was happy in a new relationship.

I am back to square 1, actually I am at a worse stage than square 1 because now I know that he is happy and moving on.

I hate the fact that he moved on from the break up alot quicker and was ready for a new relationship before me.

How can I move on? I have great friends and a busy and fulfilling lifestyle.

Why can I not get him out of my system?!

Any advice please.

How did you discover he had a new girlfriend?

i'd seen him with another girl a while ago. I was not so sure and just asked him and he admitted to it.

It might be a rebound in his case, might be too early to tell. Sometimes people do that in order to avoid being alone especially after a break up because it fuels loneliness. My ex was already seeing someone as we were breaking up, didn't know until after the break up. I was very upset and came to the conclusion that she never cared anyway, but in retrospect I think he was just a rebound and that is bound to fail. Been NC for a month and a half now focusing on myself, rarely think about her anymore. Try not to wonder so much about him, rather focus on yourself, he might come knocking on your door as soon as he realizes he misses you....or not. The most important thing is if that time comes you feel well enough to make an informed decision.

Thank you. It's NC day 4 and I am still all over the place. i have finally plucked up the courage to post a thread just to get it out of my system.

It does not make sense. Whilst I was on NC and him with the new girl he was sending me messages like i miss you and can we start talking now.

If I was in a relationship I could not care less on the welfare of an ex.

He was probably trying to make sure that I was moving on in life as well or maybe he was trying to lessen the guilt.

Stay nc I know how much it sucks, my ex cheated on me and left me and a week later she was in a new relationship. But you know what it helps somewhat, you take them off the pedastool, you see their true colors ad it helps you get in th anger mode which is a phase of healing.

Just don't break nc, nothing good comes from doing it.

You are so right. Nothing comes out good of not doing NC.

I so regret getting into contact with him.

He finds reasons to sneak back into contact with me over the stuff that I had left behind in the house (which i told him to dump), undirected postal mail (which he knows where to forward to).

NC it is.

It's nice to know that there are real people out there who have gone through the same issues over breaking up.

We broke up 3 months ago and I was complete NC for 1 month.

But the other day I was forced into a situation where I had to see him and then by doing that I found out that he was happy in a new relationship.

 

I am back to square 1, actually I am at a worse stage than square 1 because now I know that he is happy and moving on.

 

I hate the fact that he moved on from the break up alot quicker and was ready for a new relationship before me.

 

How can I move on? I have great friends and a busy and fulfilling lifestyle.

Why can I not get him out of my system?!

 

Any advice please.

I know the feeling...you feel great when you think that maybe they haven't moved on (even if you're not speaking to them) but to find out they are in a new relationship makes you sick to your stomach and angered....

I was in NC with my ex and felt fine, found out from my sister and Facebook he was in a relationship and all of a sudden felt like it was day one of the break up. That was almost a month ago and now I am A LOT better....

I guess what helps is that I can see through his facade and my intuition told me this girl was a rebound, he didn't like her that much, didn't value her and she was one in a list of many foolish choices he is making because he doesn't know himself......and I was right. Later on as I suspected he did things to prove me correct...most recently the fact that he called me last weekend (haven't seen him since May, hadn't had a real fone convo since June) and came to hang out with me on Saturday night and all this...who would go hang out with their ex gf on Saturday night if they are in a REAL and happy relationship, respect their new gf and are over the person? No one. Not to mention the fact that if you are over someone, like them platonically and are into your new chick how come he NEVER talks about her? And has not told me himself that he is with her??? He can assume I know from Facebook but I have never said anything about it so if you are just friends and proud of your new woman why wouldn't you say "Heyy, so I have a gf now"....nada....he does not acknowledge her in any way.

Saying that not to give you false hope...as even with me, there is not really a hope, just an acknowledgment that all that glitters is NOT always gold and things aren't always what they seem.

I think you should focus on what helps you move forward: so if thinking their relationship won't last will help you, do so. Do whatever it takes to stay clear of him and continue keeping him out of sight, eventually out of mind and soon you really will not care anymore.

B,

I hear you - it's like break up day 1.

I have been so good with NC and I wished I was not cornered into seeing him.

Had a counselling session tonight and I am in a much better place and not having a massive panic attack.

What really ***** me off is that I tried and tried moving on, I went on dates with different men but I am disgusted with the idea of someone touching me and I actually started crying when a date tried to kiss me.

I am not ready to move on but him!!!!!

Whether it be a rebound or not, I am repulsed with him being able to do things like that to a new girl......

sunflower, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know exactly how you're feeling.

I was NC with my ex for 5 months and then I spoke to him and found out not only was he dating someone, but that he was already with her days after dumping me. "Don't blame her," my ex told me. "I'm too emotional to discuss the relationship," my ex informed me days after dumping me. Needless to say he wasn't emotional, he was just too busy dating another woman.

When I heard the news, I felt like I had gone right back to square 1. I was devastated, I was crying. I felt betrayed. In those 5 months, I was struggling to get over my ex but he wasn't. I cried for 2 days straight afterwards. I felt miserable about myself. But then by day 4 or 5, I started feeling really good about myself and finally ready to move on. Hearing the news was like my closure; it was an end to that chapter.

While you may feel like you've taken colossal steps back. You haven't. This hopefully will help you move on like my experience helped me. *hugs*

Ingenue,

That must have been tough..... Too emotional to discuss the breakup??

It has been 4 days since the last contact I have been crying uncontrollably whilst going on with my life. If you see a girl suddenly bursting out crying on the street, yes that is me.

Knowing that he is in another relationship has shattered all my hopes for a second chance and has made me determined to get him out of my system.

I know I am strong but right now I cannot help feeling weak and unworthy.....

Did you break up with him?

If so, then of course he's going to tell you he's with someone. He wants to show you he's ok without you

If he was still sending you msg'es about missing you and you were not responding, then he is acting out of hurt

ANYONE with a heart who would dump someone would not rub in their face they have a new relationship.

When I left my ex last yr for 6 weeks, withing 3 weeks he was seeing someone knew.

People like that cannot be alone. They are emotionally weak

No he broke up with me. He knew it was HIGHLY likely to see me in this place and yet he decided to pass by.

I did not respond to his I miss you emails because it was not yeilding any results. Everytime he said he'd missed me usually was followed by some statement that we'd gone down too far the line to patch things up.

No he broke up with me. He knew it was HIGHLY likely to see me in this place and yet he decided to pass by.

 

I did not respond to his I miss you emails because it was not yeilding any results. Everytime he said he'd missed me usually was followed by some statement that we'd gone down too far the line to patch things up.

Oh, well if he left you, then yeah, good you never replied to his emails.

Breaking up sucks, I'm sorry you feel like this. Let it motivate you to move on. Feel the pain, embrace it and let it give you the strength to find happiness.

Knowing that he is in another relationship has shattered all my hopes for a second chance and has made me determined to get him out of my system.

 

I know I am strong but right now I cannot help feeling weak and unworthy.....

sunflower, you will get through this, stronger than you were before knowing the new information. Sometimes, it takes a bit of time for our system to absorb the shock. All I can say is there is an end to your crying and emotional distress. We all have our own time frames.

When I was implementing NC, I wasn't explicitly thinking of a second chance, but maybe in the back of my head I was and maybe that's why I was so distressed upon hearing the news that he had (very likely) cheated on me in the relationship with the new woman he was dating. Our image of the ex that we've placed on the pedestal is shattered, and as difficult as that may feel, it's a good thing to bring them down because they don't deserve to be on that pedestal.

After hearing how despicable he was, I got over him pretty quick after that and when he came around 2 months later, fishing for information as to whether I was dating another guy and feeling me out, I didn't even blink.

You are strong. You will get through this. Cry it all out and one day, when you are ready to stop crying, you will.

Thank you both - but there is only so much pain I can take.

I am bouncing off the walls being upset, devastated and really angry and then sometimes I feel resigned to the whole situation.

But this is so energy draining and I cannot take it much more.

I wished this whole coping process was a bad nightmare.

We broke up 3 months ago and I was complete NC for 1 month.

But the other day I was forced into a situation where I had to see him and then by doing that I found out that he was happy in a new relationship.

 

I am back to square 1, actually I am at a worse stage than square 1 because now I know that he is happy and moving on.

 

I hate the fact that he moved on from the break up alot quicker and was ready for a new relationship before me.

 

How can I move on? I have great friends and a busy and fulfilling lifestyle.

Why can I not get him out of my system?!

 

Any advice please.

Dont focus on the fact that he has a new chic. SO WHAT!! That is really not the issue here. The issue is that was there a chance anyway of you guys being together or not. The chic doesnt really matter unless you make it matter.

Some men just have to have something to stick their d/k in constantly so they will get a chic even if it doesnt mean much. They want that sweetness.

I would let that thought go and put the focus on what is the best thing for you. If he was not working towards getting back together or anything then you keep moving forward and not worry about the new chic that will get getting dump too or she willl get him. Focus back on you

B,

 

I hear you - it's like break up day 1.

 

I have been so good with NC and I wished I was not cornered into seeing him.

 

Had a counselling session tonight and I am in a much better place and not having a massive panic attack.

 

What really ***** me off is that I tried and tried moving on, I went on dates with different men but I am disgusted with the idea of someone touching me and I actually started crying when a date tried to kiss me.

I am not ready to move on but him!!!!!

Whether it be a rebound or not, I am repulsed with him being able to do things like that to a new girl......

I know...trust me.

DO NOT allow yourself to sit around imagining all the things he does with this new girl.

The more you sit imagining it, thinking of it, mulling over it...the worst you will feel. Although perhaps you could do it so much so that you got used to the idea and it stopped bothering you.

There is nothing wrong with not being ready to move on. Be true to yourself and wait it out until you are ready.

Tell yourself SOMETHING to make you feel better and not think of this situation too much. The angrier you feel the less and less you want him.

Every once in a while the thought creeps into my head of is my ex telling this girl the same things he tells me? Doing the same things etc? But you know what? I push them away and think of how ridiculous he is and how ridiculous she is as well as how much I can do better and then it doesn't bother me...it makes me actually smile to myself and roll my eyes at it.

With my breakup, I've had to accept that 99% of the pain I went through was brought upon by myself being nosy or looking at things that I shouldn't be looking at. If it weren't for my actions, I would have much less information, and may not be in so much pain.

My snooping around found her hugging a new guy in pictures on Facebook, hurt like hell. My snooping around revealed that she sold the car that I worked so hard to keep running for her and got a brand new car to enjoy, hurt like hell. My snooping around helped me find out that she's going to a personal trainer these days and getting back in shape, something she never did for me, hurt like hell.

Now you've had a little taste of this medicine. Breaking NC just brought more pain into your life. It really is true that they don't have the power to hurt you unless you allow them to. Sure sometimes you'll hear unwanted information though a mutual friend or something like that, but more often than not, we are the ones digging up the hurtful information ourselves.

I remember the day I found those pictures of her with her new boyfriend I went crazy as well, ended up outside pacing back and forth.

I wonder how much better I would feel if I didn't know all these things about her. Back before I knew about him, it hurt pretty bad thinking that she'd rather be single than be with me, so I almost hoped to find out she was with someone. Big mistake, this hurts more.

Now you know why it's better to keep your eyes focused straight ahead and don't go looking back, you'll just get hurt.

I'm sorry you had to experience that, it's a hard lesson to learn.

yes, ignorance is a bliss. i wished i had not asked him who the new girl was. i should have just pretended that i did not see them.

argh, woulda,coulda, shoulda.............. but i am going to stop moping around and get on with loving myself again.

thanks all, am starting to feel the anger and pity for him which surely is better than crying and going into hysterics!! roll on tomorrow, which should be a little bit better than today.

yes, ignorance is a bliss. i wished i had not asked him who the new girl was. i should have just pretended that i did not see them.

 

argh, woulda,coulda, shoulda.............. but i am going to stop moping around and get on with loving myself again.

 

thanks all, am starting to feel the anger and pity for him which surely is better than crying and going into hysterics!! roll on tomorrow, which should be a little bit better than today.

I never understood why someone would snoop on a ex. That is so crazy. Eventually something is going to be going on. Why put yourself thru that?

I never understood why someone would snoop on a ex. That is so crazy. Eventually something is going to be going on. Why put yourself thru that?

I have no idea. I did this w/ my most recent ex. After I found out he had a new gf and after the tears stopped, I told myself "Well, 0hpen. You are a the most foolish in a pool of fools. You know it's going to hurt, but you went ahead and found out for yourself. What did that accomplish?"

OP, you have my sympathy. The months after my ex started going out with his gf were very tough. I released myself from that by accepting that there is nothing that I can do about it and I walked away.

I have no idea. I did this w/ my most recent ex. After I found out he had a new gf and after the tears stopped, I told myself "Well, 0hpen. You are a the most foolish in a pool of fools. You know it's going to hurt, but you went ahead and found out for yourself. What did that accomplish?"

 

OP, you have my sympathy. The months after my ex started going out with his gf were very tough. I released myself from that by accepting that there is nothing that I can do about it and I walked away.

Good for you!! I want to puke if I get involved in checking out his life. I know he is doing something. No doubt about it. I miss my ex so much but i rather be over here dealing with it than to be alll wrapped up in things I have no control over that would just kill me on the inside. I only hope he misses me as much as I miss him.