i think he wants to get back with me?

i posted here a couple of months ago about my breakup. here's an update.

begging on my part didn't work (did that ages ago) so i did NC for about a month. yesterday was the first time i spoke to him again. we talked on msn.

he asked if i got a new boyfriend or f'uck buddies and kept asking that over and over again. then he tells me that after we broke up, he hasn't even touched another girl. (i didn't give him a straight answer. he thinks i have been f'ucking people but i haven't and has been telling himself that.)

he also said, "so my relationship meant nothing to you?"

then he told me that every time he sees an asian girl, it reminds him of me and the fun times we had.

then he adds, "i seriously wish i never met you."

then, "do you still have the same number as before?" i told him my sim card expired (which is true). then he says, "well that explains a few things." (i don't know if he contacted me by phone or not because my phone is broken so i have had it turned off for the past month or so.)

then he says, "you weren't telling me the truth, and i'm in a rush to find out how you've been, what's changed."

i told him to contact me when he's less fu'cked up. then he tells me that he got caught cutting his arm. (LOL)

then he says, "all i wanted to know was if you were seeing your buddies again or not and you wouldn't tell me."

i asked if he got his feelings back for me and he says, "no i don't. maybe one day i might tell you my whole reasoning and truth behind what i do, and the way you and i have been. or maybe one day you will realise."

then finally he adds, "you think i used you for sex and you ask me if i have feelings for you? have you been smoking weed? deep down i have feelings yeah cause to me it wasn't just sex. but those aren't strong feelings, well what you think they are."

so if he doesn't have "strong" feelings for me, why does he care who i'm seeing/f'ucking? why did he hurt himself? how come he doesn't mention getting back with me or that he misses me or anything like that? what's going through his head? what can i do to lure him back to me?

Dear iheartyou,

Re: " what can i do to lure him back to me? "

This is not a fishing expedition (or is it?), -you are not a fishing lure, bait, bobble, string, -or anything else from a tackle box.

Or is that what you want to be?

If your answer is a mind-blowing 'yes', then ask yourself what you are getting.

Unless you are both serious about having a real. worthwhile, and meaningful relationship, I suggest the two of you stop using what you think are cleverly disguised provocative comments to obtain information from each other that is none of your business, and jabbing each other with rather nasty little comments.

Cut the drama.

It sounds like it's over and was probably never meant to be, in the first place.

Chalk this one up to getting experience you will use in the future.

One of the reasons it probably isn't a good idea to pursue this relationship is that neither one of you sound like you have developed effective skills in dealing with both your personal problems as well as your relationship problems, which, by the way, -according to your post- probably was based on physical attraction (sex) to begin with.

Sex, although very important in close relationships, is not a good basis for a long-term, deeply loving, caring, partnership.

Without the growing , in-depth recognition, and sincere appreciation of who you, and your partner truly are as individuals, and the reciprocation of that from him/her back to you, there is little hope in forming a union that will last beyond the first lover's quarrels, nor survival past the first future personal growth spurts from one partner, and not the other.

Mature relationships do not happen overnight.

And they certainly do not happen just because you suddenly turn legal age.

Mature relationships happen through experience, so no one expects you to have the 'formula' just yet.

You will live through a few failures before discovering what you are truly looking for, -what really works for you- and what doesn't.

If you are lucky, you will not have to go through a dozen 'practice relationships' to find out your preferences and gain your experience.

It is important, tho, -not to tag any new relationship with the negativity from previous failures, and to never compromise your most basic core requirements, however, do use the positive wisdom you have gained to infuse the possibility of greater successes.

I hope this has helped you some, so far.

I do want to speak on one other issue before I go: it is the thing about your boyfriend cutting himself.

Whether he did this horrible thing to himself or not, is still (in my mind) questionable, due to his need to get your attention.

However, if he did, indeed, cut himself, read on:

Cutting yourself can be a serious sign of mental illness, and is brought on by the need to express excruciating emotional pain, -BUT- lately, over the last few years, there has been a growing trend in cutting as a means of attracting attention in those who have no mental illness, at all.

It has simply become a popular thing to do to make someone look twice, (as is similar in the illness), and is used -especially- in younger dating relationships where there are all sorts of immaturity showing, and the presence of some emotional pain, or the ache of heartbreak, and separation.

This horrifying growing trend has confused the presence of the illness associated with cutting so much that it has caused professionals to have to look even more closely at the specific reasons for the cutting in order to distinguish it into it's proper category.

Young adults and those who are college-age are mostly the trendy 'pseudo' cutters, and with all the problems that are naturally present during that age in becoming individuals and with 'finding; themselves, it is really not surprising, at all, that such a trend would crop up to become confused with the genuinely associated mental illness.

If it is real, it is treatable.

If it is just a silly act, -a hoax- it is an uncomprehensible, irresponsible, and unforgivable act.

Consider this when planning your next 'fishing trip' with this young man.

Take Care.

-Rio