Dear Love...

My Beloved,

I've sat here for weeks questioning why you left. I've sat here for weeks silently crying for you. After...I say to myself, I will never shed another tear for you again. But when you walk into my dreams, I reach to hold you, only to find I'm left alone....to cry again.

Did I dissapoint you? Enough for you to hurt me the way you did? Was I not enough for you? Not enough to love me like I did? I know in my head that you had to do this for yourself, but in my heart I'll never truly understand. Everyone says life is unfair, and now I know exactly what they mean. Everyone says life is painful, and now I know exactly how it is.

You left me in despair and lonliness, but somehow I can't stop loving you. So illogical, but I guess the heart was never the logical one. At times I can't comprehend how the same mouth that has said the sweetest words, can be used to say the most hurtful things. I wish you were hurting too...only so that I knew that you cared.

Are you happy without me? Do you miss my touch? Are you doing fine? I truly wish you happiness...even if it costs me mine. I'll wait for you in my dreams, and I'll search for you in my mind. I'll wait a million lifetimes hoping in one, you I will find.

So goodbye my beloved, I'll miss you very much. As I walk this lonely journey, I'll become stronger day by day. But I'll never forget this beautiful chapter, in this lovely play.

Writing out your feelings is good therapy.

PLEASE, by all means do it here but never sent it to them, ever!

Great note UT -- but definitely don't send it to her! Did it help you feel better? I'm thinking of doing the same thing (writing a note and posting it to LS).

As much as I love(d) her, the email I've been "Drafting" the last few weeks is a little...different then yours. Scathing, raining fury type of words.

My heart still says the words you wrote though.

no...i am not going to send it.

i wrote it for therapy, and i dont know if it made me feel better. when i actually wrote it, it hurt. it may be therapeutic in the long run though.

Writing is cathargic!

Writing out your feelings is good therapy.

 

PLEASE, by all means do it here but never sent it to them, ever!

I'm curious CaliGuy or any one else who reads this, why is sending someone a beautiful letter which eloquently a bad idea to the person one considers their 'Dear Beloved?' Why is it a bad idea? If one's heart is broken how much more broken can it get from sending a letter which expresses your feelings open and honestly? If it's not sent as a means for looking for a result...but just the mere expression of your deepest feelings.

From a guys perspective, I am quick to say definitely dont send the letter...but what would a girl think of a letter like this.....somethimes they like that mushy stuff dont they?

Perhaps a letter like this is a nice ending to the realtionship?

spoke to my ex girlfriend and another female friend....they both said DO NOT SEND. It will make me look pathetic and I will loose dignity.

spoke to my ex girlfriend and another female friend....they both said DO NOT SEND. It will make me look pathetic and I will loose dignity.

I simply don't get that mindset...here is someone you feel to be Your Beloved, now unless you were from two different planets and she's got horns and a pitch fork, why would that letter make you look pathetic to her? She was your exgf...that doesn't make her unworthy of knowing your sentiments. I don't see why or how telling her your deepest heartfelt through that beautiful letter and lose dignity. Your dignity can't be taken away by expression your feelings. Of course if you were crying and drooling and grabbing her ankles that is something totally different. As for the opinion of your 'exgirlfriend' and other female friend, REALLY.. if they received that letter they would look down on their ex's for sending it or would it have made them feel exceptional. Perhaps your female friends want to protect you and think by telling you you'd looked pathetic might spare you hurt..but if your ex was not a total iceberg (and would you be calling an iceberg your beloved) how is being open and expressive a negative thing.

I'm curious CaliGuy or any one else who reads this, why is sending someone a beautiful letter which eloquently a bad idea to the person one considers their 'Dear Beloved?' Why is it a bad idea? If one's heart is broken how much more broken can it get from sending a letter which expresses your feelings open and honestly? If it's not sent as a means for looking for a result...but just the mere expression of your deepest feelings.

Because if they don't feel the same way about you they'll see it as a pathetic and begging. They don't really care about your feelings, at least not to the degree you would like, to let something like a love letter or expression of love effect them.

Think about someone you broke up with that you really just wanted to get away from. How would you feel if they poured their guts out to you? My guess is you'd feel sorry for them (not exactly something that inspires love), perhaps even see them as clingy and soft. Who knows.

As much of a closet romantic as I am, I would dare not pour my guts out to someone who doesn't feel the same way. Unless the feelings are mutual the letter will not be viewed upon in the manner in which it was intended.

Well, it may be a cut-above pathetic -- but writing a letter with this tone to someone who hurt you definitely exposes self-esteem issues, and people with low self-esteem at best elicit a quick feeling of guilt -- which is quickly followed by an internal confirmation that they were right not to have kept him/her.

Hey -- I'm the king of low self-esteem.... I just thank goodness that I've learned to keep it to myself while I improve my lot in life.

I simply don't get that mindset...here is someone you feel to be Your Beloved, now unless you were from two different planets and she's got horns and a pitch fork, why would that letter make you look pathetic to her? She was your exgf...that doesn't make her unworthy of knowing your sentiments. I don't see why or how telling her your deepest heartfelt through that beautiful letter and lose dignity. Your dignity can't be taken away by expression your feelings. Of course if you were crying and drooling and grabbing her ankles that is something totally different. As for the opinion of your 'exgirlfriend' and other female friend, REALLY.. if they received that letter they would look down on their ex's for sending it or would it have made them feel exceptional. Perhaps your female friends want to protect you and think by telling you you'd looked pathetic might spare you hurt..but if your ex was not a total iceberg (and would you be calling an iceberg your beloved) how is being open and expressive a negative thing.

In Sync, it's because she doesn't feel the same way as he does. Period.

UT,

I read the letter.

I have also been following your posts, although I had chosen to lay off until you finally seemed to be ready to hit 'rock bottom'.

And, with this letter, I can see you are about to do that, -finally.

Sometimes, it takes hanging on as stubbornly as you have to wear yourself down to a frazzle just so you have no where else to go but 'up'.

At some point, I think, judging from where you are, currently, in this, -it's about 'that time'.

I realize you haven't 'let go', and will continue to struggle with it for some time, yet, -and all of us have watched you put up a hell of a fight, -but you have to realize, as some of us have already determined, that she, -your lovely, lovely lady- isn't the 'one'.

Sure, she was the one who broke you in two, -but she damn sure isn't the one you will be with 20 years from now, helping you raise your grandchildren.

I think that point is pretty clear.

Even to you, somewhere on the inside of you.

I know it's hell having to deal with yourself in the shape she has left you in, -but really, -I swear- you will not only survive it, and get past it, -you'll actually be able to look at it alot differently, someday.

If you're shaking your head at that statement, you're certainly not alone, there's at least a million more broken hearts today than there were yesterday, shaking their's, too, -and still desperately hoping, still desperatly clinging, and still dead sure, that they'll never heal from their pain, and never love anyone, ever again.

Truth is, there may be a few out there who never did much to recover the person who God intended for them to be the rest of their lives; a few of them just stayed in the 'grieving hole', ignored every other chance for love they encountered, and just rotted like unpicked fruit in a field.

Thing is, -even rotting fruit has a chance at regeneration, those who just lock down and never try to grow past the hurt they feel, just lie there and feed their own selfish pity.

You are a grown man, and, I believe, one who possesses enough intelligence and worthy traits to be out there, at least, trying to become a part of the real world, again.

You are obviously a 'giver', and although you have learned the characteristic of giving can be abused, (if you let it), -the world doesn't have enough of your kind out there, -and that's where you need to be.

It'll be good for you, -and for those you encounter.

You have alot of wisdom under your belt, now, -and a helluva lot of good to offer.

I don't know if I have said anything here, that will stick in your mind or not, -but all of it came from my own life experiences, -and from my heart, -I hope you know that.

Now, I know you aren't going to run right out and shout 'Holy Jeezus! -I'm healed!', -but the least you could do is get up off the couch, grab your jacket, and go have a beer with a friend (anyone, someone), -who might need what you know more than you do, now.

Note: I'll bet if you think on it for two seconds, you'll think of somebody.

Everything you are, UT, everything you've learned is worth sharing.

Do it.

We always save the best for last, this is my best to you.

(Smile)

Take Care.

And Hugs.

-Rio

I wrote the letter for therapeutic purposes. It was never my intention to send it to her. I needed to express my thoughts. and I agree...if I did send the letter, it would make her feel sorry for me. And I do not need her to feel sorry for me.

Ditto.

-Rio

I wish you were hurting too...only so that I knew that you cared.

 

I truly wish you happiness...even if it costs me mine.

UT, can you explain this? I mean, if you really want her to be happy, why would also wish her to be hurting?

The more you write out your thoughts, the better you will feel. It is a process and writing helps it along. Also, it gives you some sort of closure.

Glad that you didn't send it to her.

jen jen...i guess those two statements together are a bit oxymoronic. but what i mean is that i truly do want her to be happy in her future endeavors. i want her to succeed and i want her to have a happy life. but i just want to know that she hurts a little too from the break up...just to know that she once loved me. thats all.

UT, can you explain this? I mean, if you really want her to be happy, why would also wish her to be hurting?

I have the same feelings. I wish he were a little sad jusst to know he cared at all during the R. but I do wish him all the happiness eventhough it won't be with me.