Gf wants to wait till marriage when she's not a virgin

Sure, she's making a choice about her body. Someone who gets a big hairy penis tattooed on their forehead is also making a choice about their body. Just because you are "making a choice about your body" does not mean you can not be ridiculed for it.

exactly. i don't buy it.

normal, rational people don't make huge changes in their behavior to compensate for their perceived past misdeeds.

they are content with who they are and find similar people to associate with.

Originally Posted by FredRutherford As can't edit-in this, want to add:

Of course, she's no longer a "virgin," but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a say on if or when we ML.

I wouldn't think it hypocritical on her part if she wanted to wait, despite her not being virginal anymore....

 

Now, if she lectured me on how important it is to wait (when she didn't with another guy, neither did I), that'd be something else....

 

Didn't "expect" her to give me sex. It wasn't "assumed" we'd have sex merely bec. we'd dated for X amount of time..

 

I couldn't force myself on her and wouldn't want to.

I wanted a willing partner.

And I believe I would have been patient with her.

 

It's always up to the other partner and that other person's boundaries anyway.

and i'm gonna guess that she's the one who initiated the break up, right?

As a matter of fact, it was her who broke off our 1.5 yr. relationship.

Why would you think that?

I felt her withdrawl, and even tried to start up with someone else I knew when I was younger.

Believe me, would've left had this other woman given me the go-ahead, but of course, stayed right where I was and watched the relationship slowly fade away....

The LTR woman clearly wasn't the one for me anyway.

Of course, new to relationships in my mid-late 20s, I was no catch either, naive and made a lot of mistakes.

She once told me she loved me (during a passionate moment) then 5 mins. later asked if she could "take it back.":mad:

That and some other things made me realize this wasn't the woman for me.

This was a woman I started dating through a col-call...

Am glad I didn't end up with her.

Posted that story to say there are reasons someone might not want to get sexually involved.

Lifestyle choices, like not drinking to excess or not having sex with everyone you date, that's a world of difference compared to a stupid tatoo or music or car preferences...

Yeah Fred summed it up well here. Getting a tattoo of a penis on your head isn't the same as not drinking or having sex.

No one here is saying the OP doesn't have the right to not agree with her choice. He does. He is free to do with himself what he wants. But the girl in the scene here doesn't deserve to be put down for this choice either. It comes down to anything else in a relationship. Your compatability. And this difference between the OP and the girl just might mean they aren't compatible.

Tell her you will wait until marriage but you arent going to spend a penny on her until then.

exactly. i don't buy it.

 

normal, rational people don't make huge changes in their behavior to compensate for their perceived past misdeeds.

 

they are content with who they are and find similar people to associate with.

Yeah. Normal, rational people keep engaging in the same behavior over and over again even if it isn't working for them.

She could be content with who she is. Her choice to not let sex enter into her relationship until marriage says nothing about contentment.

And in all honesty, people make huge changes in their lives everday when they want huge changes in their lives. That's called life.

Yeah. Normal, rational people keep engaging in the same behavior over and over again even if it isn't working for them.

 

She could be content with who she is. Her choice to not let sex enter into her relationship until marriage says nothing about contentment.

 

And in all honesty, people make huge changes in their lives everday when they want huge changes in their lives. That's called life.

Yeah maybe, but it still sounds pretty fishy. Cultural and religious upbringing can impact someone's decisions about sex, but even then most people have a sex drive that they eventually give in to. I've dated plenty of women who come from pretty conservative cultures that frown on premarital sex, but even they ended up having a desire for sex.

I'd drop her like a hot potato, if I was the OP.

Yeah maybe, but it still sounds pretty fishy. Cultural and religious upbringing can impact someone's decisions about sex, but even then most people have a sex drive that they eventually give in to. I've dated plenty of women who come from pretty conservative cultures that frown on premarital sex, but even they ended up having a desire for sex.

 

I'd drop her like a hot potato, if I was the OP.

Most people have a desire for sex. Sex is "healthy". But it's only health in a healthy environment.

Men talk alot about how women use sex as a weapon. From this thread,it actually sounds like men are using it as a weapon. Have sex with me or forget it attitude.

normal, rational people don't make huge changes in their behavior to compensate for their perceived past misdeeds.

Actually, that is exactly what normal, rational people do--identify what is not working, and change it!

Most people have a desire for sex. Sex is "healthy". But it's only health in a healthy environment.

 

Men talk alot about how women use sex as a weapon. From this thread,it actually sounds like men are using it as a weapon. Have sex with me or forget it attitude.

I'm not saying she should change her mind solely for the OP, but it does sound fishy. There's really no two ways around it. Maybe she's sincere, maybe she isn't. But, a guy has to protect himself from being used and/or hurt. It's very similar to being that guy who hangs around a girl who's "not yet ready for a relationship". Usually, that means she forgot to add "with you".

I wonder how many men on this thread have regretted having sex with someone?

I'm willing to bet that is MUCH more common among women than men.

Maybe that is why men feel it is "fishy" that a woman who has had dating sex in the past would change her approach to dating sex in the future.

I wonder how many men on this thread have regretted having sex with someone?

 

I'm willing to bet that is MUCH more common among women than men.

 

Maybe that is why men feel it is "fishy" that a woman who has had dating sex in the past would change her approach to dating sex in the future.

Why would anyone regret having sex with someone? It's experience, it's about getting to know the other person. Would you ever regret a kiss?

Actually, that is exactly what normal, rational people do--identify what is not working, and change it!

Not so drastically though. I think most healthy people gently tweak their approach when it comes to changing something about themselves. Having sex with 6 different men and then moving on to no sex and not much physical intimacy would indicate a person who is completely unhappy with her previous experiences and doesn't have a very sensible way of approaching the problem.

Lifestyle choices, like not drinking to excess or not having sex with everyone you date, that's a world of difference compared to a stupid tatoo or music or car preferences...

A lifestyle change that goes from one extreme to another seem perfectly logical & healthy to you?

Seriously?

A lifestyle change that goes from one extreme to another seem perfectly logical & healthy to you?

 

Seriously?

When did having sex with 6 men become an extreme?

When did deciding not to have sex become an extreme?

Why would anyone regret having sex with someone? It's experience, it's about getting to know the other person. Would you ever regret a kiss?

*controversial personal opinion disclaimer*

Because some people find it difficult to detach from their emotions, they allow themselves to be controlled by them and as a result of this overload they invest it into particular areas, including sex. They emotionally invest in the people they have sex with, they have a very difficult time separating sex with emotions. Those kind of people will have a hard time if they are easily led into sex too early with people that don't invest the same, and if they find they're not compatible or are just out for the pump and dump, then it can be very messy and hurt people. I made a vow when I left boys school (what an innocent pup I was ) to never be a heartbreaker. I still follow this as part of my code, I always make plans to leave things amicable and before it gets messy. I will probably fail sometimes, but hey, that's life. I am capable of dealing with it.

I wonder how many men on this thread have regretted having sex with someone?

 

I'm willing to bet that is MUCH more common among women than men.

 

Maybe that is why men feel it is "fishy" that a woman who has had dating sex in the past would change her approach to dating sex in the future.

We're talking about two people in a relationship having sex, not having sex on the third date or some nonsense. In the modern Western world most people who are in a relationship are sexually active, probably because most people can date for months or years before marrying and for many that's a long time to remain celibate, and because sexual desire has a way of making things happen between two people.

It would be one thing if she said "I'd like to date for a while before having sex" rather than waiting for marriage. Most guys who will use a woman for sex won't be sticking around for 3+ months, I think at this point OP's gf would be ok having sex with him if her worry is about being used. To me, either a) she's sleeping with other guys b) she's dealing with a lot of things regarding sex and how she feels c) it's a test or d) she's sincere. I think d is the least likely here. And for me abstinence before marriage would be a deal breaker, as it would be for many women too I'm sure (just in case you wanted to bring gender into it again).

I wonder how many men on this thread have regretted having sex with someone?

 

I'm willing to bet that is MUCH more common among women than men.

 

Maybe that is why men feel it is "fishy" that a woman who has had dating sex in the past would change her approach to dating sex in the future.

and how many women regret spending time with a man platonically for months before they hopped into bed with Brad Pitts stunt double?

I'm willing to bet more men regret being in this situation than women.

You need to look at both sides. You are only looking at it from the woman's perspective & ignoring the man's side of it.

Men want sex, women want all the rest. You cannot compare the 2 at all.

So in this situation the OP is giving his GF everything she wants & he is not getting what he wants.

This isn't a true relationship because his needs are not being met while he is meeting her needs.

Not so drastically though. I think most healthy people gently tweak their approach when it comes to changing something about themselves. Having sex with 6 different men and then moving on to no sex and not much physical intimacy would indicate a person who is completely unhappy with her previous experiences and doesn't have a very sensible way of approaching the problem.

Oh, I def agree with you here.

And I think no sex until marriage is a terrible idea. I said upthread that I would never marry under those conditions.

But the stance strikes me as an honest reaction to unhappiness with prior experiences, and not an attempt to use the op.

Still, she probably isn't the girl for him....

I'm not saying she should change her mind solely for the OP, but it does sound fishy. There's really no two ways around it. Maybe she's sincere, maybe she isn't. But, a guy has to protect himself from being used and/or hurt. It's very similar to being that guy who hangs around a girl who's "not yet ready for a relationship". Usually, that means she forgot to add "with you".

It sounds like a few men feel entitled to sex. That women don't offer anything but that. So if a man isn't getting sex, there is no point in getting to know a woman. That it's not so much about mutual pleasure and fun.

aj22one;3802863]We're talking about two people in a relationship having sex, not having sex on the third date or some nonsense. In the modern Western world most people who are in a relationship are sexually active, probably because most people can date for months or years before marrying and for many that's a long time to remain celibate, and because sexual desire has a way of making things happen between two people.

And...and look how good modern Western world relationships are. It must be because of all the "sex".

and how many women regret spending time with a man platonically for months before they hopped into bed with Brad Pitts stunt double?

 

I'm willing to bet more men regret being in this situation than women.

 

You need to look at both sides. You are only looking at it from the woman's perspective & ignoring the man's side of it.

 

Men want sex, women want all the rest. You cannot compare the 2 at all.

 

So in this situation the OP is giving his GF everything she wants & he is not getting what he wants.

 

This isn't a true relationship because his needs are not being met while he is meeting her needs.

I am looking at both sides.

He should not be with her if the relationship is not meeting his current needs. Period.

When did having sex with 6 men become an extreme?

 

When did deciding not to have sex become an extreme?

Going from having sex in a relationship to waiting for marriage in the next relationship is an extreme.

Sex / no sex.

That is an extreme. Two sides of the coin. Black & white.

 

Men want sex, women want all the rest. You cannot compare the 2 at all.

 

So in this situation the OP is giving his GF everything she wants & he is not getting what he wants.

 

This isn't a true relationship because his needs are not being met while he is meeting her needs.

Well, so thats that. Men just want sex.

How do you know the OP is giving his GF everything she wants? Who said he is meeting her needs? Clearly he isn't because they disagree on this issue. And who knows if he is even emotionally meeting her needs. We don't really know that.

It sounds like a few men feel entitled to sex. That women don't offer anything but that. So if a man isn't getting sex, there is no point in getting to know a woman. That it's not so much about mutual pleasure and fun.

OP stuck around for 2 months already, if he was "entitled" don't ya think he would have found a better gig somewhere else? For the sex entitled, there's a wide variety of promiscuous women, and prostitutes to frequent (I'm sure you're against the latter).

Read the OP again. She isn't a virgin, she's had sex before. In normal, non-religious parts of the world people generally have sex prior to marriage. For a wide variety of reasons. Someone who has had sex in the past without being married and then suddenly changes their mind as soon as they start dating you does sound fishy. You're barking up the wrong "sex entitlement" tree here.

And...and look how good modern Western world relationships are. It must be because of all the "sex".

Mine is pretty good. Sure, there's sex, but also hanging out while handing out Ron Paul fliers. Then there's making dinner together on Thursday nights, that's always fun. I'm not exactly sure where you were going with this comment, but I think it's pretty clear that it's pretty silly. Go live in your bizarre sexless world if you want, the rest of us are going to continue our daily lives.