Have you found your "reason"?

So I've heard this many times - there is a "reason" why your relationship didn't work out.

Just curious as to if any of you have figured out the "reason" for your past relationship/s not working out? And also, what have you learnt from the whole experience?

My reason is quite simple, she had sex with another man.

What have I learned? That some people are just nasty, and it's very hard to tell them apart.

My reason was another guy

I have learned how to point out red flags in a relationship. How to cope and use NC to help move on and heal. That a relationship with such a young girl will never last. That I shouldn't go into a relationship with high hopes and expectations. I also learned that everything happens for a "reason" and that I will be fine and able to love again. I could add more too.

I became too busy with work and he felt neglected, he felt I no longer loved or needed him, he was wrong-but I can see why he felt like that. So that I don't make the same mistakes again I have cut my work load down and make sure my current partner knows how much I love him and he can see I have plenty of time for him.

So I've heard this many times - there is a "reason" why your relationship didn't work out.

 

Just curious as to if any of you have figured out the "reason" for your past relationship/s not working out? And also, what have you learnt from the whole experience?

I also learned that everything happens for a "reason"

Yea, I guess this is more of the "reason" I'm trying to understand - not the direct circumstances that led to the breakup.

As in maybe one day we'll only know the reason when we have someone better in our lives? Or is the reason something that we're supposed to learn from life.

Not sure if I'm making sense

I think the only reason for our breakup was that it's my ex's habitual behaviour to jump from one man to another after a year or so. I should have predicted it. Her short history:

4 years - cheated on him multiple times, went to other men, turned back, dumped him.

1 year, dumped him

1 year, dumped him

4 months was dumped by bf

1 year and a half - dumped me

There were some other men in the intervals.

What did I learn? You can plan your career, education, hobbies, finances, relations with friends and all the other things, but behaviour of your gf. Commit to anyone as slowly as possible.

Yea, I guess this is more of the "reason" I'm trying to understand - not the direct circumstances that led to the breakup.

 

As in maybe one day we'll only know the reason when we have someone better in our lives? Or is the reason something that we're supposed to learn from life.

 

Not sure if I'm making sense

Oh I get you know. That's a pretty big question. I guess many of us want know for a long time. I'll answer this in about 60 years when I'm old.

Oh I get you know. That's a pretty big question. I guess many of us want know for a long time. I'll answer this in about 60 years when I'm old.

Okay, guess I just have to be patient then.

But it's still interesting hearing about the direct reasons/circumstances, and what we've all learnt.

I became too busy with work and he felt neglected, he felt I no longer loved or needed him, he was wrong-but I can see why he felt like that. So that I don't make the same mistakes again I have cut my work load down and make sure my current partner knows how much I love him and he can see I have plenty of time for him.

Happy for you HoH - it's great that you have learnt from your mistakes and now have someone new in your life that you can share your love with.

Wow Gdunk - sounds like your ex has commitment issues - so quite interesting that your lesson is:

Commit to anyone as slowly as possible.

Same. My ex had sex with another woman and had impregnated her while still living with me. They've now married, I think she just had the baby a couple of days ago and he's contacted me twice within the last month. What a prize. I had recently found out from a colleague that the new wife was engaged to another man when her and my ex started f*cking around...

That's exactly what I've learned as well - people are downright nasty. And oh, don't ignore the red flags or gut instincts.

My reason is quite simple, she had sex with another man.

 

What have I learned? That some people are just nasty, and it's very hard to tell them apart.

No reason. We had been in a long distance parasitic friendship since I moved and went back to school. After 1.5 years of that I finally had free time and extra money to spend go see her, so I flew out to spend some time with her and other friends. We make plans, lock in dates, I fly 4 hours, she stands me up with a no-call no-show and I haven't heard from her since. So no, I don't have a reason from her nor will I ever get one. She's kind of a gutless coward if you can't tell.

I learned that you sometimes have to make your own reason. You are the sole person responsible for your closure, not them. I also learned some people will always run away from their problems and I can't change that. I am only responsible for my actions, I cannot control the other person. It is their choice just as much what I did was my choice.

I also learned some people will always run away from their problems and I can't change that. I am only responsible for my actions.

that my friend is the best sentence i'v read on here.

My reason is quite simple, she had sex with another man.

 

What have I learned? That some people are just nasty, and it's very hard to tell them apart.

The lesson should be to be a better people picker. Cheating is always a symptom of a larger problem.

So I've heard this many times - there is a "reason" why your relationship didn't work out.

 

Just curious as to if any of you have figured out the "reason" for your past relationship/s not working out? And also, what have you learnt from the whole experience?

Mine are pretty simple:

1st relationship- Young and immaturity on both parts

2nd relationship- Wrong timing

3rd relationship- Ex was secretive and lied quite a lot

What have I learned? Every relationship is a learning experience. With experience comes maturity (for some people anyway, lol). Cherish the time you have with that person. Some people will never change or mature. Never bargain or lower your expectations and ignore red flags.

Wow Gdunk - sounds like your ex has commitment issues - so quite interesting that your lesson is:

Commit to anyone as slowly as possible.

I hope I understand "commitment" write, as far as English is a foreign language for me. In my future relations I would be careful not to meet a girl with commitment problems once again, so I will try not to commit quickly, in case of break up I won't have the pain I had this time.

My lesson

If their lips move..................they are lying

hee hee people picker must have been damaged at birth for me:lmao::lmao:

nobby xx

My reason was another guy

 

I have learned how to point out red flags in a relationship. How to cope and use NC to help move on and heal. That a relationship with such a young girl will never last. That I shouldn't go into a relationship with high hopes and expectations. I also learned that everything happens for a "reason" and that I will be fine and able to love again. I could add more too.

My reason I thought wasn't another guy, but boy was I wrong...it was her ex. I could get into details of how nasty this is, but I can't.

I've been learning and I am still learning how strong the emotions are. After 2.5 months broken up I'm finally starting to make the U-turn to recovery. Focusing on the good things in life, and focusing on what will make me happy and busy..such as a dog, and maybe take some cooking courses so I can cook for a nice woman when I do meet one.. I will also never dive head first into a relationship thinking this is it..

And the "reason" for me is she is just selfish, has no regard for feelings, and just plain and simple doesn't care.gets what she wants...did it to the last 2 guys, now one of the guys in back in the picture again... As was mentioned earlier some people are just nasty users.

I am only responsible for my actions, I cannot control the other person. It is their choice just as much what I did was my choice.

I think this best sums up everything... this is something we all need to stress to the new dumpees coming onto LS for support..

We cannot worry about what we can't control. Wishing, hoping, pining, begging, on and on will never control the outcome.

I think the only reason for our breakup was that it's my ex's habitual behaviour to jump from one man to another after a year or so. I should have predicted it. Her short history:

 

4 years - cheated on him multiple times, went to other men, turned back, dumped him.

1 year, dumped him

1 year, dumped him

4 months was dumped by bf

1 year and a half - dumped me

 

There were some other men in the intervals.

 

What did I learn? You can plan your career, education, hobbies, finances, relations with friends and all the other things, but behaviour of your gf. Commit to anyone as slowly as possible.

Ouch, I'm guilty of commiting a similar pattern, :/

My immature excuse was that, I'm not going to stay in a relationship longer than a year if I can't see a future. That seems smart BUT, if I didn't see anything possible why stay the whole year etc... plus I was young too and needy wanting to have someone there, and never giving myself the time to get over a past relationship, instead just diving in to another one. Gosh have I learned from all that. I my case though, I am an example that people can change. I don't want to do that anymore and now I'm mourning the loss of my ex. Yes I broke up wioth him 2x within close to two years :/ The last time he wasn't having it, I kind of just blurted it out in the heat of the moment, but I tried to fix it that same day and talk to him. Now that we've been broken up over 3 months, I've realized so much. I still love him. He won't take me back, he can't trust me, but says he still loves me? There you go, I'm growing and learning a painful but much needed lesson. Whoop!

the literal reason was because he was sleeping with someone else

The "reason" I believe I dated him is that I learned the following things for my next relationship: to pay attention to my gut feelings more, not to compromise my values to make someone else happy, to love myself enough to not tolerate certain things in a relationship, to realize that I am capable of loving someone with everything I have, and to realize what I certaintly DON'T want in my next relationship

for these reasons, I'm 'glad' I dated him, because I wouldn't have come to those realizations I dont think, unless I went through the experiences I went through because of him

So I've heard this many times - there is a "reason" why your relationship didn't work out.

 

Just curious as to if any of you have figured out the "reason" for your past relationship/s not working out? And also, what have you learnt from the whole experience?

My most recent there were several reasons:

-Bad timing (her family is going through a hard time)

-I had too many demands on me, work, school and taking care of her was a full time job because she didn't want to go out and meet new people or get a real job.

-I got sick of paying rent for an apartment she didn't live in most of the time

-She wasn't happy

I could honestly go on forever.

The reason?

He cheated on me, but dumped me before I found out, thinking that I never would. Oh, I found out alright.

What I learned?

That sometimes, people who you think are everything you ever wanted, actually are. With nasty surprises thrown in for fun. Be very careful what you wish for.

It has taken me the best part of 7 long months to actually KNOW that "the reason" was not me. When you're cheated on, you tend to believe it's your fault. And I did, for months and months. When I overanalysed the nothing that I had done, I let the questions and the self doubt melt away. I was just so tired of everything. I am so proud of myself to have gotten to this point.

She cheated on me and turn into a violent drug addict.