Emotional Affair Question?

Hi.

I think I am in the middle of an emotional affair. I have been talking to my neighbor on the phone for the past few month's about two times per week. My spouse and his spouse have know idea. We both have voiced the fact that we are very attracted to each other. A couple of weeks ago we were alone for a few minutes and gave each other a hug. The hug turned into a little more very quickly, however we did not have Sex. We enjoy talking to each other and do not wish to end our chats, Any Suggestions??

Thanks

No good will come of this, it will only lead to an affair. If you value yourself, your husband, your marriage, your family, you will be the one to step back and stop it. Yes, it feels soo good to get attention, especially from someone who is not your spouse. It makes you feel attractive, sexy, wanted....But it is plain WRONG. If you two were single neighbors, I would say go for it girl!

Lets say it does go further, and for a while. The wife WILL find out, trust me, we all have womens intuition. (sp?) Ayway, she finds out then guess what, its over. Now, you have to see eachother every day as neighbors and it wont help you if you decide to rebulid your marriage, and it wont help theirs either. In the end, somone will be moving.

Please, Please, listen to me. I am a wife who has just been cheated on, by a woman like you, who was married. Dont give yourself the power to allow someone to feel the most hurtful pain you could feel. There is nothing worse, I think, then the feeling of your spouse betraying you.

With all that said, IMO, I would back off, and try to be more romantic with your husband. If he is not receptive, tell him you are having feelings of neglect, that you think, it could eventually lead to an affair. I bet his ears will perk up then.

Good Luck.

We enjoy talking to each other and do not wish to end our chats, Any Suggestions??

Yes...get a divorce.

Seriously, your options are pretty simple and straight forward.

1. Tell your husband, and take steps to get a divorce so you can be with the OM. Obviously, OM would have to do the same thing.

2. Tell your husband, and take steps to fix your marriage. Obviously, this means you would have to break off with OM, who would end up doing the same thing.

Pretty simple things. Not EASY...but SIMPLE. Once you've made up your mind which path you're going to take, simply tell your H and make the changes you need to. I don't know anything about divorce, but if you're interested in working on your marriage, take a look at the marriagebuilders.com site and you'll find a lot of tools that can help you.

How do you feel about your husband? What caused the need for another man's company? Is your marriage good? Don't you feel guilty?

Yes...get a divorce.

 

Seriously, your options are pretty simple and straight forward.

 

1. Tell your husband, and take steps to get a divorce so you can be with the OM. Obviously, OM would have to do the same thing.

 

2. Tell your husband, and take steps to fix your marriage. Obviously, this means you would have to break off with OM, who would end up doing the same thing.

 

Pretty simple things. Not EASY...but SIMPLE. Once you've made up your mind which path you're going to take, simply tell your H and make the changes you need to. I don't know anything about divorce, but if you're interested in working on your marriage, take a look at the marriagebuilders.com site and you'll find a lot of tools that can help you.

Thank's for your response but I do not wish to get a divorce. I also could never tell my husband because then I would be afriad of him leaving me it would hurt him far to much. I have tried to figure out what is missing in my marriage, but can't seem to figure it out. I will try and dig deeper so that I don't feel the need to speak with this MM.. I would still love to speak with him however I will only do that if I know we could just keep our conversations as friend's. This whole thing is so difficult since we live so close to each other.

How do you feel about your husband? What caused the need for another man's company? Is your marriage good? Don't you feel guilty?

I love my husband very much. Our marriage is pretty darn good.The MM and I have known each other for a very long time and over the past year have become close friend's. I like his personalitly and he likes mine, we kind of click very well. I think the main attraction here is that he is different from my husband and for some reason I am very attracted to that, We also know there's a major attraction between us. As far as the gulit part, NO! I have NO guilt at this point.

You're already emotionally involved with someone else, you're thinking of making the relationship sexual, and you really have no guilt at all? I cannot imagine why you wouldn't just get a divorce. Obviously the possibility of something with this new guy is worth throwing away your whole marriage, because that's what cheating is.

End it. Now. Before it's too late. You keep throwing gasoline on that fire and everyone near is gonna get burned. It's just a matter of time.

So basically what you're wanting here is a way to have BOTH...OM and your marriage.

Not fair to your husband, and realistically, it won't last. It almost NEVER does. Either your or OM will slip up and get caught. Realize that the truth ALWAYS comes out eventually in these cases. The thing is, if you admit it and take the steps to reconcile your marriage, you're going to be off to a MUCH better footing than you will if your H finds out on his own and busts you and OM.

This is called "cake-eating". You want the best of both worlds. How would you feel if this was on the other foot...if your H had a female friend that he felt this way with and was doing the same things you are doing? What would you want him to do? How would you react?

My wife had an emotional affair about 2 years ago. I caught them...she was all set to leave and go live with someone she'd never met in person. We're about 20 months into recovery now. But that was because we did a lot of hard work to fix things. I'm suggesting that you come clean to your husband for you to AVOID how bad things could get. If this goes physical (which you've been somewhat vague on how far it got), how will THAT affect your chances of staying married?

Right now, you can control how this will be 'discovered', and what happens next. You have the choice to either build your relationship with OM, or your marriage. YOU CAN"T DO BOTH...if you try, it's doomed to failure.

Seriously, take a look at the forums on the site I suggested.

You're already emotionally involved with someone else, you're thinking of making the relationship sexual, and you really have no guilt at all? I cannot imagine why you wouldn't just get a divorce. Obviously the possibility of something with this new guy is worth throwing away your whole marriage, because that's what cheating is.

I very much agree with what you have said here and I am so confused as to why I feel no guilt. I guess everyone on this forum is right. Our speaking to each other should end, we are doomed if it continues. I am starting to feel like my so called MM friend is a creep anyway. For his definition of cheating is anything VERY sexual and I don't agree with that now that I know the definition of an emotional affair, he claims he could not live with his guilt if anything more sexual were to happen. My H and Children are way more important this!!!!!!!!!

We also know there's a major attraction between us. As far as the gulit part, NO! I have NO guilt at this point.

The fact you don't feel any guilt is not good. It also means you're in NO frame of mind to read advice and DO the right thing.

SO what if you've known the MM for a long time. Your priority is your husband, not the MM. Think of your husband (and children if you have any) and end this before it goes into a physical affair.

My spouse and his spouse have know idea.

A bit of foreshadowing, perhaps?

he claims he could not live with his guilt if anything more sexual were to happen. My H and Children are way more important this!!!!!!!!!

SO STOP IT. YOU DO have the power to say NO. And that little friendship you have with him has to stop. No more one on one hang out sessions for you two. Spend less time together as couples. Just do the hi and bye neighbourly thing - dont' socialize with them anymore. And if your husband asks why - Tell him that you and the MM started having feelings for eachother and thought it would be best NOT to keep intouch anymore.

Then, make it up to your husband. And don't put yourself in a situation where a 'potiental' friendship with a man could turn into something else.

Yes...get a divorce.

over a few phone calls?

We also know there's a major attraction between us.

Have you two acknowledged this?

Also, don't take what you read here too seriously. This forum is notorious for favoring preaching over practical advice.

Have you two acknowledged this?

 

Also, don't take what you read here too seriously. This forum is notorious for favoring preaching over practical advice.

Thanks. I am new here as of today with all of this on my mind. I am very worried about this MM. I feel like he is turning everthing around on me. I have been strung along. I spoke with him this evening and it did not go well. I am very sad right now. I have invested so much in just a short couple of months, although this all started about 1 year ago. His feeling's confuse me. One minute we speak and we are ok the next well I said the wrong thing. I know that we are both married and something MUST be lacking in our marriages for it to come to this. He say's he is afraid of the guilt involved if we take the relationship to the next level Then a day later it's about getting caught?? Is he confused??

As far as the gulit (sic) part, NO! I have NO guilt at this point.

You should because that doesn't sound like an element of a "pretty darn good" marriage to me nor like real love for your husband.

Images of different shades of grass leap immediately to mind!

You should because that doesn't sound like an element of a "pretty darn good" marriage to me nor like real love for your husband.

 

Images of different shades of grass leap immediately to mind!

Well thanks you must be right! I must need something that I don't have to want this so bad. All I know is that after 15 years of marriage and three small clidren ages 5-1 I am spent! I am a 36 year old SAHM and it's very taxing! This man although I now think he may be a crumb has ment soooo very much to me for so long. I need to get over this and fast!

Please understand that I wasn't trying to be mean, just direct.

By the time the ex was 36 we had four children and another on the way. You're right. It's extremely taxing. I would imagine it is easy to look back and wonder where your youth went and question what you'd missed by taking on all these lifetime responsibilities.

Two years later the ex had what may have been just an emotional affair (I've never been quite sure) but I hung-in there. Five years after that she got embroiled in another that did turn physical and I divorced her.

For whatever it's worth, she now has a rather miserable life, four of our our five children avoid her and she has no real future unless she can land another "supporter."

Not saying that's how your life will turn out but is the risk really worth it if you already have a good and responsible man in your life and a marriage worth saving?

That's all!

Please understand that I wasn't trying to be mean, just direct.

 

By the time the ex was 36 we had four children and another on the way. You're right. It's extremely taxing. I would imagine it is easy to look back and wonder where your youth went and question what you'd missed by taking on all these lifetime responsibilities.

 

Two years later the ex had what may have been just an emotional affair (I've never been quite sure) but I hung-in there. Five years after that she got embroiled in another that did turn physical and I divorced her.

 

For whatever it's worth, she now has a rather miserable life, four of our our five children avoid her and she has no real future unless she can land another "supporter."

 

Not saying that's how your life will turn out but is the risk really worth it if you already have a good and responsible man in your life and a marriage worth saving?

 

That's all!

WOW! Thank's! I guess I am not as happy as I thought. I need to know more about this so called "Friendship. I am not sure what to do, I am very in love with the OM!!

You're not inlove with him. You're addicted to the feelings he brings out in you. You two share FUN, you talk, hang out, enjoy the good stuff. HE isn't the one who lives with you daily. Sees you in the morning, is around you when you have PMS, or entertains your family/friends. He gets all the good stuff from you, as you from him. Your emotions and this sexual attraction is messing with your head, making you more open to what is around the corner. It isn't 'real love.' This man has brought out crush and lust feelings out of you that your Hubby doesn't bring out in you anymore. Look at it that way.

PLUS, take a giant step back and SEE the whole picture here. What bout your kids? Does he have kids too? What about your spouses? DO you think that realistically you two are meant to be together?

You don't need more time to figure out this friendship. The damage is done already, what needs to happen is for it to completely end.

Thanks. I am new here as of today with all of this on my mind. I am very worried about this MM. I feel like he is turning everthing around on me. I have been strung along. I spoke with him this evening and it did not go well. I am very sad right now. I have invested so much in just a short couple of months, although this all started about 1 year ago. His feeling's confuse me. One minute we speak and we are ok the next well I said the wrong thing. I know that we are both married and something MUST be lacking in our marriages for it to come to this. He say's he is afraid of the guilt involved if we take the relationship to the next level Then a day later it's about getting caught?? Is he confused??

SO, he isn't going to sacrifice himself for you. If need be, he'll say YOU came onto him and he didn't do anything wrong. He is messing with you abit. Wants to have his cake and eat it too.

He makes you feel special? Loved, desired, cared for? Well, what about your husband? Isn't that his job??? think about it...You're giving this OM priority over your husband. A man who really isn't sure wtf he really wants and is confused. Don't throw away your life for this crap. Each of you need to stop this and fix your marriages. I'm sure it will hurt but what you have to lose is so much greater. Your husband, your family as you know it, your honour, your trust. ALL down the toilet. Your children...Think of them right now too.

WOW! Thank's! I guess I am not as happy as I thought. I need to know more about this so called "Friendship. I am not sure what to do, I am very in love with the OM!!

What does the OM do or say that your husband doesn't?

also want to congratulate WWIU on being just 12 posts away from 10K

AP-

Listen to the Lion = Curm, he is a wise man and is leading you down the right road - especially if you want to look yourself in the mirror.

He seems to always be on target - so do NOT discount his advice. It has so much wisdom every time I read his input.....

Your choice though - honey - look in the mirror (yep, the catholic guilt coming out now).

Go back and put all the good energy into your husband/marriage......

Life is easier when the mind can rest.....

also want to congratulate WWIU on being just 12 posts away from 10K

Scary eh? Thanks for noticing the count though...(And go bug alpha about it! Hehehe...)