Having a bad f-ing day

I just need to vent, because I woke up in a rotten mood today. For no reason. I've been doing so well. Have been on NC since before Xmas. Totally ignored his Christmas email, etc. But grrrrrr I cannot believe how hurt and angry I still am. I am trying with all of my power to get over this. To move forward. To do healthy things. But sometimes when it comes into my brain, it's like I cannot believe this actually happened to me.

My ex was wonderful to me the first few yrs. We had a mutually respectful relationship. Then, out of the woodwork, suddenly a lot of his old friends started getting seperated, divorced, etc. Suddenly I was put on the back burner, and he would use excuse after excuse when he'd treat me like **** or blow me off for his buddies 4 and 5 nights a wk. We fought. I was livid. We were engaged. He had attitude. So he threw in the towel on me.

Then wrote me letters how he thinks he tried really hard to be a good boyfriend/fiance, and if i'd only been more patient and given him time to figure out how to be in a relationship. This is coming from a now 39 yr old man who seemed to know how to be in a relationship the first few yrs we dated. Writing that he still feels very close to me and feels we will be together again in a year or two, and that we are meant to be together at some point. It makes me angry even writing about what he tried to pull on me. As tho I am so worthless. F*cker.

Now what is he doing? Off running around all over Mexico for months with his buddies, partying and living like they are 19 yrs old. And this is what I was supposed to be patient for. In otherwords, he wanted me to be a freaking loser, doormat. So he could toss me a few crumbs once in awhile, and I'd just gobble them up! Oh yeah, I'll just be waiting here for you when you come back in a few yrs f*cker. Meanwhile, you just go have your fun, fun, fun.

I've felt so hurt that I've almost thought i was crazy. It's amazing someone can hurt you so bad, and manipulate their words and the situation so good, that they make you feel like you're the bad guy for not putting up with their sh*t. It freaking hurts that he would rather live like that than with me.

Just had to vent. I don't even talk about it with my friends anymore, as I am really trying to move on. So "he" is not a topic.

Grrrrr

While I can understand people sometimes longing for or wanting their freedom, his treatment of you is ridiculous. And he's really full of himself if he thinks you're going to magically be available in a year of two. Damn! Kinda makes you want to go out and get married just to piss him off, doesn't it???!!! I don't blame you for being pissed off. You're basically between a rock and a hard place, sister.

Maybe you should head to Europe and go find yourself. It'll probably be a lot better than finding him. hee hee!

I'm sorry you are having a bad day Nature. I understand how you feel. I had one of those days myself yesterday. I played tennis for 4 hrs just to try and take my mind off of it but it was so obvious i was depressed and upset. One of the ladies i play with emailed me tonight just to see if i was ok because i wasn't myself yesterday. Everything will be so great and then out of no where you will have a bad day again that makes you feel hopeless and angry. It sucks! I hope you wake up on top of the world tomorrow!

Damn! Kinda makes you want to go out and get married just to piss him off, doesn't it???!!!

That is so true!!! wouldn't it be great revenge!

Maybe you should head to Europe and go find yourself. It'll probably be a lot better than finding him. hee hee!

A vacation would be a great way to help ease some of the pain. Having fun romping around like they are!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand how you feel. It is really crappy that he just thinks you will sit around and wait while he is out doing his thing. It is really very mean and cruel.

It is amazing how strong the emotions can take over. The last few days I had sheer terror take over to the point I thought I was going to get sick to my stomach like I was in the first month.

Being dumped is horrible.

I've been doing so well.

Hugs.

You ARE doing well! One "bad" day does not mean you're going backwards...just that you're human.

Hang in there, and your sun will be shining again, soon

Thank you everyone. Yes, it hurts a great deal to have someone in your life as your best friend....and then just because all his old gang are coming out of the woodwork, he decides to put me on the back burner.

And then actually has the nerve to suggest that "we will be together someday". What an arrogant SOB. That's what burns me the most. That he can go off galivanting into the sunset like he's 19 yrs old. While I work and carry on my business.

The last few yrs, we did the tropical trips together. We travelled together over Xmas because I get a month off each year. But this year, he decided to go off to Mexico "by himself". F*cker. He doesn't even know that I know 6 of his buddies flew down right after Xmas to meet up with him for two months. Two f-ing months.

And his smooshy, stupid, sucky emails from Mexico....the first 3 wks he was there alone so he was writing all these stupid coochy coo emails to me telling me how it was so peaceful being away and it felt so good to be away from everyone and everything....and he just needs this time away to "find himself". My a*s. He forgot to mention his "party crew" coming down to join him on his peaceful "finding himself trip".

The grapevine is fairly small in this world. Did he actually think I wouldn't hear about it? 6 guys wooping it up in Mexico for two months. Gawd, what a burn to me. A burn to the fact that the last three Xmas' it was he and I going on trips together. To be replaced by a bunch of near 40-something guys doesn't feel very good.

I didn't reply to his emails. F*ck him. It just pisses me off that he thinks I'm some naive bimbo who is going to buy into his BS.

Grrrrrrrrr.....yes, bad day!!! lol

sorry nature, im having a bad f---ing day as well. Everywhere my thoughts turned today she was there and I find myself in a endless cycle of repeat behaviors throughout the day. These behaviors are tied to nothing much, checking loveshack, checking my email, going to myspace, and then repeat. Im not checking her myspace, she dont have one, just mine. Keep in mind I just made it so this is not something I used to do ever.

Normally I would be building my website business, playing guitar, playing warcraft and such but ever sense this breakup Im in a repeat of senseless not productive behaviors. She always hated my website store and when I brought it up with enthusiasm about what I dreamed she would tell me she would get sick of me talking about it real quick. Honestly, I feel like I never talked that much about it but she spoke differently. I just wanted her to be excited for my enthusiasm and show a little. Now I'm broken and that enthusiasm is gone.

I wished she realized that the website was about me trying to make more money, provide a better life for both of us and I dreamed of buying her a nice ring and asking her to marry me. I dreamed of providing a good life for us, I just got carried away in the dream and forgot to nurture what I had I feel sometimes. She says no, things were what they were with the circumstances we had. She says it wasn't my fault. I guess Its hard not to wonder what you could of done different.

Im sorry nature, I got of the point here. My point is that I don't have one but to say I'm having a bad day today as well and you are not alone. peace out and cheers to a better tomorrow.........4 minutes away ....

ever sense this breakup Im in a repeat of senseless not productive behaviors.

Goat..this is exactly how I've been feeling today. I'm usually the most productive person, and today I've just been in a haze...it's awful. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Gawd it sucks. I feel your pain.

I understand the unproductive part of things....It especially sucks when they are out partying and living it up and you're continuing to try and work but deal with all the crap. It just makes things worse. You were trying to make a better life for the both of you and in the end they threw that away, are partying like rock stars or living it up with somebody else, while you're stuck picking up the pieces and wondering what was the point of a lot of what you did for years......For me it sucks cause my soon to be ex-wife never really worked and only went to school part time over the years. So while I worked because I liked many of the things I do, I still was trying to make more money, learn new things, and build a better future for us.....What she did just makes me think like the past six years were nothing but a waste of time. A lot of what I did was for the both of us in a way. But as the other poster said....they never realize that or something...It becomes "not spending enough time with me" or whatever.....

Anyway it's ok to have a bad day. It's ok to vent. It's ok to deal with your emotions. Some days it just sucks and you want to punch the wall. And it's ok to feel that way and let it out(well not punching the wall). Suppressing your feelings will only make things worse in the long run.

Nature you sound like a really cool girl I wish I knew you in real life. You know what some guys are really just stupid. They don't know what they are missing out until they lose it. I say move on along and protect yourself. There are plenty of intelligent and stable guys out there. Believe me!

I sure know what you mean nature. You seem like a strong, very intelligent woman. You'll get through this! I hadn't heard your story before...your right, he is a f***er. What makes him think he should go run wild and act like that while your waiting on him? Oh hell no! What is he having a mid life crisis or just that easily influenced by "the boys"? He'll feel it when some new guy that treats you great comes into your life and your gone.

Side note, it really does suck that were sitting here upset over everything and they are out living their lives. Now my newest problem is lack of appetite because I constantly have this nervous feeling (anxiety). I noticed a swollen lymph node behind my right ear yesterday and I've been freaking out over it. I truly believe it's stress related, as I am never sick. Worst part is I keep telling myself not to be nervous, to breathe, to eat and not worry about this a** but it's not really helping.

nature, you are just going through some temporary feelings, you will return to your good state of healing soon enough. You just found some welled up anger that needed to be dealt with. It will be okay.

You have helped so many people on here, and you have given a lot of yourself in showing people the right way to get through the pain. It is obvious that you are a good and well put together person and this jack@$$ does NOT deserve you. He did you a favor by letting you go so that you could eventually find someone more worthy of your attention. You deserve a full grown man, not a man/boy.

Hang in there!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! For all of your responses!! I woke up in a bit better mood today! You are right...just some residual anger lingering inside me that had to come out. I'm sure there will be other days, but for today, I feel a tad better. Thanks to all of you. This LS really does help me! Thank you!

What is he having a mid life crisis or just that easily influenced by "the boys"?

Glory, I think it must be a combination of both!! lol

Im sorry you had a bad day and glad you're feeling better today!! I know we all have those angry days where we just want to let loose on our ex's....I contemplated sending a nasty text message to my ex this morning, just letting him have it. But I decided not to.....time to move on! You have given me great advice and I am thankful for that!

And what's all this if we were just "patient" is that a guy thing cuz my ex told me the same....He wanted me to relax and be patient, why so I got nothing I wanted from him and he got what he wanted from me? I always felt this relationship was for him, and in turn made me angry and resentful, I can feel your pain....you're a strong girl:)

Another bad day. For no reason. I just feel angry today. WTF? We had so much fun together. How could an almost 40-something yr old man want to run around with a bunch of his old buddies instead of me? We were together 3 yrs. He pursued me. Was in love with me. Got down on one knee and proposed to me. We were best friends at one time. Did everything together. Enjoyed the same things. Travelled together. And he threw it all away to run around with a bunch of party animal losers who are all coming out of unhappy marriages and getting divorced. WTF?

The last 3 yrs we travelled to the tropics together. Went on amazing trips together. This yr he goes to Mexico for three months and has 6 of his buddies join him down there for wks at a time?

I feel like I'm in the freaking twilight zone. I've fought the pain. Have gone NC since before Xmas and will stay NC. But sometimes it just hits me. Like today. It's a beautiful day, and every beautiful day like this the last few yrs we'd go spend the day snowboarding together. Had the best time.

And he threw it all away to party with a bunch of his old buddies who are now single. WTF? I just don't get it. Guess I never will.