Drive-by Ex from work makes contact, LOL!

The "Drive-by" ex from work did a few drive bys recently. A "drive by" in this context is where she goes out of her way to walk past my desk. My desk is on the opposite side of the same building as her. She has no reason to come over to this area except to sneak a peek at me. She did it this morning then about 1/2 hour later I receive an IM at work. We have an IM program to help collaborate projects between engineers. Today I get an IM from her and she says the following:

Immature Ex [9:16 AM]: it's dawn. right?

Immature Ex [9:16 AM]: her name is dawn. right?

Immature Ex [9:19 AM]: i've always known.

Immature Ex [9:20 AM]: i mean i hope i'm right, i think that's it.

Immature Ex [9:20 AM]: anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. lol you always said i never knew. you mentioned it one time a long long time ago

I didn't answer her. It wasn't work related and really it's none of her business. She is presuming the name of the ex that got me to LS was named Dawn. It isn't - lol. The funny thing is I know her ex's name as she must have said it 1000 times but not once did I ever mention my ex by name. Dawn is the name of the girl I bought a bible for after her husband died and I was trying to help her cope.

Just a funny story I thought I would share today and a good example of, even if they are contacting you, stick to NC. Heck, even if she wanted me back I wouldn't take her. She's immature, took me for granted and lied to me -- not once ever apologizing.

Keep the faith and stick to NC!

What a piece of work.. that is all she said in the IM's ?..

Does she know about LS ?

It almost sounds like LS bothers her. Is there more to that story? Also, since she knows, wouldn't she be trolling the site?

What a piece of work.. that is all she said in the IM's ?..

 

Does she know about LS ?

That is all she said in IMs. I almost laughed out loud to myself!

I'm not sure if she knows about LS or not. I don't really care, TBH. She's annoying more than anything. I heard today from a co-worker that he overheard her talking to someone else about me. It's funny, I rarely (if ever) talk about her to co-workers but I've heard from more than several people that she talks about me. She talks to the receiptionist about me who, of course, can't help repeating to back to me. I just laugh about it.

It almost sounds like LS bothers her. Is there more to that story? Also, since she knows, wouldn't she be trolling the site?

She knows about my first ex but isn't aware (AFAIK) that I post here on LS. Our discussion was a long time ago and she asked to see the ring I bought the ex. She used to mention her ex b/f all the time by name. I never once mentioned my ex by name and only spoke about her maybe once or twice. How she got "Dawn" out of that, I'll never know.

CaliGuy, I have read a lot of your advice on this forum and I think you are a very wise fellow.

Why do you think your ex is doing this and going out of her way to contact you on IM?

I'm just curious you see

The "Drive-by" ex from work did a few drive bys recently. A "drive by" in this context is where she goes out of her way to walk past my desk. My desk is on the opposite side of the same building as her. She has no reason to come over to this area except to sneak a peek at me. She did it this morning then about 1/2 hour later I receive an IM at work. We have an IM program to help collaborate projects between engineers. Today I get an IM from her and she says the following:

 

Immature Ex [9:16 AM]: it's dawn. right?

Immature Ex [9:16 AM]: her name is dawn. right?

Immature Ex [9:19 AM]: i've always known.

Immature Ex [9:20 AM]: i mean i hope i'm right, i think that's it.

Immature Ex [9:20 AM]: anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. lol you always said i never knew. you mentioned it one time a long long time ago

 

I didn't answer her. It wasn't work related and really it's none of her business. She is presuming the name of the ex that got me to LS was named Dawn. It isn't - lol. The funny thing is I know her ex's name as she must have said it 1000 times but not once did I ever mention my ex by name. Dawn is the name of the girl I bought a bible for after her husband died and I was trying to help her cope.

 

Just a funny story I thought I would share today and a good example of, even if they are contacting you, stick to NC. Heck, even if she wanted me back I wouldn't take her. She's immature, took me for granted and lied to me -- not once ever apologizing.

 

Keep the faith and stick to NC!

um - okaaaay.....

since you didn't ask a question i'll assume you don't need an answer.

CaliGuy, I have read a lot of your advice on this forum and I think you are a very wise fellow.

 

Why do you think your ex is doing this and going out of her way to contact you on IM?

I'm just curious you see

I haven't the first clue as to what she is doing and why. I mean really, why on earth would she care about my ex and what her name is? I would never think about something like that. What do *I* care about an ex that I don't want to be with? LOL. Seriously. This is beyond Jr. High. This is grade school crap.

What really makes me scratch my head is that I have made it painstakingly clear that I don't wish to communicate with her at all. She writes me out of the blue as if to say "I'm ignoring the fact that you don't want to talk to me…"

I never responded to her, so if she thought I was kidding with her, hopefully this will let her know that I mean business. I was thinking of telling her to "beat it" but then thought "Nah, that's more effort on her than want to spend and I am not feeding her ego."

um - okaaaay.....

 

since you didn't ask a question i'll assume you don't need an answer.

Not a question, just showing that when you stick to NC, they still think about ya

But here is the question. Why ask that? What's the point? What does it matter?

None of it is any of her business

Not a question, just showing that when you stick to NC, they still think about ya

 

But here is the question. Why ask that? What's the point? What does it matter?

 

None of it is any of her business

it's just her weak attempt to get you to bite.

seeing as you didn't take the bait - i would expect her to come up with some random "emergency crisis" soon that she will throw out there as another attempt to get you paying attention to her.

notice how many assumptions she made within just a few short sentences? those assumptions make us look stupid every time.

it's just her weak attempt to get you to bite.

 

seeing as you didn't take the bait - i would expect her to come up with some random "emergency crisis" soon that she will throw out there as another attempt to get you paying attention to her.

 

notice how many assumptions she made within just a few short sentences? those assumptions make us look stupid every time.

Oh trust me, I am not responding to or feeding her ego. She has a lot of nerve thinking that I'd just talk to her like everything is "cool." I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at what she said. Really, that's totally random and child-like. Hopefully that gives you a peek into the mind I had to deal with over the past year. The longer I am away, the more grateful I am that I don't have to listen to her whining and complaining.

And yeah you're right. Lots of assumptions on her part. She's a bad representative of the human female species Makes you ALL look like dorks! Haha.

Just kidding!! Lub ya!!

I haven't the first clue as to what she is doing and why. I mean really, why on earth would she care about my ex and what her name is? I would never think about something like that. What do *I* care about an ex that I don't want to be with? LOL. Seriously. This is beyond Jr. High. This is grade school crap.

 

What really makes me scratch my head is that I have made it painstakingly clear that I don't wish to communicate with her at all. She writes me out of the blue as if to say "I'm ignoring the fact that you don't want to talk to me…"

 

I never responded to her, so if she thought I was kidding with her, hopefully this will let her know that I mean business. I was thinking of telling her to "beat it" but then thought "Nah, that's more effort on her than want to spend and I am not feeding her ego."

Yeah, she definitely seems young and immature.........she just doesn't get it.

Caliguy,

Good for you. Stick to your guns. NC is a very powerful tool. People sometimes have just sit a reflect on all the mistakes they made. And it would not be possible if you are available to them. I have no regrets in my recently broken relationship because I was very good to her. We are currently living together and she is a completely different person. I've found me an apartment and I am moving within the next week. She has been very mean to me because she wants her space. You really don't know people until you know them. I guess that made since. Once I leave out of the apartment, I am going NC. And its, Not to gain ground, not to get her back, not to be macho, but to move on and focus on my career, new people, and new environments.

I have made it painstakingly clear that I don't wish to communicate with her at all.

Actually if you think she knows about LS then you are communicating with her in your own way. I mean why did you really start this thread? If she's sending you IM's about who brought you to LS, then chances are she reads your threads too.

It's like having a conversation loudly outside someones room knowing that the person inside can hear you, but not actually talking to them directly.

Just a thought.

Actually if you think she knows about LS then you are communicating with her in your own way.

I have never mentioned LS to her. I think the confusion is the ex that brought me to LS statement. I don't refer to her to my ex that way. That's for the people her at LS who know me.

I mean why did you really start this thread? If she's sending you IM's about who brought you to LS, then chances are she reads your threads too.

It's like having a conversation loudly outside someones room knowing that the person inside can hear you, but not actually talking to them directly.

 

Just a thought.

I think I've confused you guys. The ex at work doesn't know that I come to LS at all. The post was about Exs and NC. That's all.

Cheers.

Actually if you think she knows about LS then you are communicating with her in your own way. I mean why did you really start this thread? If she's sending you IM's about who brought you to LS, then chances are she reads your threads too.

It's like having a conversation loudly outside someones room knowing that the person inside can hear you, but not actually talking to them directly.

 

Just a thought.

no one said she knows about loveshack. she sent the IM through a work messaging system...

sheeez, talk about more assumptions = more misunderstandings... grrrrr

I think I've confused you guys. The ex at work doesn't know that I come to LS at all. The post was about Exs and NC. That's all.

 

Cheers.

Oh I get it now.

Sorry CaliGuy, I read it as if she was saying "I know the girl who brought you to LS - her name is dawn. right?"

I don't know you CaliGuy, but if I did I would buy you a beer, your NC guide has saved me. My ex has tried to contact me 3 times and i've brushed them to the side

Cali, I don't mean any offence, but why do you care?

Your posts have a certain pattern...you're usually "loling" about some ex who is trying to initiate contact. Why does it bother you? Why is it even a consideration for you? Why does it linger in your mind (long enough for you to post about it). Shouldn't you be too busy living your life to give a hoot about what she's doing or saying?

Isn't this the point of NC?

Its always nice to hear about others standing their ground with NC. I think it gives those of us who have a hard time with it a little insight on its successes.

I don't know you CaliGuy, but if I did I would buy you a beer, your NC guide has saved me. My ex has tried to contact me 3 times and i've brushed them to the side

You're welcome. NC gets your self-empowerment back. And that's really what it's also about. Getting YOU back, not them!

Cali, I don't mean any offence, but why do you care?

 

Your posts have a certain pattern...you're usually "loling" about some ex who is trying to initiate contact. Why does it bother you? Why is it even a consideration for you? Why does it linger in your mind (long enough for you to post about it). Shouldn't you be too busy living your life to give a hoot about what she's doing or saying?

 

Isn't this the point of NC?

In some ways, it's vindication. I am not trying to contact them. I have implemented a strict NC policy. Yeah, it might seem a bit self-serving, but these are women (well, two really) who have said "You're not the one for me, I don't want you" yet can not seem to leave me alone.

It only lingers in my mind when they bother me. If they would follow the same policy I am, which is leaving each other alone, I wouldn't post on here about it.

Have you noticed the pattern is the same as well? I only post about it when they make some form of contact.

This thread and the reason for it is to show that you can and will live when they contact you and that not replying is the best thing to do. Move forward, not backwards.

Cheers.

I was gonna say she was sad because you don't talk about how she hurt you on LS - but - I guess that scrubs that - Oh well, all in a days work ~

Ok, crazy ex made contact again today. This time stopping at my desk and asking if she could talk to me. I said "Is this work related?" and she said "No" so I said "no". Haha. Well dangit, I don't want a conversation with her!

She then goes back to her desk and starts firing off instant messages. To boil it down, she said "I miss you as a friend" blah blah "need you in my life" blah blah, "I never believed you loved me" blah blah.

I'm not going to pull punches. I was mean to her and I should have been. How she treated me and disrespected our relationship, there's no room for friendship. She pushed me really hard that she wants to be friends. I basically said "I have forgiven you, but that doesn't mean I have to let you back into my life." and I am not going to.

Why is it that when there's someone new in your life the ex's always start sniffing around? Fact is, I don't want this ex in my life. She was probably one of the crappiest friends I've ever had. She's insecure, she's not mentally "all there" (though to her credit she goes to counseling a lot), she smokes (I hate that!), she's so scared of getting fat she won't eat (at all).

She took me for granted.

She used me.

I don't need someone like that in my life. Hell I have enemies that treat me better than that.

I think telling her that I have forgiven her (and though my comments may not reflect that, I needed to get some things off my chest) but that I am not obligated to let her back into my life will hopefully make it clear that I don't want/need her friendship.

There's no question here. I guess I just needed to vent and writing, for me at least, is cathartic.

Cheers.

your boundaries are serving you well CG! good work.

your boundaries are serving you well CG! good work.

Thanks 2sunny. This whole exchange has made me angry. That she would think that she could treat me like dirt and expect that I would accept her with open arms. Not gonna happen.

In my opinion, you don't take people for granted and then expect them to happily let you back into their life. All that would do is reward their bad behavior. It's the same reason when someone cheats on you, you just don't take them back.

The gall she has is unbelieveable. She even mentioned that she talked to her boyfriend about me and how she valued our "friendship." Gag me, please. LOL.

I am just the kind of person that says if you screw me over, it's my responsibility to forgive ... and not to forget.

I buckle and always call me ex back and text her back...I even intiate sometimes and settle for her minimal freindliness and her table scrap affection.

I am going to stop this carnival ride and refuse to talk to her about anything. Thier is nothing to talk about anymore, and this has gone on too long.

Thank You Caliguy

Day 1 of a new perspective. I can push through the new year.