My Ex GF broke up with me twice after cancer - What now?

Hey guys. I really need some help with dealing being dumped by my ex GF.

Here is the full story for those who would like to read it.

Please bare with me, as ths will be a loong post.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-twice-what-now-10947731.html#109568

if not I'll give you a quick run down.

She broke up with me 3 weeks ago for the second time within a matter of months.

We were together for 3 years, had amazing chemistry and friendship,I got along great with her family, but over the past few months she felt that our love had turned into a friendship, she was diagnosed with cancer(thankfully recovered), she hated the way she was mean/off with me at times and forever down with life in general in terms of a career, and where she wanted to be etc.

However, she still wants to be friends, hangout and go for meals.....even asked me to come and visit her brother who lives in another country

Anyway, I've been so hurt since this, as she is the love of my life and I personally feel that how we met was fate and part of her still does love me. Even though I'm only 25 (shes 21 this year), I've experienced alot of bad women in life and feel I had found thee one in my ex....someone who I could have spent the rest of my life with.

But as its the second time this has happened, I'm unsure as to how to get her back.

We broke up on the sunday and she contacted me the following Tuesday, and was just acting as if we were still together. I didnt mention anything about the breakup. She just told me how unhappy she was about having to go to work in the morning, and wasnt really bothered about the family holiday she is going on at the end of the week.

She was also complaining about her phone being broken (usually I'd always fix this when we were together), so she was using another old phone which I gave her, and she realised the password on this phone was actually my birthday.

She also asked what my best friend had said about us breaking up.

I decided to end the call after about 15 minutes, and just said look after yourself.

She seemed a lil down, but wished me the same and that was that.

As soon as I put the phone down, she messaged me to say her old phone was now working, and asked if she was annoying me by talking me to so soon after the breakup.

I just responded and said I didnt really know as I'm too ill to think aout that right now (Ive had a virus all week).

She then said, well as soon as I've recovered she'd be there to talk to me about whatever I wanted.

As I said, I really want to get back with her, but is being friends with her the best way?

I know alot of people suggest doing the NC thing to not only help yourself recover, but to give your ex space and time to realise how much you meant to her.

I then gave her a quick call a few days later while she was away on holiday. I kept it short and sweet, we were both civil etc. She asked how I was and assured me that I'd be ok etc. I ended the call and she said she would tx me.

She then got in touch the day she returned from holiday and we spoke for hours.

The day afterwards she received a letter and some other stuff I had sent to her, basically explaining my feelings as I couldnt express myself at the time of the breakup. I know many people are against this, but I felt I needed to, to get some form of closure.

She messaged me saying it was a sweet letter and that we needed to talk.

Throughout the day we messaged each other and all was ok. I was out of town for the day, to try and get my mind of things.

I asked to meet her up when I returned back home that evening, as she had said we needed to talk. By that time she was hanging out with her two cousins (I cringed at the thought, as they would have been telling her of how she could get over me and not to listen to a word I had to say. They tend to give alot of bad relationship advice to my ex)

Anyway, my ex started being really off with me, and said she didnt want to meet with me, as it was too hard for her, and didnt want to have to tell me it was over again.

She then phoned me, and I ended up going to see her. We just hung out as normal for hours, laughing, huggin and talking about the issues we had in our relationship.

She even made a point of showing me a picture of a guy that is kissing her on facebook - she insisted to me, it was not what it looked like, as she would be pissed if she saw a similar pic on my facebook page.

She expressed how she still wanted to do the friends thing and hangout etc with me, how she missed me being around etc.

A good female friend of mine called while I was there,and my ex didnt like that at all.

And before she left, said she was still attracted to me.

Man at this stage, I was even more confused than before. But I did feel that I got some kind of closure, and feel slightly better in myself than I did before hand.

However, she seemed to be giving out mixed signals.

So for the past week, I have done the NC thing to an extent. However, she kept messaging me, and we'd speak for hours.

When it came to saying goodbye, she would be like, I'll speak to you tomorrow, but only if you want me to, as its unfair on you, to be speaking to you so soon after the breakup.

I feel that you're only responsding to me as you don't want me to think bad of you.

I just assured her that, I was just taking one day at a time, and I had no intentions of getting her back etc.

Anyway, the whole social networking thing i.e. facebook was really bothering me, as I found myself constantly looking at pictures of us on my profile which would really get me down. So i began to delete and untag pictures of us.Not to be mean, but just to slowly start my hhealing process.

The following day, shes contacted me to say that she had been to pizza hut and had our favourite dessert.(she later admitted that this was infact a lie, and truthfully she was shopping alone)

I took my time to reply, and was jus like oh yeah? I had one the other day. She didnt reply to me. So I left it as that.

Later on in the evening she messaged me again, and what happened next really began to confuse the hell out of me even more.

She messaged me asking why I had deleted and untagged the pics of us together on FB. She thought it was petty, and if I was gonna do that, why still be friends on there and why still be friends on BB MSG.

I explained that, we both were no longer together, so didnt see the point of having pics together, and it would be easier for the both of us that way. And, shes knows me well enough to know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her intentionally. She believed I had untagged and deleted the pics as I had another girl on the scene.

We ended up talking on the phone in the end, and man I was slightly shocked as to what she was saying. This was not the girl who I spoke to on Monday who seemed Ok with the breakup.

I even said, I thought you'd be happy now, as a relationship with me is one less thing you have to worry about in your life, which I thought was true. However, she still seems to be extremely down with life in general, family members moving away etc.

She said,

she was finding it extremely difficult,and cant simply just cut me out of her life after all these years.

It was a blessing we broke up, as now I can focus on my career instead of hanging out with her all the time (I wonna be a TV presenter)

I better not forget her if/when I make it.

I'll get snapped up by a beautiful girl soon, but she has no intentions of getting into a relationship anytime soon or dating, and how can she if she doesnt like going to clubs.

She asked if I had gotten the message her mum had sent me on FB, in which she said my ex (her daughter) loved me, but was not in love with me. I said yeah, as I did get it. However, she said I didnt read what my mum put, she just said she sent you a message.(could this mean, her mum said she loved me but was no longer in love with me, not my ex?)

She aired some of her concerns about going back to the hospital to have her regular checkups for cancer.

There was so much more, and we literally spoke for hours. She was like, if we were still together, we would not have even spoken on the phone for this long. (initially for the first 2 years we used to speak on the phone for hours, but the last year together was spent mainly messaging each other).

So yeah, I'm kinda confused as to where the hell we go from here.

She gives me so many mixed signals when I speak to her, constantly contacts me, but I know this can't go on, as I really don't want to fall into the friends category with her.

I really can't believe all this came as a result of me jus deleting some pics on FB.

She actually said she was going to burn some of our memories today i.e. (poem and picture collage I made her for valentines day), as seen as I seemed to be moving on and deleting our memories on Facebook.

What have a got myself into here. Part of me feels shes confused and doesn't know what she wants. But I don't wonna get my hopes up .

Shes almost like my drug, each time I'm feeling down, then she contacts me, I feel better, but when she goes I feel awful again.

This cant be good. I had to stop myself from contacting her last night, as we're always together at weekends, and it felt so strange not to be with her. But I thought I better not as what would be the point.

I have since deactivated my FB page to try and clear my mind:)

Part of me still does feel sorry for her, and as crazy as it sounds that I should be there for her during all of this....Shes only 20,I'm her first ever boyfriend, and her first love, so she hasnt done the whole breakup thing before. So I don't think she has done things intentionally to piss me off, but I have no doubt she is receiving bad advice from those around her (cousins and friends who were envious of what we had together as they always had bad experience with men)

It does seem like she is going through alot of issues at the moment, that she claimed was caused by us being together. However, now I'm out of the picture, the problems seem to still be there and she is still unhappy with life.

Its such a complex situation in all honesty, because its not a normal straightforward breakup. For instance the reasons she finished with me was because, she felt like we were just like good friends, and had lost the spark.

I have alot of female friends, and they all say the same thing, if you're best friends with your partner in a relationship, its half the battle done...its always a good thing.

But if my ex has only ever been with me, she has nothing else to compare me to I guess.

Part of me wishes she was a **** with me, because it would make the whole no contact thing so much more easier.

Each time I pluck up the courage to do so, I always back out last minute, when she contacts me and gets me thinking.

Going through the cancer with her was thee single most challenging thing Ive ever had to do in my life.

So as much as I would like to break contact with her, I always think back to that difficult time and feel guilty about walking away (sounds strange I know, but when you see someone who you love unconditionally, having to endure that amount of pain and coming so close to death, really makes you stop and think)

I can honestly say I was ready to give us both space/time up until Thursday, when she contacted me and told me who scared she was about going back to the hospital for her regular check up. She was almost hinting for me to go with her as I always did.

Guys, would I be cold hearted to walk away from my ex after all this and do no contact for a while?

Even when she last spoke to me, her whole enthesis, was me moving on, getting with a gorgeous woman, and persuing my career as she is no longer holding me back. I felt as if it was me who dumped her, and had to remind myself it was actually her who decided to end it.

So I'm unsure as to where to go from here...i.e. go into full NC or still be around for her.

I still love her sooo much and want to be with her. My friends/people who know us truely believe she'll come around, and part of me believes this also. But I know I can't put my life on hold, and live in hope that she'll come around.

Sorry for posting such a long thread people. But I'm at a serious road block in my life, and really and truely unsure how to handle this from here.

Thanks for any info:)

D'J