MM with MW

Hi all,

Here is the situation. On my 2nd marriage and wife and relationship is healthy and stable. Back on the day before thanksgiving I was at bar with my friends and baskicly started talking to a MW who I always viewed as a "friend of a friend"

So we were drinking, talking and having a good time and before we knew it we were dancing and kissing. Then suddenly I get the 3rd degree and she starts questioning me about my wife and our marriage so in turn I started questioning her about her husband and got called mother f--ker, ahole, etc.. so then i assumed the night ended on a sour note.

Fine! So I thought. Yesterday the same MW showed up at the bar, we said hi to each other and we were friendly and the same thing happened. We talked, we drank, we danced and started making out again. The questions started again but then she asked me "Why did you go off and get married again without telling me, dont you know that i love you? Your such an a--hole" and proceeded to smack me and start punching me in the arm. then she topped it off with a kiss

Needless to say i was stunned.

What am i missing here? We are both married, we are both attacted to each other, neither of us will leave our spouse but yet she keeps insisting that I am the root of all evil and her problems in her life. Both of us refuse to give in and give a phone number or email to contact each other.

Does anyone care to shed some light on this situation just in case i run into her again?

Don't ever talk to this woman again. She is bad news, has it in for you (probably has been after you for a while, judging by her messed up comments and actions about you being evil etc...WTF is that? Weird...

Oh and hello!! You are married! WHY are you going out to bars, dancing with women and making out with them?? Don't you have any self control?? Arggggggggg. Focus the energy you have into your wife. Not this crazy lady! She is fcking with your head and something isn't right with her. I bet she probably would tell your wife what's been going on. Be careful!!! And please, stop going out to bars without your wife. Start taking her with you.

DO NOT email, talk with or see that MW. You will regret it.

Ummm, she sounds like a peanut looking for butter. A bit nutty to say.

I don't know anything about your situation, but you said that she is a friend of a friend. If that's the case, how did she come to love you? What does she know about you besides your face, shape and the inside of your mouth?

Like WWIU said, she is nothing but trouble. Drama queen who will drag you down with her. She is looking for attention - your attention. If you weren't married, would she do the same thing? Or is it just a bar-thrill to her? A little challenge in seducing (in a WEIRD way) a married man?

Unless you are bored with your life, looking for drama and a 3rd marriage, stay away from her. I wouldn't go to that bar without your W again.

Does anyone care to shed some light on this situation just in case i run into her again?

Hello CastorTroy.

Well, let's see... you're out on your own in a bar chatting to a woman who's drinking and seems to be going through some personal problems. You chat to her enough and presumably closely and sympathetically that not only have you 'made out' with her once, which might be written off as a HUGE mistake... but you've gone back and done the same thing again.

So... what do you think you could do to solve the 'problem'?

thanks for the replys. It sounds stupid but getting feedback from "strangers" is refreshing and probably the most honest opinions available.

My Other I,

As far as i know this MW knows my name, one of buddys (who invited her to celebrate his birthday) my ex wife (they went to high school together but never talked), and that i got remarried. And nothing else. Somehow that was enough for her to fall in love with me. Now if i wasnt married, Ill be honest i would have gone for the kill. I did mention that I find her very attractive.

Also the thought of scoring with MW would provide a "no strings attached" type of deal. I know, I know, I was wrong.

Sami D,

What you are suggesting is easier said then done. I could just as easily stop going out to the bar and stop drinking. That would mean basicly stop going out with my friends who i have known for over 15 years.

My wife is very understanding, almost too understanding where she doenst care if i go out the bar. My wife doesnt drink so she doesnt even want to go the bar. She also doesnt want to keep me away from my friends the one day a week I go out with them.

I put myself in a bad situation and now im wondering if it is even worth mentioning this situation to my wife

If you tell your wife, she might set you straight. It's probably a good idea. You will see the hurt in her eyes and think twice before boinking some attractive bimbo that falls in love with someone she doesn't know.

Like I said, she is desperate for attention and is very selfish. Don't fall for her silly game. Go for the kill and end up being a road kill.

Thanks mom

Boinking a bimbo

Nice one

Sorry, didn't mean to offend you.

From your description I have a really funny feeling about that woman, I picture her as one of the bar ladies dancing and getting all silly.

I just offered my honest opinion. You said you have a good marriage, so why don't you keep it that way.

You make your own decision, I just say what I see from the info available.

Really, no offense.

No offense taken at all

im just messin with you

its a relief to get this off my chest

but i dont think im going to mention this to my wife

the last time i was 100% honest with my ex wife she became just that my exwife. And the worst part is she left me for another man while i remained 100% faithful.

but thats a different post

Sami D,

What you are suggesting is easier said then done. I could just as easily stop going out to the bar and stop drinking. That would mean basicly stop going out with my friends who i have known for over 15 years.

My wife is very understanding, almost too understanding where she doenst care if i go out the bar. My wife doesnt drink so she doesnt even want to go the bar. She also doesnt want to keep me away from my friends the one day a week I go out with them.

 

I put myself in a bad situation and now im wondering if it is even worth mentioning this situation to my wife

I didn't suggest anything, I asked you if you could manage things differently. Going to the bar with friends doesn't equate to spending time talking to this woman and getting off with her. I can't imagine your wife has that in mind when she waves you off in the evening for your night out.

I think there are positive things you can do here to stop your mind going in this direction (and it is your mind, your thoughts... because every dodgy bar has half-cut women looking to get some sex, and it is easy enough NOT to go down that route IF you don't have the intention!).

You talk about telling your wife, and you say she's too understanding. Then there is something about your last marriage that ended because of your being open about something. This is the real issue here, I think. I'm not quite sure exactly what it is, but something needs to be seen to in the R with your W. Some kind of re-connection needs to happen... Before you go too far with this other woman, or someone else. Any ideas? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

CT-

Well, I'm likely to be a bit harsh here...my apologies if I offend, but I'm a firm believer in being up front and I also feel that sometimes a good bonk in the head can sometimes wake someone up.

You commented that the last time you were "completely honest" with your wife...she became your ex-wife.

This should be a HUGE red flag about your behavior...PERIOD. If you can't tell your wife the truth about how you act, what you do, etc...then why are you married in the first place? IMHO, if you can't remain honest and faithful, you should divorce her and let her be with someone who WILL be these things for her. Remember, you PROMISED to do so with you wedding vows.

Bluntly, you vowed that you would 'forsake all others'...at least if you did the normal vows. But now, you're willing to pursue others...you're willing to put yourself in an environment that would enable this to happen...and won't stop because you'll lose out on your friends. Which are more important to you...your wife or your friends? Your promises to your wife, or your implied promises to your friends?

Bluntly, you need to seriously consider what you want here...and you need to start taking some active measures to get what you want. If you want to have a woman without any 'strings attached'...get divorced. If you want to be married...then do what you need to do in order to maintain that marriage...and to make it even BETTER for you and your wife.

As far as this other lady...obviously the two of you cannot be trusted together, and your 'friends' aren't going to do anything to support your marriage. What do YOU think you should do here?

BTW...I'm posting from the viewpoint of a man who's been married for 18+ years...faithfully. Have I ever been tempted to cheat...heck ya! I know how complicated things can get...but I've also taken great care to keep myself from as many of these situations as I can.

Owl

you hit it right on the button

The two of us cant be trusted together so the best i could do is stay away from the bar scene for a while. I wish i had more self control. but what you and others are asking/telling is like telling a crack addict to stop smoking crack or telling an alcoholic not to take a drink. I have always had a thing for other women and suppressed those desired for over 10 years with my first wife.

So going back to my exwife. This is hard to say but she was the love of my life and broke my heart when she left me. Not putting 100% of the blame on her but she tossed a 10 year relationship down the drain in a matter of 1 week and I never saw it coming. She basicly left me for her 1st cousin who she visited in another country. I was left with mortgage which i couldnt afford by myself, my clothes and a mattress. I nearly lost my house because of what she did. Do you think i ever got an explaination? No!

Now put yourself in my shoes for a minute. What would you do if you your wife of 18 years came home and said "guess what? im leaving you, dont ever try to contact me again, bye!"

You can say that will never happen to you, and it probably wont, but dont think for a minute this stuff doesnt happen every day.

LOL...my friend, I've been EXACTLY there!!!

Please, take a look at my story over on the infidelity thread.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/

So what I'm asking you is if you've been in that pain before, why on Earth would you be so foolish as to risk putting your CURRENT wife in this kind of pain?!?!?

All of us 'have a thing for other women'. ALL men look. The difference is that most of us know our limits and don't allow ourselves to be placed in a situation where we'd be foolish enough to get in trouble. I personally don't go to clubs and such for exactly that reason.

Time to start working on your CURRENT marriage, IMHO.

Question...what does a crack addict do when they hit bottom and realize the depths of their problem???

Answer...they turn to those that love them and ASK FOR HELP. They realize that they're going to have a tough time of it for a while, but they get the help they need by enlisting the aid of those who love them...even those that they've hurt with their addiction!

Time to turn to your wife for help...

Point made and well taken

thank you

I have some advice:

Avoid her like the plague...she sounds VERY unstable

All of us 'have a thing for other women'. ALL men look. The difference is that most of us know our limits and don't allow ourselves to be placed in a situation where we'd be foolish enough to get in trouble. I personally don't go to clubs and such for exactly that reason.

 

Time to start working on your CURRENT marriage, IMHO.

 

Question...what does a crack addict do when they hit bottom and realize the depths of their problem???

 

Answer...they turn to those that love them and ASK FOR HELP. They realize that they're going to have a tough time of it for a while, but they get the help they need by enlisting the aid of those who love them...even those that they've hurt with their addiction!

 

Time to turn to your wife for help...

I'll ditto this. You HAVE to start looking at your marriage. The Other Woman in the bar is just a symptom, not the problem.