O.o

Wow okay so update - I e-mailed OW and H was pissed. H is now heading to OW to help her move away from her abusive bf. The bf wants to confront H and H told him that I would be coming and bf told him that "no, I do not want her there, this is between you and I, not anybody else" so now H is on his way to help OW move and to be confronted by the abusive bf.

I have a job interview at 2 that i'm getting ready for. I'm nervous and now I keep thinking about all of this personal crap that's going on. It's pissing me off because I need to be focused for this and i'm not. All I can think about is if H is going to end up in jail tonight. H let me go off the phone because he had another call coming in. At the end, I said "tell I said hi"

I'm still going to this interview in a few hours. Please wish me luck.. i'm tired of the bull crap drama and I want H to realize what he's missing. We were on the phone and H explained to me that he didn't want me there because if OW's bf started talking negatively to me or tried to hurt me, he would break his jaw, but that if he started in with OW, he wouldn't because that's her personal drama. Knowing that helped my current trusting him status... it didn't make me feel wanted, but it did make me feel better than OW.

Okay I gotta go eat lunch and get prepped for this interview. I really hope I get it

H called me and let me know that he might not be back until after midnight. I was beyond livid. I'm still hurting over this and I did something bad too which I feel AWFUL about. H hasn't been at work very much lately and I wanted to know what H had told his job about our situation.

I found the following, and I quote:

H: I came home to a divorce yesterday

(he said that I said the following)

H: different paths, too wrapped up in my work with ______ (his job), blah blah blah I think there is someone else and she needed an out"

I know I messed up by looking at his machine, but he gave me the SAME speech but with talking about my insecurities and jealousy. I never ever cheated on him, I didn't even THINK about it. I called H (stupid I know) and he threatened to have me arrested (yes arrested!) and said that when he got back here he would pick up his computer and be gone. H stated that I "better" have packed at least half my clothing by the time he gets back here (even with having my 3 year old daughter over tonight). I'm really upset, especially when I hear OW in the background saying "Oh my God!" when she's hearing him scream at me about what happened with what ended our marriage. I've trusted him and I've changed - completely, but I wanted to know while I was on there about what he had told his work that could get him off for 2 days. Well, I found it - and I didn't like it.

Initially I called H and asked him if the reasoning was true in our case, that the "someone else" was really her and that he was the one that wanted an out. Everyone I've talked to has 110% believed that he has cheated on me. Even his own mom said to me in an e-mail that only "time and actions" will tell how he feels about me. I feel like I've been pushed in a corner and the last two texts I've said the following to him:

text 1:

"I am sorry I falsely accused you. I have been very very hurt about our situation and numerous people have called me a fool for trusting you. Now with the amount of time u have spent with her lately and how you couldn't even ask me how my interview went today I felt like a damn fool. We spent like $56 at bilo today btw"

and the second:

"I hate the fact that today I didn't know to trust u or not. I really hat ethis place we have gotten ourselves to. I fell for you hard and now you can barely stand me. It hurts. I miss us, the respect we had for each other"

H never responded. H is beyond infuriated and wants nothing to do with me. I feel like crying in a corner :'(

Even his own mom said to me in an e-mail that only "time and actions" will tell how he feels about me

it would not give me an option to delete what I wrote in the previous post, so please disregard this part completely. I misunderstood what she wrote me and that wasn't fair.