nothing in common, but got 2nd date

I had a first date with a beautiful woman I found via an online dating site. Her profile was fairly empty apart from photos and bland statements that get over-used everywhere and a mention of some hobbies that she doesn't really do anymore anyway, but the photos were great... so I got in touch.

Objectively it was a mediocre date; lacklustre conversation that didn't really flow, closed body language, we don't really share any interests, different careers, different cultural backgrounds, it ended after 2 drinks when she "had to go". I still enjoyed it, although probably because I was sitting opposite a very nice view, and a nice view can make even a bad beer taste good. I didn't bother asking for a second date on the night because I was completely sure there wasn't any point.

We exchanged texts the next day and her last text was a slightly ambiguous brush-off (so in my rational mind I took it to be a badly worded unambiguous brush-off, ie I assumed that she wasn't interested).

A few days later I'm thinking "nothing to lose" so I text her and ask if she's like to meet again. She would! When I recover from shock we talk on the phone and plans are made.

So, I'm hoping that a longer conversation might reveal some common interests, otherwise this can't really go anywhere, but I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to handle this.

Technically I'm multi-dating, so not overly-investing in this woman, although right now I don't have any other dates lined up.

all you can do is to be yourself. Opposites can attract and that could be the case here.

I guess she feels that it is worth a second chance as well.

Maybe she is giving you a second chance because she can't remember who you are due to all of the dating she is doing as well.

Maybe she is giving you a second chance because she can't remember who you are due to all of the dating she is doing as well.

Could be, or she wants free dinner.

Well, I wouldn't completely count it out since it is a second date. You can't get to date #15 unless you at least get to date #2. Right?

The second date I had from my brief stint with online dating was similar to yours in a way. It really wasn't a date. We just met up for drinks but she really didn't drink. We talked but I really didn't feel a spark between us. She was very nice looking but things just wasn't on fire or anything. I knew why it was initially this way for me standpoint but I never found why she didn't seem all that enthusiastic and cheery either.

We had a cool casual conversation while getting to know each other. After about an hour and a half, as I was walking her back to her car, I decided that I might as well just kiss her to put some sort of jolt into the experience but I didn't expect anything to come out of it at all.

Well, I kissed her at the car and I could tell that it took her by surprise but she didn't resist it. She just didn't really kiss me back. I sent her an email the next day just to let her know that I enjoyed the experience. She replied back and we went back and forth a few times that day and I just told her I would pick her up Monday for a date. She accepted...

Well, I'll just say that it didn't turn into an exclusive relationship or anything but it did turn into a very intimate one.

Anyway, the more dates, the more positive things become so enjoy the ride. I would provide a little kick into the next date though.

I still enjoyed it, although probably because I was sitting opposite a very nice view, and a nice view can make even a bad beer taste good.

LOL. You're such a guy. I wonder what kind of responses I'd get if I cut out my profile and left it to 3 sentences and photos.

At any rate, you have nothing to lose so may as well go out and have fun and see if anything takes off. I have given guys a second chance that I wasn't sure about on teh first date because I really liked their personalities. Unfortunately, that hasn't panned out but at least I tried.

I wonder what kind of responses I'd get if I cut out my profile and left it to 3 sentences and photos.

You'd probably do very well, Daphne. The woman I spoke of above as well as a couple of others I met online had absolutely, not one letter of a profile. She only had her pictures posted and that was it. She actually contacted me first and my replies were very short because I assumed she was just someone who just thought she looked so good that she didn't need to write a profile to get guys. She actually turned out to be very cool and down-to-Earth. She let me see just how many responses she got from just posting her pictures (we just was upfront about this kind of stuff and I teased her about it). She received many, many replies.

All you need to be is female on those sites, it seems.

That sucks, Sabali. I put some time and effort into my profile to try to attract what I'm looking for. And I've had a number of compliments on it too. But when I asked the guy from last week why so many guys that I hd nothing in common with wrote to me, he just kept repeating "It's the photos. It's the photos."

Those must have been some photos.

LOL. You're such a guy.

Ahh what can I say? I have hidden shallows. On the flip side, I'd date you on the strength of what you write here and I haven't seen your photos.

Those must have been some photos.

I think he meant in general that men don't care about the profiles. They just care about looks.

Ahh what can I say? I have hidden shallows. On the flip side, I'd date you on the strength of what you write here and I haven't seen your photos.

I knew there was a reason I liked you.

I knew there was a reason I liked you.

So are you free Wednesday night?

I think he meant in general that men don't care about the profiles. They just care about looks.

Well there is that but he was trying to communicate that those were some damn hot photos, girl. You could even be in porns like the one running in my mind right now.

So you are not sleeping with them but you are paying their dinners? You've got the whole concept of multi-dating wrong, bro. Not that I'd pay for the woman's dinner, but you're spending time with her with what intention? A relationship? But wouldn't you sleep with her regardless of a potential relationship?

 

If you don't want to have casual sex with her, you should seriously move to another woman. You're wasting your money and giving to her, free attention.

How did this turn into a conversation about having sex? But since you asked, no I don't expect to be sleeping with someone on a first or second date, and I'm not looking for casual sex.

If you are looking for more than dinner dates then you might want to cut back on the all you can eat buffet. There are other things you can do with a date to test the waters and then take her out for a dinner.

If you are looking for more than dinner dates then you might want to cut back on the all you can eat buffet. There are other things you can do with a date to test the waters and then take her out for a dinner.

Oh I know, but this particular date is going to be dinner. The first date was just drinks.

Update: second date was much better than the first in nearly all respects. More relaxed, flowing conversation, better body language etc, although I was offered a handshake at the end of the date which wasn't exactly the positive sign of interest that I was hoping for. Oh well.

Update: second date was much better than the first in nearly all respects. More relaxed, flowing conversation, better body language etc, although I was offered a handshake at the end of the date which wasn't exactly the positive sign of interest that I was hoping for. Oh well.

If you are getting handshakes when you are attempting something more intimate it is time to abort. She is using you. Life is full of takers and she is one of them. Completely unacceptable.

I think it was less about using and more about it just taking 2 dates to figure out that she wasn't interested, which is fine, but I agree that it's time to move on.

It seems there's someone else interested in a date at the weekend anyway.

So are you free Wednesday night?

Only if you're traveling to me... American dating rules.

Well there is that but he was trying to communicate that those were some damn hot photos, girl. You could even be in porns like the one running in my mind right now.

Ok, perhaps he was. But since he didn't call it's a moot point how hot he thought the photos were.

And turn that porn movie off right now! My photos are G rated.

And turn that porn movie off right now! My photos are G rated.

There is no such thing as a G rated photo of a girl. They all become triple X when a guy sees them. All girls know that. Don't play coy.

I think it was less about using and more about it just taking 2 dates to figure out that she wasn't interested, which is fine, but I agree that it's time to move on.

 

It seems there's someone else interested in a date at the weekend anyway.

Well, I'm glad you gave it a shot regardless. In all honestly, I think it takes a lot more than 2 dates to see if you like someone. There's something about being around someone a lot that always you to appreciate their better qualities, not all of which are superficial. However, the opportunities to spend a lot of time with someone platonically are limited to coworkers and people you share hobbies with. They don't always happen to be attractive to you.

Maybe for women many times it takes longer to like someone because they are perpetually on the fence.

I find that I know I like someone from the beginning but it takes time to see if the two of you can get along. Loving someone isn't the same as meshing with someone.