I want revenge, don't know how, but he'll pay!!

I agree 100%, God knows what I was thinking a few hours ago, have had a chance to cool down, am just going to let go...the person I loved is gone, and this is not the person I love/know...

Sometimes I wish there was a "Like" button on LS. I'm glad you've found the strength to be the better person in this situation

I figure that someone who hurts you obviously has their own reasons for doing it; maybe they have problems of some sort, and maybe you should feel sorry for them rather than hating them because they obviously lack the ability to be a decent person. He probably didn't want to hurt you as much as he did; he probably just wanted the relationship to be over and didn't handle it well.

My ex is totally incapable of love and commitment; it's over a decade since he dumped me and he's still unable to have a loving, committed, unselfish relationship. It's kind of sad; I have a loving relationship which makes me really happy, and I don't think he'll ever have that. My other ex is just not a nice person; he goes through life full of venom and spite, and I feel saddened by his lack of compassion and decency. I forgive them for hurting me and hope that one day they can resolve their issues and be happy. I'm just glad I found out what they were like before my life was ruined by marrying them and having a couple of kids! I'm free to be with a good person instead, which can only be a good thing.

Hi Nini I understand how you feel as I've struggled with this too. Its easy for someone to say forgive and move on, but its much harder to actually do. There was an article on baggage reclaim explaining this. Forgiveness implies that the person actually apologised to you, but in our cases that never happened. I understand what you're going through, I did everything right and my ex hurt me like hell and for some reason never showed remorse or regreted it.

Forget any apologies (if wishes were horses!!), he will not even accept that a single fight in the 4 year relationship was because he could have possibly done something wrong. No way! He blames all problems (especially his own which have nothing to do with me like eating too much and not losing weight, or not being able to quite smoking, or not being able to finish his thesis), all those things are somehow my fault. To him, he is perfect, blameless, flawless.

Towards the end of the relationship even a simple sentence from me like 'Ok, we have to be there for 6pm, dont be late baby' was interpreted as controlling, attacking, criticising. Its laughable isnt it?

If I casually mentioned 'Oh my sister and brother-in-law who live in Toronto are going to watch the IIFA awards, I'm so jealous' it would be interpreted as comparing, and saying that our relationship was not good enough, and our lives were not exciting etc. Can you believe it?

I dont know whether thats because of his low self-esteem or because of what he views me as...but I guess it doesnt matter coz I thought I could make him see that all those things are not true, but as they say, you cant change a person or his thinking.

I'm feeling much much better right now (hitting weird highs again), but I know in 2-3 days I'll be back to I miss him, etc. But yeah, its just an addiction. The past is irrelevant, the future is in my hands, and I know that my future without him will be soooo much better than with him.

Trust me I'd like nothing more than to get revenge. I never felt so much rage for someone. I'd love someone to do the same to my ex as he has never had someone do this to him before. I would dream about taking revenge on him. But if you did it only makes you look like the pyscho. And it only further proves that dumping you was the right thing to do.

Feeling really low at the moment again...just thinking/wishing maybe if I had done things differently, acted differently, this whole relationship would have been so different right now.

He used to be so in love with me, why did I go so wrong and make his love go away? Can I never get back the guy whom I loved more than life itself? All those memories, how do I let go? Its so hard. I wish I felt different...I'm trying to, but letting go of all those hopes/dreams/promises is sooo hard.

Feeling really low at the moment again...just thinking/wishing maybe if I had done things differently, acted differently, this whole relationship would have been so different right now.

He used to be so in love with me, why did I go so wrong and make his love go away? Can I never get back the guy whom I loved more than life itself? All those memories, how do I let go? Its so hard. I wish I felt different...I'm trying to, but letting go of all those hopes/dreams/promises is sooo hard.

Nini it is so hard! Really there is nothing people can say to you right now, to take away your hurt and pain. Wouldn't it be great in life, if we never had to endure heartbreak and that relationships were simple and fun!!

Getting over a heartbreak is a huge test of character. There are a few things I used to do when I am feeling like you are right now. Write a letter(s) to your ex, pouring your heart and soul into it (but NEVER sent it). Also, write a journal and put in the first thing that comes to your mind (don't edit it). If you dont feel like doing this, maybe take a long walk or a workout.

A few books to read -> "Getting past your breakup"

-> "I can mend your broken heart"

Here is a great post from Heartofaphoenix in another thread. This is something I was very sceptical about a few months ago, but now it's great technique to use, when I am overcome with a strong emotion..

"Meditation

find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale)

after you have focused on your breathing for about a minute, imagine yourself in a VERY relaxing place (most comfortable chair, lying on the beach, ect... ect...)

after you reach this relaxing place, just let your mind wonder. don't fight any thought that comes to your head just let it go through your mind and then let it go (kind of like you are watching a parade of your emotions as they approach you and eventually go out of sight).

I did this for about 10 minutes per day after my break up. Even when I wasn't experiencing bad emotions

The Release Technique

find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale)

after you focus on your breathing for about a minute, Think of a situation that evokes a POWERFUL emotional response. Allow yourself to feel that emotion for a few seconds.

Now ask yourself these questions:

Could you Allow yourself to feel this emotion? and answer Yes or No

Could you Try to let it go? answer yes or no (is it possible that you could try to let it go?)

Could you Hold onto it? yes or no (if you say yes, you gain the power of knowing that you are holding onto it on purpose)

Then go back to Could you Try to let it go? yes or no

Now if you answered Yes to could you try to let it go, now ask yourself: When?

This should allow you to see that you are intentionally holding onto toxic emotions, and in doing so will help you get rid of them. If it doesn't work for you the first time you do this try again tomorrow. this technique doesn't work for everyone on the first try. It is recommended that you do this technique at least 3 times on 3 separate days before you give up on it."

Sadly this is suffering you just have to go through Nini. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. It's a horrible experience, getting over a broken heart. All we want is that person we feel in love with to come back. The person we saw our futures with. It's very hard to accept when you are so hurt, that the person we feel in love with is either gone or (more likely) not the person we thought they were.

One day Nini you will meet a guy who you are WAY more compatible with. Someone who will never let you down like your ex did. The suffering you are going through now (as lame as this sounds) will help you grow as a person. When the right guy comes (and it's WHEN) you will just know it and not only that you will appreciate it so much more. When you have had suffering, you learn how to appreciate the good things in life when they come. Just hang in there. My sister lives in Wantage (near Oxford), I wished she lived in Cambridge . She'd have taken care of you..

Nini -I think a part of me will always want revenge. I haven't seen any advice yet that says to dump someone in the worst possible way, is somehow ok.

Mack- Its great that you went to therapy to sort out issues, I don't know many people who would do this.

Nini it is so hard! Really there is nothing people can say to you right now, to take away your hurt and pain. Wouldn't it be great in life, if we never had to endure heartbreak and that relationships were simple and fun!!

 

Getting over a heartbreak is a huge test of character. There are a few things I used to do when I am feeling like you are right now. Write a letter(s) to your ex, pouring your heart and soul into it (but NEVER sent it). Also, write a journal and put in the first thing that comes to your mind (don't edit it). If you dont feel like doing this, maybe take a long walk or a workout.

 

A few books to read -> "Getting past your breakup"

-> "I can mend your broken heart"

 

Here is a great post from Heartofaphoenix in another thread. This is something I was very sceptical about a few months ago, but now it's great technique to use, when I am overcome with a strong emotion..

 

"Meditation

find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale)

 

after you have focused on your breathing for about a minute, imagine yourself in a VERY relaxing place (most comfortable chair, lying on the beach, ect... ect...)

 

after you reach this relaxing place, just let your mind wonder. don't fight any thought that comes to your head just let it go through your mind and then let it go (kind of like you are watching a parade of your emotions as they approach you and eventually go out of sight).

 

 

I did this for about 10 minutes per day after my break up. Even when I wasn't experiencing bad emotions

 

 

The Release Technique

 

find a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing (think "IN" when you inhale, think "OUT" when you exhale)

 

after you focus on your breathing for about a minute, Think of a situation that evokes a POWERFUL emotional response. Allow yourself to feel that emotion for a few seconds.

 

Now ask yourself these questions:

Could you Allow yourself to feel this emotion? and answer Yes or No

Could you Try to let it go? answer yes or no (is it possible that you could try to let it go?)

Could you Hold onto it? yes or no (if you say yes, you gain the power of knowing that you are holding onto it on purpose)

Then go back to Could you Try to let it go? yes or no

Now if you answered Yes to could you try to let it go, now ask yourself: When?

 

This should allow you to see that you are intentionally holding onto toxic emotions, and in doing so will help you get rid of them. If it doesn't work for you the first time you do this try again tomorrow. this technique doesn't work for everyone on the first try. It is recommended that you do this technique at least 3 times on 3 separate days before you give up on it."

 

Sadly this is suffering you just have to go through Nini. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. It's a horrible experience, getting over a broken heart. All we want is that person we feel in love with to come back. The person we saw our futures with. It's very hard to accept when you are so hurt, that the person we feel in love with is either gone or (more likely) not the person we thought they were.

 

One day Nini you will meet a guy who you are WAY more compatible with. Someone who will never let you down like your ex did. The suffering you are going through now (as lame as this sounds) will help you grow as a person. When the right guy comes (and it's WHEN) you will just know it and not only that you will appreciate it so much more. When you have had suffering, you learn how to appreciate the good things in life when they come. Just hang in there. My sister lives in Wantage (near Oxford), I wished she lived in Cambridge . She'd have taken care of you..

Thanks for so much kindness and help Mack, I'm going to start the mediation and the release technique straight away.

I'm having trouble focusing on revision at the moment and panicking coz exams are now less than 3 weeks away on the 25th and 26th July. They have to be my top priority atm, everything else can wait...but I find my mind drifting away all the time, thinking of the past, thinking of him, thinking of our future, being hurt that he doesnt even give a toss that I could fail and lose my job as a result...so hopefully these techniques will help me relax and be able to focus on revision a bit more.

Thank you so much Mack, you are a great person to show such kindness to a stranger in need.

I like this post and it's where I'm at right now. I want her to pay. I want her to get into a horrible, disfiguring accident and then, if she's lucky, she'll learn how to treat people with decency and compassion. Okay, the irony of this sentiment is not lost on me. Still, it's where I'm at. Will she get away with this? When do I get the chance to ream her out? Will apologizing and explaining NEVER occur to her? I hope she steps into a speeding bus.

I like this post and it's where I'm at right now. I want her to pay. I want her to get into a horrible, disfiguring accident and then, if she's lucky, she'll learn how to treat people with decency and compassion. Okay, the irony of this sentiment is not lost on me. Still, it's where I'm at. Will she get away with this? When do I get the chance to ream her out? Will apologizing and explaining NEVER occur to her? I hope she steps into a speeding bus.

Good grief. Be careful what you wish for.

So you get 'your revenge', he loses his job, gets his phD revoked and his mom is hurt but guess what? He will be messed up for a while but will probably move on from that. It will not change the fact that he hurt you so bad and has been cruel to you. Your revenge tactics will only just serve as confirmation to him and his family that they are better off without you in their lives.

Sorry that you are hurting and I know it's easier said than done but breathe, breathe and convince yourself that he is not worth the angry energy you are spending.

Hope you feel better sooner than later.